I'm so sorry! I know, I'm going to burn in hell for not updating in so long. Oh well...
--
"She was interesting," Georg announced, breaking the silence. I laughed.
"Erin?" I wanted to be sure we were talking about the same girl. I had seen Georg looking at her after all.
"Ja."
"I like her voice," I said, placing a slim finger on my chin and thinking. I tilted my head to the side when I suddenly felt something, something almost sad. Turning to look at Tom, I saw him staring at the blank wall. The look on his face explained what I felt. No doubt he was thinking about Sarah. Aw, Tomi, he must be missing her already. With a jolt the feeling turned to excitement. I quickly stopped pitying him when I realized that he was probably thinking of what they would do later this evening.
I pushed myself off of the couch and stretched. I needed a shower, badly. I started thinking about how I would take one when we got back to the hotel, which caused my thoughts to switch to what we would do afterwards; hit the clubs. I smiled, just what Tom needed. Even if he was having dirty thoughts and being annoying, he was still Tom, my twin. It was my job to cheer him up no matter what. It had always been that way. The clubs would be a perfect distraction for him until he met up with Sarah later.
Raising my left arm in the hair and placing my hand on my right hip, I let my upper body fall to the right. I felt the stretch pull on the muscle down my left side. It felt good. I half skipped, half galloped over to where Tom was sitting and did the other side, pausing at the bottom. I looked up at his slanted face in my horizontal vision. He didn't look at me, but looked down at his hands instead.
"Hallo Tomi," I mocked and stuck out my tongue. Half reluctantly, he shifted his gaze to my face. He took in my appearance. I was bent over sideways with my right arm sticking straight out and head parallel to the ground, my tongue out to top it all. He gave me a raised eyebrow before laughing. Satisfied, I straightened up so I was standing normally again. All the stretching felt good. Laughing along, I plopped down next to him. All we had to do now was wait for the security to come back to escort us to the car. I used to think that security was a waste of time and money, but after getting to know how crazy some fans were, I completely supported them. It'd only taken one mobbing to change my mind.
I tapped my fingers lightly against the fabric of the couch, waiting. In my head, I began envisioning what I would change into tonight. I was having fun, being creative while assembling my outfit, when the door opened. I was startled out of my thinking and got up to follow the security guards that had entered the room. Silently, the Gs and Tom did the same. After all the planning, I found myself excited to go back to the hotel. I couldn't wait to put on a new outfit.
"What are you so happy about?" Georg asked me suddenly with a snort as we walked down the hall. I realized that I'd been smiling this whole time.
"Absolutely nothing!" I replied, widening my smile and my eyes. He gave me a look that clearly said 'whatever, why did I even ask? I should be used to your randomness by now...' I laughed.
Instead of leaving through the entrance we'd arrived at, the two burly security guards led us to the back. I could see the car through the glass of the door. It was a black car with tinted windows, just waiting, as always. As we left the building, I slipped my sunglasses on. It was dark already so there was no point, but I didn't want cameras flashing in my face. There was a very slight chance that they wouldn't recognize me because my hair was starting to deflate. But I was with the rest of the band and as a group, we really stand out.
Not wasting any time, we were rushed across the short distance and into the car. As the last door slammed shut, I thought I heard fangirls starting to scream. The engine had already been running, as if the driver expected a quick get-away. With accuracy and speed we were whipped away, down the dark alley. From where I sat in the back, I watched the dark walls break away to a busy street. Soon we were lost among the many cars around us; safe.
Next to me, Georg leaned forward and tapped the top of Tom's hat sharply.
"Hey, so where're we going tonight?" He slouched over the seat, arms dangling loosely over it. I cringed. Georg should know better than that. I remained facing the window. The last thing I wanted was to get involved.
With a sudden burst of energy, Tom whipped around and smacked Georg across the side of his head. Quickly, out of reflex, the bassist pulled away. But he wasn't fast enough to avoid Tom's flailing smacks as he shrieked.
"Don't touch the hat!" Though he didn't show it often, Tom had just as much energy as I did at times. He truly is my twin brother. Finally, Georg was able to escape and lean back in his seat panting. I still sat motionless next to him, my upper torso pointed towards the window. I tried to look lost in thought and deeply ignorant of what had just happened, but in reality I was listening intently for Georg's reaction. To my surprise Georg was slow to respond. I counted to thirty before I couldn't resist shifting my gaze towards them slightly.
Tom continued to glare at him over his shoulder, gnawing on his lip barbell menacingly. Other than that he wasn't moving, though he was still tensed like he could jump over the back of the seat and attack Georg again. I looked at Georg. His face was still frozen in half shock. The other half was more of a wide-eyed staring challenge. Both of their eyes were locked on each other, trying to judge who had overstepped their bounds.
Then, for no apparent reason, Tom burst into an award-winning smile and answered Georg's question as if he'd just asked what his favorite food was, melty caramel soaking the tone of his voice.
"The Amber Light."
Gustav and I, who had remained silent the whole time, exploded into hysterics. Tom immediately joined in, already past his fit of irritation. I glanced at Georg again. He wasn't laughing along, though there was a hint of a smile on his lips. For a second, I was worried that he was going to hold a grudge, but I'd barely had time to think of the concept before he broke out laughing as well. I let a little of my relief flow into my laughter. Good, everything was as it should be.
Another few minutes of meaningless conversation passed. I was just finishing telling Tom my opinion of the venue we'd just played when the car rolled to a complete stop.
"Here we are," the driver said in very poor German as the engine died. I appreciated the effort, but it was obvious that he learned the one phrase specifically for this occasion.
"Danke schön!" I said, nevertheless, as I climbed over the folded seat in front of me. The security that had already been waiting there for us shut the door behind me and waved the car off. I was so used to the screams that I barely noticed them. A careful shield of guards around us, we walked forwards towards the hotel doors, pushing our way through the crowd of fans. I was too tired to smile, so I kept my eyes down at my feet. Suddenly, I was grateful I'd put on my sunglasses before we got in the car. Beside me, I heard Tom pause, wave, and greet the fans briefly. In less than a minute, we'd made it inside. Thankfully, the hotel staff had kept the lobby area clear for us. No fans. I eyed the couches longingly. What I wouldn't do to just throw myself onto one of those and fall asleep...
Instead, all four of us headed for the elevators. We didn't need the guards anymore. As much as I would have liked to just crash right now, I needed that shower too much. The sticky perspiration from playing the show hadn't worn off completely when I'd changed in the dressing room, so some sweat had gotten on these clothes.
Gustav pushed the up button as we all stood waiting. I crossed my arms across my chest and let my head fall to the right a little. Yeah, a shower was exactly what I needed. One; to get clean. Two; to wake up a bit. And three; to get rid of the hideous odor I could smell wafting from my armpits. Ew. Why do people always have to smell bad? Couldn't there be some gene that would make everyone smell good no matter what? Many fans that I've met and posed for pictures with smelled okay, but then there were the ones that made it hard for you to keep a straight face and smile politely into their camera. Ick.
With a soft ding that sounded like a 'welcome back' the doors opened. We all pushed our way into the elevator. Georg hit the button for floor 5 with the back of his fist as he walked in. I leaned against the side wall, the railing pressing into the top of my thighs. I glanced at the far wall. It was literally one big mirror. Despite the sweat, I still looked amazing. It was something that I prided myself on. I loved it when I knew I looked good. I never mentioned it to anyone, of course. That would just be too full of myself. But its such a feeling of self-confidence when you know you look great, when you can rely on it.
Tom was standing by the wall across from me. He was facing me and his hands gripped the bar of railing behind him. He yawned loudly and tapped his hands on the railing in a familiar rhythm. I nodded my head to the beat. I saw Gustav tap his foot. Georg laughed at us. I smiled. I could hear the music in my head and knew exactly where we were in the song.
"You can't make me stay! I'll break away!" I sang, my voice echoing in the small box-like room. "Break away!" The mood was so much more relaxed when we did this. It brought us together. That's the most important thing.
With another ding, I felt the elevator come to a stop and the watched the doors open from the mirror. I was still humming Break Away as we all filed out and into the hallway. Without goodbyes, we split up to go to our rooms. Tom and Gustav headed left, while Georg and I turned right. I pointed to each door that I passed until I got to my room, counting in my head. Room 547. I quickly unlocked it with the plastic card key and stepped inside. Everything was neat and tidy. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the bed was made as I walked towards the bathroom. The maid must have been in here while we were gone. I know I'd left it messy before the show. I kicked the bathroom door halfway shut with the back of my heel behind me. Like clockwork, I flipped on the lights and fan, got the water running, and stripped. My clothes in a heap on the floor, I reached for the bag on the counter. The dull roar of the shower and droning of the fan made everything sound muffled. I barely heard the zipper on my bag of toiletries as I opened it.
Barely focusing, I grabbed a cotton pad and make up remover. I let my thoughts wander as I scrubbed off the heavy black that surrounded my eyes. I wasn't thinking about any one thing in particular. Just whatever came to mind. And that was a mistake. Before I even realized it, I was thinking about the one image I had of her. That split second of staring at her face. I shook myself out of roaming the gentle curve of her cheekbones with my mind and frowned. Blinking twice, I tossed the now-black cotton pad in the trash and climbed into the shower, wincing as the hot water burned my skin. I twisted the knob in the opposite direction slightly. Gradually, it cooled down to a comfortable temperature. That's one thing I wasn't too fond of. In every new hotel we stay at, it takes me at least two showers before I can remember what position of the knob is just right.
For a minute, I just stood there letting the water run down my back, calming me. I closed my eyes and took a step back. The water rained down right on top of my head. I felt it flatten my hair and run down my face. With a deep breath, I relaxed my shoulders.
Once again, I hadn't realized I was thinking about her until her glistening onyx eyes filled my whole brain. I snapped myself back to earth (because thinking about her definitely wasn't earthly, it was heavenly) and quickly wiped the water out of my face with both hands. I found myself frowning again as I reached for the shampoo bottle. A mixture of confusion, frustration, and fear crept over me as I squeezed a small amount into my hand. I slammed the bottle back down harder than I meant to and the noise almost made me jump.
I was confused because this whole thing made no sense. Why does this girl affect me so much? I don't even know her. All I saw was a few seconds of her face. And that alone completely threw me off during the concert and now I can't get her out of my head! What is wrong with me?
This is where the frustration kicked in. I must be at fault, because this girl is perfect. I probably didn't do anything to her. For all I know, she didn't even realize I was looking at her. She could be home right now squealing about how awesome the concert was to her friends. No, I corrected myself, she doesn't seem the type to squeal like that over a band. She seems mature and composed. And strikingly beautiful to top it off. God, why am I so weak against her? How can two seconds completely rewire my brain like this?!
And all the while, in the background, fear gnawed at my train of thought. This obsession was completely irrational and unknown to me. And the unknown scared me. Not that I would ever admit it, even to justify this.
Practically furiously, I worked the shampoo into my tangled hair. I focused as hard as I could on making sure every strand was washed so I couldn't think about...that...Still moving in quick motions and trying to keep myself from thinking about anything at all, I scrubbed the bar of soap all over my body and rinsed everything. It was hard to keep my mind clear, almost futile. It was like trying to hold a crumbling dam in place when your knees feel like they could give out any second. The flood of thoughts of her were so overpowering that I was amazed that I made it out of the shower without the mental dam completely breaking down.
Methodically, I rubbed the stick of deodorant under my arms and put everything back in my toiletry bag. To my surprise, I almost felt like smiling as I wrapped a towel around my waist. I walked out of the steamy bathroom and flipped both the light and fan off.
Calmly, now that she was out of my head, I opened my suitcase full of clothes and picked out the outfit I'd planned. I was safe. Dressing would keep my mind occupied for a while. I hummed a little tune I'd made up for no reason as I pulled the clothes onto my body, smiling. Once the articles of clothing were on me, I opened a different suitcase that had a bag of jewelry and accessories in it. I put on the items I'd thought of before in the backstage room. Naturally, everything I'd picked looked great together as well as on me.
Once again, I walked into the bathroom to see myself in the mirror. This time I left the fan off. Most of the steam had disappeared from the large mirror, leaving just a few hazy spots on the edges. I bit my lip in thought as I studied my face. If I was going to the clubs with the others tonight, I needed to put on some make up. But if didn't I wouldn't have to. I tried to picture myself at the club. What had Tom say it was called? The Amber Light? It would be noisy and crowded with men and women flirting, drinking, and using lots of body language. I could see myself pushing my way through the crowd, weaving a path in a way that looked more like a cat than a man. I could see myself looking into the faces of the people around me, searching for one that caught my eye. The lights would be flashing and dancing across their faces as the beat made everything seem surreal. Before I realized it, I knew I'd be looking for one specific face. Her face. Because deep down I know that's the one I'd want to see. And it unnerved me. What would I do if I found her? Would she recognize me? Of course she would. Everyone would. Would I recognize her. Without a doubt. Would I talk to her? What would I say? Would I even get that far? Would I avoid her? What would she say back?
I had to cover my eyes with my palms and literally shake myself out of my train of thought. I don't think I could bear seeing her. I noticed my hands had grown sweaty, leaving little wet spots around my eyes. I realized I was nervous. If we ever met face to face... I had to stop. I honestly didn't know how I would react. I drew a complete blank.
Seeing that my mind was clearly not cooperating with me, I decided not to go with the others. I didn't want to take the chance if her being there. Or running into someone who reminded me of her.
"I'll just stay here and watch TV," I said to myself cheerily. I nodded as I made up my mind, trying to hold up the dam in my head before my traitor brain could start thinking of her again.
Getting up, I walked briskly over to my bed stand. Resting on top was my phone and ipod. I grabbed the phone and held down 2, speed dial for Tom. It rang three times before I heard him on the other end.
"Hey." In the background I thought I heard the TV.
"Hey Tomi, I think I'm just gonna stay here at the hotel tonight," I told him right away.
"You sure? I know clubs aren't really your thing but..."
"Yah, I'll just stay and watch some TV."
"Ok." The line went dead. I hung up and put my phone in my pocket. With a long exhale, I looked around for the remote control. It was laying on the cabinet next to the TV across from my bed. Without really focusing, I snatched it away from the TV and climbed onto the bed. I took one of the pillows and sat cross legged with it in my lap. Hotel pillows were always so soft, like a small cloud. My hair was still damp as I hugged the pillow. Sighing, I flipped on the TV, chose a random channel, settled in for the night.
--
PLEASE review... It helps me keep writing. So if you want more, you know what to do. ;)