Ease My Mind
Chapter Four
With new surroundings, new caretakers, and jet lag weighing in on her, it was no wonder Maya didn't get much sleep. She went down at eleven and woke not three hours later. It took Testuhiro an hour to finally calm her enough to stop crying. Even as he paced the apartment with a bawling baby, Souichi's door remained stubbornly shut and he worried he would have to do this all on his own. Eventually she exhausted herself out, heaving a few shaky sobs, and fell asleep.
When Tetsuhiro awoke for the second time it wasn't because of a baby but because he could hear voices on the other side of his door. He noticed two things in a short space of time; the first was that it was noon and the second was that Maya had disappeared from her crib.
Naturally his sleep-hazy mind panicked and he sprang up and threw his bedroom door open only to meet the surprised stares of the Tatsumi family. He laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck.
"Sorry…it's just Maya was gone…"
"No worries Morinaga-san. We just didn't want her to wake you since it was you and not my irresponsible son who was up with her all night long." Soujin commented lightly and Souichi murmured a few profanities from his place in front of the coffee machine.
"He was tired, I understand. What brings you here?" He asked and almost immediately regretted the question. Maybe Souichi was right, he really was an idiot; of course they would be here, they were in mourning.
"Just checking in. Kanako would not stop begging to see little Maya here." Kanako up at him sheepishly as she let Maya, who lay content in her arms, chew on her pinky.
"She's so cute! When I have a daughter I want one as beautiful as her!" Kanako exclaimed, ignoring the crash of a cup to the kitchen floor.
"K-Kanako! Don't be thinking of such things!" Souichi yelled.
"Souchi! About my offer…" Soujin started.
"I refuse."
"Come on now son, Morinaga-san, talk to him please."
"I told you! I took on this responsibility, it was my decision, my own! You don't want to have to raise another child old man, do you?"
"Well to tell you the truth, no. I'm past my prime but I will not let my granddaughter live unhappily." Souichi sputtered, angry at the insinuation.
"And I would make her unhappy? Is that what you're saying?"
"Of course not! I'm so glad that Morinaga-san is here for you but he won't be for long will he? He will leave eventually to live his own life and you will have to deal with school, work, and a child."
Tetsuhiro's eyes immediately sought Souichi's who caught his gaze and looked away guiltily. Tetsuhiro was filled with a sudden wave of disappointment; did Souichi really think he was going to leave him?
"…he's here for now. He's here now and that's all that matters." Souichi said.
It did not make Tetsuhiro feel any better.
Soujin sighed heavily, and pinched the space between his eyes.
"I don't want you to think I don't trust you Souichi. I believe that with a little time and effort you will raise a wonderful child but…I have my doubts that's all and I only want you to be happy. Understand?"
Souichi was quiet, nodding a little and brought his cup of coffee to the table where the other two members of his family were seated.
Tetsuhiro, who hadn't yet moved from his spot at the door, made his way over to the coffee machine Souichi had just vacated and gingerly made himself a cup.
Eventually he will leave
Did Souichi truly think that way? Or was it that…he secretly wanted him to go?
"Since I don't have an infinite amount of time here, can we take Maya out for a quick walk?" Soujin's voice snapped Tetsuhiro from his thoughts.
"Yea, sure. Just don't kidnap her." Souichi mumbled and Kanako squealed with delight at the prospect of steering the stroller.
Back in the apartment, Tetsuhiro was clearing up and Souichi offered to dry.
"Thank you, Senpai." He said gently, moving over so Souichi could fit next to him. They'd almost gotten through the stack when Souichi threw the dish towel onto the counter with more force than was necessary.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Huh?"
"Just shut up and tell me idiot."
"…it's not important."
"Bullshit. You look like a kicked puppy."
"Fine fine. Just…it's what your father said Senpai. About…about the possibility of not living together. It just makes me sad, alright?"
"So...you do want to move out?"
Tetsuhiro sighed, shaking his head.
"Well then...It's not…it won't…can't you just be happy about what we have right now?"
"I am Senpai I am! That's why it makes me sad because I can't help but look to the future." I want to be with you forever, he wished he could say but knew it wouldn't be well received.
When Souichi didn't respond, he smiled as best he could. "Honestly, Senpai. Please don't worry about me when you have more important things to be thinking of."
Souichi remained silent. "I think I'm going to go to my room for a bit."
"Ahh, Senpai? Do you want to watch TV for a while?"
"…Sure, why not."
Tetsuhiro smiled brightly and went to switch the television on. He didn't really care what they were watching, he was just happy that Souichi had chosen to be with him.
Tetsuhiro Morinaga paced the floor of his apartment that night with a sobbing baby; his roommates niece and responsibility no less.
He swerved to avoid the kitchen counter, only narrowly avoiding it with an armful of baby and retrieved the bottle he had heated up. Maya was stubborn and turned her head to the side as he attempted to place it to her lips. She cried louder as he followed her movements and when she finally realized what he was doing, latched onto the container and the crying ceased instantly.
Tetsuhiro slumped onto the couch, exhausted and fatigued. It was four in the morning and he had pacing for roughly three hours. His legs definitely felt the relief and his eyelids grew heavy, wondering if Souichi was such a heavy sleeper that he couldn't hear Maya.
Unfortunately, the more likely truth was that he was simply ignoring them.
In fact, Tetsuhiro was seriously starting to suspect Souichi was avoiding them.
He would time his meals, making them early so that Tetsuhiro and Maya weren't hungry and he could eat by himself. If Tetsuhiro said they needed something, Souichi would leap up and insist he go out to buy whatever they needed. And the worst part was that he would go to bed ridiculously early so he wouldn't have to deal with Maya's irregular sleeping patterns.
Tetsuhiro understood that he was grieving; he really truly did and he knew Souichi was still hurting. But technically Maya was not his to care for and he was pretty sure another week of no sleep would cause him to crack.
He glanced down as Maya wriggled a bit. She was almost through with the bottle and Tetsuhiro winced at the prospect of more screaming. But when she had sufficiently downed the contents, she released the bottle and stared up at him. He smiled gently and she reached a hand up to try and touch his face. When she couldn't do so, she retreated and yawned, rubbing her eyes and face messily with tiny hands.
As he woke blearily the following morning, Tetsuhiro was greeted not by the sunlight but with vicious pain. It stemmed from his neck all the way across his shoulders and down his back. It…hurt…like…hell.
He winced and bit his lip to keep from crying out as he attempted to straighten his crooked neck. He did so but let it fall back when the pain made his eyes water. He couldn't just sit there, Maya was in his arms and if she woke up he really couldn't do anything about it. Souichi's name was on his lips when the man himself appeared from his bedroom.
"Oi! Did you sleep there? Why are you positioned like an idiot?" Tetsuhiro sighed with relief and tried to look in his general direction.
"Senpai thank goodness. My neck…it must be strained or something and it really, really hurts so…could you take Maya please?"
"…yea." Souichi said finally and eased Maya out of Tetsuhiro's tingling arms. When her weight left him, Tetsuhiro raised his hands up to rub his neck to no avail, it still really hurt.
"I'm just going to go find something to put on this." He stood with some effort and made his way towards the bathroom before Souichi interrupted.
"Use the heating gel I just bought."
"Okay, thank you Senpai." Tetsuhiro cast one last glance at the duo behind him, noticing Souichi still looking entirely uncomfortable with Maya in his arms. A particularly nasty shot of pain spread down his back.
"Fuck" he whispered to himself.
Once he found and had read the tube, he uncapped it and reached up to pull his shirt off. He swore louder this time as a new ripple of pain reached his fingertips.
"Morinaga? She's like, moving."
When he left the bathroom, tube in hand, he mocked holding a baby to show Souichi.
"Rock her Senpai. Just move your arms a little." Souichi quickly did so, starting off a little too rough but once Maya began to whine, he slowed himself and she stopped. His sigh of relief was audible. He glanced up and frowned.
"Why didn't you use it?"
"I uhh…I can't."
"What do you mean you can't?"
"I can't reach. It should go away soon though, it's okay." Tetsuhiro thought Souichi had gotten the wrong idea because he narrowed his eyes and turned around and went towards Tetsuhiro's bedroom instead.
Tetsuhiro sighed, contemplating whether or not to contact a doctor.
He was not prepared for Souichi to storm out of his room, Maya gone from his arms, and have the bottle ripped from his hands.
"Turn around."
"…"
"Are you deaf? Turn around."
"I…Senpai…"
"Just shut up. I'm only doing this because you fucked your neck up taking care of the baby. Now turn around before I reconsider."
Tetsuhiro did not need any more convincing. He whipped around so fast, if he had been able to move his head he probably would have injured it in the move.
"Where does it hurt?"
"Ugh…everywhere. It started from my neck but then just…now it's my shoulders and upper back too."
"That's…a lot."
"Senpai it's fine if you don't want to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable so if you'll help me call the doctor then…"
"Oh shut up. Just…take your shirt off." Testuhiro could practically hear the blushin his voice.
"I uhhh…hehe…I can't. It hurts to move my arms up."
"What the fuck did you do to yourself?"
"Good question."
"I suppose I'll have to do it then." Souichi's uncertain voice made his breath quicken. This wasn't in any way sexual, but a tiny voice at the back of his mind reminded him that Souichi was going to undress him. He waited impatiently for Souichi to round him and stand in front of his aching body.
Souichi looked adorably perplexed. His eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth in a tight line, probably trying to figure out how to take his shirt off without hurting him.
"You should unbutton it first." Tetsuhiro suggested quietly so as not to frighten him. He enjoyed the sight of Souichi blush and scowling at him.
"I know that…stupid." He murmured and slowly reached up to take Tetsuhiro's shirt buttons in hand. He wasn't that close, thankfully, because Tetsuhiro could smell him already and it just served as a reminder of how long it had been since they'd been together. He felt the slight pressure of Souichi's nimble fingers as they made their way down his chest. Tetsuhiro could have sworn they were fumbling a bit, the curve of Souichi's eyebrows betraying his frustration.
Once he had finished, Souichi took a step back and breathed out, his eyes scanning his work. He moved forward and began pushing the hem of his shirt upwards. Tetsuhiro took a shaky breath as Souichi accidentally brushed his fingers against his stomach.
Souichi had moved so that he was behind him now and was smoothing his shirt upwards as he had done in the front. This time, however, it wasn't lingering touches, but one long sweep of his back. Tetsuhiro bit his lip, not entirely sure if he could handle Souichi actually putting the gel on. Souichi's warm hands reached the base of his neck. He was surprised with how careful he was being in getting the shirt over his head. Once he was freed, Souichi let the fabric drop and it fell to the floor.
Tetsuhiro tried smiling encouragingly at Souichi who had appeared in front of him again. Souichi resolutely ignored his stare.
"Thank you Senpai, that didn't hurt at all."
"Hmm. Don't thank me yet." Souichi murmured and he reached down to retrieve the tube of gel from the floor. He returned to Tetsuhiro's back and he heard the squirt of the contents and the squelch of Souichi rubbing his hands together.
"Everywhere…right?" Tetsuhiro did not respond verbally, he merely nodded his head.
When Souichi's fingertips finally made contact near his neck, he bit his lip until he was sure it was white with the pressure. He felt the chill from the gel for it hadn't begun to heat yet but Souichi's fingers quickly warmed his skin. It began as hesitant and fleeting touches, as if Souichi wasn't sure if what he was doing was correct. Tetsuhiro leaned backwards so that Souchi's fingers were pressed deeper into his skin and he swallowed a moan; not only did the touch send shivers down his spine but it was easing the tension that had built there.
He bloomed his hands out from the base of his neck so that the gel spread across his shoulders, easing his thumbs into his neck to dispel the ache. It wasn't the most intimate thing they had done together. But Souichi was touching him voluntarily. It was incomparable with anything else.
Tetsuhiro vaguely registered the hands leaving his back and made a noise of protest when they returned with more gel.
"Ungh-" The moan that escaped him as Souichi dragged his hands down to reach the entirety of his back sounded so desperate, he hoped to God Souichi wouldn't pull away.
The hands did stop for a moment, but continued to rub the gel in.
Luckily, Souichi didn't comment because Tetsuhiro wasn't sure if he could explain himself coherently when fingers were working their ways to the sides of his rib cage. He wasn't that ticklish but his skin was over sensitive and he gasped. He wanted it to be over but also wanted it to go on until the gel ran out.
The hands left his skin a moment later. Tetsuhiro tumbled forward and rolled his neck back, pleasantly surprised when pain did not shoot down his arms again. It ached still, but that would go in time, Souichi's gel had worked wonders.
"So….it worked?" Souichi's low voice asked.
"Ya-uhhh yes Senpai thank you so much. I'm…I'm going to check on M-Maya." He cursed himself as the words tripped out of his mouth.
"Are you…I'll just watch TV then" Souichi said quietly, eyeing him warily.
Tetsuhiro smiled distractedly and took the opportunity to run away. He had to escape from the scent and warmth and…just away.
He entered his room quietly so as not to wake Maya and lied down. He had become so incredibly turned on in a matter of minutes but one look at Maya willed him to calm down. The gel had started to heat up; it was a pleasant feeling and made him sleepy even if he had just awoken.
He wondered idly as he drifted, why Souichi hadn't pulled away.