''Ouch, what –''
Remus sat up and looked around. He sighed.
''Sirius, wake up.''
Not a single sign of life was given from Sirius' side.
''Wake up'', Remus said again and nudged Sirius gently in the side.
''Uhhh. Can't. Too early.'' Sirius opened his eyes slightly. ''Wait... oh my God.''
He sat up, looked around in the room and then his look fell to Remus.
''When I said making love in the kitchen was a good idea, I did not plan for this to happen.''
''Me neither'', Remus sighed. ''Come on. Let's go to bed instead.''
Sirius nodded, stood up and rubbed his sore back.
''Damn, Moony. Your kitchen floor is really uncomfortable.''
''You're not really supposed to be sleeping on it.''
''What time is it?''
''Four in the morning.''
''Great. Plenty of time to sleep with you in a bed.''
They went in the room and snuggled down under the covers, but Sirius did not come to rest.
''You awake, Remus?'' he mumbled after a while.
''Yeah. Can't sleep.''
''It's not so long 'til full moon, right?''
''Four days.''
''I'll be with you this time. You won't have to go through it alone.''
''I love you. Come here.''
He pulled Sirius in to his arms and Sirius buried his head under Remus' chin. He breathed in the smell of him – Remus smelled like home and safety and everything he had missed.
''If you ever leave me again I'm gonna break'', Remus mumbled in to Sirius' hair.
''Good thing I won't.''
Remus smiled.
''Yeah. Good thing you won't.''
''I love you.''
***
Next time Remus woke up, he found himself alone in the bed. He sat up.
''Sirius?''
It was bright outside of the window now, and when he threw a glance at the clock next to his bed he realized it was already noon.
''I'm here, love! Stay in bed'', he heard from the kitchen. Remus smiled and put down his head on the pillow again. Just a minute later, Sirius came in to the bedroom with breakfast on a tray.
''Just like old times'', said Sirius and sat down next to Remus with the tray over their legs.
''It's like you never even left. How did I survive for nine years without anyone who made me breakfast?''
''How did I survive for nine years without someone to make breakfast for? Here, have some tea.''
He poured up some hot water in a cup and handed it over to Remus.
''Thank you.''
''So, let's talk'', said Sirius and leaned back towards the wall.
''It's too early.''
''You always say that. I want to know everything about what have happened in my Moony's life. I want you to tell me about every moment I missed out on.''
''It hasn't happened so much'', sighed Remus.
''Something must have happened. It's been nine years, for God's sake'', said Sirius.
''... Sovjet is no longer a country?''
''I don't care about fucking Sovjet.''
''Gromyko died last year.''
''I don't care about Gromyko either. I don't even know who he is. I want to know about you. The story of your life. From october 1981 until today. We have plenty of time.''
''Oh Lord.''
''Where you have lived, what you have been working with, who you have been with.''
''You really want me to tell you about the girlfriends from my past?''
''So there have been girlfriends?''
''Not really.''
''Two of them. You told me last night.''
''Nah. Well, yes. But no. They were not really girlfriends. One of them was, I suppose...''
''Tell me.''
Remus noted that Sirius did not seem jealous or upset, just curious. His eyes gleamed. Remus was confused, but he started telling Sirius.
''First, there was this... girl.''
''We've now noted that it was a girl five times, go on'', Sirius joked. ''Do I know her?''
''Er... yes. Mary. Mary MacDonald'', said Remus.
Sirius nearly spilled out his tea.
''WHAT? MARY? OUR MARY?'' he said shocked.
''Since when is she 'our Mary'?''
''I knew her for ten years!''
''I know, so did I'', Remus reminded him.
''It's just – wow! Mary!'' Sirius leaned back and nodded slowly. Then he turned to Remus again: ''Are you aware of the fact that I slept with her?''
''What? When did you sleep with Mary MacDonald?''
''Fifth year. She was good.''
''But... you know what, I'm not even surpised'', Remus said, sighed and shook his head before he continued: ''Anyways, she helped me to plan the funeral. We became friends. And then we kissed and we were suddenly more than friends.''
''Were you in love?''
''Of course not. I think... I think I just needed to... it was weird. I feel weird talking about it.''
''Why?''
''Since I now know you're innocent.''
''But you didn't know that by then. You can tell me.''
''Okay.'' Remus took a deep breath. ''Well, I think I kind of had to get you... away. Away from my body. I felt so disgusted and I just wanted the memories of your touch to disappear. I think I might have tried to... stun myself. I don't think she was in love with me, either. She just needed someone, she could not handle to be alone. You know that her boyfriend broke up with her a month before Lily and James died. I was kind of her rebound. She was kind of mine. We needed each other. It ended pretty soon. We're still friends.''
''And the second one?''
Remus did not respond immediately. He stirred his tea with a small spoon, and then put it down to take a small sip.
''Her name was Claire. She was a muggle. Five years ago. I think I was in love with her, but I could not love her, do you understand? I kind of isolated myself from the magical world for a few years. The muggle world was much more appealing to me. I was still an outcast, but people were not disgusted by me. I could get a job. And after all, I had lost everything I held dear in the magical world, so I could not see the point of holding on to... memories. But, I realized that it would never work out, since my... furry little problem. And she wanted children. Plus, I still loved someone else, even if I hated admitting it. We broke up. It would never work out.''
''Sorry.''
''Don't be. I'm sorry.''
''Sorry about what?''
''Well... the other girls.''
Sirius just laughed.
''Oh my God, Moony, you slept with two people in nine years. You are thirty years old and hotter than ever, but still single. There are a million girls or boys that would have killed to have you. Yet I am the one who is currently eating breakfast in your bed. I am the luckiest man alive.''
Remus smiled.
''You can't be. I am.''
''Shut up. I am. Now tell me. What happened more?''
''Oh, not much. I have been taking small jobs at cafés and stuff, in the muggle world, but I can't handle anything that has to do with food. And also, I often get fired after a few months because I'm ill too often. I've tried small shops and stuff, but same there. I was a substitute teacher for a while, they called me in when someone was ill. I loved it, but I think I wasn't qualified enough for being a muggle teacher. I know nothing about science and stuff. And also, I missed out on seven job opportunities in a row because of full moon. And it often clashed with my other jobs – the teacher job was not enough to pay the bills. So I had to quit. I've lived here in Wales, mostly. I moved from my old flat just a week after Lily and James died. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Too many memories.''
''I see.''
''The new one was in London. After that, I moved to Limerick after getting a job there. But I was fired, so I moved back to Cardiff. And that is pretty much everything that has happened.''
Sirius was quiet.
''All those years'', he mumbled after a while.
''Yeah'', whispered Remus.
''I'm sad.''
''Me too.''
''We missed out on so much'', said Sirius. ''We could have spent them together.''
''Don't look at it that way'', Remus said, put down his tea cup on the tray and grabbed Sirius hand. ''Please. I know that we could have been together all those years, but we're only thirty. Loads of people have not found the love of their lives at this age. We still have so many years ahead of us.''
''Yeah'', said Sirius slowly, staring out through the window, before he closed his eyes and nodded. ''Yeah. You're right.''
Remus gave him a sad smile, before he let go of his hand to reach out for the tea cup again.
''So. What's the plan for today?''
Sirius had just put a piece of bread in his mouth, and waited until he was done chewing before he answered:
''I... I thought about something.''
Remus nodded.
''Of course'', he said. ''I was just waiting for you to ask about it. Let's go there after breakfast. It's in Godric's Hollow. Do you want to go as Padfoot? To avoid the media, I mean.''
Sirius blinked, almost confused over how Remus could know him so well.
''No'', he said. ''I can't avoid them forever. I'm not going to keep on hiding.''
''Good choice. I'll kill them if they bother you.''
''Ahhh. That's my Wolfie.''
After finishing their one hour-breakfast, some snogging and a quick shower, Remus reached out for Sirius hand.
''Ready?''
Sirius took a deep breath.
''Yeah. I think so.''
He grabbed Remus' hand and they disapparated to Godric's Hollow.
''Here it is'', said Remus when they had reached their destination. Sirius looked around. He had been here before, in Godric's Hollow, of course, but something was new. The feeling of home was gone. When he thought about his happy memories from this place, they felt so far away it was hard to even realize that they were not from another life. ''Do you... do you want to go there by yourself first?''
''What...?'' said Sirius. ''No, no. I want you with me. Please.''
''I'll go with you. Let me know if you change your mind'', said Remus. Sirius nodded.
With their hands still clasped together, they started walking towards the place where Lily and James grave was.
''Are you alright there?'' whispered Remus.
Sirius nodded.
''It's here'', said Remus and sat down on the grass in front of a gravestone. Sirius did not say anything, but sat down next to Remus, his eyes at the stone. It was quiet for several minutes.
''The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death. It's good.''
''James said that to me when my father died'', said Remus quietly. ''I thought about it when it was time to pick text.''
''It's great.''
More silence.
''I'm sorry'', breathed Sirius after a while. Remus understood that he was not talking to him, but to Lily and James. ''I'm so, so sorry.''
Remus grabbed his hand. Sirius turned away his face.
''You don't have to hide for me, Sirius.''
Sirius let out a small sob. Remus knew that telling him it was not his fault would not help, so instead, he said;
''You know how much they loved you. You were like a brother to them.''
''Yeah, but that was before I fucking caused their death.''
''You did not cause their death'', said Remus sharply. ''Pettigrew did. And Voldemort. James would have been dead longer before that if it was not for you, remember? You kept him alive.''
Sirius nodded. He remembered saving James from that cellar in 1980. Standing outside of the door, not being sure whether to go in or not, was one of the worst moment of his life. But being able to bring James home, alive, to a hysteric Lily was definately one of the proudest moments of his life.
''I promised them'', cried Sirius. ''I promised them to take care of Harry if something happened –''
''So did I'', said Remus calmly. ''But they would understand. We simply couldn't do it.''
''You're right.''
''We're going to do our best now and that's all that matters.''
Sirius nodded and dried his face with the back of his hands. Remus handed him a napkin and put his arm around him.
''I still remember him so well'', said Sirius with a low voice. ''I think I remember more about him than I remember about Regulus.''
''That's because you spent more time as an adult with James than you did with Regulus.''
''Yeah, true. Gosh, I still remember his smell. I remember his voice.''
Remus held him tighter.
''I miss him so much'', said Sirius.
''Me too'', said Remus. ''I know I can't possibly understand what it's like losing a brother, and you know far too well by know. So I can't say I understand, no matter how much I'd want to. But just know that you're not alone. You never have to pretend for me. You don't have to act.''
Sirius leaned towards his shoulder, tears streaming down his face. He sniffled, not trying to hide his tears anymore.
''Here'', said Remus and made a gesture. Sirius laid down his head in Remus' lap, still staring at the gravestone. Remus felt the tears well upp in his eyes, too, but he blinked them away. He had cried here way too many times before. This time, he had to stay strong for Sirius.
He gently stroke his hand over Sirius' hair. They sat their for almost an hour, and for a moment, it felt as if they were almost reunited with their friends again. Sirius and Remus remembered together, without saying a word.
It started raining, and Sirius sat up. He put a hand on the stone.
''We'll take care of him. I promise.''
He stood up, reached out a hand for Remus and pulled him up. They walked away, side by side.