IV: Together
o
Mornings were never quiet on the island; even if the seven still slept on, the nature woke up from its slumber with the first light of dawn's approach. The birds started their concert once again to welcome the new day, and usually Melissa woke with them, just to fall asleep again shortly afterwards.
However, lately that habit had changed and she couldn't close her eyes again after waking up the first time. It wasn't because she was too afraid to do so; the fear resided still in her, but it had been banished somewhere deep, locked tightly there and hardly bothered her anymore. It also wasn't because she didn't feel tired anymore; too many sleepless nights had robbed the rest from her, and although she now slept better, Melissa still sometimes felt the ache of tiredness in her every bone and muscle.
No, she was simply far too comfortable laying there to lose that feeling of content by going back to sleep. She wanted to enjoy it as long as she could; the heavy arm around her waist, Jackson's warm breath on her neck. To be so close to him, in the face of the new morning, he still asleep, both of them warm and safe and together – she simply was more happy there and then than anywhere else.
Melissa wanted it to last, but could only bask in it for a few hours at most. By then, the sun would have come up to wake the rest of the camp, and they all had to rise up and face each other once more. And because the things between them all were complex and sore still, and between some of them downright hostile, it wasn't exactly a happy gathering of people in the breakfast.
And although things between Melissa and Jackson were good – better than with any other pair in the camp – there were still loads of unresolved issues that left her confused and doubtful of how long their newly found closeness could last. They hadn't actually talked about anything important at all. In some things words didn't matter; they knew what horrors they had gone through in the jungle and in the bay, for they had gone through them together. They understood the fear and the pain in each other, and wanted to sooth it, to help it fade away. But the other things, the fact that Melissa had moved her sleeping bag permanently next to Jackson's, that they sat always next to each other these days, that they just wanted to be where the other was... These things begged an explanation, an understanding.
Did he feel the same way she did? Or was it all just comfort that would soon turn cold?
o
She was kneeling on the sand, rummaging in her bag pack, her whole focus on the task. Her black hair had been pulled on a bun; a few of the strands had escaped and were plastered to her sweaty neck. Her bowing back was covered in a green t-shirt and the flexing spine was just visible under the damp cotton.
The sun was straight above his head, bearing down on them harshly, and he felt slightly faint from the oppressive heat. He wanted to put his hand on her bare neck, wanted to just rest his fingertips lightly on the junction were her long neck met her shoulders, feel the hard knob of her spine; the warmth and the life within.
He moved a little closer and his shadow fell over her.
She paused in her searching as she realized that he was behind her; she turned a little without rising and craned her neck towards him, squinting her dark eyes. He tried to smile, but there was something stale and stifling in his mouth. He needed water.
"Jackson." Her voice was not a question, just an acknowledgment of his presence.
"What are you looking for?" He was always near her these days, watching how she moved and talked, how she reacted and connected, cataloguing her dislikes and likes; as if studying a new beautiful species. It was a continuous wonder to him; how he could know her so well and then learn yet again something new about her, peeling another layer of. He wanted to know all of her - wanted to know the naked skin of her neck under his palm.
"…and I was certain I put it here, but it's nowhere I can find - maybe Taylor borrowed it and forget to put it back…Jackson? Are you listening to me?"
"Yeah. Go on." But he knew he looked guilty enough to not get away with the lie.
Mel smiled. "No, you're not. But that's okay - I was boring even myself with that rant." She stood up and suddenly they were face to face, only a few inches apart. She was not much shorter than him. A bead of sweat clung to the hollow of her throat.
His own throat was parched and swallowing was almost painful. God he was thirsty. He couldn't remember, when he had had his last drink. Probably a couple of hours ago, although he wasn't certain. He had lost track of time, watching her and thinking about everything he wanted to say to her. Trying to find the right words to explain how he felt, for she deserved the utmost truth and nothing less from him.
"What's the matter?" Her face tightened with worry. "Are you feeling sick?"
"No, it's nothing. You know…just this heat. I think it's finally getting to my head." He cut short his sharp bark of laughter after seeing how the alarm in her expression grew.
"Jackson…"
"No really, I'm fine. Just need some water." He didn't want that tightly pursed mouth to be aimed at him, didn't want the solemn face to be so unhappy because of him. She had worried enough over him and everybody else - it wasn't right that she should carry their burdens on top of her own.
"You should go lie down in the shade. I can do the rest of your chores."
"No! You needn't do anything! I'm fine." She looked hurt at his loud words, so he softened his tone, "I promise that I'm okay. And I'll go to the shade, if it makes you feel better, but I'm not letting you do my jobs."
She bit her lip, as if contemplating his offer, and he couldn't help noticing (couldn't draw his eyes away) how chapped her lips were. He took them both unawares by touching her mouth gently with his thumb.
"Your lips are chapped."
Her eyes widened, but she didn't say anything. The day seemed only to get hotter, and the air was motionless, everything still and shimmering around them. His cheeks were burning from a thousand fucked up things - shame and awkwardness and anxiety and want and safety and comfort and closeness and desire and affection - all mixed together, striving towards that one thing -
Later, he swore to God he hadn't planned it. Not the way it happened at least, for he had fantasized about it plenty, made plans that involved sunsets and holding hands first. He had not meant this abrupt motion towards her mouth, impulsive and without warning.
Her closed lips felt dry and cracked, when he kissed her. She made a small surprised sound in her throat, but didn't push him away, didn't slap him six ways to Sunday. His arms hung uselessly on his sides, uncertain where their place should be. Only their lips touched and he had to crane his neck a little uncomfortably, but didn't dare to find a new position. They were both too self-conscious for the kiss to be great, too aware of the dryness of their mouths, of the sweltering heat around them.
The kiss was just a contact, a pressure of his lips on hers, it was over too soon, and he was fumbling like a rookie, but at the same time, it was the best kiss he had ever had. He retreated with a huge grin. And what was best; although she looked stunned, there was an answering smile on her face.
"Let's go find that shade and water." She picked up her bag pack from the ground and then turned to go without looking back, expecting him to follow. And she was not wrong - in that moment he would have followed her pretty much everywhere she wanted.
o
The campfire burned bright in the darkening evening as they were gathering around it for some bedtime snack. The meaningless chitchat was just a buzz in the background; Melissa was deep in her own thoughts. If she had been paying attention, she would have noticed how the seemingly ordinary discussion was taut with tension. However, all she could think about was he kissed me!
He had kissed her and it had taken her completely by surprise. It had been - there really were no words for it yet, perhaps never would be. All of a sudden, everything she had ever hoped and dreamed for was in that one moment; almost too much for her to take.
She had been ready to burst with excitement - or worse tears - so she had turned away, her intention to lead them somewhere private, where they could calm down and maybe finally talk. So naturally then, Daley had needed her urgently for something in just that very moment, and from there on, she and Jackson hadn't gotten any time alone at all. It was a conspiracy.
"Melissa?" A hand in her shoulder. She realized that Jackson was standing in front of her, trying to get her attention. She blushed scarlet.
"Yeah?"
"I'm going for a little walk. Are you coming with me?"
Melissa's heart started to beat like some crazed drummer had gotten hold of the drumsticks and was now banging to his heart's content. She glanced quickly at the others: Lex seemed genuinely curious, Nathan and Eric were grinning stupidly, Daley had a little disapproving frown on her face, and Taylor kept her eyes resolutely on the ground.
Jackson was standing firm under their gazes. He didn't seem to care what the others thought - so why should she?
"Let's go." He smiled at her answer and together they started to walk towards the beach, not saying another word.
The sun had begun to set; it's fiery glow was slowly sinking underneath the waves. The air was already much cooler than it was in the daytime; not too hot, nor too cold. Perfect. As soon as the word sprung to her mind, she tried to banish it. Life was not a movie. Expecting too much would do a disservice to them both. As the events of the recent past had so avidly demonstrated, life was everything but perfect. But in that moment -
In that moment life was pretty damn good.
They stopped, when they were near the water's edge. The dark waves raced to meet her bare feet; the lukewarm water touched her toes, before retreating back to the ocean. She turned to face him, the suspense thick and tingling in the pit of her stomach.
"So…here we are." God, she was nervous. What would he say to her? Would he kiss her again? Or was it her turn now to take the reins?
"Yeah, here we are." He looked flustered. "Nice evening - the sunset…and everything."
She had to smile at that. "Very nice." She tried very hard not to laugh at his abashed expression. Realizing he was as keyed up as she was actually helped to allay her own suspense.
"Oh God - I'm really fucking this up, am I?" He sounded mortified and amused at the same time.
"Well, that depends on what you are trying to do." Melissa wanted to appear solemn, but the damn smile kept tugging the corners of her mouth.
"You know…just the usual; apologize for being such a dumb ass…try to woo the girl…" The grin on Jackson's face was making her tingle all over.
"You have nothing to apologize for." Her tone was steely and serious, for she tried to convey the honesty and certainty of her words so that he would finally belief her.
"I have taken my time though. Made you wait." Everything in him was so earnest and grave, that for a moment Melissa wanted to interrupt him, tell him they didn't need to talk. After all that time, after wanting an explanation, a confession out of him, she realized she knew already what he was going to say. However, she stayed silent and let him continue, for she had earned to hear it, and he certainly needed to say it.
"I didn't mean to kiss you before - not before we talked. I…the last time we talked, I told you that I didn't know how I felt. I tried to clear things up, but I think I just made them more of a mess than they already were."
He looked so condemning of himself, that Melissa couldn't help but add, "But you tried."
"I think…I think that I was too much of a coward to try to sort out my feelings. You know, the whole if you ignore it then it goes away approach." He let out a small laugh. "Yeah, doesn't work so well in real life."
"And so…now you have it…sorted out?"
"Yeah, I had to. You know, the one good thing to come from that nightmare - I was forced to see how amazing you really are. And how I really want to be much more than your friend." His gaze was intense, and she fought to keep her eyes on his. "Life is too damn short, and I want us - together. If you still want that." Suddenly he seemed insecure, casting his eyes over the ocean.
A great warmth settled into her; filled her and made everything in her glow. Surely, she had never been so happy in her whole life. Sometimes it had been so hard to find the right words - any words - when she had tried to talk to him, but now she had no reservations, no hesitations on what she was going to say.
"I do want that." She held her hand to him, and he joined their fingers together.
"Okay then." There was a new smile on his face; wide and happy and real. She had never seen it before. It was infectious and beautiful and it made her heart ache just a little. Which didn't mean she couldn't tease him a moment later.
"Wait a minute - what about the no-relationships-on-the-island-rule?"
His answer was instant, "To hell with that!"
She couldn't have agreed more.
o
He couldn't sleep - he didn't want to. The darkness was too tightly wrapped around the camp for him to see anything, but he didn't need his useless eyes to know that she was with him. Her warm back was pressed against his chest, and the silken strands of her hair tickled his nose.
She was asleep, and he was listening to her rhythmic breathing, thinking how simple things became, if one just learned to let go. Everything he had once done, everything he had been, thought himself of becoming - it was all in the past now.
And this was the beginning.
Wherever this thing (this love) between them was going, there was simultaneous excitement and comfort to be had from the thought that they were headed down there together.
o
Finally this chapter is done - and one more chapter and then this story will be finished. Thank you all for your patience; I know I have let you hanging for too long without an update.
All thoughts and comments are welcomed with eager, grabby fingers! Was Mel's and Jackson's kiss/talk realistic? Love it or hate it?