Casually striding towards the main gate, hands in his pockets, the morning sun reflecting off of silver hair, Kakashi casually registered that none of his team had shown up yet apart from the young Uchiha.

It wasn't surprising though, there was still fifteen minutes to wait until 7am. What was surprising was the fact that the infamously late ninja had actually shown up on time for once, not only that but was early.

Reaching the arranged meeting place he offered an eye smile to the boy standing before him.

"Good morning Sasuke, how are you?"

"Good morning sensei."

Kakashi observed the raven haired boy, mere feet away from him. Looking up at the man through glossy, dark bangs, a strangely seductive look could be perceived through glazed eyes as a half smile grace his lips. "I feel a lot better now."

Frowning ever so slightly Kakashi thought it may have been a one-off, deciding to leave it for now but noted the strange speculation within the recesses of his mind to analyse at a further date. In the mean time he was going keep an eye on the kids strange behaviour.

Sensing a familiar chakra approaching, he turned his head away from Sasuke and was greeted with the sight of Sakura sprinting towards them, waving.

"Hey Sasuke! Hey sensei! I'm not late am I?" The pink haired girl shouted in greeting.

Finally reaching her destination she stopped by the two males. Panting heavily from her exertion she bent over, placing her hands on her knees.

"Hello Sakura. No you're not late, we've still got ten minutes to spare."

"Oh ok," she responded with a smile, "I see we're waiting on Naruto still. I heard this is an escort mission? Who are we escorting Kakashi-sensei?"

Sasuke, seemingly intent on knowing the answer aswell, fixed his gaze on Kakashi. A very similar gaze as to the one before. Looking away from the Uchiha he lifted a hand from his pocket, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. He concentrated more of his attention on the kunoichi, feeling quite uncomfortable with the boy's eyes boring into him like that. He could have been mistaken but swore he could feel Sasuke eyeing his sturdy form up from head to toe. It wasn't an easy feat to unnerve Hatake Kakashi with one look.

"What an accomplishment," Kakashi murmured, the words uttered barely audible to anyone but himself.

Sakura seemed to be oblivious to it all.

"We are escorting a young lady to the village hidden in the grass. She is a VIP and there is reason for suspicion that there may be a group of rouge ninja planning to kidnap her and hold her for ransom. That is why she requested that shinobi accompany her on her journey home. Our job is to make sure she arrives safely."

Both students nodded their understanding as an uncomfortable silence settled between all three of them. Kakashi, without having a book to pull out to add to his usual air of indifference, didn't really have a clue what to do with himself. He knew he should try and strike up a conversation with his students but having not spent a lot of time around them lately, didn't have a clue what to say. He was soon saved though when Sakura started her usual attempts at wooing Sasuke into a date and looking disappointed when he brushed her off with his cool exterior. It uneased Kakashi that every chance the boy got he spared a glimpse in his direction. How had he not noticed this before now?

Ten minutes or so passed and soon a tall, slim young lady was escorted to the main gate by a brown haired chunnin that Kakashi had never met before.

"Team Kakashi?" The chunnin asked wearily.

"Yes, we are team Kakashi," the jounin confirmed.

Eyeing the three shinobi up, a brief look of uncertainty flittered across his face before his previous irritable expression was once again on display.

"Aren't there meant to be four of you?"

The copy nin, brushing the man's crude behaviour off, fleetingly pondered where the hell Naruto was. He specifically told him not to be late. Before he could reply, Sakura interjected the conversation.

"Naruto is always late! I'm sure he'll be here soon."

"Mmm yea well ok, she's all yours now," the chunnin, not waiting for a reply sprinted off and jumped onto the nearest roof before disappearing from view.

"What the hell was his problem!?" An exasperated Sakura hollered.

Shrugging, the silver haired nin turned to the lady before him. She had elegant features, dark eyes and pale complexion. long white silky hair was held up by a top notched ponytail that let her soft locks cascade down her back. She wore a green and black kimono, emerald studded golden jewellery strapped around her throat and wrists. In one hand she held a backpack and in the other a deliciously juicy looking red apple.

"Hello, I'm Kakashi and these two -" he gestured in turn to each student, "are Sasuke and Sakura. We are just waiting on one other to show up before we head off. His name is Naruto."

Both students nodded their greeting while Kakashi offered her an eye smile in attempt to be friendly.

Offering the team a bright grin, she looked over each figure infront of her.

"Greetings, Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura, it is nice to meet you. You may call me Kayoko." She bowed.

Kakashi, having resorted to leaning against one of the large wooden gates, arms crossed over his chest, was peering at the white puffy clouds that drifted across the pale blue sky. While Sasuke was in a similar position staring intently at the stony ground, Sakura was standing with one hand on her hip and one hand balled into a tight fist by her side, anger increasing with every passing minute. As for Kayoko, she was standing in the exact same position as she was forty-five minutes ago, having consumed her apple out of boredom.

A loud huff was heard from the pink haired kounichi's trembling form. The hand that was placed on her hip was now by her side, mimicking her other hand.

"GRRRR! Kakashi-sensei where the hell is Naruto!? He's almost an hour late!" Outrage radiated through her voice.

It was true. With Naruto continuously on his mind as it was, Kakashi had been wondering the same thing for forty minutes now.

With a loud sigh he pushed his athletic form away from the large gate to stand straight, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Mah, you're right Sakura, I have no idea what's taking him so long. I'll head over to his flat and take a look. I'll be back shortly."

Tapping his foot irritably, standing outside of Naruto's apartment door, Kakashi knocked again for the fourth time.

"Naruto? Are you in there?"

No answer.

Having become impatient and fed up with waiting, the jounin rapidly made his way around to Naruto's bedroom window, bringing a hand up to knock loudly on the glass.

The figure on the bed stirred in his sleep, sticking an arm out of the orange duvet to fumble around for his electronic alarm clock.

Clearly only just registering the time through his sleep hazed mind, a muffled 'shit' was heard from behind the window before the duvet was flung across the bed and a blur of yellow hair and tanned skin swung himself out of bed, clad only in his boxers. Tripping over the pile of clothes left on the floor from last night he promptly face planted the hard wooden surface of his floorboards.

Stifling a laugh, Kakashi knocked loudly on the window again. He saw Naruto turn his head to look up at the window, a startled expression gracing his aesthetic features. A muffled groan of pain was heard as the boy pushed himself up off the floor. He ran over to the window, opened it up and took a few steps back to let his sensei in.

"Kakashi-sensei," he greeted with a jaded smile.

Kakashi gracefully jumped down from the windowsill and gave Naruto a once over. Startled, he wished he hadn't and directed his gaze elsewhere, anywhere but the boy.

"Ah... Naruto..." He sputtered, coughing as he deliberately shifted his head to the side and fixed his eye on one of the, now very interesting, walls.

Thoroughly confused by Kakashi's reaction, the blonde knitted his eyebrows together. Thinking that it was perhaps his lack of attire, he looked down to study himself only to be greeted with the sight his tented boxers. He went a profusely bright shade a red.

"AHHH!" He shouted, stumbling back. Feeling utterly embarrassed he grabbed part of the duvet hanging off the end of the bed to hide his erection.

Naruto just stood there, face red and hands fisting the duvet over his private area while he shifted from one foot to the other, willing his erection to disappear. It's quite difficult to do such a thing when the man you're lusting after is mere feet away from you.

Screwing his eyes shut he tried to think of unappealing images and not ones related to his teacher bending him over the bed and fucking him senseless right there and then.

Naruto bit his lip.

'Damn it.'

Turning around, he sprinted towards his bathroom, shouting "cold shower," over his shoulder.

Kakashi, letting out a shaky breath gave the room infront of him a nonchalant look. He walked over to one of the corners where a dark green backpack was sat up against the wall. Hearing a few loud bumps and then the spray of the shower, the copy nin grabbed the object and searched the younger boys room for some clean clothes and underwear along with various needed equipment for the weeks journey ahead of them.

While his search for everything else was successful he couldn't find a tent or a sleeping bag. He had looked in, around and on top of the wardrobe and draws but still hadn't come across any camping equipment. Luckily he had a spare sleeping bag the boy could have. He made his way over to the bed, bending down he picked up the orange duvet that had been dragged across the floor and spread it across the bed to make it look atleast half decent. As he did so a blur of black caught his eye as the object tumbled out of the duvet, landing on a pile of clothes on the floor.

Curiosity getting the better of him he walked around the bed to kneel down and grab the object. It seemed to be a book apart from it had no title, or no words for that matter, atall on the front or back of the black cover. He ran a gloved hand over the smooth surface and opened up to the first page. Reading the big, handwritten letters sprawled messily across the lined paper it said 'Naruto's diary'. Musing to himself he briefly noted the roughly sketched suriken and bowls of ramen.

'I didn't know Naruto actually went out of his way to write... Or draw.' He chuckled under his breath.

A click of a door was heard from behind him indicating the other was out of the shower. Quickly slipping the black book into his supply pouch he turned around and was greeted with the sight of an almost naked Naruto with a white towel wrapped around his hips, hair dripping wet. Kakashi eyed the droplets of water sliding their way ever so slowly down the boys torso, past his belly button to be soaked up by the fluffy white material. It took all of his willpower in that moment to not just ravish the boy infront of him. He tore his eye away from the soaked genin and visibly gulped before chastising himself for letting his sight linger on Naruto's sun kissed body for longer than was necessary.

"Oh hey, thanks for packing my stuff Kakashi-sensei! I'm sorry I'm so late."

Turning around to distract himself from his perverted thoughts he carried on his search for the tent by looking under the bed, only to be met by a thick layer of dust.

"Mah, it's fine Naruto," without looking he chucked Naruto's usual orange jumpsuit in the blonde's direction. "Get changed, we should have left over an hour ago. Oh and where's your tent?"

Grabbing the clothes that were roughly chucked at him he visibly pondered the question for a minute or two, finally deciding on an answer.

"Oh that..." Kakashi sensed there was a long and painful story behind 'the missing tent' but was glad when the boy thought it best to just skip that entirely. "I don't have one."

"Ok you'll just have to share with Sasuke." Standing up and brushing himself off, the jounin turned and faced Naruto who was slipping his orange jacket on over a short sleeved black top, a disappointed expression on his face.

'How the hell did he get dressed so fast?' Kakashi tilted his head and gave Naruto an odd look.

Refusing to look at Kakashi, Naruto grabbed his supply pouch, double checked the contents and then strapped it hastily around his waist before picking up the heavy backpack and slinging it over his shoulders.

Giving the room a quick glance over he made his way to the front door.

"Ready to go sensei!" Naruto sent a bright smile in his direction that didn't quite reach his blue eyes.

Nodding, the older of the two made his way over to the jinchuuriki. Leaving the apartment they jumped from roof to roof until they got to the main gate.

After being greeted by the full brunt of Sakura's rage and Sasuke's abhorrent glares while being called a 'dobe', Naruto and the others made their way out of the village at a fast pace, making up for lost time.

They'd been trudging through the forest for half a day now and by the fatigued looks that could be seen on the three younger ninjas it was time to have a short lunch break.

Settling in a nearby clearing the three genin lowered themselves to the ground, panting heavily. Sasuke and Sakura fumbled around in their bag until they pulled out a rice ball each. Naruto had collapsed onto his back, a cool breeze ruffling his blonde hair and hot face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in, calming his racing heart.

Kakashi, having years of experience with away missions wasn't really phased by the distance they'd travelled and by the looks of it neither was Kayoko. Happy to skip lunch and take the shift as look out, he let the others know before jumping into a tree, hidden from view.

Closing his eye he focused his finely tuned senses on his surroundings. Not finding any foreign chakra signatures he deemed it safe enough for now.

Reaching behind him, Kakashi pulled out the black diary he had found earlier. Sitting back against the tree trunk, he turned the diary over in his hands. These were most likely Naruto's own private thoughts. Kakashi had no right to read them. So why did he take it? It was a spur of the moment thing wasn't it? After all he had been distracted at the time. The stuff written down couldn't be that bad, I mean... He's a thirteen year old boy.

'So what if he's thirteen, by the time you were ten you'd seen a lot more than Naruto had.' A little voice nagged at him at the back of his mind.

Pushing the thought away he eyed the black book, flicking through the pages to see just how much Naruto had written. Quite a bit for someone who seemed to not be able to sit in one place for more than ten minutes.

'I could read one page and return it when I get back to Konoha... Naruto doesn't need to know. One page wouldn't hurt.'

He reached to open up to the second page when he stilled his actions, having second thoughts. After all how would he feel if someone intruded in on his privacy like he was about to do with his own student? He would resent it. Kakashi of all people should understand, he enjoyed his privacy very much – enough to go the extremes of hiding his own face. If someone were to betray him like he was about to do to Naruto he would lose trust in them completely. Plus he didn't exactly have a valid reason to go reading through his own students personal thoughts. It's not like the boy was a danger to himself or others. He wouldn't betray the village. He had no reason to be suspicious. So why was he even debating whether he should waste precious time reading through the pointless drabbles of a teenage boy.

'They're not pointless though, Kakashi, are they?' The voice within his mind said, almost mocking him. 'Anyway, I'm sure the stuff in the diary is more to do about ramen and Sakura than anything' it mused.

Flicking open the book to the first section of handwritten words he read the date. Almost two months old. As he started to skim the paragraph line by line he deeply regretted even picking up the diary in the first place but found he couldn't put it down.

23rd March.

Have you ever just sat down and wondered; 'what the hell am I doing with my life?'

Because I have. My life has been filled with moments where I just look back and think; 'what am I doing? This isn't me.'

So many times, I've wanted to just be myself, but I can't, or won't.

Am I too scared, too frightened? I don't know. I mean, it's not like I'm not comfortable with who I am, I'm fine just being me.

But time after time, I always seem to make these bad decisions... Like, I'll be about to do something, and I know what I should do, I know what I want to do, but then before I get a chance to do it, I just go ahead and do the complete opposite. I'm filled with instant regret, and I just stand there wondering why on Earth I just did that. And why is it that of late my life feels like it needs to be driven by some kind of motivation.

Motivation that never comes, I can't just do things for the sake of doing them, I can't even do the things I want to, all because of this horrible feeling, I just sit here doing nothing, slowly feeling my life eb away. And then it's back to the same thing, I act like I'm okay, like I'm on top of things.

I'll get there eventually right?

Wrong.

It's all an act. But hey, I guess that's what I'm good at, acting.

All my life I just lie to people, lie to myself, delude myself into this insufferable stupor. And again, this feeling that I need motivation, I need someone to give me a push.

But I know no ones coming, I know that motivation is never going to come, the only way to fix this is to do it myself. I know that. But I still feel helpless, I know I can do it. I know I want to, but then, why do I still sit here lying to myself?

Why?

I surely don't know.

And all this time I have horrible impending fear that something really bad is going to happen. But still, nothing. Nothing seems to drive me to do what I want. Nothing.

Nothing.

Maybe. Maybe him.

All I do is sit around and collect these useless thoughts in any way I can, be it combat, missions or writing. All of them mean the same thing.

I don't even know why I'm still awake. Ok maybe I do, I just won't admit it.

All I want to do is cry out for help. I know I have Iruka who would jump at the chance to help me, but this is not something anyone can or should know.

I have to remain strong and fend for myself. The world and my bitterness have turned me selfish. Which is as far from me as possible.

But if I keep acting this way, then I really am going to end up like this forever. I know what I need to do, it's just, I need one last thing, one last missing piece in order to do it.

And I have no idea what that missing piece might be.

Him.

Until then I guess I'll just have to keep falling down the endless abyss of my own personal nightmare. But oh well, in a few hours I'm meeting Sakura and Sasuke again. Maybe him if im lucky.

I'll probably pass by a lot of people, maybe exchanging a few passing words. To them I'm probably no one, just another guy.

But I pay attention to every last one of them, and all I want is for one of them to just reach out and talk to me, stay with me for a bit. End the insufferable pain of my every waking moment, end the thoughts of him.

But to them, on the surface, I'll still look the starry eyed weirdo just passing by; 'the demon vessel', and they'll be none the wiser to how I really feel.

I'll probably just lie in bed for the next few hours, cower in fear of my own being and unwanted thoughts I endure endlessly until I have to get up and do some work. I'll most likely fail as usual.

Him. It's always him. It always will be.