Q: What is the purpose of a car wash?
A: It is a fun amusement park ride. Hide in the car and don't let the employees see you.
Q: What is the purpose of a drive-thru, such as McDonald's or Dunkin Donuts?
A: It is a parking lot.
Q: What are those motorcycle gangs doing?
A: They are showing off motorcycles. Follow them to their next rest stop and take one of the bikes. They won't mind.
Q: Should I join a motorcycle gang?
A: That depends. How many motorcycles have you stolen over the years?
Q: What happens if there are bikers on the road?
A: Swerve wildly around them and scream obscenities at them for daring to be in your way. Do this even if they are in the biker lane. Bonus points if you flip them off.
Q: Should I own a Ferrari?
A: You should not own any vehicle that has an acceleration speed of over -1 mph.
Q: What is a speed bump?
A: This is yet another prank. You should floor it and laugh when the vicious passengers are thrown around hilariously in the backseat. Make sure not to laugh too long though, they may take this opportunity to mutiny.
Q: Why is there a police car chasing me?
A: They are trying to play tag. Whatever you do, keep driving and don't let them catch you. If you lose tag, they will try to repossess your license. Steal one from someone else and floor it.
Q: Ahsoka has chips. I want them, but I am driving. What do I do?
A: You should continue to hit her with the hand you are using to keep the passengers from dragging you out of the driver's seat, smash your donut in her face, and turn the steering wheel in random directions with the foot not flooring the gas pedal.
Q: What is the purpose of roadside railings?
A: They are roads for the thrill seeking prone.
Q: If I am on the highway and all the drivers are going a different way, am I doing something wrong?
A: No. They are just pulling your leg and trying to get you to think you are doing something wrong. Floor your car and play chicken with them.
Q: What are the lines on the road for?
A: They are decorations. Paint over them while driving at top speed screaming "I AM A LINE THIEF! YOU CAN'T GET ME! NA NA NE BOO BOO!"
Q: Why are there telephone poles next to the road?
A: They provide electrical power for people. You should weave in and out of them for fun. Don't worry, no one cares if you knock them down.
Q: There is a slow tractor on the road. How do I get it to go away?
A: Honk at it. Then floor your car and drive towards it screaming angrily.
Q: What is the purpose of the rear view mirror?
A: It is for checking to make sure your eyebrows are on "fleek"
Q: Why are there road signs?
A: They are all pranks. You should spray paint them or run over them.
Q: This road is like a rollar coaster? How should I drive?
A: Fast. And swerve a lot.
Q: How do I pass other cars on the road?
A: Honk and floor your car. Try to drive around them, but it's no big deal if you accidentally go through them instead.
Q: The car in front of me is slow. How do I get it to go away?
A: You should pull alongside them and bump into them. If this fails, steer with your feet and climb through their driver's side window to slap them.
Q: My wife needs to go to the hospital NOW. Preferably safely. How do I drive?
A: You don't. Obi Wan does.
Q: There is a toll gate on the road? What do I do?
A: You should drive through it. When a letter comes in the mail informing you that you owe the government money, send them a letter stating "MAKE ME YOU IRS DESK SLUGS!"
Q: How do I drive over a bridge?
A: Like you are a drunk man with no concern for life. Including yours.