Chapter 4: In Which Even Less Happens
Chiyo skipped down the street to school. She liked school, actually. Sure, some of the lessons were a little dull, and she could learn everything she could ever want to know from her father's library (she was halfway through A Brief History of Time, Cooking Edition), but there were some things, she had realized, that you couldn't learn from books,(1) like the joy of friendship. Speaking of which, she thought, hearing long strides behind her. "Good morning, Miss Sakaki!" she said.
"Mm," said Miss Sakaki.
"Did you finish Miss Yukari's homework assignment?"
She nodded. "It was tough to find with a rhyme for 'orange.'"
"I don't think there is one in English."
"Ah."
Chiyo looked up to Sakaki — literally, since she was about twice her height. The fact that she was also smart, strong, quiet, athletic, beautiful, and seemingly fearless simply added to her esteem. She was a figure of awe and admiration throughout the entire school, and, as Chiyo was beginning to notice, was also the subject of many male fantasies. She was, in other words, everything Chiyo hoped to be when she grew up…well, except maybe that last part.
Oddly enough, Sakaki had said almost the same thing to her once. Well, what she actually said was, "Cuter is stronger," the implications of which Chiyo was still puzzling over. She also wondered why a girl worshipped by so many people would seem to have so few real friends.
They talked about cats, mostly.
"…and then I thought it would look even cuter if it were pink," said Chiyo, "so I added some tri-methly-ethyl toluenmeraise sauce and topped it with béarnaise sauce! All for less than 20 calories!"
"Mm," said Sakaki, stifling a yawn.
Chiyo noticed. "Oh dear, I got carried away again, didn't I?" she said, embarrassed. "Sorry for boring you, Miss Sakaki."
"Mm? No. It was interesting. I just didn't get much sleep."
"Really? Why's that?"
Sakaki considered her response. "Well…"
…In her dreams she burned with the fires of creation. The people of the world, far below her, were in chaos, and she could hear their cries. She reached out to help them, and they ran screaming from her hand, which glowed like the sun. Then she realized, to her horror, that the hand was moving of its own accord, sweeping aside man and beast, sundering stone and sea, slave to a silken voice whispering in her ear. And as the pandemonium reached a terrifying crescendo, a crow with the bloody face of Bea Arthur tore through space and time and croaked, "This is not a prophesy!" She screamed and…
"…that's when I woke up."
There was a long, uncomfortable pause heavy with contemplation.
"Oh," said Chiyo. "Oh my."
"Yes," said Sakaki, uncomfortably.
"I…don't really know what to make of a dream like that."
She nodded. "I couldn't sleep. What did it mean? Why did this dream come to me? And who is this 'Bea Arthur'?" Her schoolbag trembled.
Chiyo noticed, and stopped. "Um, are you okay, Sakaki?"
She shook her head.
"Do you…need a hug?"
She nodded.
Chiyo glommed her about the waist. She felt Sakaki relax ever so slightly. Standing on tip-toes, Chiyo patted her on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Miss Sakaki, everything will be fine. I'm sure it was nothing."
"Did someone just say, 'Dun dun duh?'" asked Sakaki, startled.
"Huh?"
"TAKINO ATTACK!"
"Waugh!" Chiyo, with speed borne of experience, hit the dirt. The supreme martial arts majesty that was Tomo Takino Torpedo Tackle(2) missed her by inches and slammed into a wall called Sakaki.
"Please get off me, Miss Tomo!" whined Chiyo.
"Victory…to the swift…!" said Tomo, mildly concussed.
"Knock it off, you moron," said a voice of reason. Yomi plucked Tomo by the scruff of her neck, dragged her off Chiyo and plopped her on the pavement.
"Ow! What was that for!?" said Tomo.
"Being yourself," she replied.
"Some friend you are!"
"You're not my friend, you just followed me home one day…Morning, Chiyo, Sakaki."
"Good morning, Miss Yomi!"
"Mm."
"Hey!" said Tomo. "What am I, chopped liver?"
"Yes," said Yomi.
Tomo was best described as a woman with the mind, hairstyle, and body of someone half her age: wild, childish, and spring-loaded. Since Yomi acted about twice her age, the two tended to balance each other out.
"Why did you try to tackle me, Miss Tomo?" asked Chiyo, rather cross. "And so early in the morning?"
She shrugged. "I dunno. I saw you two lookin' so serious here and figured you needed a good ambush. Y'know, lighten the mood. Besides," she continued, with a glint in her eye, "it's good training."
"Eh?"
"On the battlefield," she intoned, "you don't have time for things like hugs and kisses. Danger lurks around every corner, and we, the super-heroes of tomorrow, must stand ready to meet it head on with fists of justice!"
"Chiyo," said Yomi, after a moment, "feel free to hit her now."
"I'm serious, Yomi! Haven't you read the news?"
"You read?" she replied, incredulous.
"It's in the latest Wizard," she said, drawing a glossy magazine from her bag.(3) "See?"
Yomi scanned the headline. "'Tokyo: the Next Marvel of the World'?"
"It says we've got the second largest super-hero population in the world after New York," she said, "and the highest number of giant monsters, evil spirits, and doomsday devices(4) per capita!"
"Uh, yeah, Tomo, I know. That's why we have Godzilla drills, remember?"
"Don't you get it, Yomi?" she said, bubbling with excitement. "It means we've got it made! Any moment now, one of us could be struck by a magic meteorite, get super-powers, and save the world! This rocks!"
Yomi groaned. "Gods, how much sugar did you have this morning…Tomo, the odds of something like that happening are astronomical."
"Ah, but you forget that we are perfectly ordinary nubile young Japanese high-school girls at or approaching 18 years of age!" said Tomo, sagely. "I'd say the odds are in our favour!"
"You're confusing anime and real life," she said. "Again."
"Oh, come on, Yomi. You can't say that it wouldn't be cool to have super-powers. Don't you want Chiyo's super-smarts? Or Sakaki's super-looks?"
"Um, I don't have super-powers," said Chiyo. "Just a good memory."
"Like that doesn't count," said Tomo, rolling her eyes. "You could probably make a ray gun out of two sticks and a ball of twine."
"Eh heh," she replied, embarrassed (since she could).(5)
"And so?" said Yomi. "What of it? Do you want us all to go look for radioactive spiders or something?"
"Maybe," said Tomo, "but we should really do is live up to our potential! Live life to the fullest! Carp the diem!"
"Says the girl who spends all her time watching TV," sighed Yomi.
"Hey! It could happen! You never know. Why, just as we've been standing here, I may have been bombarded by cosmic rays granting me super-speed!"
"Oi! Sakaki!" said Kagura, jogging by. "Race yah to school?"
"You're on!" cried Tomo. She was off like a shot.
"Hey! What the…aw heck with it." Kagura shrugged, and ran after her.
Chiyo was bemused. "My, Miss Tomo sure is energetic this morning."
"I suspect drugs," deadpanned Yomi. "You okay, Sakaki? You look tired."
"Bad dream," said Sakaki.
"Really? How bad?"
Sakaki told her.
"Oh," said Yomi. "Wow. That's, uh, pretty bad. Has this ever happened before?" Sakaki shook her head. "Have you been worried about anything lately?" Again, a shake. "Hmm, you got me, then. I wonder what Freud would have to say about it?"
"And I still say you shouldn't worry about it, Miss Sakaki," said Chiyo.
"It's a sign," said a voice from the ground.
"What?" said Sakaki.
Chiyo stopped, surprised. "Miss Osaka? Why are you lying on the sidewalk?"
"Tryin' to see the world in a grain of sand," she said, squinting.
"Ah," said Chiyo.
"I think that's France," she said, pointing.
"Eh heh…"
Talking with Osaka was a lot like playing Boggle: there were words there, but just as you managed to figure out what they meant, some strange person came along and jumbled them all up again. Or changed them to Sanskrit. Or fish.
A casual discussion on the weather, for example, would inevitably segue into the questions of "why is the sky up?" and the nature of the ground's terminal depression (it's down, you see). Likewise, a frank debate about the merits of capitalism versus communism would quickly jump the rails over the topic of invisible pickpockets and guys with freaky beards.
To most people, in other words, Osaka was a little strange.(6) She didn't seem very bright, fell asleep in class all the time, and was easily distracted by dust (angel dust, muttered the mean-spirited ones). The fact that she had the figure of a cardboard tube merely pushed her further into obscurity.
To Chiyo, Osaka was, well, free — as a bird, even.(7) She spoke her mind, all the time, and watched the world with the same wide-eyed wonder that she did, except where Chiyo saw magnetospheric substorms and clouds she saw fire dragons and David Bowie. Sure, she might get some strange ideas sometimes, but it wasn't her fault that her mind moved at right angles to the waking world.
Still, Chiyo couldn't help but smile and nod sometimes around her. This was one of those times. "I think that's a metaphor, Miss Osaka," she said.
"Huh? Nah, there's three of them, see?" she said, pointing at the sand-specks.
"Eh? Oh, 'phor,' yes."
"Osaka?" said Sakaki.
"Huh? Oh, hey Sakaki. How's the air up there, eh?"
"You said, 'it's a sign,'" she continued. "What did you mean?"
"Oh, that?" Osaka waved goodbye to Oregon ("See? It's the bit by that bit there.") and dusted herself off. "I heard your story, and I thought, hey, that sounds like one of them inspiration dreams and all."
"A what?"
"You know, when you have this weird dream that you can't explain, and you wake up with somethin' that's gonna change the world? Like, you see this doughnut, and it's kinda floatin' there, singing showtunes, and when you wake up, you realize you know where you dropped the remote control?"
"Um…" said Sakaki.
"I think what she's saying," said Chiyo, translating, "is that it's your subconscious is trying to tell you something?"
"Yeah, that's it!" said Osaka. "Like, you've been thinking about something in the back of your mind, and it's sort of figured it out for you in your sleep?"
"But what did I figure out?"
"Maybe your brain is trying to tell you to, um, be more confident in yourself?" suggested Chiyo.
"Or that ya got great power?" said Osaka.
"I hope not," said Sakaki. "I wouldn't want the responsibility."
"Trust me," said Yomi, "this is exactly the kind of thing you shouldn't waste daylight on. It's just a dream, right? Oh. Hey, Tomo."
"This (gasp!) isn't over yet!" said Tomo, gasping for breath against a lamp-post.
"Dude," said Kagura, jogging beside her, "I've already lapped you. Give it up."
"N-nevarh!"
(Footnotes)
1. The exception being the Codex Universalis, the tome of all known and unknown knowledge in all creation, available from Penguin Books. Not many people know about it, since it's hidden in the square root of the 27th dimension and isn't out in paperback.
2. "The T's stand for 'tough,' foo!" she explained.
3. In this world, Wizard is a popular magazine on the comic book industry. In the girl's world, it is the leading investigative journal into meta-human and super-heroic affairs, featuring award-winning authors and insightful articles on great powers and responsibilities. Tomo reads it for the pictures.
4. All of which, inevitably, involve Tokyo Tower. When asked for an explanation, Dr. Doom replied, "It's the style."
5. Once, while playing with her mashed potatoes, she discovered that she had serendipitously shaped them to form a Klein bottle. Her father immediately scolded her for violating the laws of physics and told her to eat her dinner.
6. This is not a pun.
7. (Cue killer guitar solo.)