Chapter 4 - Staying Strong

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone

Blue October – Hate Me

"Rick?"

Evelyn's grip on the gun slackened slightly as her hands began to tremble violently, her eyes still trained squarely on the familiar figure. Lowering the gun she pressed a hand over her mouth, a small sob escaping as Rick hurried forward, "Oh my god...Rick..."

Rick Grimes fought back his own tears as he wrapped his arms around Evelyn's trembling figure, pulling her close to him. He hadn't expected...he couldn't believe...she was here alive, Evelyn, his friend, Shane's wife, she was here in his arms now, alive and clinging to him. Rick let out a small laugh, torn between disbelief and happiness, he hadn't expected to find anyone else...Lori and Carl yes but no one else...Evelyn's appearance was all he needed, he knew his family was out there, they were alive and waiting for him.

"I can't believe it..." he whispered, pulling back enough to grip her shoulders and get a good look at her, a smile on his unshaven face as he looked at the small brunette in wonderment. Evelyn laughed softly, wiping the tears which had fallen down her cheeks away, tucking the gun back into the waistband of her slacks.

"I thought you were dead, at the hospital..." Evelyn shook her head and closed her eyes, her hand gripping Ricks tightly; scared he'd somehow slip away. Memories of that day in the hospital still haunted her and were too hard to talk about. Rick let his hand rest on the side of Evelyn's head, a comforting gesture of sorts as he looked down at the woman he'd watched his best friend fall in love with. She was tired, weary; he had to wonder where Shane was,

"I woke up yesterday, hospital was empty...came home that's when Morgan and Dwayne found me, took me in explained to me what was happening." Rick told Evelyn, nodding towards the other two people in the room, the ones she'd completely forgotten about. Turning to the stranger she gave them an apologetic look, guilt now setting in,

"I'm so sorry about the gun I..."

"Miss, don't worry about it. Trust me I understand." Said the man, before smiling and holding out his hand to Evelyn, guiding the young boy forward with the other, "Names Morgan, this is my son Dwayne." Evelyn took his hand and smiled softly, tears filling her eyes again when they landed on the young boy. Life had gotten hard enough lately, she couldn't even begin to fathom what it was like from this young boys point of view.

"I'm Evelyn." She said softly, pulling her hand back to wipe at her eyes again. Looking from them, back to Rick she shook her head and let out a small laugh, "I thought...I thought I was alone." She said, leaning back into Rick when he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and brought her close.

"There'll be more people in Atlanta...at the refugee centre," Dwayne said looking at his Dad and Rick, both of whom smiled when Rick held up the keys she immediately recognized as the Station keys. Looking up at Rick she smiled and laughed softly, still unable to believe her luck at finding someone.

Soon after they headed off to the police station in Morgan' truck, where Rick had so kindly informed them that the station had its own propane system, so there was enough hot water to go around. Evelyn almost cried once more in relief, it seemed silly in light of the situation they were facing to get emotional over getting to have a hot shower, though lately Evelyn had felt nothing but emotional, could anyone really hold that against her?

Luckily for her, the police station had a locker room for women so after showering she had headed in there to change, already feeling like a changed person after showering. Wrapping her towel tightly around herself she smiled softly and sat on the bench, sorting out her clothes when the sparkle of her engagement ring caught her eye and she was pulled into a memory so beautiful she felt her heart breaking...

Flashback

"Who knew you could be such a romantic?"

Evelyn smiled softly up at Shane as they swayed together in time to the soft music drifting from the small picnic table he'd set up in the garden. Today had been a hectic day at the hospital and it had been thoughts of seeing Shane that had helped her through. After getting back home, she'd been led straight to the garden by Shane, and surprised with what he had done.

Their garden had never been something huge, it was a modest size, perfect for them. Fairy lights hung around the fence, giving the garden a magical glow, highlighting the table set up in the centre. A bottle of wine already cooling, two candles flickering in the Georgia night air, a dinner that gave off an incredible aroma already set in place. Shane hadn't answered when she'd asked what the occasion was; he'd simply smiled that cheeky dimpled smile of his and escorted her to the table.

"Well don't go telling anyone...I do have a reputation to uphold in this town..." Shane joked, turning his deep brown eyes onto the beauty he held tightly in his arms. Evelyn laughed softly and shook her head, causing her chestnut waves to dance merrily over her shoulders,

"I'll be sure to keep it as our little secret." She replied seriously with a nod of her head, her eyes twinkling as she laughed again, letting her head rest against his strong chest. There was always a strange calm that fell over Evelyn when she was in Shane's arms, it was a safety and feeling she'd never felt before. In a way she felt complete when she was with him, like it didn't even matter if the entire world fell apart, as long as she had him she'd have everything.

"Well I'd appreciate that, although feel free to mention this..." he said, dropping a sweet kiss onto the tip of Evelyn's nose when it scrunched up, something she always did when she was curious. Evelyn watched and resisted pouting when Shane let go of her, his hands taking her smaller ones, the mood had suddenly shifted and he seemed a lot more nervous than...well than she'd ever seen him before.

Before she could even fathom opening her mouth and asking him what was wrong, Evelyn could only watch wide eyed, frozen in place as he slowly got down on one knee, releasing one of her hands but holding tightly to the other, his eyes never leaving hers. "Evelyn...darlin...you know I'm no good with fancy speeches and all but...but I wanted you to know that...I love you, I think I have from the moment you strolled right into that hospital room and patched me up...I know we ain't been together that long, 6 months is nothing really but they've been the best 6 months of my entire life and it's all because of you. You've changed my life in ways I can't even begin to go into, what I do want to say though is...I want to spend the rest of my life with you Evelyn Scott, I wanna wake up every morning and see you there, I want you to be my wife...so darlin, will you marry me?"

Evelyn could barely see through the tears that had filled her eyes, clouding her vision. Shane held the ring out to her and all she could do was nod shakily, a sob escaping as he slid the perfect little ring onto her finger, kissing her knuckles gently, "Of course I'll marry you...I love you too." She finally managed to say, her arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders as Shane stood quickly, his strong arms encircling her waist and lifting her from the ground, spinning her around.

"Oh darlin I hope you know what you've let yourself in for..." he said, placing her back on the ground but never relinquishing his hold. Evelyn smiled, her fingers grazing over his lips as she looked up at him,

"You and me forever...that's all I need to know."

End Flashback

By time the memory had run its course, Evelyn was fighting back the tears once more. Part of her hated how easy tears came to her lately but another part accepted it was the only way she could cope with all that had happened, she never bottled things in. As a child she'd watched her Father do that before he had drank himself to death, from then on she'd let out her emotions, never been afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve.

In many ways, living her life in such a way had led to her being hurt more times than she could count, but she didn't care. Evelyn never hid away, she was an open book, Shane had always been able to read her better than anyone else, and had said he liked the fact she refused to hold back, he knew he wouldn't have to worry that she kept things from him, as anytime she was in trouble or needed someone to vent to Shane was always the first person Evelyn went to, he was her sounding board, her Safe Harbor.

"We'll find them."

Evelyn looked towards the door and smiled slightly, nodding her head as she wiped at her eyes. Rick slowly crossed the changing room, now dressed in his Sherriff's Deputy Uniform, the sight making her smile widen ever so slightly. "I know we will...I really do believe it Rick I just...it's been over 4 weeks since I saw him, I've been alone and although that feeling in my gut is screaming at me he's alive, there's a part of me that is so scared that I'm wrong...a lot of people are dead Rick..."

Rick watched as Evelyn looked down obviously struggling to keep her emotions in check. He knew how she was feeling; sure he'd been awake only a day not had to live this day after day for so long like Evelyn, Morgan and Dwayne, but he was scared, terrified even. He kept his faith, sure his family was okay but he could understand how one would start to doubt, especially now. Reaching over, he took Evelyn's hand in his and squeezed it gently, "They're alive Evelyn..." he put as much conviction into his voice as he could; needing her to stay strong, he wasn't sure he could for them both.

Taking a breath Evelyn looked at Rick and nodded her head, smiling softly as she squeezed his hand, returning the comforting gesture. "I know...we're going to find them I know I'm just...just tired I think." Rick nodded his head before standing, leaning down to drop a kiss on the brunette's forehead,

"Get dressed, Morgan and I are going to see what's left in the armoury, then we're heading out." He told her, his hand resting on her cheek for a moment before he straightened and strode out of the locker room, leaving Evelyn alone once more. Though before she could allow her thoughts to catch up on her again, she stood and quickly began getting herself ready, determined to stay strong. After all, if she wanted to find her husband, and help Rick find his family she needed to be strong, they both did. Staying strong was the only way they were going to make it out there.

"You really think Morgan and Dwayne will be alright?" Evelyn asked Rick for the tenth time since they'd left the Father and Son. Something about it just didn't sit right with Evelyn even though it wasn't her decision, she still wished Morgan had been able to find it within him to move on and get out of that town. Pulling her eyes from the passing scenery she looked at Rick who was sat on the driver's side of the police cruiser, he looked just as troubled as she did.

"Morgan said it was what he needed to do...we need to respect that..." he said, Evelyn simply nodded her head and looked back out the window. Opening her bottle of water she took a large sip, the windows were rolled down but still the sun was blinding and the heat humid.

The conversation lulled once more, both of them lost in their own private thoughts and prayers. That was until Evelyn smiled, barely repressing a small chuckle as she looked at Rick, "Do you remember that night you had me and Shane babysit Carl whilst you and Lori headed to that concert?" she asked, looking at Rick in time to see the smile appear on his face as the memory took hold of him too.

"Ah the night we came back and found you and Carl bursting out a rendition of Highway to hell whilst Shane played the guitar?" he asked, his laughter taking over as Evelyn nodded her head, giggling at the memory, especially when she remembered the look on Lori's face when she saw Carl. What had started out as an innocent game of guitar hero between them all had turned into a full on concert when they'd brought out the make-up. According to Lori it had taken a full hour to wash the paint from Carl's face and get his hair back to normal.

"I thought for sure Lori was going to kill us..." Evelyn admitted, when their laughter had died down. Rick chuckled again and shook his head,

"Nah...Well I think she was close to by the end of the night. Carl wouldn't stop singing that damn song, I do believe she went to bed singing it herself..." he trailed off the smile dying on his lips somewhat. For a brief moment they'd forgotten what had happened around them and indulged in laughing at the times they'd all spent together, however with three of them still missing it was harder to hold onto the memories with a smile.

No other words were spoken again as they both allowed themselves to once more, drift off into their own private little worlds. Evelyn looked down at her wedding ring and engagement ring, not looking up from them as time lulled past slowly. The car silent except for the incessant humming of the engine, in a strange way it was almost soothing.

As she remained locked away in the safety of her thoughts, she heard Ricks voice in the distance as he fired up the CB, and began talking into the radio. "Broadcasting on emergency channel, will be approaching Atlanta on highway 85, anybody reads please respond…Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear my voice? Anybody out there…please respond..."Evelyn sighed quietly, willing anyone to answer his call, even if it was just to let them know they were on the right track.

Shane felt guilty.

Even if Rick and Evelyn were gone, the guilt of what he was doing, what he had done, it was all still weighing down on him like a tonne of bricks. Loneliness did things to people though, it was no excuse but that's all this was, an outpost, two people who were going through something, something heartbreaking and horrific, two people who were looking for an out for all their pent up emotions, grief, fear, something to help cure the crushing loneliness they were feeling. Both he and Lori had indulged in that the last couple of weeks, how they'd started sleeping together he didn't know. It had just happened; it was a way out for them both.

Shane closed his eyes, letting his head rest against the tree in front of him. Part of him really just wanted to give up, he was slowly losing faith that the infection would be somehow cured, or that the Government would finally step back in. Sure he kept up a front for the others, they needed that hope, that hope that they were all going to be saved soon, that sometime soon this would be fixed, Shane though, Shane was done pretending to himself.

He was done pretending that he was okay, he craved the nights he could sleep in his tent. The nights when he could just lose himself in memories of his life before the outbreak, how great it had been. He wanted those times back so much it physically pained him to know they were gone, know the star attraction of those memories was gone. All he wanted was to hold her again, inhale the strawberry scent of her hair, hear that musical laugh of hers, kiss her lips, watch the way her nose scrunched up if she was ever confused, angry, amused...Shane just wanted her back.

Before the outbreak, there'd been talks of starting their own family. They had both adored Carl, and had both looked forward to expanding their family, Shane wanted to be a Dad and Evelyn had even talked about taking fewer hours at the hospital.

The sound of footsteps over the leaves in the wooded area he stood in brought Shane out of his musings and in a way he was thankful. It hurt to think of everything Evelyn and him had planned; it hurt to think of her so until he was alone he refused to do that. Closing off his mind and slipping into the mask he wore around Lori, he stepped out from behind the tree and moved over to her, needing to forget again just for a while at least.

Okay guys so here we have Chapter 4 and I know nothing major happens but we got another flashback, Rick and Evelyn are now on their way to Atlanta AND we got confirmation on what's been happening between Lori and Shane...

Secondly I wanted to get ya opinion on something. See in a few more chapters, with what I have planned or the scene I already have written out...well I will need to up the rating of this story to an 'M' now we've still got a few chapters before I do that and I wanted to know before then if anyone has a problem with things of that rating? I don't want to offend anyone you see. Let me know in ya reviews.

Thirdly once again thank you for the support your giving me with this story I look forward to all your reviews and thanks to everyone else who've added this story as favourite, or put it on alert!

Saturian Sorceress – I loved writing the flashback. I think since we have Evelyn and Shane as an established couple it's only right to see their life before the outbreak. Her finding Rick was a relief for both me and Evelyn I think, poor girl has been alone too long, she needed someone. Thanks for the review hun hope you enjoyed this chapters flashback.

Butitsbetterifyoudo – Thanks for the review hun so glad you liked this chapter as well :D YAY she found Rick and HOPEFULLY that will lead her to Shane...never know though lol

Serena Blair – Thanks for the review and I'm happy to know you enjoyed the flashback too. I think having small bits from Shanes point of view...whilst they're still separated is something that is needed to get you as the reader to understand their relationship a little more. He's pretty much normal around everyone in camp even Lori but is slowly losing it now...

Smartlooks – You liked the flashback too? Wow I seem to be getting praised for this lol hope you liked the small one in this chapter to. I hope they're reunited soon as well, feeling bad for the pair of them now. I did see what Shane did and I'll admit it really shocked me but in another way I can understand what he did. It's a different world now isn't it, and there's going to be decisions, hard ones like that to be made...I think it's killed him to do it, but he was simply thinking of Carl...still love him though! Just not sure how...if I get there I'll fit Evie into that episode.

Leyshla Gisel – Well I'm glad I still have you as a reader and hope you stay tuned. I'm really excited about this story now and the upcoming chapters!

Dirty – icing – YAY *joins in happy dance* so glad you liked it! I think if Shane and Evelyn find each other, their reaction is going to be a pretty amazingly emotional one lol I'm excited for it though, thanks for the awesome review hun hope you enjoyed this chapter to!

KagHieiLuver – Oh don't worry, if Rick and Evie find their spouses, that affair between Lori and Shane will not be getting simply brushed under the rug so to speak, I'll be sure of that. So glad you like this story so far always makes me smile to get reviews like yours. Hope you enjoyed this chapter to.

Liz 04 – Don't worry about it hun you've read and reviewed now so I'm all happy. So glad you enjoyed the last two chapters hope you like this one to. Evelyn did find Rick, this is a huge thing for her, after spending so long thinking she was alone.

Cinliz – I hope you continue to like where this is going because I am majorly excited for what I have planned so I'm hoping you stick with us! Thanks for the review and I'm glad you like Evelyn I'm kinda attached to her character now lol