The girl who had been Terra clutched the math book to her chest and backed away slowly. Unable to fully turn her back on the green changeling, she found she couldn't stay near him either. Couldn't accept the chance he so willingly offered, the redemption by heroism he believed she needed. She felt something for him, for his broad grin and pointed ears, for the horrible jokes that were only funny because he told them. And she couldn't deny the desire that still smoldered within her. But it wasn't love or affection or even attraction. It wasn't a reaction to the longing that was so evident in his gaze. It was an echo, a breath of stale air from too long ago, and it frightened her. So she watched instead; watched the horrible truth sink into his flesh… watched the dawn of realization and the death of hope in his eyes. And she knew in her core it was the last time she'd ever see those eyes. The last time she'd ever break his heart.

She didn't smile, or cry, or give any sign that there were feelings behind her deep blue eyes. No indication that there was any more to the story than what she'd said. Nothing to suggest there was more to her than what she'd shown. Why would she? Why give him any more false hope than what he'd already conjured for himself? Why needlessly complicate the truth? And what she'd told him was the truth… in a way. Maybe she did remember, maybe she didn't. Maybe she was a Titan, maybe she wasn't. It didn't matter. None of it mattered… not anymore.

Reality is harsh, cruel and unrelenting. It never forgives and it never forgets. Terra had thought things- done things, horrible things that couldn't be forgiven nor forgotten. She could die a hero; go out in a blaze of glory and redemption, but that was all. There was no future for Terra. And that was the cold, hard reality of it. Yet there she was, alive and building a future with each passing moment. Both couldn't be real, so she'd made a choice: She wasn't Terra. She'd never been Terra. Regardless of the fact of the situation, that was her truth, and she wasn't sorry.

His emerald eyes were wide and full of hope. Still full of love for a dream that had never been… a dream that never stood a chance. A dream that would never let him rest, that would gnaw on his heart and rot his soul for as long as it existed. But things had never been as wonderful, as innocent, as those eyes believed. There were screens in their pupils, filters which only allowed him to see the good in people. A small voice in her own chilled chest told her those eyes would hurt him one day.

God! They were hurting her now! His gaze was like staring into a set of gems: clear and bright and uncompromising. His world was rigid and structured… safe. She could see the life he offered so plainly, almost as if she were already living it. Terra's room with its wallpaper like the night sky. A heart shaped box on the desk, the closed lid hiding a mirror. Two teens out on a date at a theme park, laughing and smiling and being silly. Yellow stone levitating in the bright light of sunset, controlled by a Titan in a black shirt and khaki shorts. How desperately she wanted to live like that! How wonderful it could be to be special and important and loved! How she lusted for that power…

She remembered those eyes, more than anything else. That night with the shattered mirrors, their jagged edges like the dreams she'd sacrificed for prestige and vengeance. Those eyes staring at her, accusing her, judging her with all the conviction they held now. Traitor. The word was clearer than anything he had said until then or could say since. And she was. In the most vial, intimate sense Terra betrayed those who had shown her kindness. It was their own fault for being stupid enough to trust her, but still…. Still, Terra had been wrong. Terra had been cruel. Terra had left a bloody trail wherever she went.

Terra was a bad person.

She hadn't cared for the Titans' feelings. When it suited her she had played the role of their friend and teammate, convincingly but not without fatigue. And when the time came to shed that image she'd done so happily. There had been only one hang up, only one regret, but that pale sentiment was killed in the night. It met its' demise under the unyielding pressure of a pair of emeralds. Of course he wouldn't accept her; she'd just killed his closest friends- his family. Perhaps not literally, but the intent was there. That's what is ultimately important: intent. Terra intended to hurt them-end them. She intended to drive peace from the blood of Jump City and replace it with iron. In her own sick way, she intended to break his heart. Why bother with the courtship otherwise? Why bother with any of it?

Why hunt what you don't intend to kill?

He had to know that was it, had to understand that was the truth. There was a predator inside her, a monster with glowing yellow eyes and stones at her fingertips. A monster that had seen the predator in him, just as the girl had seen the lamb. How well suited they'd seemed for each other! How similar their hearts had felt, back when hers was still beating. But they weren't… not in the least. He'd thought to save her and that made her lips curl in a savage sneer. Made her laugh in merciless glee. True, there was something in the green boy to which she could relate, something that craved the hunt and savored the terror of its prey. But in him the prey was his own self; the lamb was stronger than the lion. Once he released the monster, something about him always managed to fight it back into its cage. Or worse, something about the monster drove it willingly back into submission.

Things were different for Terra. One taste of rage, one bight of power, and she was hooked. There was nothing else, no kindness or friendship, that could compare to the ecstasy of control. And not just control over her own self- no, not just control over the stones. She wanted to control the city, the world, the cosmic dust that made up the universe. If she lifted just one stone, the rest would call to her, tell her she deserved it all. They'd tell her she could do it, if she wanted to. And Terra would want to. Terra hungered to. The girl was no match for the monster.

He had to know that… But he didn't. He refused to accept it, refused to believe in anything but the goodness in people. Idiot. Terra had hated him for that… Hated him and loved him and lusted after his purity. The monster had wanted to taint him and when it couldn't it had wanted to consume him. Let the earth swallow his bones. Still he'd shown her mercy! Why… why! Terra couldn't accept that, couldn't understand it at all. Yet there he was, one who had tasted violence and vengeance and power and found them bitter. He'd gazed at her with those blind yet all seeing eyes and the monster fell away, leaving only the girl. She didn't want to, but the girl hated the naïveté in that gaze. Knew that one day, inevitably, that gaze was going to get him killed.

But not by her. Green met blue and all he saw was stone. A wall that could not be climbed or breached or compromised in any way. She'd inflicted her damage and was done. No more. It didn't matter what he wanted- what either of them wanted. Terra was the Titan- the fallen Titan. Terra was a traitor so steeped in sin that only the ultimate sacrifice could redeem her. Terra… Terra didn't exist any more. She was gone, and the girl who now faded into the crowd would never allow her to come back.

Author's Note: You know, I enjoyed this. Surprisingly so. Wikipedia says Terra in the comics is basically a sociopath, lacking even a basic sense of empathy, which makes the decision to include her in the show all the more interesting. She became this sort of tragic, used character that never really stood a chance. Neither incarnation is particularly likable (in my opinion), but in merging them, in trying to reconcile these archetypes into a person, I think I found someone that, in the end, I can respect. Things Change is really key and the more I think about it the more I realize just how brilliant that episode is, how well it encompasses the phrase "know thyself." Love her or hate her, Terra was important to Beast Boy and I also enjoyed looking at him through her dynamic eyes. Hopefully you all have had as much fun here as I did!

Unfortunately (and ironically), this might be one of the last things I put up here. Somewhere along the way I got grown up, which is not to say that I outgrew fanfiction writing, just that "me time" got scarcer. My creative energy is, as always, a slave to my muse, but nevertheless I want to at least try to direct it towards my own characters and stories, you know, things I can publish legally. But the wind is always changing and I am young yet. To those of you (if any) that read this when I put it up as my very first piece, thanks for the ride. For those of you that are meeting me for the first time, I wish you an equally fantastic trip. And to everyone, keep creating! It's what makes us human, right?

Best,

Kilarra