Chapter 3

I woke up the next day to my alarm clock.

I lay there looking up at the dust floating around in the sun light in my white canopy above my white bed behind these white walls. I don't like darkness. I prefer the light and happiness in bright colors.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

I blinked. I wasn't experiencing a bone-crashing fear. No soul-burdening sadness. No mad scramble for breath. Nothing but a light sense of peace after a long night of sleep.

Other than my bathroom experience, I hadn't had a dream last night.

With a smile on my face, I pulled my white blanket off my body and leaped into the morning.

"Hello, Gran!" I smiled widely, practically singing. I had never felt so wake in my life. "Guess what?"

Gran, in the process of holding change back to Sam, the elderly man who came here with his wife every morning, looked up at me in pleasant surprise. I was pretty early. It was only 7 a.m. and I usually only managed to wake up at around 8:30 every day. She smiled in wonder. "You're early. How refreshing."

I walked over to her behind the counter. I lowered my voice and said, "I didn't have any dreams last night."

She looked at me behind her spectacles with a smile that almost looked proud. "Well, I guess things are starting to look up for you."

Later after work, I decided to go to the Bluebird for real this time. No distractions or mysterious men. I pulled on my jean jacket and flipped my white hair behind me. As I walked through the little green door of Littlehale's, I half expected or hoped to be trampled by a man with tortured blue eyes. But instead as I walked to my car, I jumped to the screech of a bird. I spun around and behind me, resting on a tree limb was a cardinal. It was stunning, the softest, brightest red I had ever seen. It didn't move around from limb to limb like most birds, it just stood there silently and looked over in my direction. I heard something crash and fall behind so I whipped around behind me to see what it was. Nothing. I jerked my head back around to look into the tree by Pop's old truck. The bird was gone.

I walked into the Bluebird and looked around at all the familiar surroundings: The stage to my right, facing the many little tables in the center and the booths along the walls; the bar on the left wall, stretching from blue wall to blue wall. The whole restaurant wasn't too big but not small either, but for amount of people they get in here, they had to move the stage to the roof in the summer so people can stand around up there. I loved the decorations up there and all the lights. It was always the best part of my day.

It was only 5 p.m. on a Tuesday so there weren't too many people but it wasn't dead either. On Fridays', there are people standing by the walls, the bar, and on the floor watching the performers. I don't usually go on those days because it's usually all people my age and I don't have many friends here. I'm not a people person, so I have a many acquaintances but few good friends.

The waitress, Cindy, who was usually seated people on weekdays, signed me in and told me I had about fifteen minutes until the stage would be ready. I smiled at her, said thank you and went to sit at the bar. I had 5 months until I was legally allowed to drink so I just ordered a Sprite. I sat looking into my drink contemplating my situation. But then I remembered that I came here to escape that situation, so I dismissed it. I closed my eyes and leaned my head lightly on my hand, causing my long hair to spill onto the bar. I peeked at it. It reminded me of the woman in my vision. I didn't even know who she was and I already felt like she was part of me. Hell, maybe I was her and just don't remember. At the moment anything seemed possible.

"Hey, you okay?" I looked up to the feminine voice that spoke. It must have been a new waitress because I had never seen her before, and if I had I was positive I would have remembered her. She was leaning on the bar in front of me with her elbows and her chin in her hands. She was stunning. Her long black hair fell in the softest waves to her waist. She had long black nails on her elegant hands and big eyes the color of moonlight that looked right through me. I blinked. I contemplated her question. Looked back down at my glass. "I don't know," I said honestly. She furrowed her brow in genuine concern. "What the problem, doll?" She sounded like a concerned mother but her New Yorker accent made me love her instantly.

I smiled lightly to myself. "It's just been a weird couple of days, I guess. I not even sure what the problem is, I'm just trying to figure it all out. It's quite the puzzle and I'm not getting any closer to the answers." I smiled bitterly.

She frowned and her gaze never wavered from mine. To my surprise, she stood and walked around the bar to sit beside me. "I'm Luce," she said with a cute, sideways smile that revealed dimples on her right cheek. "You?"

I opened my mouth slightly, closed it, then opened it again to say, "I-I'm Azalea. But you can call me Taz." She giggled. "Where'd you get that nickname?"

I smiled and said, "My gran gave it to me because I used to love Looney Tunes. At first she called me Az, but after I started watching it, she picked up the name, Taz. She would always tell me I was a Tasmanian devil. I don't really remember being called anything else so now I'm just Taz." I shrugged.

Luce laughed. "So why do you look so bummed?"

I sighed. "Well…it's really complicated. But basically I met this guy…."

I peered over at her. She looked excited. "And…? What's the problem?"

I laughed humorlessly. "That's just it…. Nothing. I met this man and he seemed…different but I let him get away. I shouldn't have because I can't stop thinking about him and nothing I do will push him out of my mind. I know it sounds insane but it's like I'm supposed to go out and find him."

She gazed at me. "Why don't you?"

I took a deep breath. "Where would I start? I don't even know his name. We barely said a word to each other."

She smiled knowingly. "Actions speak louder than words, right? So not having spoke to him isn't enough of a reason to not try." Her grey eyes were unnerving. But her compassion was exactly what I needed right now. "So there's something else that's stopping you. Something you can't tell me." I opened my mouth to tell her it wasn't true but it was. The idea of seeing that man again scared me. I don't know what I would feel; if I would be overly emotional like last time or not feel anything at all. Perhaps I had imagined those feelings.

No. That's impossible, I'm not crazy.

"I thought so," Luce said with an understanding smile. And just as I was about to ask her something about herself to deflect attention away from me, Cindy walked up me and asked if I was ready. I nodded and both Luce and I stood. "Come back over when you're done," she said warmly.

I smiled in consent and turned to walk up the stage. Cindy announced my name as I sat at the beautiful piano in front of me. I set my fingers on the piano and began to play the song. It was "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy. Quite appropriate for my situation, I thought. I set my fingers on the first keys and began.

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images.

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I savored those last few words. It was my favorite part of the song because it becomes so soft and the heartache is evident in her tone. My finger lingered on that last note until it faded into the air. Then, it was over.

People in the audience may have applauded, but it was just background noise to me; I was too wrapped up in my head. I walked down the stairs in a daze and left the Bluebird through the back door. I stood in the alley, under the harsh light over the narrow way, and began to pace. I couldn't take it anymore. Something was missing. Everything was missing from my life. I have too many things going on at once and I didn't know who I was anymore. I had been relatively content with my lot for 20 years. But all of a sudden it wasn't enough. I have been living in what feels like a movie set; detached and fake. I needed to see him again. I had never been this emotional but at the moment, I couldn't care enough to stop. I leaned heavily on the wall of the Bluebird and sunk down onto ground and hugged my knees. The door to the Bluebird swung open and noisily slammed closed—they still hadn't fixed it after 7 years of me coming here. I assumed it was someone coming out for a smoke but I heard loud, attention-demanding heels strutting towards me. I looked over to see the outline of Luce's insanely curvy form swinging over to my rescue. I sighed. I probably looked miserable. Ugh.

"Oh no, baby doll!" She sounded like my mother. If I had one. I frowned.

She sat down in her nice, sleek blue dress next to me on the filthy concrete. I tried to object but she waved me off. "If you're going to tell me not to sit next to you because you don't want my dress to be ruined, I will severely injure you. I have at least ten like this one." I shut my mouth. I didn't doubt her threat. She seemed like she could kill you with a glance if you got on her bad side.

"Now. Tell me what's really going on."

Pfft. I laughed bitterly. "You wouldn't believe me."

I saw a glimmer in her eyes, which were now brighter than the moon that loomed above us. She smiled like Lydia, as if she was hiding something. "Try me."

So I did. I don't know why I told her and not Gran. Maybe because I didn't know her and if she thought I was crazy, I wouldn't be crushed if she left me. But there was something about her, like she actually cared about my problems. Like she just wanted to help. I admired her confidence and compassion to be able to walk up to a stranger and be all nonchalant about it.

She asked a co-worker to cover for her since there were not many more diners left so we sat in a booth in the corner of the restaurant.

I told her everything; about what really happened with the man on the street, my vision from him and my dream, Lydia's prediction, and all my feelings about all of this. I legitimately expected her to get up and leave or at least laugh at me disbelievingly but she just listened. She looked sad, as if my words personally affected her. I laughed and cried and let everything out. It was amazing how much better I felt now that I wasn't the only who knew.

After I finished, I sighed and said, "I'm amazed you haven't ran yet."

She smiled slightly. "I'm not the kind of person who can turn their back on anything or anyone. I would never laugh at someone because of their beliefs. I feel the need to give everyone a chance, because it's what I would want them to do for me."

I grinned tearfully but genuinely. "Thank you. You don't know what it means to me to have someone just listen to me. I was so afraid no one would believe me. I still haven't told my Gran. But honestly, I don't think I want to until I really know what's going on."

She waved off my thanks.

Later that night, when everyone had left and all the workers had gone home for the night, Luce cracked open a bottle of wine. Or maybe a few.

We stayed up way too late, drinking a ridiculous amount of wine between the two of us. We managed to rub two brain cells together and figure out how to play music on the stereo behind the bar. We stood on top of it and danced like we were at a strip club or something. It was insane but exhilarating. I had never had that much fun in my life.

The next morning, Cindy found us in the closest where staff puts their coats and junk. Luce had passed out on top of me and was snoring like crazy. I pushed her off me and realized I wasn't wearing a shirt. I was so glad I was wearing my favorite black bra. I looked up at Cindy holding up my red shirt saying in a hugely amused tone, "Looking for this?" I blushed and snatched it back from her and put it back on. "Wake her up, the manager wants to speak to you two."

I huffed and lay back down in defeat, "Lovely."

Luce was fired. I felt horrible, but she didn't seem to care. "I only took the job 'cause I was new in town and looking for something to do. My parents are loaded so I didn't really need the money." She screwed up her curvy lips in a casual manner. "Ah," I said, as if I totally got what she was saying….

I told her she should work with me, not that Gran was hiring but I could talk to her about it. But Luce said no, she didn't want my Gran paying her. She said she'd just stop by tomorrow to hang out with me while I worked. I laughed and said okay. I gave her my number and we parted ways.

When I got home, I went straight to my bathroom for another long bath. And it was well needed because when I looked at myself in the mirror, I cringed at what I saw. My long, creamy hair was in tangled knots and in desperate need of a wash. My clothes were wrinkled and beaten. The bags under my brown eyes aged me quite a bit. I looked awful but I felt even worse. I've never been hung over but it's horrible. My head ached and I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep forever. My body ached from moving around and sleeping in a closet.

I slipped into my bath and sighed blissfully. Mmm.

After I was squeaky clean and happy, I went directly to bed without even getting dressed. I had no dreams. No interruptions. Just sleep.

I slept until late that day and when I got up, I texted Luce to see how she was doing.

I made hot cocoa and sat on my couch petting Ky and spacing out. A few minutes later, Luce texted that she was fine but wanted to come over. I gave her my address and not five minutes later she was here.

We gathered tons of blankets, started a fire and the three of us relaxed on the couch watching Donnie Darko. It was the first time I had been truly happy for a while.