A SOUL IN TORMENT
Chapter 4: Waking to a New Reality
Author's Note: As you can tell, this has departed a great deal from 'A Life Torn' and will continue to do so for the next several chapters. Glad many of you are enjoying this updated version.
The third day after his attempted suicide, Ulysses Feral blinked awake and studied his surroundings. He wasn't in his apartment bedroom, he noted. The room was a soft blue color and padded wall to wall plus the floor he was presently laying on. He had been dressed in a loose fitting pj outfit of a darker blue. The sun was shining from somewhere above him.
It was quiet in here. He pushed himself to a seated position and took a better look around. A thick padded door with no handle on this side and a small observation window was straight ahead of him. Looking around, he found the sunlight was coming in through a long narrow window near the ceiling. The lighting for the room was recessed in the ceiling overhead. A monitoring camera was located in a corner of the ceiling not far from the door. In another corner, hidden by a small privacy wall, was the toilet with no lid and bolted to the wall.
His mind seemed numb as he didn't respond with anger at the thought of being locked up in a rubber room. Rather than dwell on that strangeness, using his training to help him focus, he calmly went through all the facts he knew up to this point.
Point one, he'd failed again, point two, someone had rescued him, point three, he was in a psychiatric unit but didn't know what facility, and point four, his emotions were numb which was most likely caused by the drugs he'd been given to keep him calm....SOP for someone who'd tried to commit suicide.
As he waited for someone to come see him, he let his mind wander over the questions he needed answered: who had rescued him, how many now knew he had a problem, where was he, Steele was now in charge so what had he been told, and how long was he going to be here?
Time seemed to pass slowly but the drugs held him forcibly calm. It was so strange to feel nothing when he should be having a temper tantrum about now or at least be pacing like a tiger in a cage....but no.....he just sat staring at the walls.....empty and waiting.
The door to his cell finally opened and in walked a handsome seal point Himalayan male wearing a doctor's standard uniform and carrying a medical folder, a gentle smile on his kind face. His blue eyes studied Feral thoughtfully as he walked into the room and the door closed behind him with a soft, muffled thump.
"Hello, Ulysses. I'm Dr. Woodard. I'm in charge of your care. How are you feeling?" He asked, coming closer then dropping gracefully into a cross-legged position on the floor in front of Feral.
Feral just stared at the doctor for a long moment. The doctor stared back quietly, patiently waiting for Feral to speak.
"Calm! And it's not something I would normally be feeling right now in this situation so I'm assuming the drugs you gave me is keeping me this way."
"You'd be right. Are the drugs causing you any other problems, like nausea, headache, cramping in your legs, or other symptoms?"
Feral thought about that for a long moment. It felt like his mind was trying to push through molasses to dredge up any kind of thought. He frowned.
"The only thing I can complain about is how hard it is to think," he said flatly.
"I can fix that. We'll lighten the dosage a little and see how that helps you. We had to use a much heavier dosage because you were so unresponsive when you arrived," the doctor said soothingly.
"How long has that been?" Feral asked slowly.
"Three days!"
"Where am I?"
"The Eagle's Nest Citadel, medical wing. Because of the sensitive data in your head, for security reasons you were transferred here from Megakat Memorial where you'd been taken after the incident. You will remain here until I determine you are no longer a threat to yourself. To that end, you and I will begin regular therapy sessions, starting now," Woodard explained.
Feral sat quietly and processed that information. Some part of his mind was railing in the background at how long it was taking him to just think but the drugs kept him from expressing that rising anger.
"Who saved me?" He decided to ask one of his many questions.
Woodard eyed him for a long moment before, apparently, coming to a decision. "The SWAT Kats and Deputy Mayor Briggs."
Even that news, which should have infuriated him, didn't elicit a reaction. He simply stored it away and asked another question. "How did they know?"
"Apparently, from what I'd been told, Razor had suddenly put together things he had seen you doing over the past few months and realized what was going on just in time to race to your rescue. Ms. Briggs had gone with them in hopes of talking you down, without success. You were lost already so was caught by a net. You'd disappeared inside your mind by that time."
"Seems odd for them to care at all about what happens to me," Feral mused rather dazedly.
"I couldn't answer that. I do know about your antagonism with them but they seemed truly worried over your welfare when they rushed you to the hospital so they must not really hate you as much as you think or they are just that concerned over any katizen that's in distress that they overlooked their animosity toward you," the doctor said shrugging his shoulders.
Feral just stared at Woodard, unable to process that little bit of information. It just didn't make sense for the SWAT Kats to have done that. Unable to deal with it, he simply shoved it aside and sighed.
"So, how many people know where I am and why?"
"Only, Colonel Tigarrd, your niece, Lt. Feral, and Ms. Briggs are aware of your exact location. The Mayor and the SWAT Kats only know you tried to take your life and your second in command is only aware that you're ill and nothing more. At the hospital, only the ER doctor was aware of why you were there. A news and security blackout has been initiated. As best as could be accomplished, your true state of affairs has been kept a closely guarded secret," Woodard reassured him.
Feral relaxed a bit at that information. He would have been humiliated and disgraced if his enforcers learned of his problem, let alone the city population. He wasn't happy, though, that Felina knew about it.
"Why was Felina involved?"
"Ms. Briggs felt your niece had a right to know immediately what was going on before she attempted to find out on her own and accidentally stir up trouble trying to locate you when you turned up missing. It turned out to be a good thing as it was she who found out what happened to you in the past that started this downward spiral into depression for you," Woodard told his patient, knowing if anything, this would get a reaction from Feral, if only a muted one.
"What? No.....she shouldn't have done that!" Feral shouted, the horror and outrage of his secret being known by his niece managing to break through the drugs somewhat. He didn't get up from the floor but his posture was showing signs of distress as was the anguished gleam in his eyes.
"She only wished to help us help you, Ulysses. Keeping this secret has poisoned your view on life, sending you deeper and deeper into depression. I'm guessing it has also prevented you from seeking any kind of relationship, hmm?"
Feral swallowed, pain and anguish shining from his eyes, his paws beginning to wring tightly together as he tried to deal with the doctor knowing what had happened to him.
"I don't want to discuss it!" He finally said, his voice tight and stressed.
Dr. Woodard eyed his patient quietly. "Easy Ulysses," he said softly. "If you want out of this place you will have to face this trauma head on. Ducking as you've been doing for years has only made you miserable and unable to function. We'll leave it alone for today. Tomorrow we'll begin working toward resolving the issue, so for now, just try and relax. I'll adjust your anti-depression meds and would you like a sedative so you can sleep tonight?" He asked.
Feral shook his head sharply. "I hate sedatives, they make me feel strange."
"Some can do that. There are many at my disposal and I'm sure we could find one that won't cause you distress but trying to tough out the nightmares is counterproductive to getting enough rest so you can think clearly in our sessions. I'll leave an order at the desk in case you change your mind. What sedatives have you taken before so I won't give you the same ones?"
"I don't remember," Feral growled, shutting down and turning away from the doctor.
"I'll check your records. It's only going on lunch time now, would you like to go eat with the population or in here?" Woodard asked as he got to his feet and prepared to leave.
Feral blinked at the change in subject. His anger and upset derailed for a moment as he tried to decide what he wanted to do. He looked around the room....did he want to be with other troubled patients or keep to himself here?
As if he had read his patient's mind, Dr. Woodard commented quietly, "there aren't but ten patients in here with you right now, if that helps your decision."
It did, as he felt his shoulders ease a bit. "I'd like to eat in the common room."
"Excellent. I'll let the staff know. I'll see you again tomorrow after breakfast. Have a quiet day and, hopefully, a peaceful night," Woodard said warmly, then knocked on the door which opened a few minutes later and he left.
Dr. Woodard hurried away from Feral's room and went into the doctor's staff room to sit and write up his notes. His colleague, Dr. Ferguson came in and placed his tray, from the cafeteria, down on the table and went to the vending machine in the room to get a drink.
Sitting back down he glanced over at his friend. "So, you saw our special guest, was he aware today?" He asked as he began to dig into his turkey dinner.
"Yes and I can see how he's been able to fool his peers and superiors for so long. He's able to compartmentalize his mind enough to function and be in charge but something has changed recently to cause him to lose his focus. I begin to suspect it's due to extreme loneliness. I have a firm suspicion that he's not been in a relationship in a long time or not at all," Woodard said with a sigh.
"Nothings worse than a high functioning mentally disturbed person. They are so very good at hiding their true selves and a bitch for us to ferret out the reasons for their depression. They are my least favorite kind of patient," his friend grimaced.
Woodard chuckled lightly. "And for me, they are a challenge and what keeps me doing what I do. Their minds are so very fascinating but their reasons for the severe depression are so horrific, that I have a driving need to help them get past that and get better. It's everything to me to see them being happy and productive once more. They are usually our most engaging people if it weren't for the hell their lives had become from a single incident."
"Better you than me, though, I do feel really sorry for the poor bastards. What's his story....abuse as a kitten......rape.......traumatic death of a loved one....near death experience?"
"Gang rape," Woodard said softly.
"Damn, that's shitty! This world is just full of sick, twisted monsters, isn't it? Even the omegas aren't that nasty though admittedly they are only interested in taking over Megakat City and making us their slaves," his friend snorted.
"So very true."
"So what's your game plan.....need help?"
"I have to get him to tell me what happened in his own words but he's closed up like a clam so I've got a lot of digging around to do first. I plan on working up to the incident by getting him to talk about his life in general. Though, I might take you up on the offer down the road. He's going to be a tough nut to crack."
"Just ask. I don't envy you. I hear he is very stiff necked and extremely strong willed. And the city is going to suffer very soon for his loss."
Woodard frowned. "Yes, I'm aware I've got a time limit but one can't rush these things. I just hope those fool omegas take a short hiatus on their world conquering schedule and allow me to get the city's defender back on his mental feet again."
"Good luck with that but I'll offer a prayer you get your wish," his friend said in amusement, finishing his lunch and saying farewell.
Dr. Woodard sighed again. It was imperative he get Feral healthy. The city needed him back in the seat. He knew all about Steele and wasn't happy about him as temporary Chief Enforcer. Finishing up his notes, he left orders at the nurses station about Feral's further care then headed for his office. He had a phone call to make.
"Colonel Tigarrd!" The tiger cross barked into his phone. "Ah, yes...Dr. Woodard and how is our Commander today?"
"Well awake and talking at least but dealing with his trauma....not so much yet. He's a very stubborn Kat as we both are aware and getting him to deal with something he'd rather not is going to be like trying to rid our city permanently of Viper," Woodard sighed.
"That bad, huh? Well he wouldn't be the commander he is if he was a pushover. But for his sake, I hope he's met his match in you. I have the utmost confidence you'll get through his shield wall," Tigarrd said encouragingly.
"Right now, I wish I had your confidence but I'm determined to do my best by him. So right now I can't give you a ballpark idea how long he's going to be here and I know that will make things hard for the enforcers and the city."
"Let me worry about that, Woodard. We know how to 'get around' our temp when we need to and it helps to have the Deputy Mayor on our side during this time even if she is still working with those vigilantes. However, I'll accept help from those two if it means keeping the city safe until Feral gets back."
"Very pragmatic of you Colonel. Tomorrow I'll try and get him to open up. We'll just have to see if his desire to protect his city is stronger than the trauma he's endured. Talk to you then," Woodard said.
"Till tomorrow and good luck, doctor," Tigarrd said then breaking the connection. He sighed and offered up a prayer that Woodard could get through Feral's very hard head before returning to his mountain of work. He made a note to contact Lt. Feral and give her an update as well as Ms. Briggs.