You Know That I'm No Good

Chapter 4

…..

"Clare, where are all the gauze pads?" Her mother asked her from the bathroom.

"O….that's a really funny story…hahahha." Clare said tensely.

"Try me." Ms. Edwards walked to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

"Do you trust me?" Clare gave her mom a pan to cook the ground beef.

"Who was it for?" The mother knew as her daughter as she reached for herbs and seasonings.

"This guy at school. He had a little accident." Clare said. She didn't lie…technically.

"That's all." Her mother questioned with a smile.

"Yes." Clare confirmed. "by the way…I got detention tomorrow." Her mother dramatically hit her hand against her head. Clare only laughed.

"Sorry…"

Alli watched the two on the couch. Why did they have to die? She envied her best friend so much. She would give anything in the world to smell her mother's scent.

Ms. Edwards looked at the little girl on the couch. It must be hard to see people happy and she was miserable. She understood this feeling during her divorce.

"Alli come help us cook." The middle age woman offered.

"No thanks. I think I have an upset stomach. I'm going to the bathroom. I shouldn't have eaten those Chilli Cheese potato at lunch." She lied leaving the room.

"Mom, I'm worried about her."

"I know, but we can only help her if she allows us." Her mother said kissing Clare on the forehead.

…..

"Glad you had a good day." Eli opened the door looking around for Tom. He was in no sight. He walked in first as he looked around the house. As the two boys walked inside their room, they locked their door and moved the furniture. Where was he? Not that they wanted him there, where was he?

"I heard about your outburst today. You can't keep fighting with your fists." Adam said.

"You're right."

"Wait….did you just say I was right?"

"Yeah… Adam I'm so tired of this life sometimes." Eli sat down on the down on his bed.

"That doesn't mean you give up." Adam preached not liking how his brother talked. "Somewhere along the way…you lost your hope. You let others take it away from you. You don't even know how to form friendships. Just like with Clare. The least thing you could have done was thank her.

"You're right…"

…

No matter how many times she did this…it still felt fresh…new…harder to do. Staring at the toilet, kept telling herself that this was best for her. This would help her gain control of her life. This would bring her joy. She would be accepted.

Lifting her hair, she grabbed the toothbrush. Putting the handle in her mouth she gagged. Flushing the toilet she rinsed her mouth out. Beauty is pain.

…..

As the students got ready for classes, Adam saw Fiona sitting underneath the tree looking off. She was looking off as if she were actually thinking about real issues…not the superficial issues of a high school boy crazed girl. Her grey eyes were gorgeous.

Making his way over to her, he knew she would most likely embarrass him, but everyone deserved a friend. Catching her attention as he blocked the sunlight, she looked up at him.

"Come to spill more coffee on me." She huffed.

"No…I…here." He handed her a Tide Stain Removal Pen. Fiona looked and smiled for the first time in a while as the young boy walked away.

…..

"Hey Clare." Eli stopped at her locker. She was surprised but a good surprise.

"I come in peace." He held up his hand. Happy his wounds were healing. "Thank you…"

"It's not a problem. K.C. told me that you needed help with Physics. I can help if you like." Clare smiled but Eli kept looking at her lips.

"….I would like that." Eli said. He was trying and Clare could see it. Not wanting to stare she looked down dropping her books. Eli bent down to pick it up.

"Now who's the charity case?" Clare teased as he smirked.

….

Alli was more than ecstatic when she shined in practice today. Bianca was put to shame. Her life was coming together.

Or so she thought as she couldn't focus on Perino's lecture. Her head was spinning but she couldn't let anyone know that. The class turned their attention to the cell phone ringing with the cheesiest ringtone ever. Dave, embarrassed, reached for his phone trying to shut it off as the others laughed at him.

Dave looked up as Perino took the phone from his hand.

"You are such a lamo." Alli said aloud for the whole class to hear.

"Alli no interruptions." The teacher said as the class laughed.

"You mean like that."

"Why am I a lamo?...because I don't care about what others think about me….because I'm not a puppet…a product of materialism…I might be lame but I'm not you." He retorted back as the class looked shocked including Perino.

Though Perino was glad that the shy boy stood up for himself…policy was policy, they had to go to detention.

…..

"Drew, you are definitely the man." Owen praised him as they walked in the hallway.

"You know I get around." Drew smiled. "Besides what Alli doesn't know won't hurt her."

"You have Alli…simply refined…and Bianca…sexy,caliente." They both laughed.

"Not this again." K.C. rolled his eyes.

"Jealous…" Drew stopped looking at him.

"No way. Bianca is not the girl to brag about." K.C. tried to talk reason to his friend.

"Then why did you fool around with her on Clare." Owen said. He like K.C. but his friend was judgmental.

"Because I was stupid. Don't make the same mistake I did. Alli is good to you." They went their separate ways.

….

As the bell rang, Alli packed her things. Everything in the room spinning, she had to pace herself. Perino left to talk to a fellow teacher.

"Why did you do that to me? " Dave asked. "I never do anything to you. As a matter of fact, this is my first conversation with you. You're the main reason I don't talk to preps because they think they are better than anyone." Alli frowned. She didn't mean to hurt his feelings.

"Look, I'm just having a bad day. I didn't mean…" She fell forward as Dave caught her in his arms scared.

"I am going to get a nurse…just sit here." He placed her in the seat.

"No…I just skipped breakfast…that's all." Alli placed her hand on her head alarmed.

"Here" Dave pulled out his lunch to give to her. Alli was touched by this.

"I can't take this. What are you going to eat?" She looked up at him, the lights hurting her eyes.

"I can buy something from the vending machine. You need this more than me." Alli nodded taking his nice offering. She didn't know how hungry she was until she ate it. The question was when she was going to throw it back up.

….

A small gesture, it touched Fiona's heart. Why did she blow up on him like that? Obviously, he was sweet…and shy. She smiled to herself thinking about him.

This was a milestone. She never thought she belonged in the world…even with her twin. But he loved her anyways. If he loved her so much, why did he try to kill himself? Didn't he know that he was her best friend?

She knew it was selfish of her to think like that, but she couldn't help it. She blamed herself; she always pretended not to see when he did drugs. She didn't want them to take him away…that's why she didn't tell. Of course, they found out anyway.

Sending him to rehab, she knew it was the best decision for him, but he still blamed her. It was her fault he tried to kill himself. Her whole family knew this.

…..

"This is so like you to miss practice." Bianca told Alli in the gym before anyone came in.

"It's just detention. I'll make up for it tomorrow morning." She said clutching her bag. What had she turned into? There use to be a time when she stood up for herself…now she was just there. She wanted to get rid of this pressure in her life.

"Whatever Bhandari…you won't slow us down." Bianca returned to setting up the sound. Alli headed to the bathroom.

"So glad she's gone." Drew snared. "I couldn't wait to see you." He kissed the temptress. His girlfriend was so dumb and pathetic.

…

Thanks for walking me here. Clare smiled as K.C walked off. She had a dilemma. She didn't know if she wanted him or not. He was trying to redeem himself for his past sins.

Not that Clare didn't forgive…she did. It's just that something was missing. When he changed so did she.

Walking inside the library, she prepared herself for two boring hours.