Say Goodbye to Yesterday

Disclaimer: Belongs to whoever owns it; definitely not me

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Sam/Jack

Summary: 'His eyes now red with strained unshed tears, Daniel softened his voice, "She's dead Jack. Sam's dead."' After a tragic accident; the entire SGC is left reeling . . . including Sam . . .

Author's Note: This is set somewhere in season 7, pre-Pete.

Chapter Four

Dear Jack

Jack tossed the envelope between his fingers; almost afraid of what was inside. Shutting his eyes tight, he slid his finger under the flap and ripped it open. On opening his eyes, he found himself staring at a yellowing piece of paper. Folding it open, Jack recognised the writing. The black ink had started to fade but it was still easily legible. With a heavy intake of breath, he started to read;

Dear Jack,

If you're reading this, there are two distinct possibilities:

You're being nosy; i.e. you were rummaging through my top drawer and stumbled upon this, or;

Hammond ordered you to clear out my lab because . . . well because I'm dead.

I'd be more inclined to go with the latter. In that case I guess it doesn't really matter about me calling you Jack or more importantly what I'm about to tell you. They can't really court martial a dead person, can they?

It was night in Frosya. A cold night. Amara was already in bed, as was Tarla. Hans was out somewhere; but that wasn't what was occupying Sam's mind.

'It was an odd symbol,' she thought silently as she stared at the circular patch on the sleeve of the jacket. Tarla had practically told her earlier that she didn't belong here. It wasn't anything she didn't already know but it put pressure on her to figure out exactly where home was. The sooner the better; she didn't want to overstay her welcome.

And so that was the reason for her staring mercilessly at the incomplete triangle for the past hour. So far she was still empty handed.

I have wanted to write this for so very long, I just couldn't find the time or maybe I'm just making up excuses. I guess it comes down to words. Words. I don't think words would ever be enough for me to express what I'm feeling but I guess I have to try. With our jobs, you never know what fate will have in store (pardon the cliché, and yes I do know how you feel about those). I have been lucky so many times, I've lost count and I know my luck will run out sooner or later.

Hence why I wrote this.

Feeling the call of sleep overpowering her, Sam finally dropped the jacket and slowly laid her head on to the pillow. Her eyes drifted shut. But not a second later they bolted wide open.

A brilliant, shimmering light of electric blue had nearly blinded her. Sam blinked rapidly; she was sure she had nearly remembered something. Desperately she tried to conjure the image again, but this time it was to no avail.

I probably should have told you this earlier. Scrap that. I should have told you this earlier, but I don't think we ever really had the time or the opportunity. Except of course with the whole Zaytarc thing. I know I said then that 'it didn't have to leave the room;' but I wanted it to. So badly. I wasn't ok with it but I had to be. We had to be.

I was scared Jack.

Scared not only for our careers but for us.

Hot tears prickled at the back of Sam's closed eyelids; if only she could remember.

I know this is probably the worst thing for me to say given the circumstance and I don't want to hurt you Jack. But you need to know. I need to tell you because I'll never rest in peace if you didn't know.

She just had this immense feeling that somewhere she mattered. Not just to one or two people but to so many; countless many. At this moment in time though, she just couldn't see how it was possible.

I love you Jack.

Picking up the jacket once more; Sam stared at it again. It was so pointless; she had been here for so long now, she had lost count of the days. It was so frustrating. Why couldn't she remember? She wasn't ill anymore, she wasn't sick; she was eating healthily, moving around and keeping active; so why couldn't fate just give her a break. Hot anger flared up inside her and in a fit of rage she screwed up the fabric in her hands and hurled it across the room. It hit the far wall and slid to the ground in a heap. And that's when she saw him.

I'm also pretty sure that you're probably blaming yourself for whatever happened. And I'm also pretty sure it's not your fault. So I beg you, please don't beat yourself up over it and don't take your frustration out on Daniel and Teal'c. They don't deserve it and neither do you.

He was sat in a chair across from her; strapped down by the arms with a head band across his forehead. He was staring right at her. No. Not even at her. Through her. And in those few seconds she had learnt all she would ever have to know about this man:

"I didn't leave because I'd rather have died myself than lose Carter."

Carter. Samantha Carter. That's who she was.

Just do one more thing for me Jack.

Be happy.

"She is remembering," said the man. He remained standing with his head bowed in a mark of respect or out of fear. It was not clear which.

"How can you be sure?"

"It is evident in her mannerisms; she is already aware that she does not belong here. It is only a matter of time before she fully remembers and leaves through the Stargate."

"We knew that she would remember eventually when we administered the drug long before when the remaining humans and the Jaffa were here. It was only meant to be a short term loss of memory in order that we gain her trust. Our original method of seeking information had been fruitless; this was the only way."

"I beg your pardon, Lord, but I do not understand. I believed that it was her injuries that were the cause of her memory loss."

"The drug caused both the accident and the memory loss. The injuries had no part, except to provide an excuse."

"I see. I apologise for my ignorance but what leads you to believe that she will disclose such information once her memory returns."

"She will have no choice in the matter and it is not of your concern. Your duty is to continue your hospitality and aid her recovery. She will tell us what we need to know and with her help the Eyeshans will be destroyed."

"Yes your Lordship."

"Go now Hans. Tell your mother she does well to serve me."

With a quick bow of the head again, Hans walked briskly out of the room. They were doing the right thing; he knew it.

p.s. If it was option a); God help me.

A/N 2: Ok I hope nobody found that too confusing. Italics was the letter Jack's reading interspersed with what's going on with Sam at the same time.

Fire-Fie:A beta is like a second reader of a story; they check for any spelling or grammar mistakes before the story is uploaded. Hope that helps. This chapter hasn't been beta-ed, so its probably full of mistakes!

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