"You are just like your brother, Ariel."
My mouth dropped open a little bit at those words, all annoyance leaving my eyes, instead replaced by a little bit of shock and a little bit of pain.
"What the hell does that mean," I spat out before I could stop myself, though I didn't want to swallow those words this time. I wanted to say them. I wanted to know what gave him the right to talk about my brother so flippantly, and without any sort of remorse. I wanted to know why he could treat me like the bane of his existence, and then bring up my brother without a second thought.
Eric seemed slightly taken aback at my tone, his eyebrows rising a bit and an amused smirk turning the corners of his lips up. "I only meant that you've got his sarcasm and wit. Your brother could be a little shit sometimes, and apparently, so can you."
For some reason, that just set me on edge even more. Badly.
My eyes narrowed, and I could feel my face heating up. Eric seemed to notice how I wasn't softening up, and I relished in the tiny bit of regret I could see behind his smug mask. Now who was the one who wanted to take back their words?
"You don't get to talk about my brother like that. You don't get to talk about me like that. He may have been your best friend, Eric, but he was my brother. He was my role model, and my mentor, and my support system. Never mind the fact that you barely spoke a sentence to me at a time before you defected – you can't just see me walk in here and decide to treat me like complete shit just because. Why do you do that, anyways? I haven't done anything to you, Eric. I was the second jumper. I have followed all the rules. I'm working my ass off in training even though it hurts. What the hell have I done to you to make you treat me like this?"
I was breathing heavily by the end of it, and you'd have had to been blind to not see the tears in my eyes. I hated crying. I really did. People in Erudite tended to hide their feelings away, since emotions only tainted the mind's logical processes. But I wasn't in Erudite anymore, and talking about my brother hurt. So he could get over it.
I expected him to yell. I expected him to get angry, to tell me to fuck off or something. I expected a lot.
I didn't expect for his shoulders to drop, along with his smug grin, and a small, concerned frown to take its place.
"Ariel," he started, his voice still low and hard, but with a softer edge to it. It caught me off guard, in all honesty, and I had to remind myself that I was mad at him for a moment. Maybe my brother's death had affected him just as badly? Maybe he felt the pain every day, just like I did.
His next words may have proved that thought.
"Fuck, Ariel. You're just like him. You look like two completely different people, but you're just like him, still. You've always been smart, and witty, and funny, and defiant as hell. He was my best friend, my brother too, and since the moment I saw you, all I can think about is his last words. How he looked on his deathbed, begging me to take care of you. That's all I can think about when I look at you, and that's why I'm so angry, because I cou-," he stopped suddenly, the pained look in his eyes replaced by the now-familiar hard mask, his eyes going cold and dangerous, focusing on the tunnel near us.
That's when I heard the quiet footsteps of someone coming near, and I sucked in a quick breath, trying to calm down my breathing and blink back the tears that were threatening to spill over.
Eric turned away from me, and I could see how he shifted from Eric the Man to Eric the Leader. I'd have been intrigued if my mind weren't swimming with his confession. And, judging by the tension in his shoulders, I would assume that he hadn't even meant to reveal that much – that it had just come out without his permission.
I knew that feeling.
Suddenly, Luke emerged from the tunnel, looking sleepy and confused when he saw Eric and I standing there. "Hey, Ari," he mumbled, throwing a wary look at the seemingly-angry leader before turning back to her. "I saw that you weren't in your bed, and I got a little worried. You okay?"
The question was directed at both Eric and I, since Luke was probably wondering if I'd gotten into trouble of some kind. And, before I could answer, said leader turned towards Luke and nodded. "She's fine. Claimed she was having trouble sleeping, and I was patrolling. Don't eat so much of that sugary cake before bed, and you won't have that problem. Now, get your asses back to bed. You've got an early morning," he said gruffly, waving a hand at us in dismissal before turning away and retreating, his footsteps shockingly silent.
I stood rooted to the spot for a moment more, looking after him as if he'd grown two heads and a tail, before Luke wrapped his hand gently around my elbow, tugging me back towards the dorm. He didn't ask questions, which I was highly grateful for, and we both settled back into our respective beds with ease and silence.
I dreamed about my brother.
"You were always the smarter one out of the two of us, you know that?"
I shook my head, laughing as much as I was able to while sitting beside my brother's bed, the heart monitor a constant reminder of where we were at. I had his hand between my hands, and he felt cold. So cold. I would have been more worried if he hadn't been feeling this cold already for a few weeks.
He was weaker, too. My brother used to be tall, strapping, and able to lift me up without breaking a sweat. Now, he can't even sit up on his own.
Erudite was known for knowledge. We didn't have enough to save him.
"Don't say that, Tyler. You're practically a genius. I wouldn't know everything that I know if it weren't for you," I said, blinking back the tears in my eyes that seemed to be a permanent fixture now. Tyler saw them, and he frowned lightly, squeezing my hand lightly – it was all the energy he could probably muster.
"Don't cry for me, Ari. Come on. It's gonna be fine, I promise," he whispered, and, even though he was on his deathbed, Tyler's calming tone had an immediate effect on me. My shoulders relaxed, and I leaned forward, placing my head on his shoulder and sighing quietly. We didn't speak for a long while, but then he broke the silence.
"Eric is hurting too. I know you two don't talk because of the don't-talk-to-someone-not-your-age thing, but you two should try. You know, before he defects. I know he will. He's been talking about Dauntless."
He paused to cough, and quickly waved away my concerned look.
"Really, though. You two might need each other in the future, Ari. I think it would be a good thing, you helping each other out. He's not a complete prick, just stubborn as hell. A lot like you and I, really."
I did laugh at that, shaking my head fondly and kissing my brother's hand. I was about to speak again, when there was a knock at the door.
Speak of the devil.
Eric entered, dressed in his school clothes still, but looking a hell-of-a-lot less put together than normal. It was then that I knew he was taking this just as hard as my parents and I were.
I left the room to give them some time to hang out, kissing Tyler's forehead and nodding towards Eric before escaping to my room to retreat into a book. A much needed distraction.
He died that night.
I woke up with wet cheeks, which I was quick to remedy before anyone could see. Once again, Four was knocking a metal rod against the stairs and yelling for us to get up.
Training went as usual.
Eric didn't show up for four days straight.
And I was worried.
Those four days were a continuous cycle of sleep, eat, work out, practice, eat, and sleep some more. It was only on the fifth day that the routine changed, and it wasn't in a good way, either.
Eric entered the training room after breakfast on that fifth day, looking just as cold and dangerous as usual, and conveniently not even looking my way. He and Four shared a look before Eric stepped forward and whistled to get our attentions away from the punching bags and onto him.
"It's been over half a week now, and it's time for your first real evaluation. First jumper, in the ring. Last jumper, join her."
Eric paused, looking around at each and every transfer initiate.
"Time to fight."