Hey guys, here's chapter four. Hopefully it's not too bad. First off, I wanna say, ignore the author's note in that last chapter. I had one chapter sort of written already when I wrote that, but then I thought that the idea was stupid. So here's a new one.

Also, I am trying to increase the amount of words in each chapter. I am aware that my chapters are actually much shorter than a lot of other stories, and I'm trying to work on that, so please be patient with me. They'll eventually be the proper length XD

Anyway, hopefully I haven't messed anything up, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

XD

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto does.

Chapter 4: His Feelings

Tsunade sat in her office, finishing the last piece of paperwork for the day. As the pen glided over the paper, completing her signature, she felt a sense of relief and satisfaction unlike any she had ever had before. After looking over her desk to make sure this was no illusion, Tsunade sat back, stretching her arms wide. Her desk was clean, and the only papers in sight were in the small pile of reports she had just finished. She smiled, happy to have nothing to do for once.

'What? No more? This is fantas-'

At that moment, Shizune walked into her office, a new mountain of paperwork in her hands.

"Oh Tsunade-sama, you finished! That's great, now you can just start on this pile"

Tsunade's jaw dropped, and she proceeded to slam her head on the desk. She lay there for a moment, unmoving. She could feel a groove being worn permanently into the desk. 'I wonder what exactly made me take this stupid, endless paperwork filled job in the first place'

"Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade raised her head just enough so she could see her assistant and give her a death glare.

"Shizune, why is there always so much paperwork? Hell, where do you get the paper? There's enough paper here to cut down every tree in the Land of Fire! And even then, there wouldn't be enough paper to create all the reports you make me read"

Shizune rolled her eyes. "Tsunade-sama, please, you're exaggerating. Now come on, the faster you do this, the faster it will get done"

Tsunade just groaned.

"Tsunade-sama, I'm going to deliver these signed reports now" Shizune called out, heading towards the exit.

As soon as Shizune left the room, Tsunade opened one of the drawers in the desk, pulling out her bottle of sake. She pulled the bottle to her lips to take a drink, only to find it was empty.

"WHAT? Empty already?"

Tsunade felt like crying. She stared into the empty bottle. Maybe if she stared long enough, the bottle would magically refill itself.

Tsunade's depression was cut short as the doors to her office flew open, nearly toppling the mountain of paperwork on her desk. Naruto walked into her office, a determined look in his eyes.

"Tsunade-baachan!"

"Brat, watch it, if this paperwork gets messed up, trust me, you'll regret it! And knock before entering brat, its rude"

Naruto ignored her entire speech as he marched right up to her desk. "Baachan, I need a mission. Now"

Tsunade sighed, pulling the first paper from the top of the sack. As she began to read over the document, she eyed Naruto. "Naruto, I know you hate anything less than an A-rank mission, and all I have is a couple of d-ranks and 1 c-rank"

"What's the c-rank one?"

Tsunade narrowed her eyes at Naruto. She put the paper down on her desk, and then turned towards him. Naruto never requested c-rank missions. Hell, if he got a b-rank, he would usually complain that it wasn't worth using his 'great skills' to complete. "Could you repeat that?"

"I said, what is the c-rank mission?" Naruto said with his expression deadly serious.

"Why? You hate anything less than A-rank"

Naruto shrugged, but now refused to look her in the eyes. "No reason. I just really want to get out of the village"

Tsunade still looked a little suspicious, but decided against saying anything else. Naruto was too stubborn. If he wanted to tell her his reasoning, he would. "Well, it is just a mission up north. Once there, you will help rebuild one of the villages that were damaged in the war. They lost a lot of homes, so that's what you'll be focusing on. You'll also help put together a few shops among other things. It's about a week long, plus travel time"

"I'll take it"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow at him. This was starting to get too suspicious for her liking. Naruto started to sweat under her scrutiny. He glanced around the room, nervously avoiding her eyes.

"You'll take it? You realize there's no fighting, no excitement. It's just carpentry and grunt work. The most exciting thing that you'll probably get to do is clearing up some of the mess"

Naruto nodded. Tsunade slammed her head on the desk again, nearly toppling the mountain of paperwork. "Okay, fine, you'll leave tomorrow. I'll also send Kakashi and Sai with you so meet them at the gate tomorrow at 0800 hours. They will have the details of the mission. Your shadow clone technique might be a huge help here, since you'll be able to do a lot of the work in minimal time. Just don't tire yourself out too much. I know you like to go overboard. I would send Sakura as well but she's needed at the hospital right now. Too bad, she's good at keeping you in line"

Hearing Sakura's name made Naruto flinch, which didn't escape Tsunade's notice. Before she could question him though, Naruto was already running towards the door. He glanced and yelled over his shoulder.

"Well I've got to go prepare Baachan. See you in a bit"

Tsunade raised a hand to stop him. "Naruto-" she called before being cut off by the slamming of the door. Tsunade watched the door for a few moments, wondering exactly what could have happened between Naruto and Sakura to make him act like this. That is until the vibrations caused by him slamming the door made the mountain of paperwork topple over, scattering all over the floor. Tsunade looked at it for a moment, in pure shock.

"Wha-I-ah-NARUTO! You brat! Get back here!"

Naruto, still on his way down the stairs, just took off when he heard her yell. He wasn't sure what he had done, but he was sure that Tsunade was going to beat him into next week if he didn't get out of there. He didn't stop running until he was a good distance from the tower.

After Naruto had stopped running in fear, he began to walk towards his apartment, thankful to be able to leave the village for a few days. He could tell Tsunade had suspected something but was just glad she didn't question him about it. He continued on his way to his apartment, barely hearing the hellos and cheers that the villagers gave him as he passed by. It was amazing how much they had changed in attitude since his younger days.

When he reached his apartment he began to pack for what he assumed would be a few days. He packed some clothes, a few packs of ramen, his ninja tools, and lastly, his picture of Team 7, the way it used to be. He stared at it for a few moments, silently wishing that things could be how they used to be. As his eyes drifted over himself, then Kakashi, and then Sasuke, he remembered all the good times they'd had, especially when he and Sasuke would try to outdo each other. Then his eyes drifted over Sakura, and a small pain gripped his heart, tugging at his chest.

He thought back to what she had said in his hospital room the day before. He had wanted to get out of that hospital so badly that he had even pleaded for the Kyubi's chakra to heal him faster. He just couldn't stand to be in there after being rejected by Sakura.

He remembered her words 'Naruto, you can't love me'. Those words had been said with so much pain and sadness in her voice that it made Naruto tear up just thinking about it.

'Why can't I love you Sakura? Why can't I love the woman who has saved my life a dozen times over? Why can't I love her when she accepted and cared for me even though I am the home of a terrible demon? I do love you Sakura, that's just the way it is. And if I do deserve the perfect woman, then why can't it be you?'

Naruto shook away the thoughts, and looked back at his backpack again. 'All right' he thought, nodding to himself. He was going to go away for a few days. Clear his head. And when he came back, he would find a way to talk to Sakura again.

'But what if she doesn't want to talk to me?' That thought stopped Naruto in his tracks. He stood there in the center of his apartment, frozen in place. He remembered the look that had been in Sakura's eyes. It had been so sad, so full of raw pain. It made Naruto's heart shatter just thinking about it. 'I just don't understand Sakura. What do you mean? What have you done that is so horrible? No matter what it was, I would have forgiven you. I love you too much to ever stop loving you'.

Naruto shook his head, trying to clear away those thoughts. The point of this mission was so he could get over this. He sighed, regarding his backpack with thoughtful eyes. 'Damn, why can't this mission be today? He thought.

Shikamaru yawned as he once again approached his favorite cloud watching spot. Normally, he wouldn't go here so often. But lately, a certain blonde knucklehead had taken over, leaving Shikamaru without his favourite spot to just relax. Sure, there were other spots. He had been to them too, but none of them quite compared to this one. It was on top of a water tank, somewhere in the center of the city, quite close to the academy. He loved it. It gave him such a clear view of the city and the clouds, and just let him dream his lazy dreams.

However, when Shikamaru arrived there, the same blonde knucklehead who had stolen his spot many times in the last few days was lying in said spot, watching the clouds roll bye.

Shikamaru sighed. Would he ever get his spot back? Deciding that finding another spot was too much trouble, Shikamaru jumped up and lay down next to Naruto. As the two lay there, Shikamaru eyed Naruto. Naruto's eyes were unfocused, and he looked deep in thought. He probably didn't even realize that Shikamaru was lying right next to him.

"Oi, Naruto"

Naruto didn't respond. He just continued gazing at the clouds. Shikamaru growled. He couldn't take this depressed Naruto much longer.

"Oi! Naruto!" This time he raised his voice.

It worked too, because Naruto turned his gaze to Shikamaru, and seemed utterly surprised that he was lying there.

"Shikamaru, what are you doing here?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. He was in his cloud gazing spot and he wanted to know what Shikamaru was doing here?

"The real question is, what are you doing here? Don't you usually go sit on the top of the Hokage's head to think?"

Naruto chuckled softly. "Yeah…but this time, I thought that maybe it would be better to just come here. You know this is a really great spot"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. 'Yeah, it was'. Then he turned to look at Naruto. Naruto's eyes had a faraway look in them. He could also feel the intense pain and confusion that Naruto was struggling with at the moment, just by looking into Naruto's cerulean eyes. The only time Shikamaru had ever seen Naruto this confused and depressed was when he failed to bring Sasuke back. It wasn't hard for the Nara genius to figure out the only other thing that could depress the young Toad Sage like this.

"So, I'm guessing things haven't worked out with Sakura"

Naruto didn't answer for a moment. When he didn't, Shikamaru thought he might have to call out to him again, in case he had forgotten he was there. Just as he was about to, Naruto began to speak again.

"No, not exactly"

Shikamaru sighed. "What's the problem?"

Naruto eyed him for a moment, a curious expression on his face. "This isn't too troublesome for you?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "Your depression is what's troublesome"

Naruto chuckled a little before turning his gaze back to the sky. "She said that she doesn't deserve my love. She said that after everything that she has ever done to me, my love is better directed to someone else. She also listed off a bunch of qualities of hers that made her unworthy of my love. A lot of which I think is stupid, but she wouldn't let me say anything. And even if she had, I don't think I would've been able to come up with anything. Just seeing that pain in her eyes, I was lost. I had no clue what to do"

Shikamaru silently wondered if he had been a little too harsh with his words to Sakura before. The thought that they might have been part of the reason she felt this way made him feel extremely guilty. In the meantime, Naruto continued on.

"I just… I don't get it. Sakura has always been there for me. She's…I couldn't love anyone else, you know? Not in the same way. It wouldn't be the same. Sakura and I… we've been through hell together…"

Shikamaru sighed. "So you're saying that the bond you have with her is one of a kind, something that could never happen with someone else?"

Naruto nodded.

"So tell her that you idiot! What is so difficult about that?"

Naruto turned his shocked gaze onto Shikamaru, who had closed his eyes in irritation. Naruto hadn't expected Shikamaru to get so angry.

"T-tell her that?"

Shikamaru nodded. "Why don't you go and tell her, go running in, ignoring what everyone else says, just like you usually do? Jump in there, surprising everyone. You're good at that"

Naruto tried to answer, but he couldn't seem to get the words out. His mouth moved to form the words, but no sound came out. Taking his silence as confusion, Shikamaru continued on. "It's obvious that she cares about you. Plus there's the fact that you two slept together. Sakura isn't the kind of person to do that without a reason. Like I said before. So, you have to think, why would she do that with you? Sure, she had some alcohol, but considering who her sensei is, I highly doubt that a bit of alcohol would be enough to completely impair her judgement that badly. That could only mean she had some desire, somewhere inside, to be with you. So why don't you go in there like usu-"

"Shikamaru, please…stop" a raspy, anger filled voice said.

Shikamaru snapped his mouth shut. He had never heard Naruto so full of anger, except at those who insulted either Sasuke or Sakura.

Naruto took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "I know Sakura-chan isn't the type of person to do that without good reason. It's just…I don't want to lose my friendship with her. She's special to me. I love her, but if I mess this up, I-I…I don't know what I'd do". Naruto's voice was hoarse. Just hearing him would tell anyone that he was in pain at the moment.

Shikamaru snorted, earning a fiery glare from Naruto. "Hey! What the hell?"

Shikamaru turned to meet Naruto's glare. "Naruto, no matter how much of an idiot you could make of yourself, Sakura could never hate you. Like you said, you've been through hell together. Your bond can take more than a little idiocy caused by you. It's been doing that for years"

"Hey, I'm not always an idiot!"

Shikamaru shot Naruto his best, 'really?' looks, but Naruto seemed to be ignoring him. "So…are you going to talk to her?"

Naruto sighed. Not a good sign. "I don't know, I just wouldn't know where to start"

Shikamaru decided he'd finally had enough. He got up, a little fed up with the blonde idiot. "Fine then, do what you want. Just remember, you and Sakura have a strong bond. You two need to talk about it"

Naruto didn't answer, which only irritated Shikamaru even further. "Fine then, be that way, you're too troublesome for me to deal with"

And with that, Shikamaru began to walk away. He couldn't believe the way Naruto was acting. It was just…not Naruto. 'Troublesome idiot…takes my spot and then doesn't even listen to my advice' Shikamaru thought as he walked off.

As Shikamaru walked off, Naruto had fallen deep into thought once again. Just before Shikamaru was out of earshot, he rapidly spun around. "You know, I never would have thought that you, of all people, would be a coward" And with that, he took off, not looking back. 'Let's see if that gets the troublesome idiot moving' Shikamaru thought, a small smile on his lips.

Naruto sat up immediately. He spun to look at where Shikamaru had been standing only to see him gone. The anger in his eyes died down, and he lay back down again on the ground. 'I'm not a coward…I'm not…right?'

Allowing this thought to swirl around in his mind, Naruto slowly drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

Naruto woke up the next morning, as the sun was just rising over the horizon. He shivered, wondering where his blankets had gone to, when he remembered that he had fallen asleep on the water tower.

Naruto rose from the spot where he had been lying down. After stretching, he jumped down from the tower and made his way to his apartment. The walk there was quiet. Naruto walked the whole way remembering Shikamaru's words the day before. 'Coward'. The thought ate away at Naruto. It tore at his conscience, eating away at it like a virus, slowly covering every one of his thoughts. When he finally reached his apartment, the thought had begun to weigh heavily upon him. 'Am I really a coward?'

When Naruto opened his apartment door and his eyes settled on his packed bag, the answer was clear. 'I am a coward. I'm running from Sakura-chan. I'm trying to avoid you now. But still, what else could I possibly do?'

Naruto felt a warm tear fall down his cheek. He wiped it away quickly. Grabbing his bag, he took one last look around his apartment, making sure he forgot nothing. Before leaving, his eyes settled on a photo. This one had been taken a little while back, after Team 7 and Team Guy had returned from the mission to save Gaara. In it, Sakura and Naruto stood side by side smiling. They were bruised and dirty, and hadn't even had a chance to clean up. But despite that, Naruto could see just how happy they were. A small pain gripped Naruto's heart. He forced himself to look away, to stop the pain. He closed the door, to shield him from the picture, to stop him from feeling the guilt that he could feel building inside of him. Unfortunately, he didn't stop feeling it. It just continued to grow.

By the time Naruto reached the gate to meet with his team, Naruto was cursing himself over and over again, regretful of the fact that he was now running away. But he had a mission. A mission that he had asked for. He couldn't abandon it now. As he nodded to Kakashi and Sai, the three of them started down the road, out the gates. After crossing the massive gates that marked the entrance to Konoha, Naruto turned around, gazing in the direction of Sakura's apartment. 'Sakura, I'm sorry, I just can't stay here. The pain is too much. But please, just let me figure things out. I promise I will be back'. And with that, Naruto turned to follow his two teammates, not once glancing back.