Oblivion-Prepare for a nice, long chapter for your entertainment! Not mine at all!

Chapter 3- The Bird

-The woods-(Area difficulty, zero out of ten)

Hints/tips:You fail here, just turn off the game and go back to Final Fantasy you bum!

Link enters the woods and watches as the girl dangles from the tree branch

"I could walk away now and say shes dead," Link starts. "but the pirates will probably kidnap me for telling them that. Or I could just actually try to save her...but then I would have to do work, on my birthday...nah I better go save her. Not worth having to be held captive." Link goes up the path and jumps down the side of the very small cliff thing.

Good karma

good karma enhances your good reputation.

You have now earned the rank of Guardian.

Wait, wrong game...my bad...

Once down the side link notices a weird pig thing standing on two legs.

"Holy fudge muffins! You will die!" Link takes one swipe with his sword, misses and the pig smacks him across the face. "ow!that freaking hurt, asshole!"

"Oh my god I'm so sorry sir!" says the pig man

"sorry don't cut it!" Link then stabs the pig man in the head. "My blade does!" Link then realizes what he had just said. "Damn that was cheesy!" Link continues up the path until he meets a giant rock. "Giant rock, must kill!" Link strikes to rock for about an hour before he gave up. "I'll come back...for revenge!" Link continues up the path and makes it to the tree. He looks up in the sky to see two odd looking birds holding two pig men and they drop to the ground but one fell on his leg and broke

"Owch! God damn!" The first pig man yells.

"Holy crap, are you okay Gorge?" The second one asks.

"No, I'm not okay, Jim! My leg is broken!"

"Oh shit man lets get you medical attention!" Jim then drags Gorge out of the forest.

"...So do I win by forfeit?" Link asks. "Yay!" Link walks up to the tree. "Now, how should I do to get her down from there...hmmmmmmm, I know!" Link then rolls into the tree shaking it and hurting his head. He repeats this for about five minutes. "Ow, my head! Ow, my head! Ow, my head!" He said over and over again. Eventually the girl wakes up and sees Link trying to shake the tree.

"The hell are you doing?" She asks.

"It's oka-Ow, my head!" Link says. "I'll get you ou-Ow, my head! Out in no tim-ow my head!"

"Well, I'm gonna be here a while." She then saw one of the pirates entered the area. "Gonzo!"

"Damn it she's still alive!" Gonzo yells.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing Miss Tetra!"

"That's what I thought...now get me down from here!"

"Whats with the boy?" Gonzo watched as Link tried to shake the tree.

"I think it is getting weaker! Ow my head!"

"Idiot..." Tetra takes another look at Gonzo who pick up a log. "What are you doing?"

"Getting you out of the tree." Gonzo then starts running at the tree with the log like a battering ram. He hits to tree, shakes it like crazy, and the branch Tetra was hanging on snapped off and tetra fell to the ground. Good thing she landed on Link.

"My back hurts..." Link complains.

"Oh stop complaining!" Tetra gets up off of Link. "What's with the get up?" Link stands up.

"This is my birthday suit!" Link exclaims.

"...I don't wanna know. I just don't." Tetra then begins to leave the summit.

"Miss Tetra, what about the boy?"

"Don't worry about him, come on!" Gonzo takes one look at Link, then leaves.

"Screw you two..." Link mutters under his breath. He then follows them outside.

Link meets the Pirates outside the entrance observing the wors-I mean best island ever.

"Big Brother!" Link looks across the bridge to see his sister waving at him. She then tries to cross the bridge.

"Don't do it!" Gonzo yells. "There's a board missing from the bridge!" She stopped and Gonzo sighed with relief. Link then grabbed him by his shirt.

"Why did you stop her?" Link asks. "She could have died! And let me tell you something that would have been a good thing!" Link the goes on a rant on reasons not to save her. Meanwhile the giant bird that attacked earlier came back, swooped in, and snatched up Links sister.

"BIG BROTHEEEEEER!" She yelled. Link then noticed this and stared in amazement.

"I just found another use for the telescope!" Link then takes said telescope and zooms in on the bird. "Her face is priceless! I gotta get a closer view." Link then starts to walk closer to the edge and then steps off the side. "Oh God!" Link then falls all the way to the ocean. Tetra and Gonzo just start laughing at him as the bird flies out of sight. "Assholes..."

"Whaaaaaaaaat? You want to come with us on our boat?"

Tetra asks.

"No I wanna go with to go sight seeing!" Link responds sarcastically. "Cause if I don't my grandma will get the whip. And that shit hurt last time she pulled it out."

"Yeah, I get that, but we're pirates you know! We're evil, greedy people! Besides, what do we have to do with her being kidnapped?"

"And how do you figure that?" The mail man comes walking over entering the conversation.

"You dare enter my conversation postman!" Tetra exclaims.

"You pirates have no common sense! If you actually pay attention to the word around the islands. You would know girls with long ears are being kidnapped for all different islands. And some were raped by that giant bird."

"Why didn't that happen to her, damn it!" Link asks.

"It only mates with the attractive ones." The postman responds.

"Oh okay that makes sense."

"Anyway, if I'm correct, the bird was trying to kidnap you miss pirate pants! And thta` bird probably mistook you for that Innocent young girl!"

"..." Tetra was silent.

"That's right!" Link says. "You're getting told by the postman, you can't say anything to that!"

"And I believe it was Link that saved you from the monsters in the forest."

"Bull shit." Gonzo. Says. "Complete bull shit."

"So you owe him one."

"What he said!"

"And also that bird carried that girl off to the Forsaken Fortress."

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Tetra responds.

"Help Link get there and you will be even."

"...Alright," Tetra starts. "But you don't expect to go out in there with just a sword, got anything like...a shield? Armor? Anything like that?"

"Oh! I know a place I can get something like that!" Link runs into his house with a happy go lucky attitude.

"Idiot." The postman says.

Link goes to his house, climbs the ladder and looks at the wall where his family shield is usually hanged up. But the shield wasn't there. So Link went back down the ladder and went to his grandma.

"Hey old bat, have you seen the shield?"

"I have it right here." She then beats Link over the head with it and hands it to him.

Description: You got the Hero's shield! Use it to block enemy attacks! Why did I have to tell you that? Is it not obvious enough?

"Ow! What the hell was that for!" Link asks angered

"For not bringing your dumbass if a bitch sister here! If you just took two freaking minutes out of your life to walk her home, she wouldn't have been kidnapped!"

"Well she should know better then to go to the highest point of the island,where there's a giant horny bird flying around!" Link Grandma then picks him up and throws him on the table.

"Back talk me ever again and your ass will be mounted on that wall! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

"Yes, Yes! Don't kill me!" Link cowers in fear. Then runs out the door for his life.

"Don't forget to bring back Milk!"

Link is still running until he meets up with Tetra. "Okay, I got a shield! Lets go, now!" Link exclaims.

"Don't you want to-" Tetra starts

"No time! Lets go!" Link then pushes Tetra onto the boat. "Lets get this thing moving people now!"

"I'm the captain of this ship, so I give the orders!"

"A woman! A captain?" Link then starts laughing uncontrollably. But it stops as he sees Tetra moving closer to him with her knife out. "Alright alright! You're captain! I'm sorry!"

"You better be freaking sorry bean boy!"

"I'm not a bean!" Tetra ignores his last statement.

"Lower the sail!" With more commands like that one the ship was off the coast heading to sea. Link stands at the end of the boat. Looking at all the villagers. He notices his grandma standing at the porch of his house.

Link then starts wave his middle fingers at the island with a happy expression on his face.

"And now," Tetra starts "The reference we've all been waiting for." Everyone on the boat puts on cool dude shades and starts singing.

"I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Everybody look at me cause I'm sailing on a boat!" Link then sings solo.

"I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Take a good, hard look, at the mother fluffing boat!"

Oblivion-I was originally going to make this chapter up to Link entering the forsaken fortress, but i'm going to be away for two week and won't be able to post during that time. So enjoy this chapter, and see you all in two week! On a boat of course.