Setting: AU up from Season 13, Episode 21 "Beat the devil"

Dean, Sam, Jack, Castiel and Gabriel are back from apocalypse world. Mary decided to stay back with the other fighters to stand against Michael in the war. Though it was hard to accept, the Winchesters honored her decision. When they finally came to the rift, Michael tried to stop and kill them, but Lucifer unexpected defended his son's life and was killed by his older brother. They were able to close the rift before Michael could step through.

(c) I do not own the characters or the plot of supernatural. This story is just fanfiction and noncommercial work for fun and for free. You can find more of my art on .com.

Enjoy and leave a helpful comment. :-)

Perhaps an english speaking Beta would have fun to help me.

Update Chapter 4: 30.05.2018

Chapter 4: Hope

They stood in front of the angel, who named herself Gajael and didn't know what to think about her story.

They looked at Cas questionably. He at least should know if everything she told was true, or not. He shrugged his shoulders as if to apologize. Dean couldn't hold it any longer:

"Is that true, Cas? That is what happened?"

Castiel seemed to feel ashamed somehow. He didn't look at his friend: "Basically: yes:"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Did some "holy" squat- command get down to murder innocent children, or not? That is freakin simple to answer!"

"If you point it that simple than I'm afraid I've to admit, that that was the case."

Dean and Sam remembered the case of Lilly Sunders. They thought of Isham who told his garrison to murder her daughter who was reputed to be a Nephilim. Which in fact she wasn't. That time even Cas, a soldier under Isham's command, was completely ok with this order from his captain. It still made Dean wonder how Cas had been in former times. How he could had done, what he did and what he was told to. It was unimaginable to think of the Castiel he knew today as someone murdering innocent children. When Cas was sent to exterminate Jack…he couldn't do it. His consciousness wouldn't allow such a crime. Maybe Cas felt ashamed because he knew he would have done it without hesitation in the early days of mankind. Or perhaps he did…shit..Cas didn't, or did he? Dean had to ask:

"Did you…had you been part of that killing….?"

"No, Dean!" Castiel's voice was calm and quiet and when he glanced hat the older hunter there was even more shame shining through: "But if they had asked me to do it: I would've obeyed without any thought of questioning the decision, if that is what you really want to know."

And in Gajaels direction he said: "I'm sorry for your loss. I can now imagine what it has to feel like loosing people you truly love."

She stepped closer to the male angel and her face came so close to Castiel's that they nearly touched. It appeared as if she tried to look through his eyes to watch his very Grace but without violating his thoughts the angelic way. Everyone hold his breeze and waited for her judgment. Castiel hold her eye.

"I see that your are telling the truth. You've known love and loss. How long are you living among the humans now, Castiel?"

"For more than six years now. I'm still learning about them. There is still a lot that I don't understand."

"But there you are. Caring for a Nephilim. Being with the Winchesters and protecting them and fighting for humankind. I call that righteous."

"I wouldn't call myself righteous. " Castiels voice nearly broke and came close to a whisper with every word. Gajael raised a hand and placed it gently on his shoulder. She lifted his chin with her other hand and made him look her in the eyes again.

"To be righteous doesn't mean not to make mistakes or having bad decisions. It doesn't mean that every path you go is the best to head. It just means, that your heart is filled with best intentions and that your thoughts are pure and that you do what you do out of love and devotion. And I think that is what I see in your eyes. Castiel, I heard what other angels who came to my shelter told about you. But I always kinda thought that I had to talk to you myself to proof them wrong for your actions didn't seem like that of a selfish person. And wrong they were."

A deep sigh came out of the angel's chest and he seemed to be relieved.

"I know you feel guilty for your loyalty to heaven and what that made you do to innocent. Don't! You didn't mean to harm. And I forgive you. If it wasn't for my love for humankind, I would have been the same way. All loyal…no will."

"What now," Sam asked. He thought of the possibilities with new allies, especially if they were angels. But Gajael didn't seem to be on good terms with heaven.

"What do you expect, Sam?"

"Dude, no mind reading. If you want to know my name, ask for it."

"Had it from your brother," she smiled.

"Whatever, what will you do about the angel problem in heaven?"

"Why should that be a point on my agenda anyway, huh? I told you I am not a fan of the government and I think they would agree. Besides: If I'm doing my work right, they are not aware, that I'm still alive and on this planet. Same is for my flock. I'm thankful for that and wish this to stay that way."

"So you wouldn't help heaven whatever it is?"

"I don't think so, " she answered.

Dean and Sam looked at each other and then at Castiel. They could tell he was thinking hard. There should be a way of opening her mind into the mission. She crossed her arms in front of her body an waited. Than Sam had an epiphany out of the blue: "But you would help to rescue humankind and this planet if you could do it, wouldn't you?"

She raised her eyebrows: „What's you point, Winchester?"

Castiel immediately jumped on Sam's starting train: „ What he wants to say is: there are that few of us left in heaven, that the covens are about to fall and with them the souls they contain."

Gajael made a step back, looking shocked. She widened her eyes and looked at each member of the team free will doubtfully. What they just said…was impossible!

"You're kidding me! To be that desperate the number of angels must be close to extinction."

"Nine."

"Nine what?"

Dean felt eager to land the machine right in her face: "Nine freakin angels in all creation are left. You and your group not included."

There was an awkward silence growing. Neither Gajael, nor Sayriel said a single word. They just stared down as if the floor could change what the brothers just told them.

"Archangels?" Gajael broke the silence with that single word-question.

"One."

"Who?" Her brows were touching each other above her nose. Dean and Sam could imagine that this point was much important to her. She visibly tensed up her body.

"Ehmm…this would be Gabriel. Lucifer and Raphael are dead. Michael is trapped in Lucifer's Cage in hell. But he is not an option right now. He is…mentally destroyed and a threat to the planet at this moment. More than ever."

"I understand. Hmm…Gabriel, huh? Could be worse. Of all the dicks in heaven he was the only one with a real sympathy for humankind and about how pointless the fight of Lu and Michael was. You think of Lucifer being the rebel in the family? That's completely wrong. Luci just was a petulant and jealous child that had terrible Daddy issues. But Gabriel, well…at least he knew how to have fun with Fathers creation." She smirked at the thought of Gabriel as THE MAN in heaven.

"Yeah," Dean smiled silly:" See Sammy? Even angels call other angels dicks." His statement only earned an annoyed look from Castiel and an embarrassed one from Sammy,who really wished his brother would sometimes decide to more think (preferably very quiet) than talk. He further honored Dean with a short moosish eye roll. Dean tried not to stop smiling too fast in his triumph. He knew he was damn right about what he just said.

"I guess we should talk about conditions than, shouldn't we," Gajael started the conversation again on a more professional level.

"I'm not in the position to speak for heavens interest actually," Cas gave to consider.

"Well, I understand. So let's start with a team meeting then. I think you can be trusted enough to become acquainted to the rest of our little flock. But let me talk to them first and explain what the situation is. I don't want to force anyone into anything. This all should be a chance to practice some free will. I hope you agree on that?"

"Of course we do," Castiel answered, though he hoped that no angel would decide to let them down. To let humanity down. This was the chance for all remained angels to show their real confessions about what was wrong and what was right. To restart the system. At least to rescue the world.

Jack was curious and tried one more question to the angel, that seemed to love Nephilim:

"How big is your flock? How many are you? I rarely met nice angels in this world…or any other."

"We are round about fifty I think. Aren't we, Sayriel?" She looked at her companion questioningly.

"Fifty-Two, Boss." The black woman grinned.

"There you hear it: fifty-two." Gajael gave Sayriel a short ""Boss"…really?-look and waited for the Winchesters to say something.

A glow of hope just raised in Castiel's face. Fifty-two actually hidden angels on earth. Fifty-two more individuals to stabilize heaven and the human soul-covens. That was more he ever hoped to find and even if this number of angels wasn't enough to do it for eternity it was a beginning. There still was hope. And again a rebel was the one giving it by disobeying. And by living for adoration and love to humankind. All what Chuck wanted for the angels to be…what he wanted them to do.

"Fine. I give you our phone-number so you can call us after you talked to your angel fellas. Tell them that they are needed and that there is nothing to force them. We are willing to meet and explain what they need to know and perhaps we get someone from up above to come down and have a nice discussion about what the future should look like."

"Who had thought of all that," Gajael chuckled directed to Sayriel: " Gajael and her mischievous group of rouge angels rushing to rescue heaven. That'd be hilarious if it wasn't so sad."

They narrowly nodded at each other and Gajael and vanished from the room. Sayriel realized the shocked surprise of the Winchesters and the angels and gave them a smirk: " He was casted out but never "fell" actually. He still has his wings. Nice bonus, if you ask me. See ya later handsomes."

With this words she walked out of the room through the back entrance and left team free will remain standing in the room still looking a bit puzzled.

They turned to face each other and let this all sink into their heads. Sam broke the silence and spoke out what everybody had in mind: " So…we will possibly be able to rescue the world. Again."

Dean stared proudly while walking towards the stairs: " And you thought that having burgers would be good for nothing. You can thank me later for my great timing and my perfect choice of restaurant!"

Sam only shook his head with a friendly smile. Dean would never stop to mention that. He just hoped it would vanish faster than the triumph singings about "I killed Hitler."

They made their way to the bunker fast for hey had thousand things to arrange and to discuss how to proceed from this point on.

Castiel turned on angel radio and thought of making a call to heaven. But then again he hesitated. Naome couldn't be trusted. If she found out about such a great amount of grounded angels, he didn't know what she was capable to do for the sake of heaven. She was very desperate and Cas considered her to be more dangerous then ever. So he just left a channel open to receive messages.

Standing in the library and watching the wall while doing so, he heard Jack enter the room. The young man looked at Castiel in bewilderment.

"You still seem to be worried. Why is that? Isn't this all…good?"

Castiel didn't want to tell Jack about his reasons for being reluctant with his joy for the new situation. But he had to be as honest as possible for he promised himself not to lie at Jack. He pulled his feelings down a bit and answered his foster son:

"It appears that the good turn in a story often comes with a price. As long as I'm not sure what price that is, I'll just be cautious and will not overreact. Also I think that the fact, that the angels who are able to possibly rescue heaven are with Gajael will not have the joyful feedback upstairs that we'd wish it has. We have to handle this situation very carefully and sensitively."

"You don't think they could start to fight, do you?" A slight panic was heard in Jacks voice. He saw what angels in war were capable of. He saw blood and death in that other world. Michael's world…and it still gave him feelings of being lost and helpless…and dirty by thinking to all what happened back there. What he was able to do and do feel deep inside. He didn't like that person he saw being inside of him. In fact he was afraid of this other "him". Afraid that this other Jack would be someone stronger. Someone like his father Lucifer.

His father tried to get out of this circle of evil a few times. Tried to break out of who he really was deep down.. Tried not to be a spreading cancer of hate and death like his brother Gabriel told him he would be, but he couldn't. It was his rotten core that made that impossible.. A desire to overgrow humanity and also all lower beings and to be adored and loved more than every other creature in creation whether it was an angel or a human.

Flashback: Apocalypse world:

The truck was on its way to the portal. Jack and Lucifer were sitting in one of the backseats and talking. Neither Dean nor Castiel liked that very much. Lucifer really gave everything to build up a relationship with his son. Dean wasn't sure about the reason why. Still. Maybe Lucifer just wanted to have someone on his site. Someone to adore and love him as a father and giving everything for him. Someone not judging and a proof to God that he was a better father than he had been. But still. It also could be the power Jack held inside. All that things the young Nephilim was able to do and in the wrong hands…with the wrong motives: the outcome could be catastrophically. Dean also was worried about his friend Cas. He knew how desperately Cas was trying to be there for Jack. To be someone the young angel could count on. But at the time Lucifer appeared Jack was all too curious about his absent father and about everything around him, that he didn't talk to Castiel outside of organization things. For Dean it felt like Cas was loosing him. The angel tried so hard to come back to Jack. Did everything he could to come to that world to look for the boy. And in the next second: he just seemed to be a random anybody to Jack. That must hurt, Dean thought.

Sam who was driving the vehicle also glanced back at Lucifer and Jack with dismay. Gabriel didn't seem to be bothered with his brother more than usual and Mary and Ketch just watched the landscape going by.

"Hey Cas, how are you doing," Dean finally asked. His voice was quite enough that "Team Satan" couldn't hear him.

"Fine. Why do you ask?" Cas seemed to be irritated a bit. But he often was by Dean and his motives for doing something. "Is…everything right with you," he asked back hesitantly..

"Yes, superfine," Dean lied. Cas' blue eyes darted into his. He was searching for the clue.

"Dean, is there something you want to talk about?"

"No…..and you? Something you wanna talk about?" A short glance to Lucifer and back to Cas and finally the angel got it. He sighed and lowered his head.

"You're asking if I like this? Apparently I don't. I think talking to Lucifer isn't healthy for Jack. The devils words are like venom and he can be quiet persuasive. He can dig into your mind. He always seems to find the right words to give someone the feeling to be understood and than he twists everything and uses you just as he pleases. Finding the right words…something I can't do. Apparently."

"That's bullshit! Maybe you lack some verbal finesse sometimes, but more often in a sort of sweet way than an annoying." Dean just noticed that he used the word "sweet" on describing Castiel. He would have liked to take that word back and exchange it with another. Too late. Hopefully Cas didn't detect the little verbal chick flick.

"You think that behavior being "sweet"? Was that a compliment to lift my mood?"

" I didn't mean sweet as in you know… "Sweet". I just meant like…nice…like you know." Dean so much wanted to slap himself right in the face right now.

Cas didn't seem to bother and Dean gave it up. So whatever…:"So yes. A compliment. Does it work?"

"Feels good to hear something nice once in a while. So I think: it sort of works. Thanks."

Dean began to look thoughtfully at Castiel: " It's hard to make you smile lately. Since you came back from THE EMPTY. You seem depressed. Even more than before. Hell, you never 've been a party guy, but I don't know when I saw you at least smile the last time."

Cas looked down in his lap as if a prober answer could be found there. He knew Dean was right but he just couldn't help it. It was like THE EMPTY had sucked out all happy feelings out of him. There still were memories of laughter and joy, but they felt like being far away and as if they'd belong to someone else. But the pain, the guild and emotions like despair and self-loathing didn't. What also remained was the feeling of just being…empty. As if every day costs all his effort just to face the sun and start walking and talking again. And nothing he did gave him inner peace or something close to it.. At least finding Jack should have filled an empty space inside of him, but just when it started to light up, Lucifer stepped in and killed every sparkle of light inside his head.

The more he thought about it, the more he felt totally useless to the world. To the Winchesters. To Jack.

When he came back he saw, that Sam and Dean already had done a good job on teaching the Nephilim and giving him a nice home and someone to talk to. He wasn't needed to teach Jack. His temper was more like Deans and Sam's. They were much more capable to understand the boy than he did. He didn't feel needed.

It was the same with rescuing Mary. Though his participation made the journey of finding the ingredients for the rift spell faster, the Winchesters hadn't needed him to find them at all. He was sure of that. And they found Gabriel without him as well. So what was the point of staying?

And when they arrived in this dark world: he even wasn't able to keep Sam save from being killed by simple vampires. So why should he be here at all?

With every moment his thoughts went darker and darker. He felt more lost than ever and his will to breathe and walk and face the sun was weakening one step more. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder grapping him tight and Dean searching for his gaze.

"Hey, when this is over and we are back home the two of us will have a nice long chat. Alone. I don't like the look in your eyes a bit. Don't think I don't recognize it. You had that look when you said yes to Lucifer back in that cage and when you suicidally refused to push him out."

Castiel didn't respond to that. He hoped that his feelings weren't that obvious to other people too. Dean knew him too well.

"Hey, pal. I know damn well there are times you feel like walking in a tunnel without the chance of light. But there is. Until you see it, keep looking at me and walk with me, ok?"

Cas nodded. But that wasn't enough for Dean: "I want you to say it."

"OK, Dean. I promise to follow."

"And to talk to me when we're home and that you won't just run away again or doing something worse stupid?"

"I…I won't..." Castiel didn't appeared much convincing but at least he said it. Dean clapped Cas's shoulder gently before his hand was on his gun again and view again on the road.

Sometimes even Cas' forgot about the ability of angels to hear things humans didn't. Cas also missed a short red glowing from Lucifer back in the truck into the seraph's direction.

But Gabriel didn't. The younger archangel watched his older sibling very intensively and twitched his eyes. Their eyes met and Lucifer gave Gabe a short and evilish grin. Gabriel didn't react to that and just pierced at Lu without blinking. He opened a channel:

Don't try anything funny, Lu. I will watch you very carefully, Gabriel told him. Nobody noticed their talking.

Lucifer answered: Don't be ridiculous. I'm not interested in that pathetic soldier, nor in any of these monkeys. But not much longer and my son won't be either.

Gabriel sighed and gave Lucifer a last short glance: You know nothing about love and devotion, Lu. That exactly is your problem. And unless you learn it, you never will be a father.

We'll see, Gabe. We'll see.

NOW

„How are you?"

„I'm fine, Dean."

„Yeah. You're always fine. Will you contact heaven about Gajael and her Garrison?"

"It's not a garrison, Dean."

"Ok…just a bunch of angels than. Whatever. Will you tell her?"

A long pause was growing between the friends. Then Castiel sighed: "No. Not yet."

Dean couldn't say he wasn't relieved about to hear that. He hated to only think about what that bitch Naome did to Cas. To think about what she would do in her very desperate situation was nothing for silent nights. He didn't trust her a bit. He hoped the same was for Cas. But Dean as well knew, that his angelic friend had a hand for throwing himself between the lines when it came to the sake of heaven, humanity or some certain hunter-brothers.

And there was still this issue Castiel didn't really talk about openly. Not that Dean didn't try to get his friend to open himself to him. He damn well tried. And Cas talked-he did- but since than Dean had that feeling that Cas hid his feelings even more than before. Just not to worry anybody. Or himself.

From his own experiences with that Dean knew too well: this wouldn't work forever.

Every person has its breaking point. The only question that Dean was afraid to face was: How far was Cas away from it…or did he already cross it and nobody realized?

I still have no BETA Reader but I tried my best to fix the worst mistakes by myself.

I am desperate for feedback. Even if it is short.

I hope to upload the next chapter within the next week. Maybe earlier.