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The 4th Morning

It was bad again. Mei's thoughts were heavy as he stared at the cave ceiling. As he listened to Gabu's gentle wheezing. As he smelled the strong scent of wolf and knew he'd let it get familiar.

The worst right now was knowing he was fully awake. He hadn't been dreaming, or at at any rate he didn't remember his dreams. He'd just woken up burdened with the knowledge that coming here had been a terrible mistake.

And he didn't want it to be. He didn't want to have made a terrible mistake. He wanted this to clear up, like it had the day before—for everything to seem okay again. He wanted to wake up and remember why this was for the best.

But Mei was already awake. And he still felt the same dread he had the previous morning.

He moaned. But this time Gabu didn't wake up. And Mei didn't want to wake him. He stretched instead, stood up, and left the cave even though it was still night. If fresh air and getting his blood moving didn't fix this, he didn't know what would.

The wind was blowing the flowers' scent straight up the hill. It washed over Mei like the taste of fresh strawberries. He wanted to swoon and lie down, but forced himself to keep walking. The moon was still bright, the stars were friendly. The grass he was walking on wasn't the lushest, but it was soft under his hooves. He was awash in the sense that things were all right.

Now he began to cry. He sat and cried over how confusing it all was. How different his life had become from what he, and his grandmother, and everyone else had expected it would be. He cried because he'd taken one irreversible step on the path to forever. Maybe two. And forever was still a long, long way away.

"Why crying?" asked a little voice.

He looked down and saw a meadow vole. Black-furred and black-eyed and sitting up. "Oh," said Mei. "I didn't realize anyone was there. Hello."

"Hello. Why cry?" asked the little creature.

There was no way he could explain, so he kept it simple. "Because I'm a long, long way from home."

"Oh." The vole made a jerky motion that Mei imagined might be a sob of sympathy. "Why so far?"

"I had to leave," Mei explained. "There was no place for me there."

"Then sad," said the vole. "But place here!"

Mei blinked, taking in the creature's furry body in the dawn light. "You think I have a place?"

"Exactly place. Time for uncrying." The creature tittered with laughter that felt as fake as the sobbing, yet somehow real.

"You're rather sweet. Do you have a name? I'm Mei."

"My name Bepo."

Mei giggled at the sound of it. "Pleased to meet you, Bepo. Do you live around here?"

"Best choice! Live around. My home hole."

Given that this creature obviously wasn't the most articulate, that would have to do. "My home is a hole, too," Mei explained, smiling. He gestured back at the cave with his tail.

The vole marveled at the lair. "Hoofy hole? So larger."

"It's larger than I need, that's true. But I'm not alone in there. I've got a friend." It felt good to say it—so good, in fact, that Mei realized he'd gotten the relief he needed.

"Friend?" The vole twitched its nose over and over. "Then belong!"

Mei chuckled. "It's kind of you to say so."

"Goodbye, hoofy. Thank you for stop cry."

It was easy to smile with this creature for company. "Will I see you again?"

"If keep live, then see! Goodbye and sometime again." With that, the vole dove away into the grass and made a winding track down the hill.

"Goodbye, Bepo! Until we meet again!"

Mei was smiling outside and in. Not only had he been reassured—not only had he forgotten his dread—but he'd actually made a friend. This counted, didn't it? It hadn't been much of a conversation, but sometimes the most meaningful conversations could take place without much being said at all.

"Gabu?"

The pile of fur rolled over happily, clearly not burdened with the same weight as Mei. He smiled his way into consciousness. "Yes, Mei?"

"Something nice has happened. Would you like to know what it is?"

"Of course!" The great tail started to move.

"I think I've made my first friend in this place."

Gabu swung around and sat up. "Really?"

Mei nodded and recapitulated the conversation. Gabu listened in rapt attention, wide-eyed.

"Mei! That's wonderful!" His tail was really wagging now.

"It is wonderful, isn't it? And I know… this new friend of mine may not be very intelligent. There may be things we can't talk about. But it's nice… it cared about me crying… and it's a start, Gabu. It's a start!"

Gabu chuckled and lifted Mei, nearly bumping his head on the roof as he twirled about. "It's a start!"

They laughed together; Mei was set down and walked to the cave entrance. The sun was rising. "So I guess, Gabu, I have a favor to ask."

"Oh? What's that, Mei?"

Mei smiled brightly, feeling the sun on his coat. "When you go hunting today, could you try not to kill any voles? I wouldn't want you to eat Bepo or one of its little friends by mistake."

"Oh!" Gabu's paw went to his breast. "No problem! I won't eat a single vole."

Mei laughed and winked. "I knew I could count on you. I'm headed to the Sneaky Bluff. Time for breakfast!"

Gabu was in good spirits as Mei turned away. Things were looking bright. This meant there was hope.

The 4th Evening

Gabu had made up his mind that day to go to the forest and wade in deep.

That didn't mean just wandering in a long way. It meant following anything that caught his nose, or his eye, or his ears. It meant looking for adventure and maybe for trouble. In all likelihood, it meant following the monkeys wherever they went. He fed himself as quickly as he could on two squirrels and a rabbit to make sure he felt full and safe. With that out of the way, he went to the forest entrance and paced on in, watching the canopy.

It was like there was an eternal breeze up there, cutting from one side of the path to the other. The monkeys leapt across like riders on the chill. Even when the path disappeared, the strange cold current remained. Gabu had never been in a forest so cold. And it was coldest around his head, tickling his ears. Wasn't hot air supposed to rise?

The monkeys didn't speak the way Gabu did. They used their own words, and they pronounced them with screeches and shrill tones and even whistle. But sometimes they did speak in a way Gabu could understand, and he talked back, trying to pretend his spirits were high. In a way, pretending made it true! He chatted with the monkeys as if they were already his friends, in hopes that would eventually become true, too.

They avoided him, swinging and leaping far over his reach. Some of them asked if he could climb trees and teased him when he revealed he couldn't. But he laughed along with them, and asked questions about their lives, and dodged when they threw mangoes at him. He pretended it was a game they all enjoyed. He was getting their attention—that much was something.

And to his surprise, it was dark by the time he left the forest. Time had a way of flying at the strangest times.

Mei was in the flowers, bent over sniffing one. There was no doubt this time: the adventurous part of Gabu's day was done and the safe part was about to begin. Was there anything that could make a wolf's heart flush with warmth so quickly?

Already smiling, Gabu pranced through the flowers and leapt, landing before his friend. Mei rose abruptly to face him, and though the moon was behind him, Gabu could tell he was smiling—he could see the shape of his ears in silhouette. Gabu sometimes wished he had goat ears, they were so expressive!

"Good evening, Gabu," said the friendly goat.

"Good evening, Mei," Gabu murred.

"It's nice to see you."

Gabu liked how the affirmation came even before 'How was your day?' "It's great to see you too, Mei."

Mei turned back upward toward their hilltop burrow. "Would you like to head home with me?"

The field of flowers seemed so warm, somehow, compared to the forest, even though he could feel breezes whooshing over the hilltop. "I'd rather stay out here a while first, if that's all right."

"Of course!"

Mei pronked in place, a maneuver that made Gabu sputter with laughter. Then he marched along, and Gabu happily marched after. They stopped in deep places, surrounded with flowers, then marched a while longer. The moon seemed so bright tonight!

Mei asked Gabu which type of flower he liked best. Gabu was barely able to tell one from another, but he stumbled through an answer, and Mei grinned and kept walking.

"How about you, Mei?" asked Gabu eventually. "Do you have a favorite flower?"

The goat's tail whacked against a tall spire of purple on which many flowers grew, sending it swinging. "Do you know what they call this one, Gabu?"

Gabu sniffed the plant. "It smells like honey!" he exclaimed. "Is it a honey tree?"

Mei looked back and winked. "You're not the only one who thinks so! But no. This is a wild lupine."

"Lupine? But that means 'wolf'!"

Now Mei laughed. "Indeed! Now, how do you suppose a flower like this got a name like that?"

Gabu enjoyed guessing games, but he was at a loss. "I don't think I can guess, Mei. It doesn't look like us… and it certainly doesn't smell like us."

"That's true! It got the name because some creatures find it poisonous to eat."

This puzzled Gabu. He bopped the plant and watched it sway. "It's poisonous? But how is that like a wolf? We aren't poisonous."

Mei watched the plant stop swinging between them, leaving the two of them face to face. "I suppose that's true. I never tried eating a wolf!"

Gabu recalled their role-reversal games by the stream on the other side of the mountain. "That's not true! You've tried to catch and eat me a few times!"

Mei stuck out his tongue. "But you weren't a wolf then. You were a goat!"

"Ahh. I guess we'll never know if wolves are really poisonous."

Mei tilted his head. "You know, that actually reminds me of something. Do you remember—well, no, you don't. You forgot everything that happened while your memories were gone, didn't you?"

Gabu slumped a little. "I'm afraid so. Can you tell me?"

"It's just…" It seemed like Mei was reluctuant to bring it up.

"Please, Mei. I'd like to know what I did when I wasn't myself. Tell me."

The goat nodded. "While you were holding me in the cave, waiting for the full moon, I told you that we were friends. And you didn't believe me. What you said chilled me…"

It chilled Gabu too, but the scent of flowers all around somehow made him feel warm. "What was it, Mei?"

"You said… that goat meat was your absolute favorite food."

Gabu gulped. His friend's eyes were fixed on him. "I… I did?"

"Yes. And I was just wondering… because you told me once that you never used to like goat meat… was it true?"

Gabu closed his eyes. He could still smell the fragrance of all the flowers, but the scent of his friend carried through. "The truth is," he said with difficulty. "Goat meat used to be my favorite food, yes. But I'll never eat it again. You know I won't."

He opened his eyes and found Mei's face pained, tears at the corners. "Oh, Mei, I'm sorry!"

Mei shook his head. "You were just trying to spare my feelings. I understand. And Gabu…"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry that you'll never be able to eat your favorite food again. I feel terrible for taking that away from you."

Gabu hung his head in shame.

Mei's gentle nose touched his jaw and nudged it up. "Thank you. For being honest with me."

Gabu's eyes started to water. "See? We wolves aren't poisonous. I don't ever want to hurt you."

Mei sniffed the wild lupine. "I know. You're as gentle as a flower."

With a wink, Mei crunched through the top of the lupine, tearing loose a chunk and chewing it.

"But Mei! You said it was poisonous!"

"To some animals," he said through his full mouth. "But only to some."

A/N: The speech patterns of Bepo the vole are very similar to a certain strabismic, paraphasiac wizard character I played on a My Little Pony MUCK once upon a time…

I originally ended this chapter sooner, but it struck me as too short, and I had a note that I wanted to include a reference to Gabu's remark about his favorite food… so I added the last part, about flowers. :) I'm very happy with how it came out.

The question about Gabu liking goat meat was the initial focus of an AOL Instant Messenger roleplay I had years ago with the friend who introduced me to the movie. :-) It was great to re-read it recently, which is part of what led to me choosing to write this novella.

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