The Messiness of Life
By Victoria G.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story.
Author's Note: Both reviews and readership are always appreciated.
Narrative #4: Summer Child
Date: September 26, 2013… a Thursday
It was getting rather late and there were quite a few add-on cases. I was feeling a bit restless today and saw no reason to make the Residents stay so late all the time, despite Haruka's insistence that exhaustion built character. When the page from Reito came requesting my help for this case, I was more than happy to oblige. I'd discussed the case with several of my Residents earlier, as the patient was not in the best of health. I walked into the cool room, seeing one of my third years dutifully arranging the drips, having already done the pre-op.
"Fujino-san? Are you mine for this case?" I heard my friend's warm greeting as I entered, still in the process of tying my mask behind my head.
"Kanzaki-sensei… what an unexpected pleasure." I dripped a bit of tease into my voice.
Yohko gave us a look from off toward the computer. How unusual, all of us together again… a sense of nostalgia washed over me.
"Fujino-sensei!" The young Resident nearly fell off her stool as I came over. Her eyes twinkled at me and I laughed softly... such undeserved excitement.
I placed a hand on her shoulder gently. "Arika-han, you should head home I think. It is getting late and I trust you've done your best?"
"Yes, thank you sensei!" She bowed, a twinge of pink sneaking above her mask as she showed me all she had done already with an obvious eagerness. She turned, looking up at me shyly as she took off her lead apron, handing it to me before she made her way out. "Um…I'll see you tomorrow?" I nodded. "Thank you again. Thank you Kanzaki-sensei!"
She waved to me and to Reito, who nodded. What an adorable girl... quite possibly my favorite among the Residents. It was my impression that she'd taken one of the new crop, Erstin-han, under her wing so to speak… it was rather sweet. In any case, I was pleased that it was not Tomoe-han running the room. She was impossible to dismiss, always insisting on staying and watching me with an intensity that had grown exponentially between her first and fourth year. I'd started purposely avoiding her as much as I could while still fulfilling my professional duties.
"I'm guessing the great Fujino-sensei is our Anesthesiologist tonight, then?" The brunette nurse said... a rather distinctive look in her eye as she walked over to me. As she approached, my mind flickering back to the hours following a particular Christmas party when we both had a bit too much to drink... when she walked toward me in a similar fashion wearing much less.
"And the famous Yohko-han is our circulator?" I responded, keeping my tone even but I could feel the smile in my eyes.
I had attempted before to figure out what it was that lent her the power to cleave my control in two on the sporadic nights we'd spent together. It seemed effortless for her... the ability to make me feel as though I'd forgotten how my own body worked. I'd come to believe it was that she did not care what nearly anyone thought of her... including me. This was not something I was used to, but it was truly refreshing. It could also be that she was the first woman, rather than girl, I'd ever been with... older than I was and physically stronger. Lastly, she was the only woman I'd ever met who could be so wildly passionate without attaching. I could hear her voice in my head as I thought these things… from a time I foolishly let myself slip, had been caught staring at her too openly and for far too long merely attempting to unravel her uniqueness. You're not falling in love with me, are you? It was a joke, but no, I was not… I know better… I had said.
The door flew open with a snap and gruff words interrupted my thoughts. "Kanzaki-Sensei!" We just kept running into one another.
"Kuga-san." He turned, startled, looking at the newest addition to our room. The woman stood, her back to me, damp hands held rigidly in the air. A lead skirt was draped around her slender waist with a vest securely fastened on top. With her hair up and tucked in a cap, I could see that the design on the back of her neck appeared to be a comet or shooting star. A second tattoo covered the inside of her wrist where her watch had sat before. It was a word, kanji, but I couldn't make it out. My mind, unbidden, conjured up an image of both bits of skin beneath my lips. Only two of the four earrings in today… "How did that ankle go?" All the information began amalgamating in my head…the new Fellow, the beast, the woman on the bus, ice princess, Natsuki, and now Kuga were one in the same.
"Fine. I'll do this."
"No Kuga-san. It's quite alright. I don't mind. You've done a lot today." He was attempting to subdue her with encouragement and compliments, an error in judgment. I could nearly see the steam boiling from beneath her black OR cap. "Why don't you go home and rest? Enjoy your evening." He turned to Yohko. "We've called x-ray?" She nodded.
"I would rather do this case." The newcomer replied, a bit of irritation seeping out. The nurse and I observed the scene with quiet interest. It was not often that an individual was so completely immune to Reito's charm… but this was obviously one of those times. Kuga… the name rang a bell, but I could not pull from my mind where I'd heard it before.
Yohko tossed the Fellow a surgical towel and pulled another wrapped sterile gown from the cabinet. "You can both do it, I don't care."
"How nice. I don't believe we've done a whole case yet together, have we?" He was being far too congenial. I felt badly for him but amused by the entire situation, amused and oddly nervous to be trapped in this room with her for however long the case took.
"No." She nearly growled. I could see why Haruka and she clashed. A puppy in need of taming…
"Kuga-sensei… what size gloves?" The circulator asked.
"6." Such small hands for her chosen profession, in general really. I crossed my legs at the ankles as she gowned up.
"We have a subtrochanteric fracture, complete, no dislocation, so…" Reito began.
"TFN. I looked up the films and the history already." She finished for him. "Sizes outside?"
"Yes." He said.
"Patient has congestive heart failure… Anesthesia knows?" She said unemotionally, before looking over at me. Those eyes with everything else covered, no other features to draw my attention, were dangerously attractive. A flicker passed through them and I wondered if she recalled seeing me in that elevator or outside Mai-han's shop… if just my own eyes would be enough.
"Anesthesia is aware," I answered her playfully, to blanket the tingling that had just started mercilessly running along my scalp and neck. "Anesthesia has a name as well… if Kuga-sensei is interested."
Her eyes widened a little and a blush peeked from above her mask, touching her neck. I dearly wished I could see it all of it. "W-what is it?" She asked quietly, the tiniest stutter in her question... a stutter my heart seemed to mimic.
"My apologies. This is Fujino-sensei, Kuga-san… she is the best Anesthesiologist Fuuka has." Reito jumped in, spoiling my fun.
"Ara ara, how flattering Reito-han… but that is a matter of opinion." I added. Her brow rose and her eyes narrowed as if she didn't quite understand what she was looking at.
He shot me an entertained stare, one that caused tiny lines to form at the corners of his eyelids. "Fujino-sensei, this is…"
"Kuga… Natsuki…" She spoke with that low, rich alto. The words had a truncated feel... as if they were being forced from her... spoken strictly enough to convey the meaning… as if she would be happier saying nothing at all. Perhaps that was the truth.
"So we all know each other then. Let's get to it?" Yohko broke in, clearly eager to start the case. She began the safety pause, but I found my attention constantly wavering.
"Scalpel." The scrub tech handed her the tool and I found it difficult to not watch as she worked with silent efficiency. "Incision time, 18:10." She mumbled, her eyes never leaving the flesh of an exposed leg, shoulders stiff and rolled forward as if to protect herself. She still exuded that aura of utter unapproachability even when operating within a team. It was fascinating for me to see Reito assume a subordinate role as well, but he fell into it easily, suctioning and irrigating without comment, keeping everything clear for her… observing with soft, yet critical eyes. I could tell he was impressed and annoyed at the same time, but he hid both well. As I watched the stats and lines, satisfied with what I saw...my eyes kept drifting back to her. She did not seem to notice that I was looking. Her hands moved differently than the rest of her, I realized. There was no urgency, only precise movements, fingers agile, knowing… almost gliding as they wrapped around tools, coaxing them into position.
I found myself enamored with the woman…for lack of a more appropriate term. It was not often that I was so powerfully attracted to someone and I could enjoy it only because nothing would ever come of it. Her blunt words and forward stares, however, seemed to terrorize the man running the x-ray machine. What a remarkable contradiction she was...shy and aggressive all at once.
I turned my attention to the nervous tech leaning against the fluoroscope. "I do not believe we've met." He was waiting anxiously for his next instructions. His eyes had been fixed intensely on the surgeon throughout most of the case, but now they darted between me and the table, as if afraid he might miss something.
"Fujino-sensei." He nodded politely... apparently he knew of me. I could see the light sheen of sweat on his forehead... I wondered if he was truly that scared of this woman or if there was some other factor in his reaction. "Takeda Masashi." I resolved to see if I could somehow alleviate some of this tension.
"Takeda-han… nice to meet you."
I felt, more than saw, the penetrating glare she gave him. For an uncomfortable few seconds, she merely stared in his direction. When he failed to move, his eyes on me as though unsure our conversation had ended, she spoke harshly. "X-ray."
"Yes!" He scrambled to move the large C-shaped machine into position.
"I must apologize Kuga-sensei…" She nearly flinched as the honorific left my lips and I grinned beneath my mask. "I am afraid it was me that caused the delay. I was taking Takeda-han's attention from his duty." I rested my hands on my legs, one on top of the other, fingers laced together. Yohko gave me the most unusual glance from across the room and the man in question seemed alarmed. I suppose I was curious to see if the young surgeon would snap at me as she had him.
My voice pulled her gaze toward me and I watched as her neck followed stiffly. I could see surprise in the gathering wrinkles on her forehead. "…Oh." It seemed she had no intentions of saying anything else.
Reito eyes flashed to mine mischievously before he turned to look at the monitor that displayed the x-ray images. "Kuga-san. I think the screw is fine."
She sighed with frustration. "It's crooked." She said, glancing at the screen. It seemed as though she were readying herself to remove it. I considered whether she was a perfectionist or merely looking for a problem.
"Only slightly, I would leave it. The length is good and that's most important. You'll hit the next one perfectly I'm sure." I could see her bristle at his words. She seemed absolutely committed to taking offense to anything he said. It did have an interesting effect on her though. Her focus became impossibly sharper and she finished the case in a fantastically short amount of time. They begin pulling their gowns off and I recorded the last of what I needed to. Her speed upset the timing I had planned and I realized the patient would need a few extra moments to wake up. I felt myself release a deep breath, feeling my heartbeat slowly coming down. I spoke softly, gently to the patient now on a stretcher, informing him the surgery was over, unsure whether or not he could yet understand. As we were leaving, I looked at the name on the whiteboard in the corner one last time… Kuga Natsuki… summer child indeed.
Sometime later I was standing in front of my locker, taking the folded clothes from it and setting them neatly on the bench. A tiny sigh almost escaped my lips as I removed my hat and let my hair down. My scrubs and the shoes I reserved for my time in the operating room came next. I was tired tonight, not exhausted, but ready for the day to be over. Knowing who she was now, it seemed future encounters with the green-eyed woman would be inevitable. It was both an exciting and an anxiety-provoking revelation because I had not reacted to another person quite the way I reacted to her before… with this nearly instantaneous fascination that refused to be quelled. The only experience in my life that was anything close to this had ended so poorly that it was not something I liked to think on. As I stood there unfolding my skirt and smoothing it out, I sensed someone. Glancing over, I smiled at the smirking nurse now leaning against the wall nearest me, fully dressed.
As our eyes met, we exchanged a look of quiet amusement. I waited silently for her to ask me what I could see she wanted to. A metallic clank sounded and the hits of a quick paced, hard walk could be heard. It stopped whatever she would say. Across the way, the gorgeous doctor who seemed to be carving out a permanent place in my thoughts suddenly appeared, tossing scrubs into a linen basket. Had she changed in a bathroom stall? How odd. Her face lifted and she saw the two of us, promptly blushing a furious shade of red. My eyes widened in surprise before I could prevent it.
She reminded me of a soldier, spinning on a heel. I suppressed a chuckle as she turned around with impressive speed because I realized it was directed at me in my current state of dress… or undress I suppose. Body shyness of this caliber was a rare thing in the hospital.
"Kuga-sensei…it was a pleasure to meet you." The woman visibly startled when I spoke, as if I had thrust my finger into her side unexpectedly, but nodded keeping her back toward us. The tip of an exposed ear was still noticeably pink. "And goodnight."
"Yeah, night." The hand with which I held my skirt flexed the smallest amount and I felt my teeth grip the corner of my bottom lip. I could not help but notice her body, encased as it was in a skin-tight leather riding suit. She never turned around and her backside in that outfit was one of the most distracting sights I'd ever witnessed. My face slipped away from me for a moment. She nearly ran out the door, it shutting noisily behind her.
Yohko simply shook her head at me. "Shizuru…" My name was almost a laugh.
"Hmm?" I said as if I did not understand, slipping my skirt on.
She rubbed at the pad of her thumb with the tip of her index finger, an expression that fell somewhere between disbelief and delight on her face. "You don't have to tell me, but I'm just gonna say…it's pretty fun to watch." I buttoned my blouse carefully, leaving a smile on my face.
"Yohko enjoys watching now?"
She laughed and answered me back in kind. "If it's you swooning over Kuga-san, absolutely."
I was mildly offended, mildly amused, and subtly embarrassed. "Ikezu."
"You were biting your lip, Shizuru." I pouted, which expectedly had no effect on her whatsoever. "Reito and I are meeting Midori for a drink, you should come with."
I looked her way, wondering how tonight would end if I said yes, but her face gave no hint of intention. It never did until the moment. "I do not recall it ever being 'a drink' with you and Midori-han."
Her eyebrow arched and she gave a lopsided smirk. "So... is that a 'no'?"
I smiled in return. "Merely an observation." The excitement of finally knowing who the woman was still had not left me. As something of a bonus I had gotten the chance to make her blush as well, even if unintentionally and so I consented.
Digression #4: Sagisawa Yohko
Date: December 18, 2010… a Saturday
The sounds of the party inside had reached a dull roar. Yohko was content to simply stay in the hot tub all evening draining the wonderful selection of saké in Kanzaki Reito's private poolside bar. The man was disgustingly rich she realized, even for a doctor. He must have been born into money. She certainly wasn't complaining, as it was this very wealth that had her lounging in the largest hot tub she'd ever seen in the dead of winter, peering at the stars through beautiful, likely custom-made skylights. Beside her sat a traditional Japanese pitcher of saké that was just shy of full and a set of three small cups she had grabbed on the off chance she acquired a drinking buddy. No one had ever joined her in the previous years she'd come…it seemed most people preferred schmoozing and that was just as well as far she was concerned. This was one of the few times she had unrestricted and solitary access to a hot tub and she enjoyed it immensely. It was nice to have friends in high places she mused.
The noise of the door clicking and shutting caught her attention, but only enough for her not be surprised by the approach of another. Her eyes followed the young woman who entered with interest. One of the new Anesthesiologists, she remembered… a quirky, but attractive woman from Kyoto who seemed to make friends wherever she went…Fujino Shizuru. Apparently, Kanzaki had not been able to resist her charms either.
"Hello." She greeted, lifting the small ceramic cup up toward the woman in salute.
The woman smiled at her as she fixed her hair up, removing her cover-up to reveal a one-piece bathing suit with cut-outs that left little to the imagination. So the young doctor had confidence, not that it was unfounded, but still. Bizarre that a piece of clothing with more material than her own bikini could seem so much more suggestive.
"Hello, Sagisawa-han."
She laughed. Only this woman would be so formal wearing that. "We're in a hot tub, I think we can forget the formality…Yohko, please."
"Then Shizuru." She replied, slipping gracefully into the water across from her. "You and Reito-han have been working together for quite some time, correct?" Such a proper way of speaking; but her eyes, her smile, were anything but.
"Correct."
"Would you mind?" There was an indication, a glance and a slight raise of her finger toward the saké.
"Sure." She set down her cup to fill another, handing the small vessel to her new companion, happy with her own foresight. It meant she didn't have to leave the tub.
"Are you enjoying yourself?" The woman asked with a smile, leaning her body closer as her hand closed around the offered saké. " Ookini" She certainly took care of herself, the older woman noted.
A puff of air through her nose and a smile. "You mean working with Reito or you mean at this party?"
"I mean at this moment." The possibility of an alternative interpretation for those words, especially with the tone in the other woman's voice, did not escape her.
"What's not to enjoy?" She answered mirthfully.
"This is true." Her eyes fell closed and she leaned her head back. Yohko stared at her while she reclined, at loss for what to say. Maybe it was the alcohol or the heat of the water, but she found herself thinking some unexpected things about the doctor in that particular pose, her neck arched backward, lips parted the smallest amount. Uncommon for her to have such thoughts about another woman, though. It had happened only sporadically in her life. She had even tried it a few times, but found women to be particularly bad at keeping sex casual and casual was the way she preferred it. There was a common misconception, in her opinion, that sex had to be emotional. Passion and emotion were not the same things. Emotions were complicated… sex didn't have to be. Not that she was wildly promiscuous or anything of the sort, she just liked to keep sex and falling in love very separate. She approached them both as she approached drinking, with a sort of reckless abandon. Her closest friend, Midori, had once told her she thought about sex like a man, that she was too practical about it. Yohko had yet to find any evidence that hers was a bad position to take.
The nurse had noticed that even female Residents, maybe especially female Residents, seemed to follow the Anesthesiologist around, seemed to hang and dote on her. Maybe it was some sort of pheromone thing, she reasoned. It appeared she herself was not immune to it either.
"Is Yohko watching me?" The woman spoke, another small smile on her lips as she sipped from the ceramic cup. Shizuru had a reputation already as something of a flirt; she liked to play. The older woman had to admit that she found it…strangely enough… cute.
"Yes." She was unconcerned and unwilling to deny something that was true.
It was not the answer the younger woman had expected and it showed briefly on her face. "I wonder why that is?"
The nurse found herself amused by the way the doctor danced around things. Another sip of saké, before she spoke, "Because, in that swimsuit, anyone would look."
Again that tiny twitch of shock. "I am sure Yohko is used to being looked at herself."
"You didn't though." She responded pointedly, but with laughter in her gaze... enjoying their little back and forth.
Those reddish-brown eyes flicked her way, such thoughts swimming inside of them. The nurse could understand why the Residents were nearly stupefied by this creature. In fact, she might have been years ago, but she wasn't a girl anymore… Shizuru was much closer to one. "What did I not do?"
The older woman met the gaze unflinchingly. There was such a sensual coolness in it, and the nurse was comforted by that… no yearning.
"Look." A smile that was definitely balancing on the edge of a smirk painted those lips and then swirling pools of crimson and chocolate roamed over her, lingering. It made her skin feel warm, but she found more than anything it made her want to retaliate, to see some need on that pretty face… such thoughts. At least that was settled, she would most definitely sleep with the woman. "Good. We're even then." Yohko commented, watching the saké disappear. Moving forward, she took the cup, refilling it with a practiced hand.
"Not quite." Was the response. The tips of their fingers brushed as the cup was passed back. "You looked because, as you say, anyone would, and I looked because I chose to… so we are not even."
The nurse rolled her eyes gently, taking another sip. "You looked because I asked."
"I looked a second time because you asked." The younger woman said, still with her lips curved upward.
"You could do this all night, couldn't you?" She replied with a smirk. The words were to herself and Shizuru only gave her a puzzled expression in response.
"Hmm?"
"Let's be clear then…" Resting the tiny cup on the tile she stood, wading over toward the girl whose eyes had widened perceptibly, making a decision in the same way she made all such decisions, on the spot. She brought her face close to the other woman's, hand sliding to her neck. "I want you." A faint blush covered the young doctor's cheeks, but she did not appear embarrassed or unhappy. Taking that as a cue, Yohko leaned down and pressed her lips to the other woman's in a kiss that was not at all hesitant before she withdrew her hand. "If you'd like to discuss this further, meet me by the door in an hour. I'm gonna go mingle." With that she lifted herself from the tub and made her way to the entrance, not looking back. The direct approach was always worth a try.
Aside #4: Orthopedic Surgery (Background)
When beginning a Residency in Orthopedic surgery, one of the first things the young doctors were told was that the specialty is most similar to carpentry. They would be using drills, hammers, mallets, screws, saws, and reamers. It was physically tiring work. They knew this from their observations as medical students, but doing and seeing are often quite different experiences. In general, the residents at Fuuka enjoyed their trauma rotations, even if the new Fellow was not the friendliest. To some degree it was expected, a friendly surgeon was more the exception than the rule. Like most, on some instinctual level, they were fascinated by a bit of gore. It was morbid curiosity that drew them to a particularly severe fracture, shredded limbs, or a shard of bone protruding through the skin.
The most common surgeries they saw were ORIFs and TFNs. ORIFs (Open Reduction Internal Fixations) consisted of a metal plate with screw holes that was fit to the broken bone and secured with screws drilled through the bone on either end. They were routinely used to treat fractures of the long bones that required more than a simple casting. TFNs (Trochanteric Femoral Nailings) or IM Nails (Intramedullary Nails) consisted of a rod that was inserted through the center of the fractured femur and secured in place with a large screw extending into the neck of the femur and additional screws down toward the knee. The procedure involved reaming or coring out the bone and using a mallet to drive the rod down the shaft, before drilling in the screws. IM Nails were also used on the larger of the two lower leg bones, the tibia and sometimes the humerus. These were the bread and butter of the trauma rotation.
Fuuka's surgeons divided their week between the operating room and seeing their patients. Kuga Natsuki saw patients on Monday and Tuesday, which she made a late day, keeping appointments until 7 pm. They were her least favorite days of the week. The remaining three days, she spent in the OR.
There were several divisions within Fuuka's Orthopedic department itself. Kanzaki had begun transitioning to joint replacements, Ishigami worked primarily spines, Irina Woods handled small parts (hands, feet, fingers), and Kuga handled the trauma and as the Fellow...ended up doing most of the emergent cases. As such, she took a fair amount of call, sharing it with the Residents. The total caseload was high enough to keep them all busy plus some even though the hospital was not that large. Between the surgery, repeat visits, and imaging procedures... Orthopedics made a good amount of money for Fuuka.
Kanzaki Reito had been shifting his primary focus from trauma to joint replacement surgeries over the last year or so… knees, hips… he'd even started on shoulders… non-emergent, scheduled cases for those who elected to have them. He still presided over the general goings on in trauma but allowed Kuga Natsuki to handle most of the procedures. It seemed she liked it that way. Kanzaki Reito had been hoping to scout a suitable replacement for Trauma Attending. Several interviews with him and the Chief of Orthopedics had turned up no suitable candidates. Kuga was the first real prospect he'd encountered, and he was enjoying the experience of having a Fellow that didn't really need much from him. It was becoming their routine for him to pop in at the end of the case, to be sure she didn't require assistance, which she'd yet to. He stopped bothering to scrub in.
The only negative he could cite concerning Kuga Natsuki was the awkwardness that resulted when they were alone together, which was certainly not a reason to discount her. Social difficulties were uncommon for him, but trying to make small talk out of her one-word answers and her silent annoyance had proved quite the challenge. He simply wasn't sure what to make of a woman who didn't much care for praise or talking in general...with a woman who was all business.