Fergus opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. He opened it again … only to snap it shut again. He decided to take a moment to compose himself. Fortunately, Elissa was nothing if not patient, so she watched him with a half-exasperated, half-bemused expression while he tried to figure out what to say next.
"Well," he finally said. His voice came out unsteady. "I hope I haven't made things too awkward for everyone." He looked at the door through which Delilah had left, then back at Elissa. "I should go speak with her and make things right. I didn't mean to upset her." He remembered the horrified look on Delilah's face when she realized who he was. Distress welled up in his chest; even though he hadn't meant it, he had unwittingly placed her in a difficult predicament.
Elissa's expression changed to surprise. She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at Fergus. "That's very gentlemanly of you," she observed. "Is this purely to keep the peace, or do you have some other reason to speak with her? I know you wrote in your letter that you were feeling better, but ..." She shrugged. "Your change of heart since we saw you last has been remarkable, apparently." Elissa got that look on her face – the one that screamed 'I'm able to see into your soul' – as she studied him with piercing eyes.
Fergus was torn. He desperately wanted to go after Delilah and explain that he didn't mean to cause trouble for her. At the same time, he had been planning to speak with Elissa and explain the revelations he had experienced during the three months since he had seen her last. From Elissa's perspective, his attitude change was dramatic; he had gone from reluctant acceptance to enthusiasm regarding her relationship with Nathaniel Howe. He owed her an immediate explanation for the shift in his behavior.
After a long minute of consideration, Fergus sighed. Elissa was standing right in front of him and she'd been putting up with him for far longer than Delilah had. "This might take a minute," he said as he indicated the now-empty seats that he had just shared with Delilah. He waited for Elissa to sit and then took the chair he had recently vacated. Once seated, he turned to face his sister and found her already looking at him and ready to listen.
"I know that it seems like I've changed drastically. And I have, but ..." Words escaped him momentarily and he struggled to find the correct phrasing to explain what he'd been through. "Have you ever thought about something for so long, or worried about a problem, and then all of a sudden the solution just kind of … presented itself?" He looked at her to see if she was following him. She nodded for him to continue. "Well...I had a revelation not long after you'd sent me the news of your engagement. I spent a lot of time trying to work things out – trying to reconcile my promise to be at your wedding with my residual anger about Rendon Howe – and, well..." He shrugged at his sister. "Finally, after all that time and energy I spent focusing on my problems, everything seemed to fall into place. I finally understood what you and all those other people were telling me." He shrugged again, then lapsed into silence while he waited for a response from Elissa.
She sat next to him silently as a thoughtful look came over her face. He could tell that she was working through what he'd just said, so he waited patiently for her to draw her own conclusions. After a little while, she looked up at him. "A revelation?" she asked. "As in 'poof!' and suddenly everything was fine?" She sounded doubtful. Fergus could hardly blame her.
"...Yes, I guess you could say that. It's … it's more complicated than that, though." He sighed again and shifted in his seat as he thought about how much he wanted to share with her. Ah, to the Black City with it. If anyone can understand … He looked at Elissa, who was watching him with questioning eyes. From what she's seen in this world, she'd probably understand it better than I would. He took a deep breath and began his explanation.
"I … I had a dream," he said. He hated the halting tone to his voice, so he cleared his throat and spoke up a little to try to counter it. "I dreamt that I got to speak with Oriana." At this, Elissa's eyes changed from doubt to consideration, so he continued. "She and I spoke, and she essentially gave me her blessings to move forward with my life." More like she pushed me forward, but I don't need to delve into that part of it. "When I woke up, I felt a lot better, and then I read her journal. A passage stood out for me; she had been talking about Nathaniel on what was probably his only visit to Cousland Castle."
"Why am I the only person who doesn't remember that visit?" she murmured under her breath. Fergus blinked; that was not the reaction he was expecting. Elissa shook her head then looked up at Fergus. The look in her eyes showed far more understanding than he would have thought possible, considering he had just said that he had based some major life decisions on a dream. For Andraste's sake, Fergus wasn't sure of his own sanity! "Well," she said, this time to Fergus, "I've actually heard of something similar. I can see that happening." Elissa smiled. "I take it Oriana liked Nathaniel?"
The laugh that Fergus barked out took him entirely by surprise. "Yes, you could say that." He grinned as he shook his head. "Well, at least there's one person in Thedas who won't have my head examined for telling this story." He sobered then as he thought about it. "I … I know I was hard on you, little sister. I didn't realize that I'd never grieved properly over Oriana and Oren, and you and Nathaniel took the brunt of it." He sighed. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I do realize that Nathaniel is nothing at all like Rendon was. He's done nothing but demonstrate that every time I've seen him." He leaned on the table and put his head in his hands. When he spoke, his voice was muffled by his palms. "It's times like these that I realize how much smarter you are than me."
He heard Elissa laugh softly next to him. "Not so much," she said. "I just got a head start on the process." He felt her arm drape across his shoulders. "You forget, dearest brother of mine, that I went through the same timing you did, but I started earlier. All things considered, once you got started, you became functional long before I would have." Her arms lowered to regroup around his waist and her head rested on his shoulder. When she spoke, her voice was serious and a bit tentative. "I still haven't worked up the courage to go through the castle," she murmured. "Until I do that, I won't be free of the last of it."
Fergus looked up with some surprise. Then he realized she was right. He brought his hand around and stroked Elissa's hair. "When you're ready, I'll be there for you," he murmured. She responded by tightening her arms around his waist and turning her head so that her cheek rested on his shoulder. She sighed, and they just rested for a few minutes in a companionable silence while they enjoyed the first true peace between them since before the blight.
Elissa was the first to break the silence. She pulled away from Fergus and sat up straight again. Fergus raised an eyebrow at the impish look in her eye. "So," she said, her casual tone at odds with the sparkle in her eyes, "tell me about Delilah."
Fergus groaned and put his head back in his hands. He heard Elissa chuckle quietly next to him as she put her hand back on his shoulder. "You saw that, huh?" He received an amused snort in response. "I saw her in here taking care of her baby. We talked. There was … there was a … connection, of sorts?" He suddenly wasn't so sure of himself and he could hear it in his voice. "I don't know. Maybe I imagined it. But, I wonder ..." He shrugged, unwilling to say more for fear of making a bigger fool of himself. "At any rate, I owe her an apology. She looked like she had quite the shock at discovering my identity."
"Let's go up to her room together, Fergus. I imagine that's where she's gone." Elissa stood and held out a hand for Fergus. He took it and she helped him up, then they made their way through the keep. As they walked, they spoke of inconsequential matters and enjoyed each others' company. Fergus silently thanked Elissa for the distraction, even as he knew he would be completely unprepared to face Delilah again. He had no idea what he was going to say exactly, or what to expect from Delilah, so he decided to wait and see what the situation would bring.
They arrived in what must have been the residential wing of the keep and Elissa led him to the far end of the corridor. She knocked quietly; Fergus heard a muffled voice from within. Elissa motioned for him to stay where he was and he nodded. She opened the door and left it open as she walked into the room.
He saw Delilah sitting on a large sofa that was facing away from the door. Elissa walked into the room and sat next to her as they began a conversation in hushed tones. He stayed in the doorway and glanced around the room – there was a crib on the other end of the room from the door entrance, and through the rails of the crib he could see the baby lying still. The little man must have worn himself out. Fergus had to resist the strong urge to walk over to the crib to watch the baby sleep. There was little else in the world as peaceful as a sleeping baby; he found he missed the sight tremendously.
He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to see what was happening. Delilah and Elissa had risen from the sofa and were walking toward him. He straightened his posture and watched Delilah as she made her way to the doorway where he was standing. She kept her head up, but she failed to meet his eyes and her shoulders were stiff. Her face looked serene for the most part, but he could tell that was from training and not because she was actually calm.
"Delilah will show you to your room, Fergus," Elissa said pleasantly and smiled from behind Delilah as she gave Fergus a wink. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her cheekiness, but it didn't matter; Elissa had already turned to Delilah and was speaking to her. "Take all the time you want, Delilah. There's no rush. You know I'm always thrilled to spend time with Sam." Elissa turned her head and looked at the baby with a soft expression on her face. She turned back to Delilah and grinned. "This gives me the opportunity to spoil him rotten!"
At the remark, Fergus did roll his eyes, and Delilah caught him at it. A small smile formed at the corners of her mouth, but it disappeared so quickly Fergus wasn't sure he'd seen it. Elissa shooed Delilah out of the room and closed the door firmly in Fergus' face. He blinked at the door for a moment, then turned to Delilah to see her looking not-quite at him. An awkward silence ensued, then Delilah took a deep breath and let it out. "Well," she said. "I … guess I should show you to your room." She turned and started walking down the corridor that Fergus had just traversed before arriving at her room.
He quickened his steps and caught up with her in three long strides, then adjusted his pace to match hers. They walked silently, save for the clanking of his armor; her face bore a pleasant but unapproachable mask, and his mind raced to come up with something, anything, that would appropriately convey his concern over her upset and his willingness to right things. His mind refused to work, and instead came up with new and increasingly strident ways to tell him that he was an idiot.
They arrived at a different wing of the keep fairly quickly and Delilah led him to the door at the end of the hall. She opened the door and led him inside, then spoke her first words to him since he had seen her in the dining hall. "Please, Teyrn Cousland, if you need anything, let someone know and your needs will be met." He winced. Normally, being called 'Teyrn Cousland' would not have bothered him, but after the easy familiarity they had shared in the dining hall, he found himself surprised at her use of his title. He found he hated the sound of it coming from her lips, even with the respectful tone she used.
"Please," he said, and he closed his eyes momentarily at the pleading tone he used. "Please, call me Fergus." He tried to lighten the mood. "After all, we're soon to be in-laws." He tried smiling at her, but she didn't look up and he found his smile falter as he looked at the top of her head. He cleared his throat and they lapsed into another awkward silence.
He had just decided to contemplate the mud splatters on his toes, as he was still at a loss as to how to broach the topic of his apology, when he heard her draw in her breath hesitantly. "I think," she said slowly, "I think I owe you an apology, for the way I acted downstairs."
His head snapped up and he gaped at her. His mouth opened and closed like a dying fish, and he was sure that his shock was clear as day. He was unable to get any words out at all now, and so another pause occurred. Delilah looked up and saw his face, then hers settled into resignation. "It's not so unbelievable that a Howe would apologize to you, is it?" she asked wearily. Her tone held sadness and, surprisingly, acceptance. He would have expected her to be bitter, if anything, from the conclusion she had obviously drawn about his silence and shock. "I … I should go. I won't subject you to my presence any longer." She sighed and turned to go.
"N-no, wait." Fergus reached out, desperate to stop her and clear the misunderstanding, and he grabbed her arm. He realized belatedly that he must have left his gauntlets sitting on the dining hall table, but it probably wouldn't have mattered. The shock from physical contact with her was strong enough that he doubted wearing his gauntlets would have dampened it much. For the second time that day, he was glad to still be wearing his armor, for his physical reaction to touching her would have become embarrassingly apparent the moment she looked at him. As it was, he hoped that the heat he felt on his cheeks was mostly internal. He doubted his luck was that good.
He slowly turned Delilah to face him, and again she wore an expression of surprise identical to his. Her cheeks were flushed as well and her breathing had quickened. At least it's not just me. He released her arm and cleared his throat. He pushed through his nerves with the thought that he didn't want her to leave the room thinking that he thought she was unworthy. "Please, no. You don't … I … I owe you the apology." He ran a hand through his hair in his frustration. "I made you uncomfortable, and maybe even frightened you, and such was not my intention. I approached you and never introduced myself, and then ..." He shrugged instead of continuing; he thought that mentioning his flirtation might be pushing things even farther into the wrong direction. Besides, he wasn't sure he was entirely sorry about that. "If there's blame to be laid, it should be at my feet."
As he spoke, Delilah's resignation turned to … surprise? Bemusement? He wasn't sure. "I should have recognized you, or at least that you were a noble," she said. "You look a lot like your father, and I should have recognized court flattery when I heard it." She shook her head. "Instead I let it go to my head."
Fergus blurted out, "What court flattery?" He was stupefied. He had no idea what she was talking about.
Delilah's eyes widened. "You weren't just flattering me when you said …?"
It was Fergus' turn to look surprised. "Other noblemen do that?" He realized he really did know nothing about courtly behavior if the ladies expected the men to flirt constantly. Then again, he had left the marriage market at such a young age that he'd never needed to learn that sort of behavior to fit in, and his parents had always favored plain speech and diplomatic gentility over empty words. He rubbed his brow as a sudden tiredness took him over. "Ugh. No wonder I kept getting strange looks from the noblewomen I met at the Landsmeet."
At this, Delilah laughed. He watched, fascinated, as her face relaxed into open amusement. If she was gorgeous before, this transformation rendered her into a picture of stunning beauty. "I imagine it didn't slow them down at all," she said, with a sly grin on her face.
"That it did not. I was never so glad to leave Denerim," he replied. "I was worried I'd be eaten alive!" At this, they both laughed, and Fergus found that he much rather enjoyed this part of their conversation over the earlier awkwardness. Getting to watch the dark-haired beauty in front of him relax and smile was an added bonus, but he was glad to be rid of the unwanted negativity. Their laughter faded, and they both stood shuffling their feet in a new awkward silence, but this time he didn't mind so much.
After a moment, he cleared his throat again. "I … I'd like to ..." He sighed. "Let's try this again." He held out his hand and bowed to Delilah. "Greetings, my lady. I am Fergus Cousland. Please, call me Fergus."
The lady in question laughed, then executed a perfect curtsey. "I am honored, my lord. You may call me Delilah." She placed her hand in his, then gasped when he lifted her hand to his lips.
He barely resisted the urge to turn her hand over and kiss the inside of her wrist, and instead settled for pressing his lips to her knuckles. Despite the chaste and proper gesture, he felt his breath quicken slightly and struggled to keep his tone light. "Charmed, I'm sure," he murmured and repressed the urge to sigh as he let go of her hand. He looked at her face as he straightened and saw her blush.
This will be an interesting stay.