Thank you so much for reading... This chapter is a little sad... :(

Disclaimer: I don't own Bones

Chapter 4: Back to the past

The next week, thinks got back to normal. A case had come up but Booth and Brennan closed it in a few days. Neither of them brought up again what had happened that night, but neither of them was able to forget… That moment, that kiss hunted their dreams every night… Sometimes they were thinking to get up, drive to each others apartment and confess their feelings. They both thought that this was getting ridiculous but every time they changed their minds. Every time doubts, insecurity and the idea of losing one another filled their minds and it was impossible to take a decision and make the first move.

For now they were trying to enjoy each others company… Booth would show up as usual every day to drag her out of the lab, they would bicker, they would laugh… Those little moments keep remind them why their relationship was so important and unique. The fact that one was always there for the other was giving them the strength to wait… And they were both certain that it was worth it…

It was a few days later when he got a call that he has to go back to one of the worst periods of his past. He had to become a soldier again, a hero for the others but a cold hearted murderer for him. He hated this side of himself, killing people even if they were criminals who deserved the worst treatment and it would be so difficult to remember everything all over again. Not that he ever forgot…

Memories, images from the war never left his mind or his dreams. He remembered every single detail, every single person he injured and of course the face of everyone he was forced to kill. He couldn't even count the number of his nightmares or the nights that he stayed awake not being able to close his eyes without bringing horrible pictures in his head. It had taken him years to be the person he used to be but he was sure that he would never be the same and now he had to get through this from the beginning. At least now there were nights without nightmares and he could smile again.

He was certain that the real reason he survived mentally after this experience is the people that he loves. The one was his grandfather who is responsible for the person that he is today as he had saved him when he was a little boy and raised him on his own. The other was Parker, Booth's wish to become a good father gave him a motive to get out of this dead end. His son's smile lightens his day and gives him the strength that he needs to move on. And then she came into his life and she became a member of his family who had turn his life upside down and taken his heart. She is one of the reasons that he wakes up every morning and he is capable of everything just to make sure she is safe and happy.

Right then he realized what he has to leave behind him. He had to leave for at least a month but he didn't even want to think about the results of this. Parker would be terrified and his face would be so sad something that Booth wasn't sure if he could stand.

As for Bones, he would hurt his Bones… He had promised to himself that he would do anything for her and he would never leave her or let her fall and now he managed to do all these at once. He was so mad at himself that he wouldn't be here to protect her. He was sure about her reaction and he knew that he would confront her really soon. Although, before telling anything to anybody he had to make sure that there was no possibility for him to get out of this so he headed to the only person who knew he could help him.

Twenty minutes later he was in the Hoover building on his way to Cullen's office.

"Hi Kelly, is Director Cullen in his office? I need to talk to him can I get in?" he ask permission from Cullen's secretary lost in his thoughts he barely looking at her.

"Yes Booth, actually he just told me to call you to…"

"Thanks" he was ready to open the door before she was able to finish her phrase.

"May I come in sir?"

"Of course Booth, take a sit."

Once Booth sat in front of his boss office, Cullen got up to stand in front of him.

"Listen to me son…" when Booth saw his face and heard his words he was positive that he wouldn't leave this office with what he wanted "… I got informed about the call that you received and I immediately did a research to see what we can do but I'm afraid that I didn't make it…" Booth's face fall as he knew that Cullen had done everything so there was no hope "… Apparently there aren't many men with your training and your experience and once you don't have any responsibilities everything that I said was practically useless."

"I have a son isn't this a responsibility?" Booth was so disappointed and angry that he broke Cullen's heart.

"I know son I told them but once you're not…"

"Married?"

"Yes"

"This is just getting better and better!"

"I know Booth, I told them that this was ridiculous and I got in a fight with probably every single person who was in charge at the moment. I even told them that the Bureau needs you for an operation but they didn't care. I'm sorry I did everything that I could but you have to go tomorrow night."

"I know sir, thank you for everything."

"I didn't do anything you don't have to thank me"

"No really thank you I don't think that I had the strength to get in a fight with these idiots."

"Just take care son… I remember how you returned the last time… Don't torture yourself, make it as soon as possible and be strong, you have people who will wait for you this time don't forget that… Oh and you know that whatever you need you can count on me." Cullen was a second father for Booth as he really helped him when he got back from war and he knew that he can trust him.

"I wish you knew how much I appreciate this. Could you do me a favor sir?"

"Anything"

"Is it possible that Dr. Brennan will get involved with a case when she is really necessary? You know her ability to get into trouble and how bad her co-operation with other agents tends to end up so I wanted to keep the Jeffersonian team as safe as possible." Booth was trying to find a convincing story to cover his concern about his beloved partner but he failed as Cullen was trying really hard not to laugh.

"All right Booth I will do my best… You know you should do something about this soon right?"

"I don't know what that means…" Booth knew exactly what he was talking about but he decided to use his partner's favourite phrase.

"Yeah… Sure…" Booth quickly changed the subject.

"You don't think that my son and my B… I mean my friends are in danger right?" Cullen was reading Booth's concern in his face and he did his best to calm him.

"Don't worry about anything son. I won't let anybody got hurt."

"Thank you. I will try to communicate with you when I got some time."

"I wish I could do something more."

"Trust me you did. I own you…"

"Take care because when you'll get back you will have a lot of cases with your partner…"

With a faint smile Booth left the room. As soon as he got out of the Hoover any hint of his grin was no longer in his face as now he had to announce his departure. How can you hurt the people that you love?

Booth was in the SUV with his head fallen in the will and with tears, which he desperately tried to hide a few minutes ago, now running through his cheeks. He had just left from Rebecca's home where he faced his son… He couldn't believe that he was leaving his son… He didn't want to be like his father and while he knew that this is an entirely different situation it didn't make him feel any better.

He was devastated, he hated himself for filling Parker's mind with bad and cruel images. When he arrived at Rebecca's, he explained her the situation and while at the beginning she got really upset then she calmed and she tried to help him talk to Parker. When the little boy saw his dad at the door he was thrilled but when Booth told him that he had to leave for a while his smile faded and he burst into tears when he learned his destination. At this point Booth couldn't help but telling him lies about how dangerous his mission was, he assured him that he would be completely safe, that he would call really often and that he would be back as soon as possible. After this Parker calmed down and they started playing for about an hour in which Booth couldn't stop staring at his son, memorizing every move and every laugh so that he will find the strength to go on. When Parker had to go to bed, Booth gave him a hug which neither of them wanted to end and before he left he heard his son telling him "I love you daddy… Be safe and get back soon…"

Booth's heart was broken and he felt so weak and helpless. It was already dark outside and as much as he wanted to talk to Bones at the moment it seemed impossible as he wouldn't bear the look in her eyes. So he picked up his phone to call someone who would give him some courage and who would be there for Brennan.

A few seconds later, he listened a really happy Angela in the other line.

"Booth… What a surprise! I'm not used to you calling me! Is there any chance that you need my help to steal the heart of a beautiful forensic anthropologist?"

"Ange I need to talk to you… Can you go to the Founding Fathers or you are busy?" he didn't recognize his voice so he was sure that Angela would get that something was off

"What's wrong sweetie? What happened?"

"I'll explain to you…"

"All right I'll be there in 15 minutes"

"Ok I'll wait for you, oh and don't tell anything to Bones"

"Ok" Angela got really scared because she rarely listened Booth like this so she practically ran out off the lab. On her way out she thought the comment about Brennan. What was so important that Booth wouldn't want Brennan to find out?

I hope you liked it! Tell me what you think!