WARNINGS-YAOI, SWEARING, and MENTIONS OF CUTTING
The Other Side of Davis
Chapter 4- He will be loved
Once the guys left it was just Ken and I. Alone. In his empty apartment. After I admitted one of my biggest secrets…er…two of my biggest secrets.
I was still standing by his apartment door after seeing off the older guys and I couldn't get myself to turn around. The air was so thick with tension I wasn't even sure if Paildramon could cut it with his stinger.
Okay so maybe if I act like nothing happened everything would be fine right? So I turned around with a big grin splitting my face, "So Ken you wanna watch a movie? We can watch one of the Saw movies, I know that they're your favorite."
Ken's eye's looked so sad as they looked at me that I could barely keep eye contact, much less my fake grin. When it became obvious that all Ken was going to do was look at me all sad like, I dropped my smile and plopped down on the couch next to him with a sigh.
We sat like that for what felt like hours, with Ken and I not looking at each other, just staring at the wall across from us. I wish I could tell what he was thinking. I couldn't tell if his squeezing grip earlier meant he was scared for me or, if it meant he wanted to ring my neck for not telling him earlier and the closest body part he could reach was my hand. Was he disgusted with me for letting my dad beat me like that? Did he think I was weak and worthless for not standing up for myself?
Finally I couldn't take it anymore and got off the couch. I walked over to the wall behind the couch and started banging my head against it.
Soon I felt arms wrapped around my waist and Ken calling my name against my back, "Stop! Stop! Davis! What the hell are you doing?"
I stopped, "Why should I stop! You won't even talk to me and now you probably hate me for being so weak!" I struggled not to cry again as I just rested my head against the wall.
"Davis… I'm not mad at you. I just don't understand. I don't understand how you can just act so happy when someone's been doing this to you. And…I don't understand why you didn't tell me, why you just avoided me all summer. I just want to help you."
I picked myself up off the wall and turned to look at Ken. He had to move off my back when I turned around so he was now standing about a step away from me. I still couldn't meet his eyes and just stared at the wooden floor as I asked my next question, "So… you don't think I'm weak?"
My voice came out sounding so broken and needy and pathetic that I winced on the inside and almost took back the question, but the truth was, I really needed the answer. It felt like my whole life was riding on what came out of Ken's mouth next. I felt like if Ken thought badly of me in this instant it would be worse than anything my father had ever done to me all combined.
"Davis," Ken tilted my chin up so I was looking him in the eyes, "You are the bravest, strongest person I have ever known or will ever have the pleasure of meeting. Nothing you or anyone else could say or do could change that."
Ken had barely finished getting the words out when I wrapped one arm around his waist and the other around the back of his head and pulled him against my chest so that his head rested just under my chin. He responded by gripping the front of my shirt and leaning into me.
We stood there like that for a while. Eventually I think what we were doing kinda caught up with us. I felt Ken's face slowly heat up against my shirt, but even after it started to I almost couldn't bring myself to let him go. I did though, slowly. When we were completely separated Ken just looked so awkward, staring at his feet and everything that I scanned my mind fast to come up with what to say, "Um… So what about that movie now, huh?"
Ken started chuckling, and the chuckling slowly turned into full-blown laughter. It was the single greatest sound I have ever heard in my life and I wanted it to never stop.
The laughter seemed to break the remaining tension and eventually we actually did get the movie popped in.
We had turned out all the lights to give the movie more effect. I actually really hated these gore fest movies, but they were Ken's favorite. I couldn't help clinging to him through at all the really gross parts. Eventually I think he took pity on me and slid over so his head was resting on my chest so that I could hide my head in his (Amazingly scented) hair. I wrapped my arm around the back of his shoulders and as I tried to ignore the movie while quietly breathing in the scent of Ken's shampoo, I pretended to myself that we were really a couple out on a date or something and that doing this made Ken as happy as it made me.
When the movie was over we decided to head to bed. Ken fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried. All I could do was lay awake and look up to watch Ken sleep. He looked so peaceful when he slept, like a dark angel. I gently stood up and stepped on the bottom step of his ladder so I could tucked a strand of hair that had fallen in Ken's face back behind his ear.
As soon as I did though Ken's entire countenance changed. His face scrunched up as if in pain and his body started trembling. I knew Ken was having one of his nightmares and I immediately climbed up to his bed and hugged him, kneeling, telling him it was just a dream and that he needed to wake up. When he did wake up he was panting heavily and wouldn't let me go.
"Was it the same one as before Ken?"
Ken nodded against my chest. I grit my teeth in anger. Ken had been having nightmares about that stupid vision Malomyotismon gave him ever since the battle. Ken told me last year that they were going away since I've been helping him with it but it must have gotten bad again while I was ignoring him. It made me want to kill Malomyotismon all over again, and myself for ever letting Ken suffer alone like that. Last year right after the battle Ken had gone through a period of self-mutilation and had started cutting his wrists every time he had one of these dreams, until I offered to spend the night almost every night to help chase them away.
Eventually Ken fell asleep on me and I lowered us both onto the bed. I tried to get a look at his wrist while I did, but couldn't quite manage it. I wasn't even going to try and leave him now, or ever again for that matter.