Disclaimer: see chapter 1
A/N: Well, I'm glad people enjoyed the laundry soap. I hope you'll this chapter at well.
Chapter 4: The First Time
A week later, Reid was over at Emily's apartment for the first session. He entered her Brownstone with his messenger bag and go bag.
"Do you think you're staying the night?" she asked.
"Just in case. It's better to be over-prepared than under-prepared."
"I see."
"Tell me your safe words again."
"So that eidetic memory of yours doesn't work for this?"
"It works fine. It's not for me, it's for you. I want to be sure you know what to say. In the moment, it's sometimes hard to recall. Rehearsal will help you remember."
"Is that why you've had me practice for a week?"
"Better to be over-prepared," Reid began.
"Than under-prepared. Yeah, whatever. Fine. If I want you pause I say kumquat. If I want it over I say shoe polish, and if I want to you to start again I say fabric softener. And if you don't heed any of those I'll shoot you."
"Fair enough."
"So how do we start?"
"With dinner. I believe you said you had frozen pizza?"
"I did. But I made pasta salad instead."
"Salad?"
"You can't live on sugar laden coffee and junk food alone."
"Salad?"
"You can eat or watch me eat and starve, pick."
Reid ate with Emily. After dinner, they moved to the couch. Reid sat next to Emily, who kept giving him side-long glances. This felt weird on so many levels, she thought. He wrapped one arm around her in a gentle embrace. The other hand lightly touched her cheek and turned her face towards his. Then he leaned in and kissed her.
He was a good kisser. It was gentle and tender, and as his lips touched hers she felt the tension leave her body. She forgot about her worries, objections and questions. Then, as he pulled her close to him, she freaked out.
She pushed him away and said,"kumquat."
"Okay," he said in a gentle tone. He moved away from her on the couch. She stood up and began to pace.
"What happened?" he asked.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"You had a sense memory, didn't you? It's okay, Emily. Don't judge it, don't think about it. Just tell me how you feel right now. What happened while we kissed?"
"I said I don't want to talk about it, Matthew!"
"Matthew?"
"What?"
"You called me Matthew."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did. Matthew who? Benton?"
"Let it go."
"Emily, this is important. This might be why you're reluctant in physical intimacy with men."
"Fucking shoe polish, okay. No more tonight. It's done."
Reid nodded. "Okay. Not a problem." He stood and walked to get his bags.
"It wasn't him." Emily said.
"What wasn't?"
"He wasn't the one I had sex with."
"When you were 16? Okay."
"I just want you to know that."
"So now I know."
Emily sat down on the couch, and Reid sat down directly across from her. "He stood by me, through it all," she said.
"Matthew?"
"Yes."
"Through what?"
Emily just looked at him.
"You said Matthew stood by through it all, so I was just wonder what it was."
Her looked darkened into a scowl.
"Rossi told us you blamed yourself for Matthew being troubled and starting to question his faith. So that means standing by you meant causing him to question his faith. So, standing by you meant confronting someone in the church. Your priest, maybe."
"Let it go." The words came out of Emily's mouth in a low growl.
"So," Reid continued,"the question is what would cause him to confront your priest. Is it possible you were pregnant?"
"I thought when I said the second safe word that meant we were done for the evening."
"Of course. I'm sorry, it's just you kept talking so I thought you wanted me to stay. My apologies, I'll leave." Reid stood up and turned to leave.
"What if I was pregnant? What would that mean?"
"Well, that wouldn't cause a confrontation. Unless you were thinking about having an abortion." Reid studied her face. "Yeah, that's it. The priest made some ultimatum and Matthew defied him."
"You are simply disgusting sometimes. You are the only one who could do that."
Reid shook his head. "No, you could. Or Rossi. Or JJ. Probably Will, too. In any case, do you want me to stay or to go? I only ask because you keep telling me to leave then try to engage me in conversation. So which do you want?"
Emily sat there, thinking. Then she said,"Stay."
Reid sat down.
"So, when you pushed me away, what was happening in your mind. What were you thinking?"
"Does it really matter?"
"A great deal, yes. Who did you think of?"
"Him."
"Who? Matthew?"
"No."
"The priest?"
"Of course not."
"The other boy, whoever that was, then."
"The doctor."
"The doctor?"
"That stupid doctor. When he...when it was over, he looked at his work and said it was a beautiful scar, hardly noticeable. What kind of bedside manner is that? To compliment the scar?"
"Perhaps he thought you would be happy to know there wouldn't be a bad scar."
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"No. I'm wondering though, if this is why you don't like doctors? Or hospitals"
"I don't know."
"Is this how you feel when you kiss people, usually."
"No, it's...it wasn't when you kissed me. It was after that."
"When I touched you and brought you closer. Is that normal?"
"Sometimes. What does it mean?"
"I think it means, you associate the abortion and the events surrounding it with your first time. I think that's part of the reason behind your discomfort with sex. So, here's my question:do you want to try again or let it go for now?"
"If I say not now, do you have to leave?"
"Not at all. Do you have a deck of cards."
"Cards?"
"Yeah, I'll beat you at cards."
"Beat me? I seem to recall I was the one who beat you the last time we played."
"That was a minor anomaly. It is improbable it will happen again."
"Just watch me do it again, Dr. Reid."
They fell into a routine. Every Thursday(unless they had a case) Reid went over to Emily's house. She would promise him some brand of junk food or take out, only to make a home cooked(and mostly well balanced) meal. After dinner, they would begin with kissing. At some point, usually when Spencer's hands touched any body part besides her face, Emily would break off the kiss and say,"kumquat."
They would talk for a while, and then would play cards or chess for the rest of the evening.
During their talks, Spencer learned a great deal about Emily's misadventures in romance.
He learned that her roommates in college convinced her to try sex again, after she told them she had a bad experience with it in high school. "It gets better after the first few times," they told her. He learned one of her college boyfriends ideas of foreplay was squeezing her breasts like they were stress balls. He learned the president of one of the fraternities on campus wanted to have a three-way with Emily and one of her friends. She declined. When said president protested, Emily punched him in the face and broke his nose.
One night, after they cleared away dinner, Emily said,"I don't want to even try. What if I just said I don't want to have sex. I just...I just don't."
"That's okay, Emily. The point of this was for your abstinence to be an informed decision. I think you know some reasons for your reluctance. If you don't want to, that's fine."
"Has this happened before?"
"Sure."
"I'm sorry."
"Why? It isn't a failure. I keep telling you, sex isn't the goal. You understanding your choices and being in control of them is the goal."
"Does that mean we have to stop these Thursday nights?"
"Do you want to stop?"
"No. The truth is this is the high point of my week. I mean, I don't actually cook much the rest of the week. And it's nice to just...I've gotten used to having you here."
"I enjoy it too, Emily. If you should decide you want to start the sex part again, just say the word. Otherwise, we can just keep on like we are."
And that was their new pattern. They would have dinner, sometimes Reid would help cook. Emily was surprised to see that Reid was rather skilled in the kitchen. "My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic who wouldn't bath or eat if she wasn't medicated and properly supervised," Reid reminded Emily once. "Who do you think did the cooking when I was growing up?" After dinner they would sometimes play cards or chess. Sometimes they would watch movies, science fiction (Reid's choice) romantic comedies(Emily's choice) and action(Emily's choice).
Reid, of course, had his other women, but never on Thursdays. Thursday was their day and that was their pattern.
Their pattern broke when Emily called Reid on a Saturday evening. As soon as he answered the phone, he knew she was crying.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"He's getting married."
"Who?"
"Henry."
"Henry?" For a second Reid thought she meant JJ's son Henry. It didn't make sense so Reid asked,"Henry who?"
"My Henry. Henry Goddard."
"Emily, I'm sorry but you haven't you talked to him since you two broke up? Because that was a few months ago, so you can't really call him your Henry, can you?"
"I know." her voice was quiet and tense. "But he still shouldn't be getting married so soon. I mean..."
"Do you want me to come over?"
"Would you?" she sounded grateful.
"I'll be right there."
Spencer hung up his phone. Of course, things would have been simpler if Reid had been at his place when he was talking with Emily. He was, in fact, in a condo owned by one Sasha Windsor. Specifically, he was in her living room while Sasha was pouring drinks for them, in preparation for the rest of their planned evening.
Reid put on his jacket and walked to the dining room where Sasha was pouring the drinks.
"I'm sorry, but I have to go. Something came up. I'll have to take a rain check."
Sasha's intense blue eyes looked at Reid. "You're not fooling me, Spencer," Sasha said. "This isn't an FBI thing. You're going to see her."
"Who?"
"Miss Thursday Night. You won't even tell me her name."
"I never tell you names."
"The other names don't matter. You've never been with any of them this long. You've never broken any of your rules for anyone else."
"You don't need to know her name, and I thought you didn't like unnecessary details."
"Thursday used to be our night."
"You changed that nine months ago. Remember, when you decided we needed another break from each other."
"Don't change the subject. You are not going to see her. I forbid it."
The corners of Reid's mouth twitched, threatening to break into a smile. "You forbid me? Really? Or what? I mean, what are you going to do, exactly?"
"If you leave now Spencer, we're done."
"You mean again?"
She glared at him. "I would think you would choose me, whom you've been seeing for five years over her."
"We haven't been seeing each other for five years. We've known each other for five years, but we've only seen each other for 26 weeks in that period. So, it's more like we've been dating for a year and a half total."
"Don't argue with me. If you leave, then we are done forever."
Spencer nodded. "Fine."
He turned around to leave, then faced her again. "You know, since this might be the last time I see you, I need to say something. I've learned a lot from you, but a lot of it is wrong. In the time I've known you, you have broken my heart several times. When I really needed you, you weren't there for me. And this woman I'm going to see, might not have the vast sexual experience you do, but she's more of a woman than you will ever be. She would crawl over broken glass to help a stranger in need. You need to be bribed to move over 1 inch in bed. And I can honestly say, I don't need you in my life."
And with that he walked out, leaving Sasha stunned. This...boy she had taken in to her embrace dared to speak to her like that? She couldn't believe it. He'd be back, begging her to take him back. She may be kind and do so, but he would need to do a lot of begging for her forgiveness.
As he drove to Emily's house, Reid could help but realize he ended it with Sasha this time. He did. Not Sasha... but him. He knew that was big for him. He felt good about it too. He sighed. He had to try not to look elated when he saw Emily. He knew she would be sad. He just had to be there, even though there was nothing he could do to makes things better for her.
As he drove there, Reid considered what Sasha had said. Had he broken rules for Emily?
To be fair, he had.
First, he had approached her, a team mate. He made a rule against being with a team mate ever since things ended with JJ. He also didn't go looking for women to help. He all but talked Emily into this. And he pushed her harder than he did anyone else.
And he was leaving an evening with a date for her. He never did that before.
Why? That is an excellent question. It would be a great amends, Reid thought, remembering how badly he treated Emily right after the Tobia Henkel case. It was a dark time in his life, and he took it out on her. But he knew this wasn't an amends.
The moment Emily saw the wedding announcement in the paper, tears formed in Emily's eyes and ran down her cheeks. She couldn't shake the sense of sadness. It was stupid. She hadn't even thought about Henry ever since Reid put his list of references in her hand. Why was she all weepy right now?
She wanted to make the sadness that was welling up inside her vanish, but she couldn't make it vanish. She was in her living room, on her couch and she couldn't stop crying over seeing her ex-boyfriend getting married. The only thing worse was who he was marrying. There was only one person Emily could think of to call, so she dialed Spencer's number. She didn't expect him to come over, but she wasn't going to say no.
The truth was she was relieved he was coming. She didn't want to sit with this alone. She didn't want to be alone anymore.
She kept going over in her head, it will be like a Thursday. She set out the chess set. He'll come in, she thought, and we'll sit down on the couch. We'll talk for a little bit and play chess. I will not cry, she thought. I will not cry. I will absolutely not cry.
The doorbell rang. She opened the door and it was Spencer.
As soon as he was inside and the door closed behind him, she wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace and started crying all over again. No, she thought, stop crying. But she couldn't help herself. All she could do is hold onto him for dear life. He put his arms around her.
"It's okay, Emily," he said in a soft voice.
She held onto him tightly. When at long last she ran out of tears to cry, she let go of him. Her eyes were closed, then she felt the delicate fingers of his hand lift her chin up. She opened her eyes to look into his. A shy, gentle smile crossed his face. This was the Spencer Reid she knew from before. How could someone who had seen so many bad things could seem so innocent. In that moment his face projected only comfort, the way he did on Thursday nights when she talked about her past and listened without judgement. It was the same, but it felt different. Then, he felt like a therapist. But now, it was different.
"I can't believe this." she said. "I don't know why I'm acting like this. I saw the listing in the paper any..." her voice trailed off as she tried to think of what to say.
"It'll be all right," he said. She believed him. She didn't know if she leaned towards him or he towards her, all she knew was that their lips touched in tentative and gentle kiss. It ended quickly, and then they were looking in each others eyes again. Neither one spoke.
This wasn't like the other kisses they shared on Thursdays. This one came out of nowhere, and neither of them knew who kissed who. Then their lips met again in another gentle kiss. This one lasted longer. Then their lips opened, their tongues became entangled with each other. He leaned forward as she leaned back onto the couch. As they did this, they continued to kiss each other. He head her head in his hands while she ran her hands up and down his torso.
He broke off the kiss and looked in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I…I didn't mean to take advantage of you like this… I mean …"
"Fabric softener."
His eyes went wide in surprise. "Are you sure?" his voice was soft and gentle.
"Yes." And then she started kissing him again.
This time when he broke off the kiss, he said,"if this is what you want, maybe we should go into the bedroom. We can be more comfortable."
"Okay."
Once they were in the bedroom, he kissed her again. He had been here before. As before, he kissed her full on the mouth. Then he began to kiss his was down her face and onto her neck. As he did this, she let out little moans, which she never did before.
Spencer moved his hand to the bottom of the sweatshirt she was wearing. He lifted it off of her, fully expecting her to say kumquat or shoe polish at any moment. But she didn't.
Not when he took her shirt off. Not when he took off his. Not when he removed her bra and started kissing her again. He gently lay her down on the bed, and then he laid on top of her. As he kissed her neck and worked his way down, the delicate finger of one hand lightly touched her right breast. Gently, so gently, he touched the area around her nipple.
It felt electric. No one had touched it so gently, so delicately before. Then he took the nipple between his thumb and forefinger and gently pinched it, causing her to give a cry. At the same time, he began to kiss the other breast at its base. He worked his way up to the nipple, and took it in his mouth. He began to suck on it, gently biting it. As his did that, she let out another cry, louder this time.
"Oh my God," she said. She never felt like this. She was tingling all over. It felt so good, better than anything she felt before. Spencer kissed his way down to her waist. He paused, removing her jeans and underwear. Then he kissed his way down to her pussy.
She felt his tongue gently run across her pussy lips. Then he ran his tongue across them again, a little harder. Then, his tongue worked its way inside her. It was incredible, the feeling of his tongue inside her. Then Reid put his mouth on her clitoris and sucked hard.
"Oh my God," she cried out. Waves of ecstasy rippled over her as he continued to suck on her clitoris. Then she felt something enter inside her pussy. It must have been his finger. The finger went deep inside until...
Oh my God, she thought as the pleasure intensified. He began to move his finger in and out of her pussy and he sucked on her clitoris and then...
She could feel something build up, but she wasn't certain what it was. No one had ever done this with her before. Suddenly, it happened. It was as if every nerve in her body was experiencing pure ecstasy all at once. She made a noise with her voice, it was loud and unintelligible. As she did, she could Reid's mouth move to her pussy. His tongue moved fast inside, lapping up the juices flooding it greedily. It felt so good for his tongue to be there that Emily grabbed his head and shoved it closer to her pussy.
She wasn't sure how long it happened, but it felt like it lasted forever. Then, it was over. She let go of his head. She felt light headed, and all the tension in her body was gone.
She heard Spencer's voice, but it seemed distant.. What was he saying?
"Emily?"
"Yeah?"
"Was that okay? Did you enjoy that?"
He had moved close to her in the bed, she looked at him. She had a huge smile on her face. "That was amazing." Her hand touched his cheek. "Oh my God, Spencer."
He smiled shyly,"I enjoyed it too."