'Set it to random?' The Wizard asked The Doctor.

'Yeah, why not. Let's see what Mickey gets first time round.'

'Let's just hope it's not the sun exploding.'

'Hey, that was-,'

'I mean, who takes a girl to see her home planet being swallowed up by the thing keeping her warm all of the time?'

'Oh, shut up.'

Rose laughed.

'Right then. Here we go.' The Wizard pulled the lever and they materialised somewhere. The Doctor went to the door and peered out.

'Nope.'

'Doctor!' The Wizard sighed.

'No, next one. Not this one.'

Mickey looked between them.

'Don't you trust the Tardis?'

'I do, but I'm not in the mood for waffles and a hollow planet.'

'Oh, was that the Draconians?'

'Yes.'

'Doctor, they're NOT WAFFLES.'

He just grinned at her as she pulled the lever again. This time The Wizard marched out of the doors. The Doctor followed, then Mickey and finally Rose.

'It's a spaceship,' said Mickey in awe, 'brilliant I got a spaceship on my first go!'

The Wizard smiled.

'Looks kind of abandoned,' said Rose, 'anyone on board?'

'Nah, nothing here. Well… nothing dangerous… well… not that dangerous.'

'Doctor, shut up.'

'Sorry. You know what, I'll just do a quick scan, in case there's anything dangerous.'

'So, what's the date how far have we gone?' asked Rose.

'About 3,000 years into your future, give or take.' The Doctor opened the sky roof with his sonic and they looked up. '51st century. The Dagmar cluster. You're a long way from home, Mickey! Two and a half galaxies!'

'Mickey Smith, meet the universe.' Rose gave him a pat on the back, while The Wizard inspected the walls.

Mickey peered out, mouth open.

'See anything you like?'

'It's so realistic!'

The Wizard laughed and noticed The Doctor pulling things apart. Naturally, she went to stop him.

'Dear me we've had some cowboys in here.'

'You mean you?' she quipped, standing beside him and looking at the mess he was creating.

'No,' he said like a child, 'Not me! Look, there's a ton of repair work going on.'

Mickey and Rose went over and The Doctor looked at a screen.

'Now that's odd, look at that. All the warp engines are going.'

'Why?' The Wizard asked, looking round.

'Full capacity,' added The Doctor. 'There's enough power in this ship to punch a hole in the universe.'

'Ah…' said The Wizard slowly, turning on the balls of her feet.

'What?'

'Hang on, let me think.'

'We're not moving. So where's all that power going?'

'Probably punching a hole in the universe,' said The Wizard.

'And where'd all the crew go?' asked Rose.

The Doctor got distracted from frowning at The Wizard. 'Good question, no life readings on board.'

'Well, we're in deep space, they didn't just nip out for a quick fag.'

'Nope, I've checked all the smoking pods.'

'Sarcasm, Doctor,' The Wizard said, pulling out her sonic and scanning the room.

'Yes, yes I know I know. Can you smell that?'

'Surprised you hadn't earlier,' The Wizard said. The Doctor set her a cheeky glare.

Rose sniffed. 'Yeah, someone's cooking.'

'Sunday roast, definitely!' said Mickey excitedly.

The Doctor pushed a button and a door opened. He and The Wizard ran through and went to opposite ends of the next room.

'Anything your side?' called The Doctor.

'Yeah.' The Wizard lowered her sonic. 'I've found the hole.'

They went through slowly.

A fireplace was sitting in the middle of the wall, burning.

'Well, there's something you don't see on your average spaceship.' The Doctor leapt up a few stairs. '18th century. French. Nice mantel.' He scanned it with his sonic. 'Not a hologram. It's not even a reproduction.'

The Wizard noticed Rose and Mickey looking through the window while she outstretched her sonic again and checked around the ship for radio signals.

'This actually is an 18th century fireplace,' continued The Doctor. 'Double sided. There's another room through there.'

'It can't be,' said Rose, still at the window, 'that's the outer hull of the ship, look!'

'It's a hole in the universe.' The Wizard repeated herself.

'Hello,' said The Doctor. The Wizard span round and crouched next to him to find a girl sitting on the other side behind the flame. 'What's your name?'

'Reinette.'

'Reinette, that's a lovely name.'

Mickey and Rose peered round the edge as well.

'Can you tell me where you are at the moment?' asked The Doctor.

'In my bedroom.'

'And where's your bedroom, where do you live Reinette?'

'Paris, of course.'

'Paris! Right.' The Doctor shook his head.

'Monsieur, Mademoiselle, what are you doing in my fireplace?'

'Oh, just a routine… um…' he looked to The Wizard for help, though she shrugged, 'uh… fire check, can you tell us what year it is?'

'Of course I can. It's 1727.'

'Right, lovely, one of my favourites.'

'Mind you…' said The Wizard, looking him in the eye.

'Oh, yes, August. August is rubbish though, stay indoors. Ok, that's all for now. Thanks for your help. Hope you enjoy the rest of the fire. Nighty night!'

'Good night, monsieur, mademoiselle.'

They stood up.

'You said this was the 51st century,' frowned Mickey.

'I also said this ship was generating enough power to punch a hole in the universe. I think we just found the hole. Must be a patio-temporal hyperlink.'

'What's that?'

The Wizard rolled her eyes. 'Humans,' she sighed.

'No idea, just made it up. Didn't wanna said magic door.'

'Hole in the universe, Doctor, that pretty much sums it up,' The Wizard said. 'And don't confuse the humans, it's very exhausting.'

'And on the other side of the 'magic door' is France in 1727?' asked Rose.

'Well,' said The Doctor, 'she was speaking French. Right period French, too.'

'But you were speaking English,' protested Mickey, 'I heard it.'

'That's the Tardis, it translates for ya,' explained Rose.

'Even French?'

The Wizard laughed.

'Yep.'

'Even French.' The Wizard clapped a hand onto Mickey's shoulder as she walked past. 'It comes from The Doctor and I; we speak every language.'

Before Mickey could ask another question, she and The Doctor walked back to the fireplace, feeling around the wood.

'Gotcha!'

The Doctor pulled a lever and the fireplace started turning, taking the two Timelords with it.

'Doctor, Wizard!' shouted Rose as they disappeared.

The room was dark and Reinette was sleeping in her bed. The Doctor watched her while The Wizard looked around. He then crossed the room and joined her. The ticking of a large, loud, clock echoed through the room.

'That ticking is annoying,' The Wizard said. She saw the clock. It was smashed. 'Ah.'

'What?'

She nodded to it.

'Oh.'

Reinette woke up and gasped. The two ran to her, either side of the bed.

'It's okay! Don't scream!'

'Remember him?'

'It's me! It's us! Fireplace man! Look!'

The Doctor pulled out his sonic and ignited the candle.

'We were talking, just a moment ago.'

The Wizard frowned at Reinette's face.

'I was in your fireplace.'

'Monsieur, that was weeks ago! That was months!'

'Really? Oh.'

He went to the fireplace and knocked on the wood, putting his ear to it. 'Must be a loose connection.'

'One explanation,' The Wizard muttered quietly.

'Need to get a man in.'

'Who are you? And what are you doing here?'

The Doctor remembered the clock. 'Okay that's scary.'

'You're scared of a broken clock?'

'Not exactly, Reinette,' The Wizard said soothingly, 'but think.'

'Why?'

'Just a bit scared, yeah,' The Doctor had only been half listening to them, 'just a little tiny bit. Cause you see, if this clock's broken, and it's the only clock in the room, then what's that sound?'

They looked around.

'See, cause that's not a clock. You can tell by the resonance. Too big.'

The Timelords leant forward a little and strained their ears.

'Six feet, I'd say. Wizard?'

'Mm. Human adult height.'

'Mm. Size of a man.'

'What is it?' asked Reinette fearfully.

'Now, let's think. If you were a thing that ticks and you were hiding in someone's bedroom, the first thing you'd do is break the clock. No one notices the sound of one clock ticking, but two? You might start to wonder if you're really alone.'

Reinette looked terrified so The Wizard sat on the bed next to her. There was a small winding sound.

'Stay on the bed,' said The Doctor, crouching, 'right in the middle. Don't put your hands or feet over the edge.'

The winding sound happened again and The Wizard held out her sonic screwdriver. Reinette shuffled her hands under the blanket and The Wizard put a hand on her arm, though stayed ready to strike. The Doctor got down on all fours slowly and peered under the bed. The Wizard tensed when she heard the sonic. Knowing his luck, something would jump out. And it did. The Doctor was pushed over. The Wizard leapt off the bed and hauled him up quickly. Instantly he dove down on the floor again and The Wizard hit him in the back of the head.

'Ouch, what?'

'Doctor, it's up here.' She kept her vision locked onto the masked clock. Dressed like a French aristocrat and ticking like an old clock.

'Oh.' The Doctor saw the shoes and stood slowly.

'Reinette, don't look round. You, stay exactly where you are.' The Doctor glanced at the now upright ticking masked "thing" and Reinette. 'Hold still, let me look.'

He cupped her head in his hands without any further explanation. He then looked at the clock in outrage. 'You've been scanning her brain! What, you've crossed two galaxies and thousands of years just to scan a child's brain?! What could there be in a little girl's mind worth blowing a hole in the universe?'

'Like hell you're going to get a straightforward answer.'

And The Wizard was right. It didn't move.

'I don't understand,' said Reinette, 'it wants me?' She looked round at it.

'Not yet, you are incomplete.' It was a typical robot voice.

'What? Ideas, Doctor?'

'Incomplete, what does that mean? Incomplete?'

Silence.

'You can answer her, you can answer me, what do you mean INCOMPLETE?'

The thing turned and marched round to The Doctor, extended its arm and out drew a sword of some sort. In a flash, out went The Wizard's own.

'Mademoiselle, be careful!'

'Just a nightmare, Reinette, don't worry about it. Everyone has nightmares.' The Doctor, looking quite relaxed, moved to the fireplace.

The robot advanced forward and The Doctor backed further up, The Wizard in front of him and ready to strike.

'Even monsters under the bed have nightmares, don't you, monster?'

The Doctor jumped out of the way from where he was backed against the fireplace and the robot's sword got stuck, which means the arm was as well.

'What do monsters have nightmares about?' the girl asked, still on the bed.

'Us! Ha!' said The Doctor and turned the fireplace round.

'Oi!' The Wizard shouted.

'Oh, sorry!' The fireplace pauses and she stepped on.

'We'll see more of you, Reinette!'

She managed a wave before they were facing Rose and Mickey.

'Doctor!'

'Wizard!'

He ran over and got a fire extinguisher, using it all to cover the robot, which became frozen in place.

'Excellent, ice gun!' Mickey said.

The Doctor tossed it at Rose. 'Fire extinguisher.'

'Where did that thing went from?' Rose readjusted her position.

'Here.'

'So why?' asked Mickey.

'Field trip to France, some kind of basic camouflage protocol, nice needlework. Shame about the face.' The Doctor pulls the mask off to reveal a robot made from a metal like brass or gold, sealed in a glass faceplate. 'Oh, you are beautiful! No, really, you are! You're gorgeous, look at it!'

'Doctor, zen.' The Wizard said, watching him.

'But look at it!'

'Doctor!'

'Sorry Wizard. Look at it, though! Space age clockwork, I LOVE it, I've got chills! Literally, seriously. I mean this from the heart and, by the way, count those, it would be a crime, it would be an act of vandalism to disassemble you, but that won't stop me.' He held up his sonic.

The robot then pressed its wrist and disappeared.

'Oh, nice going, Doctor,' The Wizard said, voice holding only a tease.

'Shut up!'

'Why can't you ever just get on with it?'

'Sorry, sorry! Anyway, short range teleport, can't have gone far. Could still be on board.'

'What is it?' asked Rose.

'DON'T go looking for it.'

'You know we don't have insurance, you don't have to warn them,' The Wizard said.

'Where are you going?' asked Rose.

'Back in a sec.'

They went round the fireplace again.

'Daytime. Her room's nice in the day as well.'

'Yep. Reinette? Just checking you're okay.' The Doctor noticed a harp.

'Don't-,' but he'd already started plucking it.

The Wizard turned and frowned. The Doctor turned when she coughed pointedly. There was a young woman standing in the doorway.

'Oh. Hello… um… I was just looking for Reinette.'

'Sorry,' The Wizard mouthed at her and mimed The Doctor being rather slow.

'Er, this is still her room, isn't it? I've been away. Not sure how long.'

The Wizard face-palmed.

'Reinette,' called a voice from further in the house, 'we're ready to go!'

'Go to the carriage, mother, I will join you there!' called Reinette.

Comprehension dawned on The Doctor's face.

'Idiot,' muttered The Wizard.

'It is customary I think to have imaginary friends only during one's childhood. You are to be congratulated on your persistence.'

'Reinette. Well! Goodness how you've grown.'

'And you two do not appear to have aged a single day! That is tremendously impolite of you.' Reinette was standing in front of them.

'Right… yes… sorry…'

'It's kind of hard to explain,' The Wizard said, smiling.

'Um… um…'

'You okay there Doctor?' the other Timelord teased.

'Um… um… listen, lovely to catch up but better be off, eh? Don't want your mother finding you up here with a strange man do we?'

'Never stopped you before.'

'Shut up Wizard!'

The Wizard tilted her head in a "just saying," way.

'Strange? How could you be a stranger to me? I've known you since I was seven years old.'

'Yeah… I s'pose you have.'

The Wizard was not helping The Doctor out of this one.

'Ha, I came the quick route.'

Reinette put a hand on The Doctor's cheek and The Wizard doubled over for a second, trying not to laugh.

'Well you seem to be flesh and blood at any rate, but this is absurd. Reason tells me you cannot be real.'

'Oh… you never want to listen to reason.'

'And you can take that from him.'

The Doctor sent The Wizard another cheeky glare and she shrugged innocently.

'Mademoiselle? Your mother grows impatient!' called another voice.

'A moment!' called Reinette, exasperatedly. 'So many questions. So little time.' She pulled The Doctor's head down and kissed him. His eyes widened as he was pushed backwards and The Wizard closed her eyes; trying to hold in her laughter. Or at least keep it silent. She slowly edged toward the fireplace, knowing full well they wouldn't be there much longer with Reinette's mother being so impatient.

'Mademoiselle Poisson!'

Reinette finished the kiss and dashes off. The Doctor looked so dazed The Wizard went over and supported him, chuckling sympathetically.

'What is it with you?'

'I… don't know.'

A man hurried in and The Wizard put her hand on the lever on the fireplace.

'Poisson…' echoed The Doctor, his brain starting to slowly kick in. 'Reinette Poisson. No! No, no, no, no way! Reinette Poisson?' The Doctor ran up to the man. 'Later Madame E'toiles? Later still, mistress of Louis XV? Uncrowned Queen of France! Actress, artist, musician, dancer, courtesan! FanTASTIC gardener!' The Doctor laughed like an idiot and rested on the fireplace.

'Who the hell are you?!'

'I'm The Doctor. And I just snogged Madame de Pompadour!'

'And I'm The Wizard!' she pulled the lever.

'Rose?' called The Doctor when they were around. The two were nowhere to be seen. 'Mickey? Everyt- EVERYTIME! It's rule one; don't wander off!'

'There's a reason it's rule one.'

'I tell, them, I do! Rule one-'

'Doctor you don't think-,'

'There could be anything on this ship!'

They went round a corner and came face to face with a horse.

'Ooo, hello,' The Wizard spoke, 'aren't you a pretty boy?'

'A horse?'

'God knows what year it's from.'

'Go on, boy.'

'Can't we just-,'

'No! Now go on!' The Wizard walked happily in front, The Doctor looking at the horse.

'Rose?' He called, following The Wizard. Behind him, follows the horse. 'What are you doing?' He held a hand out to stop the horse. 'Will you stop following me? I'm not your mother.'

The Wizard laughed heartily, clapped him on the shoulder and kept walking, right through another time window, into a large, incredibly large, garden around a large mansion. It was green and The Doctor smelt it.

'So this is where you came from, eh, horsey?'

'Horsey?' echoed The Wizard.

'Shut up,' he muttered back.

'Versailles gardens. Always meant to visit again,' said The Wizard, looking round, 'Oh, there's Reinette?'

'It is!'

She and a friend were talking as they walked over the grass, laughing.

They watched from behind a wall. From nearby a peacock called. The Doctor ducked down without a thought, hiding. The Wizard followed him.

'Why are we hiding?' whispered The Wizard.

'I…' The Doctor frowned. 'I don't know.'

'Brilliant.' The Wizard stood up.

'Oh, Catherine, you are too wicked.'

'Oh, speaking of wicked, I hear Madame de Chateauroux is ill and close to death.'

'Yes. I am devastated.'

'Oh, indeed. I myself am frequently inconsolable. The King will therefore be requiring a new mistress. You love the King, of course?'

The Timelords grinned.

'He is the King, and I love him with all my heart. And I look forward to meeting him.'

The peacock called again and The Doctor pulled The Wizard down as Reinette turned again. The Wizard tutted.

'Is something wrong, my dear?'

'Not wrong, no.'

'Every woman in Paris knows your ambitions.'

'Every woman in Paris shares them.'

'You know of course that the King is to attend the Yew Tree ball?'

'As am I.'

They chuckled and The Doctor tugged on The Wizard's coat, pulling her back through the door into the ship. The horse was waiting for them.

A few minutes later they found Rose and Mickey, watching through a window to France. A rich, well dressed man entered the room.

'Blimey, look at this guy,' said Mickey. 'Who does he think he is?'

'The King of France,' said The Doctor, announcing their return.

'Oh, here's trouble. What you been up to?' Rose grinned.

'Well…,' The Wizard said.

'Oh, this and that. Became the imaginary friends of a future French aristocrat, picked a fight with a clockwork man.'

The horse neighed behind them. The Wizard laughed.

'Oh, and we met a horse.'

'What's a horse doing on a spaceship?' asked Mickey as the horse stood beside them.

'Mickey, what's pre-Revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective. See these? They're all over the place. On every deck. Gateways to history. But not just any old history.'

'One person's,' added The Wizard, as they watched Reinette enter the room.

'Hers. Time windows deliberately arranged along the life of one particular woman. A spaceship from the fifty first century stalking a woman from the eighteenth. Why?'

'Why indeed, Doctor.'

'Who is she?' asked Rose.

'Jeanne-Antoinette Poisson, known to her friends as Reinette. One of the most accomplished women who ever lived.'

'And we're a few thousand years in the future.'

'So has she got plans of being the Queen, then?' Rose watched as the two talked in the brightly lit room.

'No, he's already got a Queen. She's got plans of being his mistress.'

'Oh, I get it. Camilla.'

Mickey laughed.

'I think this is the night they met. The night of the Yew Tree ball. In no time flat, she'll get herself established as his official mistress, with her own rooms at the palace. Even her own title. Madame de Pompadour.'

Reinette was left in the room alone and she checked her appearance in the mirror, standing right in front of them. 'The Queen must have loved her.'

'Oh, she did. They get on very well.' The Doctor said conversationally.

'The King's wife and the King's girlfriend?' Mickey said, looking at the Timelords.

'France,' The Doctor shrugged. 'It's a different planet.'

'And that's saying something coming from us,' nodded The Wizard. Then she frowned. 'Doctor… there's someone at the back of the room.'

A moment later Reinette turned and spoke to it. The Wizard took a fire extinguisher from Mickey and shoved The Doctor out of the way. He noticed, as it turned, that it was an android.

'Hello, Reinette. Hasn't time flown?'

'Fireplace people!'

The Wizard covered the android with the extinguisher and passed it to The Doctor, who threw it back to Mickey. The android creaked and Mickey raised the extinguisher again.

'What's it doing?'

'Switching back on. Melting the ice.'

'Handy little trick,' grumbled The Wizard, fiddling with its wrist, trying to disable the teleport.

'And then what?'

'Then it kills everyone in the room.'

It extended a hand and The Doctor stepped back calmly.

'Focuses the mind, doesn't it? Who are you? Identify yourself.'

'…'

The Doctor turned to Reinette, 'Order it to answer us.'

'Why should it listen to me?'

'I don't know. It did when you were a child. Let's see if you've still got it.'

'E… Answer his question. Answer any and all questions put to you.'

'I am repair droid seven.'

'What happened to the ship, then? There was a lot of damage.'

'Ion storm. Eighty two percent systems failure.'

'That ship hasn't moved in over a year. What's taken you so long?'

'We did not have the parts.'

The Wizard sighed quietly.

Mickey laughed. 'Always comes down to that, doesn't it? The parts.'

'Yes, it does,' smiled The Wizard, though Rose and Mickey noticed she looked sad.

'What's happened to the crew? Where are they?'

'We did not have the parts.'

'There should have been over fifty people on your ship. Where did they go?'

'We did not have the parts.'

'Doctor,' said The Wizard.

He turned. 'What?'

'"We did not have the parts."'

'Oh. You didn't have the parts, so you used the crew.'

'The crew?' Mickey asked, alarmed.

'We found a camera with an eye in it, and… there was a heart… wired in to machinery.' Rose told them.

'Bad programming,' said The Wizard sadly.

'It was just doing what it was programmed to. Repairing the ship any way it can, with whatever it could find. No one told it the crew weren't on the menu. What did you say the flight deck smelt of?'

'Someone cooking…' Rose said quietly.

'Flesh plus heat. Barbeque.' The Doctor frowned. 'But what are you doing here? You've opened up time windows. That takes colossal energy. Why come here? You could have gone to your repair yard. Instead you come to eighteenth century France? Why?'

'One more part is required.' The robot turned its head, to look straight at Reinette.

'Then why haven't you taken it?'

'She is incomplete.'

'Why the interest in Reinette?' The Wizard said.

Reinette sidled over to stand behind her.

The Doctor looked on in disbelief. 'What, so, that's the plan, then. Just keep opening up more and more time windows, scanning her brain, checking to see if she's done yet.'

'Why her? You've got all of history to choose from. Why specifically her?' asked Rose.

'We are the same.'

Reinette's voice sounded confidently through the room; she felt safe behind The Wizard and The Doctor. 'We are not the same. We are in no sense the same!'

'We are the same.'

'Get out of here. Get out of here this instant!'

'Reinette, no,' started The Doctor and The Wizard, but the robot teleported away.

'It's back on the ship. Rose, take Mickey and Arthur. Get after it. Follow it. Don't approach it, just watch what it does.' The Doctor ordered.

'Arthur?' Rose frowned.

'Good name for a horse.'

'No, you're not keeping the horse,' Rose said, like a mother.

'We let you keep Mickey. Now go! Go! Go!'

The Wizard shut the mirror door and left the room, investigating the building with discreet flicks of her sonic.

'Hey! Wizard!'

She turned and The Doctor was to be seen being led by Reinette to the ball room. She laughed. 'Are we about to party with the French in the 1700s?' she asked.

The Doctor's face split into a huge grin. 'I think we are.'

The Wizard put her sonic away. 'Right, then!'

She spent the time The Doctor danced with Reinette making jokes and talking to the people around her, but when Reinette danced with the king, the two stood side by side, nudging each other cheekily. They then danced themselves.

'You know what?' asked The Wizard as they swept past Reinette, 'I think this is too tame.'

'I'm thinking the same,' said The Doctor, clearly interested in the prospect, 'how do you propose we liven it up?'

'Well… Sonic to a few corks in bottles, convince the musicians to play their music at 140 beats per minute… what do you think?'

'Sounds good to me. Oh! I've got a banana in my pocket!'

'Excellent!'

'Where's Rose and Mickey?'

'Oh,' groaned The Doctor, 'I bet they've been taken.'

'Right. Come on.'

The Doctor went to straighten his tie.

'Wait, no, I've got an idea.' The Wizard rubbed the glass clean on her sunglasses and put them back on top of her head, wonky that time.

The two then grinned and kept singing what they were before they went back onto the ship, being careful to knock as many things over as possible.

'I could've danced all night, I could've danced all night!'

'I think that toni-i-ight is when our stars align!'

Each holding a goblet full of wine they swayed into the room the Tardis had landed in. Rose and Mickey were tied down on metal slats, clearly ready to be hooked up to something.

'And still have begged for more. I could've spread my wings-,'

'Your world needs a great defender, your world's in the way of harm…'

' and done a thou-,' The Doctor was completely unfazed by the looks of incredulous disbelief he and The Wizard were getting from Rose and Mickey, instead he addressed them happily. 'Have you met the French? My… GOD, they know how to party.'

'O-o-oh, yeah,' nodded The Wizard, tilting her head, raising her goblet.

'Oh, look at what the cat dragged in. The Oncoming Storm and The Looming Thunder.'

'Oh, you sound just like your mother.'

'Full of sass, there, Doctor,' said The Wizard.

'What've you been doing? Where've you been?!'

'Well…'

'Well,' repeated The Doctor in the same high tone, 'among other things, I think we just invented the banana daiquiri a couple of centuries early.'

'His fault, not mine.'

Rose let her head fall back, completely exasperated.

'Do you know, they've never even seen a banana before?! Always take a banana to a party, Rose. Bananas are good.'

'Ish,' nodded The Wizard.

The Doctor started on the robots, walking toward them, leaning on The Wizard, laughing the whole time. 'Oh ho, ho, ho, ho, brilliant. It's you! You're my favourite, you are. You are the best! Do you know why? Because you're so thick. You're Mister Thick Thick Thickity Thick Face from Thicktown, Thickania.' He turned away again, but turned back to add; 'And so's your dad.'

The Wizard laughed.

'Do you know what they were scanning Reinette's brain for? Her milometer. They want to know how old she is. Know why? Because this ship is thirty seven years old, and they think that when Reinette is thirty seven, when she's complete, then her brain,' he rolled the "r", 'will be compatible. So, that's what you're missing, isn't it, hmm? Command circuit. Your computer. Your ship needs a brain. And for some reason, God knows what,' he muttered, 'only the brain of Madame de Pompadour will do.'

'The brain is compatible.'

'You know, what interests me most here,' said The Wizard, taking her sunglasses off of her head and swinging them round, 'is that the people that programmed these robots were even thicker! 'Cause it's beyond the robots to calculate in a smart way if their programming is so thick. How thick,' she continued, 'would you have to be… to not notice… a flaw like that? It's like…'

'Oh, I know this,' The Doctor flicked his hand round, 'I know this, it's like… it's like…'

'… …' she also flicked her hand, 'It's like baking a cake, but not noticing the oven is out by 50 degrees and there's an extra cup of flour.' She scratched her temple as she added; 'it ends up too thick.'

Mickey raised his eyebrows and Rose sighed.

The Doctor pointed at her. 'Exactly. And what do you,' he rounded on the robots, finger still pointing at his focuses, 'mean by compatible? If you believe that, you probably believe this is a glass of wine.' Suddenly back to normal level of silliness, he took of the mask and emptied his goblet, which was in fact not full of wine, over the robot closest to Rose, the one he'd rounded on about being from Thicktown. It seized like it had with the fire extinguishers.

The Wizar straightened up and suddenly looked more alert, ready to throw her own "wine" at whichever one came near them.

'Multigrain anti-oil. If it moves, it doesn't.'

'Pain to get out of kitchen sinks,' The Wizard said informatively, as if giving them a tip, 'and never spill it on Newton's Cradles in the presence of a momentum conserver. Trust me; your brains won't be able to comprehend it.' She threw her oil at the robot that had been creeping up behind her.

The other robots advanced and Rose shouted.

The Doctor used his sonic on the locks holding Rose and Mickey while The Wizard jumped to the controls and flicked the robots' kill switch.

'Right, you two, that's enough lying about. Time we got the rest of the ship turned off.'

'Are those things safe?'

'Define-,' began The Wizard, but she was cut off.

'Yeah. Safe. Safe and thick, way I like them. Okay. All the time windows are controlled from here. I need to close them all down. Zeus plugs. Where are my Zeus plugs? I had them a minute ago. I was using them as castanets.'

'Before you switched to playing the forks.'

'Aren't you supposed to play the spoons?' asked Mickey.

'Yeah. He played the forks.'

'Why didn't they just open a time window to when she was thirty seven?' Rose asked, getting them back on track.

'With the amount of damage to these circuits, they did well to hit the right century. Trial and error after that. The windows aren't closing. Why won't they close?'

'One will still be-,'

A bell rang which cut The Wizard off.

'What's that?' Rose asked the Timelords.

'I don't know. Incoming message?'

'From who?'

'Report from the field. One of them must still be out there with Reinette. That's why I can't close the windows. There's an override.'

'Which I was about to say,' quipped The Wizard.

The robot The Doctor had poured the oil onto suddenly let the said oil drain out of its hand.

The Doctor looked outsmarted, and therefore slightly sulking. 'Well, that was a bit clever.'

The kill switch flicked itself back on.

'So was that,' said The Wizard, lifting her sonic up.

'Right. Many things about this are not good.' A bell rang through the ship and The Doctor looked around. 'Message from one of your little friends? Anything interesting?'

'She is complete. It begins.'

'Oh, joy,' grumbled The Wizard as the androids teleported out.

'What's happening?'

'One of them must have found the right time window. Now it's time to send in the troops. And this time they're bringing back her head.'

'Maybe they'll be nice and leave it on her neck,' suggested The Wizard, ushering Mickey and Rose down a corridor. 'Rose, I need you to do a favour. You need to go talk to Reinette and tell her the robots are coming, got that? Make sure she knows what to do, keep them talking etcetera. Tell her we promise we're coming.'

Rose nodded and left.

The Doctor and The Wizard found the right window.

'Oh,' said The Wizard, using The Doctor's words, 'that was a bit clever.'

'Mickey, go get Rose.'

'Fixing the audio link.'

'Robots are everywhere, Doctor, we've got to get in there.'

'I'm working on it!'

'Are you there? Can you hear me? I need you now. You promised. The clock on the mantel is broken. It is time.' Reinette was at her fireplace, and the Timelords watched as they fought to reach her.

'Why the hell did they block it off?! Human built robots are supposed to be dumb!' shouted The Wizard about the screams.

'Doctor! Wizard!'

'They're taking her to the ballroom! Doctor!'

'You found it, then?' Rose ran in.

'They knew we were coming. They blocked it off.'

The Wizard muttered a couple of insults at the androids and kept working.

'I don't get it. How come they got in there?' Rose asked, as the Timelords ran around.

'They teleported. You saw them. As long as the ship and the ballroom are linked, their short range teleports will do the trick.'

'Well, we'll go in the Tardis!'

'We can't use the Tardis. We're part of events now.'

'She'd have a fit, old thing,' said The Wizard.

'Well, can't we just smash through?' asked Mickey.

'Hyperplex this side, plate glass the other. We need a truck.'

'We don't have a truck.'

'I know we don't have a truck!' The Doctor shouted, causing Mickey to cower slightly.

'Well, we've got to try something.'

'No. Smash the glass, smash the time window. There'd be no way back.'

'Could everyone just calm down? Please.'

They looked up at the window as Reinette addressed the screaming ballroom.

'Such a commotion. Such distressing noise. Kindly remember that this is Versailles. This is the Royal Court, and we are French.' She turned to the robots and spoke again. The Wizard ran off. 'I have made a decision. And my decision is no, I shall not be going with you today. I have seen your world, and I have no desire to set foot there again.'

'We do not require your feet.'

The Wizard returned to the others with Arthur.

Reinette, now pushed to kneel between two androids looked up at another. 'You think I fear you, but I do not fear you even now. You are merely the nightmares of my childhood. The monster from under my bed. And if my nightmares can return to plague me, then rest assured, so will yours.'

'I'm going through.'

'Well so am I.'

'One of us needs to stay here to fly the Tardis to pick up the other.'

'I want to go.'

'I'm Arthur's favorite; I'm going.'

The Doctor couldn't really argue with that, but… 'Then we both go.'

'That's a terrible idea.'

'We don't have time for this!' shouted Rose.

'Fine!' snapped The Wizard, and The Doctor jumped onto Arthur. They ran at the mirror, and all three went through, The Wizard running beside Arthur.

In the ballroom it turned out they had jumped through a mirror. The Doctor was still riding Arthur and trotted around the ballroom. The Wizard landed in a barrel roll and stood up.

The Doctor jumped off Arthur. 'Madame de Pompadour. You look younger every day.'

'Very,' added The Wizard, smiling at the grinning Reinette.

'What the hell is going on?'

The Wizard and The Doctor turned to survey the man behind them. He looked rich and self important.

'Oh. This is my lover, the King of France,' said Reinette.

'Yeah?' said The Doctor, 'Well, we're the Lords of Time. And we're here to fix the clock.' He pulled the hood off of the robot and the ballroom gasped. The robot pointed its blade at The Wizard, who glared at it like it was stupid and annoying.

'Forget it. It's over.' The Doctor looked at the mirror, completely smashed. 'For you and for us. Talk about seven years bad luck. Try three thousand.'

'But! Now, to business,' said The Wizard, clapping her hands together.

'Yes! Business! The link with the ship is broken. No way back. You don't have the parts. How many ticks left in that clockwork heart, huh? A day? An hour? It's over. Accept that. I'm not winding you up.'

The Wizard's mouth twitched at The Doctor's joke. The androids looked like they were slumping from how bad it was. They bent over and powered down. One fell over and smashed into tiny pieces. The Wizard took one of Reinette's hands, The Doctor taking the other. They pulled her up.

'You all right?'

Reinette nodded. 'What's happened to them?'

'They've stopped. They have no purpose now.'

The Wizard and The Doctor were looking out of the window at the stars in the sky.

Reinette approached. 'You know all their names, don't you? I saw that in your mind. The name of every star.'

'In every language,' nodded The Wizard.

'What's in a name?' shrugged The Doctor. 'Names are just titles. Titles don't tell you anything.'

'Like The Doctor and The Wizard.'

'Like Madame de Pompadour.'

She laughed. 'I have often wished to see those stars a little closer. Just as you have, I think.'

'From time to time.'

Reinette sighed at the two. 'In saving me, you trapped yourselves. Did you know that would happen?'

'Mmm. Pretty much.'

'Yet, still you came.'

'Yeah, I did, didn't I? Catch me doing that again.'

'Him especially,' said The Wizard, tilting her head at The Doctor.

'There were many doors between my world and yours. Can you not use one of the others?'

'When the mirror broke, the shock would have severed all the links with the ship. There'll be a few more broken mirrors and torn tapestries around here, I'm afraid, wherever there was a time window. I'll, I'll pay for any damage. Er, that's a thought, I'm going to need money. I was always a bit vague about money. Where do you get money? Wizard, you haven't got any money in your pocket, have you?'

'No. I only had a few kickles Rose asked me to hold the other week and you spent them on ice-cream.'

Reinette laughed. 'So, here you are, my lonely angels, stuck on the slow path with me.'

'Yep, the slow path. Here's to the slow path.' The Doctor chinked his glass with the others'.

'It's a pity. I think I would've enjoyed the slow path.' Reinette said.

The Wizard frowned at her.

'Well, I'm not going anywhere.'

'Oh, aren't you? Take my hands.' Reinette set down her goblet and so did the Timelords.

She led them to her bedroom, in which stood a fireplace. 'It's not a copy, it's the original. I had it moved here and was exact in every detail.'

'The fireplace,' murmured The Doctor, 'The fireplace from your bedroom. When did you do this?'

'Many years ago, in the hope that a door once opened, may someday open again. One never quite knows when one needs one's Doctor or Wizard. It appears undamaged. Do you think it will still work?'

'Well…,' muttered The Wizard.

'You broke the bond with the ship when you moved it, which means it was offline when the mirror broke. That's what saved it. But… the link is basically physical, and it's still physically here. Which might just mean, if we're lucky. If we're very, very, very, very, very, very lucky.'

'Which we've already established you are,' said The Wizard, wiggling her hand at him.

The Doctor examined the fireplace. 'Ah ha!'

'What?' asked Reinette.

'Loose connection.' The Doctor waved his sonic.

'One explanation,' The Wizard muttered quietly, repeating her words like The Doctor was doing.

'Need to get a man in.'

'Wish us luck!' he pressed the fireplace and it began to spin.

'No,' said Reinette as it turned, though they couldn't stop it.

The Doctor and The Wizard dropped to look through the fireplace. 'Madame de Pompadour! Still want to see those stars?'

She dropped down. 'More than anything.'

'Give us two minutes. Pack a bag.'

'Am I going somewhere?'

'Go to the window. Pick a star, any star.'

Reinette giggled and ran off, and so did The Doctor.

He turned when he realised The Wizard wasn't following. 'What?'

'I'm going to stay here and make sure we don't drift.'

The Doctor nodded and The Wizard stuck a pole through the fireplace, keeping her hand pressed onto the loose connection. She found herself getting bored before either of them returned.

'I'm here. Wizard?'

'Reinette! Good! Step inside.' The Wizard stood up and turned the fireplace. Reinette was grinning. 'Hop on.'

Reinette took The Wizard's hand and they swung round. Reinette looked around at the spaceship. 'Wizard, where are we?'

'In space. Amongst the stars. You're further away from home than you can imagine. Which star did you pick?'

'Uh…' she stuttered for a moment. 'The one in the middle of the three in a line,' she said.

'Orion's belt, middle star,' said The Wizard, 'it's called Alnilam. Alright, then.' She held out her hand again and Reinette took it. 'Come along, Madame de Pompadour.'

They reached The Tardis. 'This is one trip only, but you'll never forget it,' assured The Wizard. 'But you might want to prepare yourself for the inside of this box.'

'Where is The Doctor?'

'He's in there.'

'And Rose and Mickey?'

'Like I said, "prepare yourself." It's a little overwhelming.' The Wizard pushed open the bright blue doors and stepped inside with Reinette.