*flashback*
"It's all my fault, sir!" she heard the boy's assertive voice coming from somewhere behind her.
He didn't mince words, didn't shift the blame to anybody – not to the other boys, not to her, either. He wanted to take all responsibility for what happened, though he was the last person who could be blamed for that the things had gotten out of hand. Kelly knew he just wanted to protect her.
She didn't see the boy's face, because she looked down, waiting for her father's reaction. She felt as he gently laid his palm on her leg, right under the injury – the touch gave her goosebumps all over her skin. He was squatting in front of her with Kelly's hands on his shoulders, so the girl could stand still. Gibbs examined the bandage that was already soaked with blood, in spite of the fact that it was placed on the wound only fifteen minutes before. He ran one finger over the edge of the material, obviously to check if it was fixed well on her skin, but the pressure he exerted made Kelly wince from the pain. She tightened her grip even more on her dad's shoulder. Gibbs looked up at her, then he glanced at Nick, who was already standing beside them.
"I'm truly sorry, sir! If there's somebody you can be mad at, that's me, not her. I shouldn't have let her run a race to the river with the boys. They can be pretty aggressive sometimes, they don't shrink back from using mean tricks just to prove that they are better, and they don't care about the consequences at all. Once I cought up with them Kelly was already laying on the ground, they tripped her up…"
Gibbs' face was inscrutable while listening to him and Nick hesitated, seeing that he did not bat an eyelid.
Kelly lifted up her hand and stroked her dad's hair.
"It's my fault, daddy, Nicky told me not to do it, but the boys baited me: they said I don't want to run with them, beacuse I'm afraid I'm gonna lose. You know how hot-headed I get when they tease me…"
She couldn't remember any other time when she'd failed reading her dad's expressions, but now she didn't have any idea what to expect. Ususally he wasn't strict, but sometimes Kelly felt he worried too much about her, especially since her mom had passed away.
She tried to smile innocently despite the fact that her knee was aching badly, but all she achieved with it was that her father turned to Nicky again. Looking at the boy's face Kelly saw his blue eyes soften, while he pulled a shy smile directed at her father. Kelly looked down and noticed that Gibbs' severe look was gone – it was replaced by that half-smile she missed so much nowadays.
"Your daughter runs very fast, you know. You can be proud of her…" Nick said with real persuasion in his tone.
Gibbs chuckled – Kelly couldn't recall the last time he heard him laughing out loud.
"What's your name, buddy?" Gibbs asked him.
"It's Dominic Hayes, sir, but everybody calls me Nick." The answer came without hesitation.
"All right." Gibbs nodded. "So… Nick, who took care of the wound?"
"It was me, sir. I'd cleaned it out and disinfected it before I put on the bandage, but it should be changed soon, since it's still bleeding." He pointed at Kelly's knee.
"Where did you learn how to do this?" Gibbs seemed to be surprised.
Kelly put her arms around his neck and said:
"Nicky's mother was a nurse, daddy."
Her father's look traveled between her and Nick.
"Was?" he asked.
Nick's voice trembled a bit as he spoke:
"She died two years ago, sir. She had cancer."
Gibbs' eyes found hers again, the blue irises captured her, didn't let her look away. How much she wanted to escape from that questioning look which wondered if that was the reason she'd been hanging out with this boy for a week now! Kelly didn't want to think about her mother at the moment, she didn't want to cry again, though she knew it would be impossible for her to hold out if her father didn't look away soon. Fortunately Gibbs realized in time how unpleasant this silent interrogation was for Kelly and so he didn't torment her any longer. He placed a kiss on her cheek before he stood up.
Gibbs stepped to Nick now, and lifted up the boy's right arm gently. There was a sizable abrasion on his elbow – the focus of several trails of blood that wound their ways down his forearm.
"It's nothing, I'm going home and…" Nick tried to pull his arm away, but Gibbs didn't let him go. Suddenly he reached for him, lifted him up from the ground and made him sit on the kitchen table.
"You're not going anywhere," he said and turning away from him he started to rummage for something in the cupboard. He pulled out some bandage and disinfectant, setting them on the table next to Nick, who was more than confused now.
"Come here, Kels!" Gibbs put her daughter up to the table too, before he turned back to the boy and cupped his chin tenderly as he started to speak to him:
"Fixing this for you is the least I can do after what you went through for Kelly today. You ran only to be beside her if something happens to her. You have no idea how much I appreciate that, Nick."
"Daddy, I…" Kelly started, but Gibbs cut her short.
"I'll have a word with you, baby, after I'm done with this and you two have washed the dirt off."
She nodded once, then she glanced to her side. The boy was looking at her, too, trying not to grimace at the pain caused by Gibbs' strong hands working on his wounded elbow. She felt Nick's free hand slide towards hers behind their backs where her father couldn't see the touch. Nick's reassuring eyes made her relax, but she still felt a bit guilty, because this time not only herself, but Nick was also a victim of her own sillyness. He was smiling at her though, and it eased her mind a bit. Then Nick turned the impish, grimy face of his in the direction of her father. She didn't know the reason why, but she felt he would never turn back to her.
*end of flashback*
The next morning, right up until until that moment… – Kelly
It's been one week, eleven hours and twenty-three minutes since getting up became the hardest part of the day for Kelly Gibbs. The exact point in time that made it difficult to face reality every day again and again wasn't the one when her now ex-boyfriend, Bryan Mills walked out of the door, rather the monologue he presented two minutes before he left – the echo of which remained rattling around inside Kelly's head, appearing every day in her very first lucid moment after waking up.
"You should get a shrink to cure your workaholic attitude!"
Being a journalist wasn't simply a profession for Kelly. It was her hobby, her passion, her lifestyle. She had to prove a lot, take the entire career step by languorous step, every one more challenging than the last. She gave up many things – friends, relationships, even meeting her father when she studied out of town – to finally get a job at one of the most widely-read newspapers in Washington, DC. She was very proud of what she'd achieved, her work was acknowledged and she loved her job. The only problem was that her current partner never could tolerate the career that was her calling. She always seemed to find the guys who had no idea what the word 'enthusiasm' meant.
Bryan's other statement was again an awkward complaint about being neglected, and so this shouldn't have surprised Kelly, given her romantic history:
"If you miraculously find yourself some free time, I'm the last one you would spend it with, you run immediately to your navy-cop friends. It's like only guys who carry a gun can turn you on."
Kelly smiled. Bryan was… what was the term? Jelaous? Totally! The successful, handsome dentist, who can give everything to a woman, who is great in bed, who is gallant and all the way perfect… apart from one thing: paranoia. Because Bryan got into his head that the reason why Kelly couldn't fully belong to him was that his name didn't contain the magical 'special agent' title. Kelly thought that this conviction was more than ridicolous. Her dad's team was like a family to her, and the building of NCIS was a place where she could always find somebody who listened to her, whether she was happy, sad, crazy or whatever.
All right, sometimes she helped the boys out: if McGee wanted to buy a new tie, but couldn't decide which one, she would take him to the mall and point out how stupid a plaid one would look. Once she'd come home well after midnight because DiNozzo bought a new washing machine, but he had not a clue how to use it.
She spent one night in every two weeks at Gibbs' house. The last time she'd gone to leave for her Dad's place, Bryan had got peeved, thrown a fit and since Kelly wasn't in the mood to handle a hysterical outburst, she simply walked out the door. Once she was in the car she didn't give a damn about the speed limit – she wanted to be in her father's tight hug, so she could forget everything.
"I think you're too independent to share your life with anybody. It's terrific how far you can push those who really want to be with you, who want to take care of you. I gave up trying to break down the wall you built around you, Kelly. I can't cope with this situation anymore…"
He couldn't cope with it; with her. Right after Bryan left her and she wiped away the last tears she dropped, she resolved that she won't blame herself for what happened. Bryan was convinced it was all Kelly's fault, because his huge ego made him blind enough not to notice his own defects. Something was missing from him, but Kelly herself couldn't tell what was that something. It just wasn't there.
And the wall… well, that wall had a reason to stand.
She sat up slowly in her bed and clasped her knees to her chest. She could recall her dream now, and while she ran her fingers through her hair she tried to figure out why she had a night vision about Him again, after such a long time. Maybe it was the break-up that brought up the childhood memory – her subconscious could utilize the emotional chaos she suffered from. And so it did.
Kelly sighed as she combed her long brown hair back from her face with her hand. She stared out of the window at the cloudy morning sky.
There was a time when that wall didn't exist.
But then it built up. Brick by brick. In only a few weeks' time.
N*C*I*S
After taking a look at the alarm clock she decided it was time to gather herself together. She had a day off, but she promised her dad she would drop by in the office. Otherwise she wanted to take a visit at her own workplace too, because she couldn't get her mind off the topic of her upcoming article.
Her morning routine however made her concentrate on down to earth things at the moment: she'd filled and switched on the coffee maker before she made her way to the bathroom. A few minutes later she was standing in front of the wardrobe in her blue bra and matching panties with her toothbrush in her mouth and tried to figure out what she should put on. While she was musing, she kept on brushing her teeth – if you can kill two birds with one stone, why not go for it?
She remembered how wide her dad's smile was every time he cought her during this morning ritual. Since her mouth was full of toothpaste she couldn't pronounce the words properly, so instead of mumbling „stop laughing at me" she shook her head, which was a clear warning for him to let her alone with her thoughts.
Gibbs would usually bend to his daughter's will in those cases, though the grin never disappeared and he never failed to mention that she should put on her slippers, because the floor is too cold for bare toes, before he walked away to make breakfast.
Returning to the present, she finally pulled out two pieces of clothing from her wardrobe and dropped them on the bed before she headed back to the bathroom to finish the teeth-washing procedure. Two minutes later she was fully dressed, and standing in front of the mirror she was just trying to reconstruct the train of thought that led her to choose a skirt on her day off, rather than one of her comfortable jeans. She hardly ever wore a skirt; not that it didn't suit her, it simply wasn't her thing. But still, she was wearing one now, and she didn't feel like changing again. She wondered how many of the people she would see today would notice the rare phenomenon.
When she checked the clock again, it was only fifteen minutes to ten. She poured coffee into a travel mug and half a minute later the apartment door-lock clicked into place behind her.
N*C*I*S
When she arrived at the bullpen, all the chairs were empty, except Tony's. He was chewing on a piece of pizza, while with his free hand he's just turned the page of the magazine laying in front of him on the desk – perfect signs of that he wasn't expecting Gibbs to return in the near future, at least not inside the time that it would take Tony to finish his unauthorised and unorthodox lunch.
"Hey, Tony!"
Kelly bent over the desk to place a kiss on his cheek. Tony swallowed the last bite, put the box up to the table from his lap and streched his muscles that stiffened after sitting hunched over paperwork for hours.
"Hey, Sunshine! Gibbs said you're coming. What's up with you? We haven't seen you in… what? Three days?"
"Nothing's up, Tony. I see you're enjoying yourself… Where is everybody? Geez, what happened here?"
Kelly's last question was inspired by the sight of the huge pool of coffee that she'd just discovered taking up most of the floor.
"Here and there." Tony answered her previous question first. "And that mess there is Gibbs' fault. Almost unbelievable, but true. He was in a hurry for catching the elevator and his cup landed on the floor instead of the desk. Don't worry, I've already called the cleaners – somebody other than me has to do some work around here!"
"Sure, Tony, and if you keep up the good work, you'll be agent of the month. Are they going to put your pizza coupons on the wall too, next to your photo to demonstrate how somebody can eat complete junk and do important work at the same time?"
While she was talking, she approached her father's desk trying to avoid the coffee-puddle. She took off her coat and draped it over the back of chair. Then she made her way back towards DiNozzo, picking up some napkins from his pile and dropping them onto the floor in an effort to absorb some of the liquid, bending down to pick them up when they'd turned completely brown.
Tony wanted to bite back after the sharp remark, but when he realized what Kelly was wearing, he totally forgot what he was going to say.
After she'd cleaned up as much of the coffee as she could, Kelly dumped the napkins into McGee's trash basked and looked back at DiNozzo again. She couldn't help but smile when she saw that his jaw had dropped open in astonishment.
"Oh my God, is that really a skirt on you?" he asked, as a wide and somewhat innocent grin playing at his features.
Kelly raised one eyebrow at him, crossing her arms and leaning against Tim's desk, looking Tony up and down before replying.
"Oh my God, is that really tomato sauce on your shirt?"
"Oh damn, not again!" Tony muttered discovering the red spot on his chest. Now he was the one who reached for the napkins, not that it would have been any chance to make the evidence of his clumsiness disappear with them.
Kelly sunk into McGee's chair and crossed her legs while she kept on observing DiNozzo, who was still trying to wipe his shirt clean.
"So?" Kelly asked.
"So, what?" Tony looked up at her.
"You can admit it, Tony. You think I look stunning today…"
Tony chuckled as he amied at McGee's wastebasket with the napkin.
"Kels, I really don't want to hurt your feelings, but even if I thought so – which is… let's say… more than possible –, I fear for my life enough not to say such a thing out loud – especially not with Gibbs inside a five-mile radius. I prefer my head attached to my body, thank you very much."
He shrugged as he spoke, a hint of a smile appeared in the corner of his mouth. He loved to tease Kelly, he loved that the girl was open to a little verbal sparring. Tony was convinced that she talked twice as much in a week as her father did in his entire life.
Kelly's smile was bittersweet this time. Of course she tried to hide how much the recent events of her life broke her down, but sometimes it was hard to push the emotions into the background. She needed to feel whole again, she needed to know that she wasn't a person who everybody wanted to be rid of.
She was feeling somewhat depressed and rejected, that was why she wished to gather as much words of appreciation as she could recently, and that was also the reason of that Tony's refuse got under her skin. Had he really turned into such a milksop recently, or was he messing with her again? The answer was fairly obvious and so Kelly decided to play along.
"I think you just demonstrated the point of why rule 12 exists, Tony." she said.
"Never date a coworker?"
Kelly chuckled.
"Yeah, I should've thought this is the only one you know the number of. But no, I'm talking about my regulations now. Number twelve is: never date with anybody who knows your father."
Tony smiled and took another piece of pizza out of the box.
"Kelly-rules, huh?"
Kelly shrugged.
"So much pressure to measure up to my father… But if you give it another thought, this rule makes so much sense. Let's take you as an example: just a minute ago you were afraid to give me a compliment, because you might have earned a slap with it from my dad. Now imagine what would happen, if some day you and me would end up having sex? I bet the only thing you could think of during would be him, and all the methods he'd use to make you feel very uncomfortable about the thing you would be doing to me at the moment. I think it's understandable I don't want to date guys who think about my father while making love to me, isn't it?"
At this, Tony choked on his bite of pizza, and it took almost half a glass of water before he was able to breathe again, let alone talk coherently. His face was flushed and he stared with wide, startled eyes at Kelly. He apparently had imagined the situation just the way she'd expected.
She put her hand on her mouth to repress a laugh. She loved to tease Tony, she loved how she could still surprise him and make his cute face go red because of a few words she said.
"That was below the belt" Tony said, his voice still strained.
"I'm sorry, Tony" She was laughing a little as she stepped over to him, patting and stroking his back as he continued to cough.
"Your reaction was telling, though. The reason for that rule is quite well established."
Tony nodded once and smiled at her. She noticed his eyes were redder than could be blamed on her joke and his subsequent inhaling of pizza – he must have pulled an all-nighter.
"Okay, you won this time. I can't really work around your rule 12." he said.
"It's all right, Tony, guess by this time you're tired enough of the paperwork." She ran her fingers through his hair. "So dad is down in the lab, or autopsy? He must have been in a rush if he dropped his coffee."
"You arrived right after the elevator door closed behind him. McGee went down with him, and that makes him brave, because I wouldn't dare to share such a small place with him until he gave up this odd behavior. Don't you know what has got into him nowa…?"
He stopped as he heared the elevator bell ring.
"Look, who's here! You survived the journey, Probie?"
McGee seemed like he didn't hear a word Tony said, he went straight to Kelly and clutched her arm gently. A bunch of terrible thoughts attacked Kelly's mind as she saw the boy's pale and panic-stricken face and it just became worse when she noticed the deep red drops on his shirt. She didn't see any injury on him though, and there could be only one explanation to that: it wasn't his blood.
"Jesus, Timmy, what happened?"
McGee let her arm go and took her hand instead. He started to pull her towards the elevator, and it felt like a decade had passed until he finally got to say the following two short sentences:
"You gotta come with me to autopsy, Kelly. Your father passed out in the elevator."
The door shut behind them.
A few minutes later Kelly was standing between two dissection tables and struggled with various feelings running through her at the same time: she felt so lost, so helpless, so desperate.
On her one side was her dad with a white, yet blood-covered face and her childhood-love on the other: cold and lifeless. She wished she could wake up from this nightmare, but it didn't matter how hard she concentrated: she lost the battle against reality.
A/N: So this is how I imagine Kelly as an adult. What do you think of her? Who do you think she would make the perfect pair with from the team? - Tony? McGee? Maybe Palmer? :) I already have somebody in mind, of course, but I'm very courious about your opinion. Next chapter will contain more angsty!Gibbs - just because I like to torture him *evil grin* :) Okay, no, I'm not that bad, but he's always so strong and calm and somehow I like to put him into situations that he has no control of (in an emotional kinda way).
Anyway, you may have noticed that I love the descriptive parts, especially when it comes to write about emotions. It means the storyline itself develops in a slower pace and so it will be a much more longer story than I thought. I have no problem with it, because I enjoy writing this, but if you think I should write less emotions and more actions, then let me know and I'll do what I can! :)
I know it's been a long time since I last updated, but I had a bunch of exams to take at the university. Exam session is over now, so I'm back and will update more often. Reviews would make me very happy, so keep them coming, please! Thanks for reading! :) xox Pumpkingirl