Killian

All 27 of the eager contestants stood lined up along the edge of the candle lit pool. The gentle night breeze wafting the faint scent of the overly extravagant floral arrangements, and swaying the airy chiffon fabric of their expensive ball gowns.

Across the glittering waters stood David and very disinterested Killian. The urge to flee and free himself from the figurative shit storm he had gotten himself pulled into was always present in the back of Killian's mind, but the daggers the fiery blonde producer had been shooting at him with her green eyes convinced him that doing so would not be prudent.

"Good evening ladies," The always charming host spoke greeted the young women on the other side of the pool. "It is my pleasure to welcome you to Once Upon a Time," his statement was met with a scattered mix of clapping and cheering brought about by the contestants which quickly died out, giving David the opportunity to speak once again "Now, As you well know, you were each given a diamond bracelet as a gift to welcome you into the completion," He took another well-rehearsed pause to create the mass amount of suspense possible without it seeming like over kill. "These bracelets are a symbol of your place in the competition and in the heart of our own handsome gent Killian," this received Killian a series of wolf whistles and applause that would make a normal lad blush. "But unfortunately," he continued causing the cheers to once again become silent. "By the end of the night we will need to reclaim a few of those bracelets because for some, tonight will be your first and final night on Once. Now, without further ado I would like introduce your suitor: Killian Jones."

His introduction was met with another round of cheers, which dissipated as the waiters came out and the ladies were ushered over to the patio area by various members of the crew. His own producer, the lovely Miss Swan, walked over and checked his mic, and fiddled with its wiring whilst clearly ignoring the commands Killian could tell were coming from her ear piece.

She still seemed to be in a sour mood which he chalked up to her earlier confrontation with that camera man.

"Is it just me or do you think Regina is taking whole 'fairy tale' thing too far? In one night I have met Ariel, Elsa, Mulan, and Rapunzel," He asked deciding that it would be easier to spark a conversation with her if he kept it show related.

"We have an intern named Cinderella, but we call her Cindy though" the blonde divulged as she combed down one of the many fly-aways that always plagued his mop of dark hair. He rather liked the way her fingers felt when woven through his hair.

"That's bloody fantastic is what that is … Who does that make you Swan? The Swan princess? Should I call you Odette?" he offered jokingly as she escorted him over to his, currently many, girlfriends.

"Are you prince charming then?" Swan retorted most likely referencing the fact that he was supposed to be one of those poor girl's 'prince'.

Yup, their own personal, drunken, womanizing 'prince'. The thought warranted itself a small chuckle, which caught Emma's attention

"I actually think that seems more like a David title," Killian replied, noting the blonde's piqued interest, "I'm far too much of a rebel to be a royal. Perhaps I would be a thief or a pirate," the bachelor further explained.

"If you changed you prosthetic, you could be Captain Hook." Emma told him playfully.

Killian could feel his smile fading from the plastic grin he'd been wearing for the cameras to something much more genuine.

The two stopped in front of the welcome party where the contestants spoke excitedly amongst themselves. "Alright, so over the next few hours, mingle with the fangirls and try to find the ones you want to keep around," Emma told him before giving him the final push that threw him into the crowd,

He felt as though he were a bucket of chum into a shiver of hungry sharks.

"Go get 'em." She called before leaving him to be devoured

The gaggle of girls quickly flocked to him in the hopes of gaining their 5 minutes of face time with him which he normally spent talking about mind numbingly boring things like 'oh I love your dress' or 'ooo CrossFit that sounds interesting', and if Killian had to hear one more of the vapid beauty queens tell him how going gluten free could change his life he would bloody scream.

Emma

Regina's voice sounded in her ear piece, "Alright Swan, I want you to protect the wifeys, Elsa and that Swimsuit model Ruby, starve our villain Zelena and ply her with alcohol until she's Hangry enough to be considered lethal, and I want the rest to pickle. Other than that, you know the drill: cash bonuses for nudity, cat fights, and 911 calls. Let's have a good season."

Emma confirmed that she'd heard the other woman's briefing as she watched the even begin to enfold. From her perch on one of the manor's many balconies. She could easily spot her least favorite red head tossing back shots and running her long fingered hands down Killlian's chest in her not so subtle attempt at flirting, which seemed to make him look more nervous than intrigued, the scene made her laugh. Her watchful eye then traveled to Mal who had been dumping out all the drinks the waiters handed her in an attempt to avoid drinking. She could see David the show's host shamelessly flirting with the school teacher Mary Margaret, and lastly she noticed, Mulan the war hero, sitting by herself at a table on the outer edge of the festivities.

Emma froze when she saw it Ingrid walking over to the lonely woman.

No. no, no, no Emma thought as she heard the first few lines of their conversation coming over the sound system. "Ingrid no," Emma warned as she hurried down the flight of stairs and pushed her way through the crowd. "I'm on it, just stand down" She continued hoping to stop the other woman before she, in true Ingrid fashion, took it too far. Her statement had been punctuated by Regina's half- hearted protests, but of course she ignored all warnings and continues speaking.

Regina

Regina stood her post in the center of the bull pen eyes searching the monitors for film that she could deem even slightly useful in the episode's final cut.

Honestly, do I have to spoon feed these people? She thought quickly tiring of the shows lack of action.

"I have nothing," Regina called into the walkie-talkie "I need all of you to get off your lazy asses and make something happen. Get me some one on one time. Get me some interviews. For the love of God, get me something that is better than this snooze fest."

Ingrid's voice was first to respond "I see Mulan in the corner I'll go prep her", and while a small part of Regina knew that letting Ingrid handle anything of a particularly delicate nature was risky… There was a much larger part of her that wanted to see how this whole situation would pan out.

She could hear Emma over the com system attempting to scare Ingrid off with a series of 'No's which Regina half-heartedly joined in on, just as it was too late to make any difference

She ordered one of the camera crew to record the confrontation, so she could see them on one of the screens. "Hi Mulan, I'm Ingrid," The producer greeted as when she got to the table. She was currently clad in one of the wait staff's uniforms attempting to blend in. "We talked on the phone a few times," she added when she saw that the other woman didn't remember her.

Recognition sparked on the Asian woman's face soon after.

"Hey," The contestant replied confusion clear in her tone, "You're a waitress?" she asked taking in the producer's attire.

"What?" the other woman asked before taking a moment to glance at her own clothing and realize that she was in fact wearing one of the waitress's dresses. "Oh, right, it's a disguise," she explained. "I was actually chosen to manage you guys tonight but y' know I wasn't supposed to stand out when on camera."

Regina could once again hear Emma's voice over the com system telling the other woman to stand down, which Ingrid of course ignored.

The contestant wasn't sure how to react so she offered the eager producer a response "That's umm clever." She turned her attention back to her apparently interesting martini glass as I to say 'please leave'. When the girl realized that Ingrid was not leaving she let out an exasperated sigh, "Is there something else you would like to tell me?" she asked.

"What the hell are you doing?" Regina wondered aloud as she watched the two woman interacting on the screen.

"Well, I came to talk with you about your one on one with Killian," Ingrid explained setting her drink tray on the small table.

"Why? Is something wrong?" She questioned once again making it apparent that she wanted the other woman to get to the point.

"No, no," the producer attempted soothe, shaking her head to emphasize her point, "It's just that, well umm, we really want you to do well. So when you're up there, say something that will stick. Just go up there and get right to the point"

"Point? It's not like I came here with a list. I think it's better to just introduce myself. Like a normal person would do on their first date," Mulan reasoned.

Regina watched Ingrid pause as she searched for the correct way to say what she was going to say. Eventually the producer came up with: "Yeah well that might not go so well. We think that you should tell him about your little secret..."

"My what?" the contestant asked. "I don't have any secrets," she stammered nervously.

Ingrid let out a defeated sigh "We think you should tell him you're a virgin. Some guys find it sexy, and we think it might make you seem more desirable than some of the others."

At the figurative helm of her ship, Regina stood frozen, flabbergasted by the producer's actions. Her hand moved to cover her agape mouth. She then let out an 'ooo' sound that was either impressed or shocked, she wasn't entirely sure which. Regina then leaned back against one of the desks, and continued to watch the scene. Things had clearly become much more interesting

Ask and you shall receive.

"Don't get me wrong, we think it's really great," Ingrid offered reaching out to place a supportive hand on the girl's shoulder. Which she quickly shrugged off.

Mulan looked horrified. Regina watched the girl sputter out some sort of response. It was something to the extent of: 'That's none of your business,' and 'My choices were not made to fulfil some man's sexual fantasy'. Mulan's horror then evolve into something that either resembled anger or sadness.
Regina was hoping sadness…tears would be great right now.

She could practically see the girl's eyes begin to glisten with unshed tears "Come on baby, cry for me. Mama wants some TV magic."

"H-How do even know that?" the girl on the screen whispered lip quivering ever so slightly.

Executive producer Mills made no effort to hide her delight as she watched the two tear steam down the girl's face "Oh! Oh! We got the tears! Push in with cam A!" she ordered then adding a quick "and get cam B to show me the Brittbitch."

On a separate screen she watched the read head swirl the remnants of her beverage around in the mostly emptied glass.

"Aww I wonder why samurai princess over there is so upset," She questioned sarcastically before leaning into whoever she had been sitting next to and whispering, "It's probably because someone told her just how bloody ugly that jumpsuit she's wearing really is," she then punctuated her statement with a drunken laugh and snort

Regina looked over to August who slapped the villain label underneath Zelena's head shot, now adorned with a set of Expo marker devil horns and a goatee, on the contestant board.

She pointed a perfectly manicured finger at it, "Now that," the EP stated a sinful smile spreading across the woman's dark lips, "Is a good bitch. Offensive, rude, and out for herself. Thank you Zelena for being such a horrible person."

"Takes one to know one" Cindy mumbled as she shuffled together a stack of papers avoiding her superior's sharp gaze.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you two were siblings … Your majesty," August added.

Regina decided that it wasn't worth her time to argue so she merely turned her attention back to the screens in which she saw Emma escorting Mulan away from Ingrid.

Emma

Emma placed a guiding hand on the contestant's back as she escorted her to a more private place.

"Was it supposed to be funny?" Mulan ask her tone tinged with her apparent hurt. "I shared that with you in confidence, and you used it to make me into some big joke."

"Look it wasn't said to offend you just- calm down" The producer attempted to soothe, throwing her most sound 'Bitchface' in Ingrid's direction when the girl's back was turned. To her, it felt as though the more she spoke, and tried to claw herself out of the hole that her fellow producer had dug her into the deeper inside she ended up.

It quickly became clear to Emma that her words alone were not enough, so she decided to bring in a third party.

As Mulan stomped off to sit under the gazebo, Emma scanned the crowd and easily found Killian amongst the partiers. She beckoned him with a small wave of her hand. He seemed grateful for the reprieve as he hurriedly move through the crowd and made his way over to her.

"What is it, love?" He asked.

With a nod of head, Emma gestured to the nettled woman currently sitting on her lonesome, "I need you to talk to her," She requested.

"What happened? She seems upset," Killian inquired, eyes on the other girl.

Emma side eyed the man wondering if his concern was genuine or not, "She is. Now go"

A quip bubbled just beneath the surface of the man's response, but instead he replied with a simple, yet sarcastic 'As the Lady wishes' before walking over and taking a seat on the bench beside Mulan.

She had to give the guy credit, he knew his way around women… maybe not her, but he seemed calm and attentive with just the right amount of humor to lightened Mulan's mood. Every now his eyes would flick up to hers over the girl's shoulder as if he were searching for approval. Which she offered with a soft smile.

The evening continued through the evening in much the same fashion. Emma being told to run all over god's creation grabbing contestants that Regina deemed 'screen time worthy', and offering them up for the one on ones likes lambs to the slaughter.

Emma watched him go from sincere to plastic man in a manner of minutes. Eventually, His false sentiments that were at least well thought out were reduced to a series of practiced responses swapped out between contestants. Granted, his reaction to Maleficent giving him her daughter's rattle as a token to show him how excited the child was to 'meet her new daddy' was priceless. Granted the moment ended as soon as Regina told her that it was becoming 'as dry as Mal's shriveled up old pussy'.

Emma had been at this job a long time, and somehow this show's lack of tact never ceased to amaze her…

Next she was told to fetch the model, Ruby, who came along, a pleased smile playing across her heavily painted features. She sat down beside Killian, who quickly perked up at the sight of the scantily clad contestant.

Emma tried to ignore their nauseating flirtations, rather unsuccessfully, but after hearing Ruby talk about horse riding, and how much she loved the feel of a powerful beast between her legs. Emma was done.

Emma pulled her ear piece free and let out a steady breath, hoping to ease her troubled mind.

However her moment of peace was short lived. She could already catch the faint rattling of Regina's voice coming through the abandoned piece of plastic. A producer's work is never done, She thought putting it back into place only to hear Regina's voice yelling at her to get him because 'Ruby's meant to be marriage material, not a trashy one fuck friend'

Emma's eyes flew open, and sure enough the two were going at it like horny teenagers.

Emma jogged over to the gazebo and caught the otherwise occupied man by his elbow and pulled him away from the alluring brunette who had been shoving her tongue down his throat.

"C'mon big boy, we need to talk" Emma muttered dragging him away.

He tossed Ruby a parting wink as Emma steered him to the pool house. Without a word she closed the door behind then. Her hands quickly went to work grazing along his waist.

"You know Love, if you wanted to get me alone, all you had to do was ask. There's no need to use my behavior as an excuse." He teased jovially.

Emma scoffed at this.

It didn't take her to find what she was looking for and show it to him "Your microphone, if you have it on they can hear everything we're saying," She pointed to the power switch and flipped it into the 'off' position.

Without thinking her fist flew out and connected with his upper left arm.

"Ouch, what'd you do that for?!" Killian asked his good hand reaching to cover the spot that had met her fist.

"You know what," She snapped accusingly. Killian seemed genuinely lost, so she explained, "What you and Ruby were doing, yeah, you can't do that."

"And pray tell is that exactly?" Killian crossed his arms this time disapproving of her.

"Look, Killian, the first time we're getting anything remotely reading 'chemistry' from you, it's only for Ruby, and you can't fuck her on the first night," Emma informed him.

"You bloody well asked me for chemistry, and now you're telling me that I am in fact not allowed to be attracted to one of the hottest girls here. That is ridiculous." Killian stated in disbelief.

"That is show business," Emma replied, decidedly ignoring his bullshit

A moment of silence passed between the two as a flirtatious grin spread across his handsome face.

"What?" Emma questioned wondering what his change of face was about.

"Nothing, it's just I'm not used to women like you, who talk to me the way you do," Killian flirted.

"Oh why? Because you're so devastatingly handsome with your smoldering eyes and chiseled chest?" Emma offered jabbing him with her finger.

"And the accent helps too," he added teasingly

"Right" Emma answered elongating the 'I' to illustrate her disbelief.

"I have to admit I do enjoy the whole brazen blonde ball-buster thing," He teased, as though he were a cat playing with a mouse, "It's sexy. You must be one Hell of a woman, Swan."

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She flirted back shamelessly.

"Perhaps I would." he replied easing himself closer to her.

"Don't do that," Emma warned taking step away from him. Emma Swan may have, but a mouse was not one of them.

She glanced around the small space feeling an idea dawn on itself on her. Her attention him "Hey Killian, being that you dislike the current state of things so much, how would you like to do something that will really upset the status quo?"

"I'm all ears, Love."