The Librarian

Chapter 4

Severus awoke with a pounding head, a rolling stomach, and a mouth that tasted like a herd of hippogriffs had wandered through it. Carefully rolling to the edge of the bed, he reached down for his clothes—which he'd removed at some forgotten point during the night—and pulled out a vial of hangover relief potion from one of the pockets. He thanked his lucky stars that he'd thought far enough ahead to grab some from his stores before leaving the dower house. He gulped it down quickly, then lay back for a few minutes waiting for it to take effect.

Twenty minutes later, he was showered, dressed and ready to start the day, the first order of which was to find out what the hell Draco had been talking about last night. Entering the breakfast room, he greeted his hosts, who were both looking a little green around the gills, in a loud voice. "Good morning, gentlemen."

"Oww..." moaned Draco, clapping his hands over his ears. "Shh... not so loud."

"Severus, you bastard. You'd better have enough extra to go around," grumbled Lucius, holding his hand over his eyes.

"Extra? Extra what? Whatever are you talking about, Lucius?" said Severus, sliding his cup over for the house-elf to fill with coffee. "Mmm... coffee."

"You know damn well what—the hangover relief potion. I know you have some, 'else you wouldn't be so bloody cheerful. Hand it over now, you damned torturer," demanded Lucius with his hand out.

"What makes you think I brought extra? You need to start stocking your own vital supplies."

Lucius hand flashed out and grabbed Severus' coffee cup. "No coffee for you until we get our potion," he growled, but upon seeing Severus' dark look he quickly slid the cup back over toward him. "Oh, fine, take it back, I should know better than to get between you and your morning brew. But have some mercy, man. We're your friends, after all."

With a chuckle Severus withdrew two vials from his pocket. "Very well, but it will cost you. Draco, I want to know what you were talking about last night. About Hermione at the Ministry? I don't recall hearing of an incident such as you described, surely the Prophet would have had a field day."

Draco's stretched a palm across the table. "Gimme... gimme," he begged. "I'll talk. I was there that day, I had a front row seat. I know all. "

Lucius held his hand out as well. He wouldn't lower himself to begging, but he did offer information. "Shacklebolt put pressure on the Prophet, and I suspect Potter also pulled strings behind the scenes. The official word was that Miss Granger had resigned from her position due to personal choices and the Ministry wished her well in all future endeavors."

Severus dropped the vials in their hands and watched patiently as the two gulped them down and waited for the potion to work.

After several minutes Draco sat up and pulled his coffee toward him, cupping it protectively between his palms. He nursed it down in small sips for another minute or so, then began his story.

"First let me give you a little background. You remember that I worked at the MLE after the war for a few years?" Severus nodded. "Well, that wasn't by choice. I agreed to work for them in lieu of a good portion of the settlement they were demanding from our estate for war reparations. Seems they rather liked the idea of having a pet Death Eater on staff to parade out for the general public. You know, to show we could be reformed, that they were in control of things."

"Typical," muttered Lucius, shaking his head.

"It seems Granger was in the same boat I was, except she was their pet Muggle-born. She was placed high up in her department, second in command, but they never let her actually accomplish anything. She was a token, there to prove that the Ministry had changed their practices on promoting Muggle-borns. The fact that she was part of the trio was just icing on the cake."

Severus shook his head in denial. "I can't imagine her ever accepting a job like that. She always had such a drive to succeed."

"I'm sure in the beginning she thought the job offer was genuine," offered Lucius. "I know the Ministry originally expected to capture the trifecta. They thought they'd have the entire golden trio in their pocket. Imagine their disappointment when Potter and Weasley both went their separate ways. She disappeared for a while, but when she returned about six months later, they pursued her very aggressively for the job."

Severus picked idly at his breakfast, all the while managing not to eat a bite. "How is it you know these things, Lucius?"

"I may not have the influence I once did, but I still have my connections, even back then," Lucius replied with a smirk.

"Blaise mentioned once that her absence after the war had something to do with her family," Draco went on, "but then he clammed up. He and Luna guard Granger and her privacy like the Muggle crown jewels. I do know that she was clearly not the same girl as before. She became withdrawn, she always looked tired like she wasn't sleeping enough, and she was anxious... jumpy, crowds bothered her, loud noises too. She hated those public appearances the Ministry was always forcing us to do." He paused to pour a fresh cup of coffee while Severus stood up and began pacing, clearly agitated by Draco's tale.

"Just before the end, I remember an incident in the cafeteria. It was just the four of us having a break, no one else was around. Someone in the back dropped a whole tray of dishes. At the crash, Granger panicked. She dropped like a stone beneath the table and tried to pull Lovegood down with her. She kept whispering 'Hide, Luna. They're coming.' Luna and Blaise managed to pull her out of there finally and hurried her back to her office. That was when I realized that she was in trouble."

Severus paused in his pacing to glare at Draco. "Where the hell were Potter and Weasley during all this? They should have noticed, couldn't they see something was wrong?"

Lucius looked at his friend with concern, then cleared his throat. "They'd moved on by that point. Potter had started playing professional Quidditch, he was traveling all over Europe for exhibition matches and public appearances. Weasley was a partner in his brother's business. They both went on with their lives. I suppose they assumed that she'd done the same."

"Bloody selfish bastards," muttered Severus.

"Let's face it, Severus. Even back at Hogwarts, everyone knew she was the caregiver in that relationship," said Draco. "Never the other way around."

"Yes, and knowing that, it seems unlikely that she would have asked them for help," contributed Lucius.

Severus sat back down and glared across the table at Draco. "All right, finish it. What was the incident you spoke of last night?"

Draco took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. His gaze drifted off as if he were picturing that day in his mind. "We were sent to another of the big public events they were so fond of. They called this one Auror Appreciation Day. There was an awards ceremony scheduled, for things like: years of service, bravery in the line of duty, most cases solved, blah, blah, blah, blah... Granger and I and a few others were chosen to present the awards. A stage was set up in the public square and a crowd had gathered. Percy Weasley was Shacklebolt's assistant at the time, so he was there representing his boss. He'd just got up and made a speech, then he introduced Hermione as the first presenter. Someone had come up with the brilliant plan to have a whole squad of Aurors Apparate in, en masse, into the square. A sort of honor guard, if you will, for those receiving awards."

Draco paused, clearly unsettled by his recollections, and Severus motioned impatiently for him to get on with it.

"I knew something was wrong as soon as we heard the first cracks of Apparition," continued Draco, his voice rough now. "She stiffened and ducked, then she turned and tackled Weasley to the ground. She was screaming, 'Get down, Ron! Where's Harry—where in hell is Harry?' Before anyone even knew what was happening, she turned her wand on the Aurors and took out half the squad with stunners in the matter of a few seconds."

"Oh, dear gods," mumbled Severus, clearly picturing what came next. His hands covered his face, fingertips massaging his forehead as though trying to ward off a headache.

"It was total chaos: the crowd was screaming, running in all directions, the staff on the stage were dumbfounded. When the Aurors started to return fire, Granger crawled behind the podium, dragging Weasley with her. I realized someone had to do something, so I jumped forward and shouted at them to stand down by order of the MLE. Then I grabbed Granger, wrapped my arms around her, turned my back to the Aurors so they couldn't get a clear shot, and prayed. I was little more than a desk jockey at the MLE, so I wasn't too sure if they'd listen to me."

Lucius stared, horrified, at his son. "Draco, you never told me that part."

Draco waved off his father's concern. "I gave her a couple of shakes but when that didn't work I slapped her—in all honesty, I have to admit there might have been a bit of pay-back on my part for something that happened in third year. I shouted at her to snap out of it and she finally came back to herself. She looked around, horrified. The next thing I knew she jerked back out of my arms, whispered a heartfelt 'oh, fuck', and Apparated away. That was the last time I saw her for several years. I heard later that she'd immediately resigned and cleared out her office. She walked away from it all. After that she completely disappeared from the wizarding world."

Severus sat there stunned. He couldn't believe he'd never heard any of this before. With that many witnesses, surely there must have been rumors. Still, if the Ministry had pressured the media, they could have hushed it up, and after a time the rumors would have faded.

He was furious for what had happened to her. Had no one realized that she needed help? The Ministry didn't care, they just used people. He wanted to tear something apart. Unfortunately, at that very moment, the easiest target was the messenger, who just happened to be directly in his line of sight. "Did you laugh about it then, Draco?"

Draco looked up, stunned. His eyes grew round and his pale complexion paled even further. "What?"

"Did it make you happy to see your old rival brought so low?" Severus continued on, his voice gruff.

"Of course not..."

Severus gave him no chance to explain. "She was finally run out of the wizarding world. Wasn't that what you'd always wanted? Did you rush off then, to tell all your little friends about the public spectacle?"

Draco's jaw tightened and his shoulders squared as he stood from the breakfast table. Looking down at his godfather he replied coldly, "No, I did not, Severus—I didn't do any of those things. You see, the fact of the matter is, I rather understood how Hermione felt. The nightmares, the guilt, the anxiety, constantly seeing things from the past that you wished with all your heart you could forget. Things you wished you'd never seen in the first place. Wondering if your life would ever be normal again. Even now, wondering how someone you trusted and respected could think so little of you." Draco's chair screeched as he shoved it back from the table and stalked out of the room.

"He did not deserve that, Severus," Lucius' voice was low, rough and tinged with anger.

Severus slumped in his chair, running a hand through his hair. "Christ! Don't you think I know that? I'm such an idiot sometimes. I always let my temper and my mouth hurt the people I care about most." Severus stood to go after his godson. "I must go apologize."

Lucius' hand closed over his arm. "Give him a chance to cool down. He'll listen then. I know Draco, he will forgive you, but he'll need some time." As Severus sank back into his chair, Lucius added, "You do realize what might have happened to her had he not intervened that day."

"Yes, and the very thought terrifies me," answered Severus. "I almost wish I hadn't learned about it all. Yet everything makes more sense now." He rose and wandered over to the window to gaze unseeingly into Lucius' rose garden. "She told me she no longer uses her own name in the wizarding world, that's why she goes by the Librarian. She said that she'd rather be known for her professional reputation than her role as Potter's best friend. She said that that was a completely different life, and this is her life now."

Lucius came to stand beside him, his hand squeezing his friend's shoulder. Leaning in he said softly, "And lucky for you, isn't it, my friend? For if she weren't known by her reputation as the Librarian, you might never have found her."

Before returning to the dower house, Severus made his way to Draco's room to apologize to his godson. His knock was immediately answered with a brusque, "Come in."

Severus pushed the door open. "Draco, I've come to apolo..."

"It's alright, Severus, you're forgiven," Draco looked up from where he was sprawled across his bed, several Quidditch magazines scattered around him.

"But I treated you abominably. You can't just forgive me without even giving me a chance to explain," objected Severus. He felt the need to make amends somehow.

Draco hauled himself upright, pushing some pillows behind him as he leaned back against the headboard. "But I already have. So there. I've heard that Muggle saying about not killing the messenger. I realize I was the messenger in this scenario—but you weren't angry at me, not really. You were angry about what happened to Granger. You couldn't get to what had hurt her, so you lashed out at me."

Severus inclined his head, acknowledging the accuracy of Draco's analysis. "It was most unfair of me, Draco. I know that. Hell, I think I knew it even as I was doing it. If you won't let me apologize properly, I offer you the opportunity to retaliate. Go ahead and hex me." Severus clenched his teeth and closed his eyes. This was going to hurt. Draco knew his way around quite a few inventive hexes.

Draco snorted. "I'm not going to hex you."

Severus almost felt disappointed. "Would you rather hit me?"

Draco shook his head. "No hitting, either. I'll tell you what I will do, though. Your words did hurt me, so my pay-back is going to be in the form of words. Although I'm hoping you won't actually find them hurtful. Your penance is this: you must listen to and consider what I'm going to say right now, whether you believe it's the truth or not."

Severus rolled his eyes a bit, but nodded in agreement.

"Clearly you lashed out at me because you were upset by hearing what happened to Granger back then. The reason you were upset is because you care about her. I think you have real feelings for her and you don't want to admit it to yourself. But I was completely serious when I said you two would be good together. She deserves to have something good in her life, someone who cares about her, and honestly so do you. You have a chance at something special here, Severus. You really need to give this some serious consideration." Draco looked up at him with a grin and waved his hand, shooing him off. "There, I'm done now, my son. Words of wisdom have been spoken. You're forgiven and you're free to go."

Severus shook his head and reached down to ruffle Draco's hair as he'd done when he was a little boy. On his way out of the room he paused in the doorway and looked back. "When did you get to be so wise, Draco?"

"It happened when you weren't looking, godfather."

Hermione was distracted after returning from her visit to Luna. Severus seemed very pleased to see her, she thought, repeating more than once that the house had been very quiet without her. He even admitted outright that he'd missed her companionship. She smiled shyly at that, and had to hold her hand over her heart to contain the warm fuzzy feeling that rose in her chest.

In spite of this, she remained quiet during dinner, making sporadic idle conversation, but unable to keep her mind from wandering elsewhere. When they were settled for the evening in the parlor, Severus confronted her.

"Hermione, is something wrong? I could tell you were distracted all through dinner. You seemed a hundred miles away. Did your girls' night not go as you'd hoped? Did something happen while you were gone?"

"I'm sorry, Severus. No, girls' night was fine. Sometimes we go out somewhere, but more often we just stay in and take turns making dinner. This was Luna's turn and she cooked."

At the thought of Luna cooking, Severus made a face, as if he were smelling something bad. "Were the results... unsatisfactory?"

Hermione couldn't help but smile at his expression. "No, it was fine. Excellent really. She made a lovely roast with onions, carrots, and potatoes. Luna's actually a very good cook. The thing is you never know what you're going to get when you go there. Depending on her whims, you may get a multi course gourmet meal, or you may get dirigible plum jam on a stack of crackers," said Hermione with a laugh. "She had a surprise planned, too. Yesterday we took a day trip out to the Orkneys, to the Mainland, the largest island. We took the Muggle ferry over and spent the morning exploring Kirkwall."

"Kirkwall. I've never been there myself," said Severus. "Did you enjoy it?"

"Yes, we had a fun morning and ate lunch in a charming little cafe. We spent the afternoon exploring some of the old places on Mainland: Skara Brae, an ancient stone settlement, the Ring of Brodgar and the Standing Stones of Stenness, both stone circles, Maeshowe a neolithic chambered cairn. It was strangest thing, but I swear I got a sense of something lingering in all of those places, like there was old magic there."

"It's quite possible there is," replied Severus.

"I almost moved there instead of Thurso." She went on thoughtfully. "I wanted to get out of Inverness and something about the Mainland seemed to call to me. Kirkwall was large enough to support a bookstore, and the location offered the isolation from the rest of the world that I felt I needed at the time. I'd never really discussed any of this with Luna, but yesterday she told me that when she'd started planning this special day for us together, something about the place just called to her. And once we were there... I don't know... I just felt as if something had drawn us there. She felt it too.

"Don't you find that a bit odd?" she added, turning to Severus. "I mean that Luna and I would both feel such a strong connection to the place?"

Severus shrugged. "I suppose it could be coincidence. However, in my opinion, true coincidence is very rare. I believe more often than not, things happen for a reason."

"Hmm..." Hermione pondered. "You know, I'm beginning to think the same thing myself."

In the next instant she was off again, her thoughts going a hundred miles an hour in four different directions.

Severus observed her, recognizing that look. He'd worn it many times himself, whenever he was seeking a solution to a problem and felt as though it was right there in front of him, yet it remained just out of reach. He watched her for several minutes before he leaned in and patted her knee. "Hermione?"

With a small jerk, her head snapped up and she saw him looking at her. "Oh, Severus. I was ignoring you, I'm so sorry."

"Hermione, something is clearly troubling you. Won't you tell me what it is? I've found that when I'm seeking answers, it oft times helps to get a second opinion. I'm more than willing to listen if you want to bounce ideas off me."

She hesitated. "I'm not sure that would help, and I don't want to be a bother to you."

Severus spread his hands and looked around the quiet room. "Do I look busy? You aren't pulling me away from anything, I'm free and I'm offering. How is that a bother?"

At her doubtful look, he moved to sit next to her, his left arm resting casually on the back of the sofa as he placed his right hand gently over hers. "Hermione, I'd like to help. It's obvious that something is wrong. I don't like seeing you distressed, it makes me feel..." Severus paused as if uncertain how to finish his thought. "...something," he finished lamely.

Hermione's heart clenched again. She'd admitted to herself weeks ago that Luna was right in her crazy observations. Hermione did like like Severus, as Luna had put it, but she'd been fighting her feelings because she thought them to be one-sided. His actions and words since she'd returned today suggested otherwise. But she knew he was not the type of man to show his feelings easily, and if she rejected this offer now he would likely pull back and distance himself. That was the very last thing she wanted.

Hermione turned her hand in his, intertwining their fingers, and clasped it gently. She looked up at him and said, "Severus, thank you. You're quite right, there's something I've been working on and I haven't been able to figure it out. I'd be happy to have your help."

He quickly glanced down at their entwined hands, but didn't pull away. If anything, he might have slid just the tiniest bit closer to her. "Tell me. Perhaps we can figure it out together."

"I want to help Luna. The Ministry simply washed their hands of her, while the Healers at St. Mungo's seemed to have no idea at all how to treat her. They say her core magic is still there, but she simply can't access it. It's almost like something is blocking it. I have this idea..." Hermione started nibbling at her lower lip as her eyes lost their focus.

"And she's off again." Severus murmured with a chuckle. He gave her a nudge. "I know how hard it is when you're problem-solving to stay in the now, your mind shoots off faster than a Muggle race car. But stay with me now and tell me your idea."

Hermione blushed and gave him a little smile. "Sorry. You're exactly right. I start thinking of something, then my brain jumps to something else, and before you know it I'm a million miles away." She took a deep breath.

"Remember a while back, I mentioned I was reviewing some research I'd done a few years ago?" At his nod, she continued. "It was for something I'd dabbled in after the war. And lately, I've been wondering if it could maybe be adapted to help Luna."

"What is it you were working on back then?"

"Well, I was actually trying to find some help for myself for certain... issues I was having at the time."

"Issues? Such as...?"

Hermione hesitated, reluctant to talk about that part of her past. "Nightmares, guilt, anxiety, panic attacks... things I couldn't seem to control. I got the idea to make magical artifacts, amulets, to try to relieve some of the pressure. You know, something to calm me, or protect me. The ones I made for myself never seemed to work very well. I did make some for other people that seemed to work, though."

Severus frowned. "Why didn't they work for you? Did you ever figure it out."

"Yes, I do have a theory." Hermione pulled away and, getting up from the sofa, paced around the room nervously. "They didn't work because my issues were symptoms of something deeper, they weren't the actual problem. I'm sure you didn't keep track of former students after the war, but I worked at the Ministry for a while. That was a huge mistake on my part. Anyway, eventually I left after a horribly public display..."

"Hermione, you needn't go into detail about that. You're right that I didn't keep track of former students so I didn't hear about it back then. However, I was at the manor while you were gone and Draco..."

"Draco told you, then?" For some reason she felt a sense of relief. "It's alright, at least you got an accurate account. He was there, and thank gods for that. If he hadn't stepped up..." She shuddered, remembering. "You know, I later realized that Draco understood me. I think he was dealing with the many of the same issues I was." She glanced at him. "So you're aware that I left the wizdarding world entirely for some time after that?"

Severus nodded in acknowledgment.

She gave a rueful grimace. "Harry and Ron were furious with me at the time. They thought I should go to St. Mungo's. I disagreed with them, so I refused. For all the wonders of magic, it seems to me the wizarding world puts forth very little effort in matters dealing with mental health or treating people's psyches. I chose to seek treatment in the Muggle world and was diagnosed with what they call Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

"PTSD, I've read about it," commented Severus.

Hermione's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Oh, not in any magical journals, to be sure. You're quite right in that respect. It was in a Muggle medical journal I was reading for research. I think you'll find that half-bloods as well as Muggle-borns are more willing to make use of information from the Muggle world."

Hermione nodded. "So you see, the amulets didn't work for me because I was trying to treat the individual symptoms—the nightmares, the flashbacks, the guilt—rather than the underlying source of my trouble."

"Which was?" Severus asked gently.

"Which was that mentally, I was just seriously fucked up," she admitted bluntly with a sad smile.

"But as I said, the ones I made for other people did seem to help them. For example Ron had gone to work for George at WWW. For all his bluster, he actually didn't have a very good self-image. He never felt as if he could live up to his older brothers, or to Harry. The amulet I gave him seemed to help build his self-confidence."

Severus nodded. "Yes, I saw that often in students at Hogwarts. In the staff room we used to call it younger brother syndrome."

"Ron's amulet worked so well that he asked me to make something for George. His grief over losing Fred was so bad that Ron feared he might do something drastic. Of course nothing could ever take his grief away, but I made an amulet for him designed to attract positive energy and feelings of peace. He felt better wearing it, and it seemed to help him."

"Interesting," Severus murmured. "Clever of you to approach it that way."

"I made a few others. When I left the wizarding world, though, I simply stopped working on the project."

Hermione stopped in front of the fireplace, her arms wrapped around herself, and stared unseeing into the low embers glowing there. She heard Severus get up and walk across the room towards her. He came so close to her that she could feel him behind her.

His earlier contact seemed to have made him braver: he now rested a hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture and leaned close to speak softly to her. "And you're considering now that creating something of the sort for Miss Lovegood could help her regain access to her magic?"

Taking advantage of his nearness, and feeling bolder herself, Hermione leaned back into him slightly, relishing his warmth. Encouraged when he didn't pull away, she turned slightly to look up at him over her shoulder. "Yes. Does that seem presumptuous of me? To think I might be able to help her when the Healers could not?"

"No, it doesn't. You pointed out yourself that they aren't infallible, they can't fix everything. Maybe what your friend needs is exactly this, for someone to think outside the box. Come," he said, taking her hand to lead her back to the sofa. "I know very little about the practice of creating such artifacts, tell me what it entails."

"They're created using things found in nature which are known to have certain qualities. Much like a wand maker chooses certain woods and core materials based on specific qualities, so do amulet makers seek particular things," she explained. "When I created Ron's amulet, I used to use a white agate as the primary component, because agate's known qualities include calming, building self-confidence, improving concentration, perception, and analytical abilities, among others." Severus nodded following her reasoning. "For George's, however, I used a blue-green jade because it's known to encourage peace, reflection, inner serenity and patience, and can help those who feel overwhelmed by situations beyond their control."

"Do you ever combine items?"

"Oh yes. Think about a Native American shaman's medicine bag, which often contains a number of magical items of personal significance. The amulet maker could also incorporate specific charms and spells to reinforce the qualities they wished to imbue the amulet with." She went of to offer other examples, including some of her own innovations, pleased by his interest.

Severus listened carefully to everything she told him, taking in all the information. Soon he got up and began to pace back and forth: she could practically see the wheels turning in his head as he processed all the information. He tapped his forefinger against his lips, then paced some more, then ran his fingers through his hair, then paced some more. Finally, he set his hands on his hips and stared at the wall in silence.

"Severus?" she said softly after some time had passed.

Severus started and turned suddenly as though surprised to see her watching him. He looked chagrined as he rubbed the back of neck. "I'm doing the exact same thing I accused you of earlier, aren't I? I was completely lost in thought."

Hermione smiled warmly at him. "Yes, I didn't want to interrupt. So what do you think?"

"Have you considered using potions?" he asked, summoning an ottoman over to the sofa and sitting down before her.

"You think you could invent a potion to help Luna?"

"No, not on it's own. What I meant was, what about using potions in conjunction with one of your amulets? Using potions to strengthen particular components, such as infusing a strengthening potion, or a calming potion, or a healing potion, or whatever, into the amulet itself to enhance the desired effect."

Hermione's eyes opened wide in surprise. "I hadn't even considered that idea. Severus, you're brilliant!" She leaned forward, throwing her arms around his neck to give him a big hug.

He lightly hugged her back, his face taking on a faint blush, then put his hands on her shoulders to push her gently back. "Don't get too excited," he cautioned. "It's just an idea, we don't know if it will work in practice. I had another thought, as well. You might want to consult with Mr Longbottom."

"Neville? But he's an herbologist, I don't..." Her frown turned into a smile as it dawned on her. "Of course! Why didn't I think of that? If we did something like the shaman's medicine bag, Neville might be able to give us suggestions for magical herbs or plant extracts to put inside. Things that, like the potions, would enhance or balance the amulet."

"Yes. Perhaps he could even suggest certain plant fibers to use for braiding for the cord, or for weaving to make a pouch or bag," added Severus.

"Oh sweet Merlin, so many possibilities I'd never even considered," Hermione said, excitement flooding through her. "Severus, thank you so much."

He looked at her, reaching to brush a strand of hair back out of her face. "I meant what I just said, though. They are just ideas. There is no guarantee that they will come to anything. How do you envision utilizing this amulet if we are able create it?"

"Well, I know a little about the spell she was working on at the time she was injured. It was a project for the MLE, a way to enable Aurors to handle a violent criminal without injury to themselves or others. She was attempting to create a spell that would temporarily suppress someone's magic just for a matter of seconds, certainly not permanently. But something went wrong, the spell mutated or something. She lost control of it and it came back at her.

"Creating new spells is a risky business," Severus commented. "Miss Lovegood is not the first person to inflict damage on herself."

"Well, the spell obviously didn't remove her magic. We know that, according to what the Healers said. So I'm thinking maybe it created a barrier around the magical core, a blockage of some sort. We don't know how to remove that blockage or whether that's even advisable. Removing it might be dangerous; it might destroy her magic entirely or even kill her. But what if we could create something that could get between it and her core magic? In essence, block the blockage?"

Severus, considered for a moment. "If I'm understanding you correctly, what you are suggesting is creating an amulet that would serve a dual purpose. On the one hand it would block certain elements of the original spell that are suppressing her magic, while on the other hand simultaneously stimulate and strengthen Miss Lovegood's ability to access her magic."

"Yes!" she exclaimed excitedly. "You've nailed it. That's exactly what I want to do. Do you think it's possible?" She held her breath as he hesitated for a moment.

"I don't know if it will work, but it's damn well worth a try."

Hermione was surprised the next morning at breakfast when Severus inquired whether she was planning to start work immediately on designing the amulet.

"I will continue to research in my spare time, of course, but you hired me to do a job, Severus. I won't neglect that, I promise."

"I wasn't implying that you would. But I do know how important this project is to you—how important Miss Lovegood is to you—and I would fully understand and support you if you'd like to devote more of your time to it." He glanced up at her from under his lashes as he fussed nervously with his juice glass, rotating it in precise quarter turns between his thumb and fingers. "In fact, I was thinking..." He hesitated, as if unsure of himself. "...I was thinking that I could put off taking on any new potions research and we could work on this project together."

Hermione jerked her head up in surprise to find him now strangely fascinated by the full English breakfast before him. She sensed a kind of edgy tension about him and thought he looked unrested, as though he'd slept very little, if at all. "Severus, I don't know what to say. That's so very kind of you, so generous of you to offer your time and expertise and..."

"Stop!" he barked, his expression almost angry at first. He rubbed his eyes and then pinched the bridge of his nose. She remained silent, a little frightened, unsure what was happening.

Finally he dropped his hand limply to the table and looked directly into her eyes. "I don't know how to do this, Hermione. Someone recently informed me that I have a chance to have something good in my life and that I need to give it serious consideration. I spent all of last night doing precisely that. Tossing and turning, listing different variables in my mind, thinking of possible scenarios, assessing probable outcomes. I reached no sane conclusions."

Hermione leaned toward him, reaching across the corner of the table to rest her hand next to his, not touching except for one fingertip against the side of his little finger. "Severus, I don't understand. What's wrong? What's going on?" she asked softly, her voice full of concern.

His gaze dropped to their two hands. "I want things, and I don't know how to get them. I'm not even sure that I should have them. Hermione, I don't know how to do this. I'm not kind or generous or romantic..."

She felt her chest go tight and she wasn't sure she could keep breathing.

"In fact I'm a mean, selfish, cold bastard. I'm damn near fifty and I've led a hard life, but lately... lately, I've been thinking about the things I'd like to have. And about how quickly things can change—a rogue spell, a fatal illness, an opportunity missed, and all is lost. I'd like nothing better than to spend my days working with you on projects like this, doing research together, working side by side in the lab or the library, taking our meals here, spending our evenings in the parlor, our nights..."

Hermione moved her hand fully into his, clasping it tightly as he continued. "I know I should go slowly, should probably take more time. I know there are certain rituals of courtship and the like that women expect, but I know nothing of those things."

She couldn't believe this was happening. He must have stayed awake all night worrying through all these thoughts and—typical Severus—he'd decided to just cut to the chase.

"Gods, I really don't know how to do this," he said looking away. "Our beginnings were so unconventional. You were my student for Chrissakes. You were only eleven years old when I first laid eyes on you. What am I thinking?"

Hermione scooted closer. One hand still clasped in his, she reached across with the other and softly caressed his cheek. She tipped his face towards her, her thumb dropped to trace his lips. His eyes were locked on her face as she spoke. "But I'm not that little girl anymore, Severus. I'm a woman, fully grown, who knows exactly what she wants. The idea of spending weeks and months on end gradually getting closer, of holding hands and walks in the park, of flowers and candy and silly little gifts, that all seems like a waste of time to me."

Hermione got up from her chair and, moving slowly, came around the end of the table, approaching him with as much caution as she would a wild beast. She muttered under her breath, "Dear goddess, I hope to hell I've not misread this." She wedged herself between him and the table, her arse practically in his plate so she awkwardly reached behind her to shove it back. "You may think you don't know how to do this, Severus, but it seems to me that you're doing just fine."

Leaning forward she wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled him toward her. "I do know what I want. I want everything you just described. Most of all, I want you." Her lips touched his tentatively, fearing she'd imagined his meaning and that he would push her away.

His reaction was just the opposite. With a lurch, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her roughly across his lap and clutching her tightly to him. A deep groan escaped from his throat as the fingers of one hand threaded through her hair, holding her in place, just so. His kisses were soft at first, then more firm, the tip of his tongue traced over her lips before barely slipping inside. When she responded readily, teasing her tongue against his, he gave way and devoured her mouth. Finally, he pulled back to drop tiny kisses at the corners of her mouth, then to nuzzle at her neck.

When Severus' mouth hit a certain spot on her neck, a shot of lust so strong flashed through her she thought she would go up in flames. She arched against him, trying to pull him even closer to her. Dear goddess, she hadn't felt like this in so long, and never with this sort of intensity. The little unintentional whimpers escaping her throat seemed to insight him to take further action. Their kissing resumed and his hand was sliding up her leg, under her robes, up her thigh—when a sharp gasp sounded from the doorway to the dining room.

They both froze in place. Hermione looked up, to see Mac Fletcher standing in the doorway. Self-consciously she jumped up to stand stiffly next to Severus' chair. Before she could move farther away, his hand flashed out to grab her wrist, keeping her close.

"Oh, um... sorry to interrupt. Err... I mean..." Mac stood there, an embarrassed flush covering his face, his eyes now glued to the floor. "Just stopped in to let you know our plans for today's work."

"Your work has been exemplary thus far," said Severus, his words so short and sharp that it sounded to Hermione as if his jaw was clenched tightly. "You're now in charge. If there are any questions, you decide. And unless the fucking house is on fire, I don't want to be disturbed."

He stood up and turned to Hermione, tugging her along with him. "You. Come with me."

She smiled but said nothing, following him willingly if somewhat hesitantly. Severus paused briefly beside Mac to say, "We will be busy all morning. I don't want any further interruptions." He started to walk away, but after a couple of steps he paused, reconsidered, and added, "Better make that for the rest of the day."

Severus strode down the hall toward the stairs, towing Hermione in his wake. He was halfway up the stairs to the landing when he stopped and swung her up into his arms. He whispered in her, "Remind later me to thank Draco for his wise advice." He kissed her briefly, and proceeded the rest of the way up the stairs. His footsteps echoed down the hallway to his destination.

Hermione glanced over his shoulder to see Mac standing at the bottom of the stairway with his mouth hanging open. "Blimey," she heard him mutter to no one in particular. "I did not see that one coming."

Then the bedroom door slammed loudly and locked with a resounding click behind them.

TBC