I really love the responses to this story. I am so glad that I can make this unbearably long break between seasons just a little bit better. Just an FYI, starting from the 2nd chapter, this is happening before the season finale's honoring Jai scene with Henry Wilcox.
"You know, sometimes you are one of my weaknesses." Joan's mind can't stop the words from being blurted. Her eyes widen at her own mistake. She should have kept that in her head and just settled for being there for Annie as a mentor. But her heart wants her to be greedy and ask more from Annie.
Annie looks taken back and even more confused. "Excuse me?" Joan knows the remark wasn't meant to have an edge but it did. Joan sighs and elaborates.
"When Arthur and I agreed to not have children because of our jobs, I was crushed." This is the moment. Her fear has been all for this point. Pushing boundaries is what makes her good at her job but right now, it feels like it is a curse to want more. Annie's features soften and she hates herself for invoking pity. Pity is not what she wants so she has to continue. "I guess I always searched for something to fill the hole that was left by that agreement. And when you came into my office, so headstrong, smart and so like me when I was younger, you reawakened that search that I thought I had buried. I don't know what it is but you are different than everyone else who has come into my office. I didn't realize that I found what I was looking for until you were nearly killed by Lena. Seeing you lying on the hospital bed- without a heartbeat scared the hell out of me. I constantly worry that something might happen to you and there would be nothing I could do… my weakness."
Every fiber in her being is telling her to cut off her emotions right here and now, and that it is a mistake to be telling Annie this. Joan hopes that Annie can't hear how loud her heartbeat is because it is banging against her chest and filling her ears. Annie looks away and takes a deep breath, no doubt processing the emotional mess Joan just dumped on her. Joan sits with baited breath in the silence. The silence that, with each second, deteriorates her hope of Annie accepting what she has to offer.
The lack of control is getting to her. She is not used to being so vulnerable. Joan stands up abruptly and it startles Annie, who jumps slightly in surprise. Joan takes a deep breath and prepares herself to emotionally cut herself off. She can't bear the thought of being hurt again.
"I know that you have a family of your own and I don't have a lot to offer but-" Joan begins to ramble but Annie stands up, effectively stopping her. Annie stares at the ground for a moment before looking up with a startling look of determination.
I know, short chapter but hang in there. There is plenty of time between now and CA returning. Hopefully I will update before New Year's but I'm not sure... UNLESS I have a ton of reviews that tell me otherwise. ;)