Symphonie fantastique, Op. 14: IV. Marche au supplice
A/N: Last chapter recap: Some time after the dance that first brought the two together, Shinji and Asuka go on their first date, they have a good time (especially towards the end), the moment is interrupted by an Angel
I don't own Evangelion (nothing witty this time, sorry)
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Shinji Ikari was concentrating as hard as he could to move an arm that wasn't really there.
"That's good Shinji, keep it up, you're doing great."
Shinji sighed, bubbles exiting his mouth; his concentration broken from Ritsuko's comment. The Eva pilot was in the middle of a multi-hour harmonics test. He was slightly annoyed. He wasn't sure if he could achieve the same state of mind before. How ironic, that the good doctor ruined the very experiment she was hoping would succeed.
He focused first on his own hand. Then after clearly picturing it in his mind, he began to picture Eva Unit 01's hand. Shinji's brow furrowed, the mental image was not coming to him. He shifted his mind's eye back to his own hand. He was going to have to firmly imagine his hand before trying to move on. The funny thing is that the mind will wander when one is trying to concentrate.
Shinji's hand was now joined by another. This one was paler, more feminine and slender than his own. This hand and his own were clasped together. The mental image zoomed out, and now Shinji and Asuka were walking alone on a street, late at night. It was a silent journey, neither of them making a sound. Shinji with his free hand loosened the shirt that had been constricting him since he first walked into the dance. Asuka continued to walk in her dress, her face straight ahead.
Shinji felt a wave of relaxation and contentment rush over him, knowing that he had made clear how he felt, and the girl beside him had not rejected him. True, she had said very little; but the sense he received from her was one of agreement, that she wanted this as much as he did. The small crack of grin that had been on his face since their walk had begun grew even wider after Asuka confirmed his suspicions by giving his hand a tight squeeze. Shinji turned his head as Asuka turned hers. Their eyes met…
"Shinji! Stay focused, your score is beginning to fall."
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Shinji was exhausted after the tests, and his score had fluctuated too much for Ritsuko's experiment to be conclusive. He still felt guilty from the tirade given by the angry doctor. He sighed as he took the instant meal out of the microwave, trying not to think about NERV anymore, it was depressing him. Shinji called his roommates to dinner, but sat down and begun to eat without them. He let his mind wander as he mechanically brought food to his mouth, back to his plate, then to his mouth again.
Suddenly the room seemed brighter. Asuka and Misato were at the table eating the dinner he had made for them. Misato, after taking a swig and a half from her beer asked, "So I forgot to ask, how was the dance yesterday?"
Immediately, the two teenage pilots' faces turned bright red, and without making eye contact with Misato replied, "Fine."
Misato, only slightly buzzed, instantly smelled something fishy. "Oh come on, you're not fooling anyone, something happened. Me and Pen Pen want to know." Misato pointed to the penguin with her chopsticks, who looked back at the table with half a fish in his mouth; clearly with the "I have no clue what you're on about" expression on his face.
The penguin returned to his bowl of fish as Misato, who had been sitting Indian style in her chair, unfolded her long legs and used her foot to poke Shinji's own leg, "Come on Shinji, you can tell Misato. What could possibly be so terrible that you wouldn't want me to know about it?" Shinji flinched and looked quickly at Asuka before trying to push away the Major's foot.
Asuka straightened up and cleared her throat, "Nothing happened Misato. The only interesting point of the night was when some idiots put some tampons in the fruit punch. Isn't that right Shinji?" Asuka said, winking so only Shinji could see it.
"Oh I see, a prank. That's nothing, the boys at my senior dance had been planning this one thing for a while, there was a goat tied up… " Shinji and Asuka had both stopped listening to Misato by the mention of a goat , and unbeknown to the Major were holding hands under the table.
"Shinji! Shinji are you there?" Misato said worriedly. She was sitting in front of him waving the plastic fork that came with the meal in front of his face. "Earth to Shinji, you've stopped eating."
Shinji stood up and said drearily, "I'm full; I'm going to my room."
Misato watched as the sullen boy threw away what was left in his tray and meander off to the empty hallway.
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Shinji sat laying on his bed, SDat playing at full blast. He opened his eyes, closed them, opened them again, then closed them again. It was the same, eyes open or shut, the same vision.
"Shinji, all I'm saying is we don't have to broadcast it to the entire world."
Shinji was sitting on his bed, Asuka lying next to him. "I know…" Shinji said doubtfully, but was interrupted.
"Think about it, if she found out," Asuka gestured outside Shinji's room, "I'm not saying I don't want anyone to know, but imagine all the crap she'd give us. I for one think she teases us enough."
"You're right Asuka."
Asuka's conspiratorial look melted into a smile, "I know Shinji, I'm always right." Shinji smiled back.
Shinji awoke suddenly, his alarm clock blaring. Silencing it with a wild swing, the boy groaned as he got out of bed. Looking down and seeing he had fallen asleep without changing, cursed silently and began to get ready for school.
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Shinji's walk was almost robotic, no liveliness, no vigor. It was as if he were only going through the motions of life, not truly there. His mind was wandering as usual.
"Hey Shinji, slow down," Asuka said to the boy as she wrapped her arm around his, "We aren't in a hurry."
"I know Asuka, its just I'm a little nervous." Shinji looked around, "If Toji and Kensuke were to find out…, let's just say I agree with you; they wouldn't be the best confidants."
Asuka giggled, something Shinji was totally not used to hearing, "That's a light way of putting it, honestly Shinji I don't know why you hang around those idiots."
Shinji smiled, "Well, they're okay once you get to know them."
"Oh well, I guess we won't see eye to eye on everything; I don't think I'll ever see them as anything more than idiots."
Shinji blushed as he thought of what to say in response, "I guess I'll have to make an exception, if you think they're idiots, they must be idiots." Shinji continued in a slightly sarcastic tone that surprised Asuka as well as himself, "You are always right."
Asuka, giggled again (unnerving Shinji no matter how many times it happened) and gave Shinji a light punch before squeezing his arm with her own.
"Hey Shinji!"
Shinji looked around and saw Toji jogging from a side street towards him. Even in his depressed state, Shinji couldn't help but be amazed by how well Toji was adapting to the prosthetic leg. He sighed and waved to his approaching friend.
Before Toji even caught up to him, Shinji continued to walk on. Toji gave Shinji a sorrowful look, not saying a thing and joined the silent march to school.
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Without a word Shinji walked into classroom [[3-A. Although he could feel the sympathetic, pitying looks following him to his desk; he continued on without reaction. With a quiet grunt, Shinji sunk into his desk, leaning forward, his head buried in his crossed arms.
Kensuke got up and began to move towards Shinji, but before he got even halfway Toji put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. Hikari, who was watching the scene unfold, let loose a stifled sob…
Hikari pulled Asuka back out of the classroom, Shinji looking back puzzled, shrugged and sauntered over to where Toji and Kensuke were sitting.
"Okay what's going on?!" Hikari cried shrilly.
Asuka, keeping her cool, replied coyly, "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about Hikari. You know it's rude to grab people as they're walking…"
Hikari, uncharacteristically interrupted Asuka, "Cut it out Asuka, you might fool everybody else, but I saw how you and Shinji walked into the class together."
"We do live together, its only natural we leave and arrive to places at the same time." Asuka said so innocently, it was sickening to listen to.
"You know what I mean. And anyways, you were acting suspicious at the dance. First you were asking me if Toji knew about Shinji's date. Then after we get back, neither one of you could be found; for the rest of the night! Quite suspicious if you ask me."
Asuka, who had never really intended to keep Hikari in the dark (rather just wanting to choose when she told her), smiled and said, "Well maybe something did happen…"
Shinji was letting Kensuke and Toji talk among themselves, instead watching the doorway, waiting for a certain someone to appear. A loud fit of giggles suddenly erupted from the hallway, and was then followed by Asuka and Hikari entering the classroom.
"What was that about?" Toji asked out loud.
Shinji didn't say anything as Kensuke shrugged; instead hiding his smile behind his folded arms.
"Class; Rise! Bow! Be Seated!"
The teacher had arrived. He surveyed the class, his old wrinkled eyes pausing at the empty seat caddy-corner to Shinji.
"Okay students, let's continue the lecture from yesterday's class."
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Shinji was sitting alone, under the cherry blossom tree, which despite the constant summer like conditions, had shed its flowers and leaves; only highlighting the gray overcast sky even more. He had brought an extra bento, out of habit, which was sitting next to his own untouched lunch. Brooding so deeply, he didn't notice a figure approaching until she was only a few feet away.
"Oh hello Ayanami." Shinji said surprised. He was eating lunch by himself under the cherry blossom tree near the corner of the school grounds. Asuka had suggested the spot, but was pulled away by Hikari and some other girls. Shinji was hoping she would come back before the lunch break was over. But now the enigmatic Rei Ayanami was standing over him.
"Hello Ikari."
Shinji waited for more from the girl, but the only thing that came was a cold stare and an awkward silence. Shinji decided to take the initiative, "Can I help you?"
Rei, without changing the neutral expression on her face, said, "I have noticed you Ikari, as well as Soryu have been behaving quite abnormally."
Shinji blushed slightly before saying, "Uhh, what do you mean?"
"I have noticed a change in the pattern of interaction between you and Soryu. There has been a significant decrease in the hostility and tension in your interactions. I wanted to inquire if you and Soryu are mentally healthy."
Shinji, slightly taken aback replied, "Uhh, yeah we're okay I guess." Rei said nothing and continued to stare mercilessly as though she wasn't completely satisfied.
Shinji came to the conclusion that it would be safe to tell Rei their secret, seeing how no one else talked to her (barring his father, and he doubted whether he would care enough about his son to ask Rei about him).
"Well Ayanami, I…, I kinda like Asuka."
The stoic expression never leaving Rei's face, the girl waited a moment as if contemplating what Shinji had said, before replying, "I was not aware that you disliked Soryu."
Shinji nearly fell over, but composed himself, "That's not exactly what I meant…"
"Ikari. Ikari. Ikari have lost your hearing?"
Shinji looked up into the red eyes of Rei Ayanami, who was standing over the boy.
"Oh no, I was just thinking Ayanami."
The tables now turned, Shinji left the conversation hanging, with Rei wondering if something else should be said. The puzzled girl waited a few seconds before sitting down next to the morose boy. The pair remained in silence for a long time. Rei finally turned her head towards Shinji's face.
"I have noticed that your behavior has changed for the worse. I do not believe it is normal for someone to have their head hung down all the time, as you have. You have also become quieter than you've been since you arrived at Toyko-3. It is from my observations that leads me to the conclusion that your mind has fallen into a depression. In the best interests of NERV this cannot be allowed to continue. Therefore I hope I can be a successful substitute. Do you like me Ikari, as much as her?"
Shinji, who hadn't even been looking at Rei as she spoke, turned to face her. Tears were brimming from his eyes. Sobbing he grabbed Rei into hug, pressing his face into her collar. Rei, even more puzzled than before, was rigid as ever as she watched the boy weep into her chest.
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Shinji was done with school for the day, and was walking home alone. He could have accompanied Toji and Kensuke, but had chosen to slip by them unnoticed; preferring the quiet.
Asuka was walking beside Shinji, her hand in his. She turned to face him saying, "We need to go out somewhere, to make this official."
Shinji, who only a little more about teenage romance than a stalk of celery, hadn't thought about anything past the upcoming night and was just starting to wonder what to have for dinner. The confused look on his face confirmed the boy's ineptitude to Asuka.
"Baka, I'm saying we go on a date!"
'What!?" Shinji barely stammered in reply.
"Boys," Asuka muttered with disdain, "all of you are hopeless. That's what couples do, they go on dates. Now where to go?"
"What about going to a movie?" Shinji suggested tentatively.
"Sorry, that's too cliché, but at least you're aiming in the right direction. No, all we'd do is sit and watch, nothing else. I'm tempted to say go out to eat dinner, but that's too boring. No, we need some excitement."
Shinji rolled his eyes; he and Asuka were mecha pilots saving the world from giant monsters and the girl wanted more excitement. It didn't make sense to Shinji, but he realized that was part of the reason why he liked Asuka.
"I've got it Shinji. That boy Hikari set me up with took me to the amusement park. The guy was a total loser, but there was potential for a fun date, with the right guy that is…" Asuka trailed off, atypically reserved.
Shinji blushed, replying, "I guess we're going to the amusement park then."
Shinji had reached the entrance to NERV headquarters, walking all the way in solitude. He was greeted by the gruff request to show an ID to the guard. Even though he had been piloting the Eva for months, they still needed proof he was the 3rd Child every time he reported into NERV. He showed the card he produced from his wallet, then returned it and continued through the mazelike hallways; his body moving under its own volition, yet every sense in his head crying for it to turn around and leave.
Shinji and Asuka were sprinting down an alley, the sirens still wailing round them. The rain was coming down hard now, soaking the two as they ran. Asuka was on the phone, receiving directions from Misato on where to be picked up by Section 2's nearest agent.
"Left here Shinji!" Asuka shouted over piercing sirens as well as the dull roar of the rain drops hitting the pavement. The two rounded the street corner to be greeted by a black SUV with it's door open.
"In here!" Shouted one of the agents from the backseat, who oddly was still wearing his dark shades in the gloomy weather. The Shinji was still climbing in as the driver punched the gas, sending the boy into Asuka's lap and the slamming the door shut. In the heightened state of emergency, neither spared a thought of embarrassment about their positions. Instead Shinji sat up and the two waited in silence as the driver made his way through the empty streets, putting Misato to shame by getting to NERV five minutes faster than the Major ever could.
Shinji and Asuka ran through the hallways reaching the elevator leading to the changing rooms and Eva cages. A blaring silence emanated from within the elevator. A minute passed before a word was spoken.
"Shinji"
"Asuka"
The two spoke at the same time.
"You go first Shinji."
"No, go ahead Asuka."
Asuka took a deep breath, then as if changing her mind on the dot, instead of speaking, closed her eyes, leaned in and kissed Shinji. The boy's eyes flared in shock for an instant, but then closed and he reciprocated the affection.
Rei was standing in front of the elevator, already in her plugsuit waiting for the other two pilots to arrive. The ring of a bell signaled the elevator's arrival. She turned to face the doorway only to be greeted, as the doors parted, by Shinji and Asuka in a quiet but emotional embrace. Thoughts passed through Rei's mind, "What is the proper procedure in circumstances such as these. Normally one would wait for the pair to finish on their own, but the situation is an emergency."
Rei coughed subtly, alerting the other two to the audience they were now commanding. They quickly separated, save for the other's hand they kept a hold of. They exited the elevator, as Rei said, "The Commander has asked me to relay that the two remaining pilots should prepare for sortie as soon as possible and that only Unit's 00 and 02 will be launched; Unit 01 will be held in back up."
Shinji looked at Asuka nervously, but the red head returned his worried gaze with one of cheerful confidence. "Don't worry Shinji, me and Wondergirl can handle this one, I'll show you how it's done."
And with that Asuka turned quickly, heading towards the women's changing rooms. Rei followed behind, at a slightly slower pace. Shinji remained still, watching the girl he had just shared his first real kiss with jog away, and with a disgusting feeling in his gut wondering whether he'd ever see her again.
Shinji had finished changing into his plug suit and was walking towards the entrance to the cages. He passed through the passageway and was greeted by the sight of hundreds of engineers and technicians repairing a huge section of the cage and elevator on one side of the enormous area. He guiltily shifted his gaze and walked in the opposite direction towards the purple behemoth.
Asuka was screaming in his comm. Misato was shouting over his comm. Lt Ibuki was saying something over his comm. Shinji was being overwhelmed by the sheer number of voices in his head, none actually speaking to him.
"What's happening up there, give me an update."
"Rei, fire at it again, draw it's attention from Asuka if you can."
"The psychograph is showing increasing trauma, the LCL won't be much of a help for long."
Shinji was breathing faster and faster, his emotions festering to a boiling point until they finally erupted in a fiery outburst.
"MISATO, LET ME UP THERE PLEASE! I HAVE TO HELP HER!"
There was pause in the chatter, except for the screaming of Asuka and the audible breathing of Shinji. Then Misato said softly, "I can't do that Shinji, there has been a freeze on the use of Unit 01 in combat."
"Why Misato? Can't you send it out anyways?"
"I'm sorry Shinji, the Commander gave the order."
"Father!" Shinji muttered venomously, clenching his fists. Gathering himself, Shinji spoke at an audible level, "Father, why? Why can't I help Asuka?"
There was a few seconds pause before a reply came, "The risk outways the benefits. Unit 01 must not be corrupted by an Angel. The pilot of Unit 02 is not worth saving if it means losing Unit 01."
A cold nauseating wave crashed through Shinji's torso. His mind began racing as he sat on the precipice of madness.
"Asuka is going to die."
"Father is going to let Asuka die."
"My fellow pilot, my friend, my comfort, my joy, my LOVE is going to die."
"And I'm going to sit here and do nothing."
Shinji sat rocking back and forth muttering, "Asuka, Asuka, Asuka, Asuka…"
Misato stood behind Lt Hyuga, stealthily appearing to look over Asuka's psychograph data, but actually listening in on Ikari and Fuyutsuki's hushed conversation.
"Ikari, you can't possibly… what will the committee say."
"Ah, but if we use the Lance, the only way to kill the Angel, they can't say a damn thing. The committee will have to…"
Misato's attention was drawn away from the quiet words to a shrill alarm, distinct from the ones already wailing.
"Status!" Misato shouted.
"Major, Unit 01 has activated," said Maya worriedly, "synch ratio climbing rapidly."
Misato face paled a few shades lighter as she yelled into the comm, "Shinji, what the hell are you doing?! You aren't authorized for combat."
There was no reply, to which Commander Ikari shouted, "Raise the LCL pressure to the maximum allowed!"
Maya Ibuki spoke out loudly, "But that could possible harm the pi…"
The Commander barked, "DO IT NOW!" cutting off the timid Lieutenant.
Maya typed furiously into her console, only to be greeted by beeps signifying a failure.
"The command is being rejected, nothing I do is being received by Uni…"
The room went quiet as a low, rumbling roar could be heard from beneath them. Then the sound of crashing and metal twisting replaced the roaring.
"Get me a video feed of the cages!" Misato cried as the entire command shook.
A screen showing the overcast sky switched to a room filled with smoke. Technicians were strewn over the ground, only some of them moving. Smoke was blocking this camera, so the view was switched; but it was only static. Again the view switched again, and this time visible feed was available. The scaffolding that had been surrounding Unit 01 was shredded with the Eva missing; the restraints torn from the wall.
"Where is goddamned Unit 01, how can we not find an Evangelion." Shouted Misato.
Aoba answered. "I've just received a communication from the chief engineer of the cages. Unit 01 is at the elevators." The monitor immediately switched to a camera overlooking the elevator. Unit 01 was scrambling to climb the elevator, with little success.
"Major, order Rei to return to inside the Geofront. She must subdue Unit 01." Commander Ikari said.
"But what about Asuka and Unit 02? She's still being exposed to the Angel's attack."
Instead of reprimanding Misato, the Commander answered calmly, "Not only can we not risk Unit 01 escaping and being on the loose as well as being exposed to the Angel's attack; we certainly can't allow further damage to Headquarters. After Rei subdues Unit 01, she will then mount an attack with the Lance of Longinus. If she can do it quickly enough perhaps the Second Child can be saved. The pilot of Unit 01 is responsible for her fate."
Shinji walked past a group of technicians, all of whom gave him look of fear mixed with hate. He shuttered as though the stares actually made him cold. He continued into the waiting entry plug, visible tremors emanating from his body as he actually climbed into it. He sat in the plug shaking as it was lowered into Eva Unit 01. The cold voice of Ritsuko Akagi spoke to him as the start up sequence initiated.
"Calm down Shinji! You need to keep your mind focused or the experiment will be a failure again."
"Sorry Dr Akagi."
Shinji tensed his entire body, stopping the shaking, but his mind was still free to wander.
Shinji stood in a pitch black room. There was no light, no windows, nothing. He had woken up in a hospital bed, and immediately been taken to this room. No one had answered his questions about the angel, how it was defeated, and how Asuka was doing.
"Shinji Ikari!" A blinding spotlight lit up the boy still in his hospital gown. A towering circle of monoliths had surrounded Shinji.
"Shinji Ikari, you are here to explain the events that occurred during the attack of the 15th Angel." Said the monolith labeled Seele 01 that was in front of him.
Shinji, still slightly blinded tried to shield his eyes to face the voice speaking to him. Immediately another voice spoke to him, this time from his left.
"Eva Unit 01 went berserk in NERV Headquarters. But before then it had activated. Did you activate the Eva?"
Shinji whipped around, trying to face his interrogator, said, "Uhh, sir… I'm not su…"
Another voice cut Shinji, "Answer the questions directly with a yes or a no. This committee cannot afford to waste time with the mumblings of a child."
The previous voice spoke up, "Did you or did you not activate Eva Unit 01, defying the orders of both Major Katsuragi and Commander Ikari?"
Shinji paused for a second, knowing the answer but not wanting to say it. Finally he answered, "Yes, yes I did."
A new voice arose, "Defying orders, that is mutiny, a very serious offense. Why did you commit this act?"
"Father had said that Asuka wasn't worth saving and I thought she was. But all I remember is activating Eva. After that I don't remember anything. I didn't mean for Unit 01 to go berserk."
"That is beside the point Third Child. Are you aware that Unit 00 had to be recalled from the fight to subdue the rampaging Unit 01?"
Shinji silently shook his head, not liking where this line of questions was going.
"And because of that delay, combat with and the destruction of the Angel was also delayed. Therefore the conclusion has been reached by this council as well as your commanding officers, that the berserker state of Unit 01 and the subsequent recall of Unit 00 is the reason why the pilot of Unit 02 is dead."
Time stood still for Shinji. The words stung his brain like a mental hornet. There was an initial sting, but letting it sit was making it much worse. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak. He barely realized, after a moment, that one of the monoliths was speaking.
"… it is that reason that we find you solely responsible. Normally one would be punished if he were responsible for hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of damage as well as for the death of military personnel. However, seeing that due to the present circumstances, we are short an Evangelion pilot, it has been decided that you are to pilot Unit 01 in the defense of Tokyo-3 and Mankind. This is not an option for you; in exchange for the waiving of any fines and imprisonment, you are hereby obligated to pilot the Evangelion. Failure to do so will result in an indefinite prison sentence. You are dismissed!"
"Shinji can you hear me," said the soft voice of Misato, "we're about to begin the tests"
Shinji issued a murmur to acknowledge the communication. As the start up sequence began, tears formed at his eyes and floated through the LCL up to the ceiling forming a puddle.
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A/N: I've been sitting on this chapter for awhile, mostly out of laziness. But here it is, the fourth chapter. There is one more to go.