Disclaimer: Not Mine
A/N: This chapter is for Sarah, who keeps encouraging me to update through her reviews. Thanks!!
Chapter 4
EPOV
I did not stop running until I was back at our Forks house. The entire family came back when Alice told them what I was planning. They thought we would be coming back to start again when Bella and I reunited. Now I was ecstatic they were here. I needed to talk to Carlisle. He still had privileges at the hospital, he could get Bella's medical records. I needed to find out what had happened, and if there was anything we could do to reverse it.
I could hear Alice apologizing from somewhere in the woods. She had been worried about my reaction to her holding back information from me. She should not have been worried. If she had told me what had happened to Bella, I would never have believed her. Never in my worst nightmares would I think that something like this could happen to my beautiful angel.
Alice must have told Carlisle what had happened because he was pouring over medical books when I busted into his study.
"What is going on Carlisle? How could something like this have happened?" I demanded.
"Calm down Edward. I have already put a call into a friend of mine at the local hospital and at Harborview Medical Center in Seattle where Bella was treated. They will be sending her records by courier this afternoon." He said, putting a calming hand on my shoulder.
"She is gone Carlisle. Just gone. It is like there is a ghost living in her body." I whispered.
"Edward, I will do all I can to try and find a solution. But you must accept that we may not be able to bring her back son."
A dam inside me broke and I dropped to my knees, sobbing. "I can't go on, knowing I caused this. You have to promise me that if we can't get her back, you will let me go."
"No Edward, I can't do that." He sighed.
"You must! I can't live like this, without her. Knowing that her body is still out there, but what made her her is gone." I yelled.
"All right Edward. We will discuss this if we need to. For now let's do all we can to try and find out if we can get her back."
We spent the next three hours looking over cases similar to Bella's. The courier delivered her medical record's and we were able to get a better idea of what we were dealing with. Every doctor that she saw said she had suffered a psychotic break. There were dictation notes from the doctor who saw her when she was first admitted. It was agonizing to see how bad she had been. She was completely catatonic for 2 months. There was serious talk about admitting her to an institution. That is when the records stopped. There was one last note in the file that said they were refusing further treatment and she was now under the care of a Dr. Jane Miller.
There was not much information about Dr. Miller available. The only information we were able to find was in reference to Bella's case. I asked Jasper to do some further searching. He was very good at hacking into 'secure' sites. After a few minutes, Jasper came back with some startling news.
"She does not exist." He said, as he carried a stack of papers into the room.
"What do you mean? She has to exist, she is treating Bella." I demanded, reaching for the paperwork.
"The only information I can find about a Jane Miller is that she was an nurse who worked at Toronto Psychiatric Hospital up until 2 years ago. She was dismissed after she started to tamper with patients medications." He said, summarizing the information he had printed out.
"She is not a doctor?" I said, unable to wrap my brain around this information.
"No, she is posing as a doctor. She is renting office space in a building in Port Angeles. She is advertizing in the Starbucks down the street from Harborview Medical Center. She guarantees she can cure any psychiatric disorder." Jasper said.
I was speechless. How could Charlie fall for this quack? Even Angela had believed she was a real doctor. What were they thinking leaving Bella in her unqualified hands?
"What can we do? Is there someone we can report her to?" I asked Carlisle.
"The only problem with that is if she suddenly stops treating Bella, there is a big chance that she would relapse. We should try and wean her off the medication. Although, I have to tell you Edward, there is a big chance that we will never be able to get the real Bella back. She may stay this way." Carlisle warned.
There was no decision for me. I had to get Bella away from this pseudo-doctor and into more capable hands. I asked Carlisle if he would approach Charlie and see if he would be willing to let him start treating Bella. I knew this was a long shot. From what Angela told me, Charlie was dealing with Bella's daily nightmares about me, and he would not be excited to see that any member of my family was back in town.
"I'll try Edward, but I would not get your hopes up." He said.
I paced the floor waiting for Carlisle to return. Alice was able to see Charlie and Bella in the grocery store and thought it would be a safe place for an encounter. She was unable to see the outcome of the meeting. I kept my mind on Alice and her visions, and felt my heart sink when I saw how the meeting ended. I hated seeing the vacant look in Bella's eyes.
When Carlisle returned, we formulated a plan. I was going to break into the Swan's house and write down a list of all of Bella's medication. Carlisle would do some research and we would try and slowly eliminate some of the drugs she was taking. I was praying that it would work and I would have the patience to wait.
BPOV
I woke up and actually felt rested. This was the first time in... I can't remember how long. But for once, I feel like my memory loss might not be a side effect from one of the pills. I just have not slept well in so long that it is hard to remember a time when I was not tired when I woke. My head is not as fuzzy and I think I can actually recall what day of the week it is. I jump out of bed and headed to the bathroom to shower. My freesia body wash smelled amazing this morning, as if I was smelling it for the first time. I can find no reason for this change, but I am not going to question it. The whole world feels different.
Finished getting ready, I headed down to make breakfast for Charlie. It is a ….. Wednesday, which means Angela will be here soon to pick me up for school. I put bread in to toast and got started on the scrambled eggs. Charlie came into the kitchen and grabed my pills from the cabinet. He dumped them out on my napkin as I ploped his plate down in front of him. I sat with my own plate and spread the pills out, arraigning them by size. It has been 2 weeks since I noticed the change in the order of my pills, but I had never said anything to Charlie or Dr. Miller about it. I had slowly felt a change, and I felt better. I did not want to jinx it and have them turn me back into a zombie.
Today the order of pills had changed again. The yellow pill is much larger then it had been. There is no writing on it either, where it used to have some numbers on it. I was quick to swallow them, making sure Charlie watched me. Now that I was not in a fog all the time, I was noticing the way he was always watching me. It was as if he was waiting for me to freak out or something. He did look better now, not as tired. I wanted to ask him about it, but I was worried. I always had something to worry about now.
There was a nagging feeling in the center of my chest all the time now, like I was forgetting something important. It was physically painful, and I found myself holding my arms across my chest, trying to keep myself from tearing apart. The pain was worse when I would see a flash of a silver car when we were driving. The first time that happened I lunged across Charlie to get a better look at the car. When I realized I had no idea what I was hoping to see, I returned to my seat. Charlie was gaping at me, his mouth hanging open.
"What's wrong?" I asked, my cheeks fiery.
"Ugh, nothing. What were you looking at?" He said, his voice gruff.
"Who knows?" I said, trying to play it off. I am not sure he bought it, but really I had no idea what interest I had in a silver car. I could just feel that it was important.
Things were odd at school as well. Now that I was not stuck in my own world, I could hear what the other kids were saying about me. I guess they had seen me as a doll for so long, they did not bother to hide what they were talking about.
"Oh man, she is still staring at that table like she expects them to come through the door."
"It is so sad, she barely looks like herself anymore."
"I heard at night you can hear her screams from 2 blocks away."
I started a new journal, hiding it in my closet so it would not get lost. I would write all those conversations down when I got home. I was hoping one day to have enough information to piece together what I was like before….. whatever happened. So far all I had was that I was a lot different then I used to be. After 'someone' left I was not in school for a long time. When I came back I looked and acted different. It also seemed that whatever happened in my house at night was pretty entertaining. I still felt like I was no closer to figuring out what was going on.
I had a meeting with Dr. Miller after school and was hoping she would let something slip about the changes in my pills. If she did not talk about it, I was not going to bring it up. As always, all she talked about was the pills. She did not bother to hide the fact that she was recording our conversation and I wondered how long that had been going on. She barely looked at me, her nose was stuffed in her laptop, furiously typing something. I looked around as she typed, noticing the bare walls and stark furnishings. Charlie likes to watch TV dramas at night and I knew on those shows, doctor's walls were usually plastered with frames and papers. I wondered why she had nothing on her's? Another thing to note in my journal.
As we left her office, Charlie drove towards the police station, saying he had to run in for a second. He offered to let me come in, but I had brought my copy of 'Wuthering Heights' with me. I felt a deeper connection to the book now that I was not so fuzzy. The smell of the pages being turned eased the aching hole in my chest. I rolled down the window as I settled in to wait. I had just started to immerse myself in the world of Catherine and Heathcliff, when the wind shifted, blowing a hauntingly familiar scent my way and I was overwhelmed with memories.
My body draped across a strong, cold back as the trees rushed by.
Watching a baseball soar through the air as thunder boomed.
Golden eyes and messy bronze hair poised above my wrist as I was writhing in burning pain.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." Horribly painful words pouring from a beautiful mouth.
And then nothing. I was back in the car with the book lying open and forgotten in my lap. I looked around, trying desperately to find the source of the smell that held such a strong tie to my hidden memories. Nothing was there. I was surprised when I felt moisture dropping on my hands. I had not even realized I had been crying. Reaching down to the floor to find a tissue, my fingers landed on an envelope. The paper was thick and elegant, as was the script of the front that held my name. I wanted to open it then and there, but knew Charlie could be back at any minute. I shoved it into my book bag just in time as Charlie's door swung open. Noticing my tears, he looked me over.
"What's wrong?"
I hesitated, knowing if he knew memories were breaking through, we would be back in Dr. Miller's office in a second.
"Nothing. This book gets me every time." I said lamely, brushing the last of the tears from my cheeks.
He gave me a small smile as he started the car and headed back home. I looked out the window and tried to relax, but it was impossible knowing that there was an envelope in my bag that could possibly unlock my past.