A/N- The rating of this story will be going up to M either in Chapter 5 or 6, just a fair warning! Again, thanks for reading :o)

"Please forgive me

If I act a little strange

For I know not what I do.

Feels like lightning running through my veins

Every time I look at you

Help me out here

All my words are falling short

And there's so much I want to say

Want to tell you just how good it feels

When you look at me that way

Throw a stone and watch the ripples flow

Moving out across the bay

Like a stone I fall into your eyes

Deep into that mystery

I got half a mind to scream out loud

I got half a mind to die

So I won't ever have to lose you girl

Won't ever have to say goodbye

I won't ever have to lie"

-Please forgive me 'David Grey'-

Awakened Dreams

It had been a good day all things considered and Ember was becoming good at this. Considering they had been outnumbered more times than she cared to count and she had acquired the bruises and what felt like cracked ribs to prove it. Considering that they then had run into Morrigan and her crazy mother Flemeth who quite possibly could be the witch of the wilds, if Ember even believed in that whole story. Which she hadn't… not until they had met the woman and she found herself thinking that if there was a witch in the wilds then Flemeth certainly would fit the part. In any case Flemeth had done a service to them by keeping safe then returning the documents they were seeking and they had returned to Ostagar slightly before nightfall vials and grey warden treaties in faithful hands.

Considering ALL of that it had been a good day…

Until now that is…

Until she had just watched two men die. Two men that she had spent two days fighting with. Two men who had just spent their last two days on this earth trying to stay alive, trying to keep each other alive. And she had just watched them die. First Daveth to the taint, and then to her utter and complete horror she stood and watched Ser Jory fall to Duncan's blade. She desperately wanted to scream at him to drink the damned blood, but before words could escape her lips, he was gone. And it felt wrong that she was still alive in some ways. It felt like their blood was on her hands, like somehow she could have prevented their deaths.

If only I had been more encouraging to ser jory instead of avoiding him…

Maybe I should have done something to impress upon Daveth the seriousness of becoming a grey warden instead of joking with him…

Between the pain of loss and the regret of what if's it was now decidedly one of the worst days.

Your still alive… she tells herself.

But it doesn't feel like much of a victory as she lays in her tent trying to get a few hours rest before the meeting with the king… before the battle.

Think of how many lives you can help save now … don't think of the ones that are lost. There was nothing you could have done.

She tries to hold on to that thought, but some small part of her still misgives.

I will do everything in my power to never let another life go forfeit again. She promises herself as she forces her eyes closed.

Cullen's face floods her mind. It's what she needs, and wants. Despite the fact that it pains her to think of him, in contrast to the day's past and upcoming events the memories give her comfort and hope. If only he was here. She desperately wishes to hear his voice tell her that everything will be ok. If she could just hear him say it, she would believe it. She thinks of him in another life. Someplace far away from here, where there would be no death or fighting. A life that could be theirs and only theirs. The thought eases her mind for the moment as she settles into awakened dreams.

~*~

It had been a week since that night. He could still feel and taste her lips like they were burned and imprinted onto his. She had stirred something that had been buried deep inside him that night. He had loved her before, that much was undeniable, but it was a sweet, observant and quiet kind of obsession. If he wasn't a templar, he would even venture to call it innocent.

If I wasn't a templar… the thought floated around in his head.

Now it was something different entirely. Now that sweet, innocent love had erupted into something feverish and enflamed. It kept him awake at night, forcing him to sleep on his stomach in efforts to hide his physical reaction to his most restless mind. Not that he hadn't thought of her in that way before, he did, but those thoughts were always quickly pushed and stored into the back of his head by years of discipline. He had known that if he ever indulged himself fully into that world he would be forever lost. And that's exactly what he felt like he had become.

Lost…

He had avoided her since that night, coming up with excuse after excuse for trading his posts. But that well had dried up and he was now standing in the library fully conscious of the fact that she would be entering at any minute.

To his surprise she never did. His eyes stayed watchful on the door for hours the apprentices came and went, but there was no sign of Ember. It was getting late and the library was almost empty. He wasn't really sure if he was relieved or disappointed about not being able to see her. He decided it was a little of both and his stance relaxed slightly, his nerves settling from the lost anticipation of her presence.

I wonder where she is ? Is she avoiding me too ? Is she with someone ? his heart sank at the thought as he watched the only remaining apprentice gather his things and leave.

He let out a loud groan as soon as soon as the door closed, his hands shooting up to hit himself on both sides of his head.

Pull yourself together man… you silly idiotic disgrace of a….

"Cullen ?" Ember's quiet and shy voice came out of nowhere, making him jump in surprise.

"Are you okay ?" she looked at him a little concerned.

"I... uh E...Ember... wh... Im fine, but wh...where ?" he stammered out a looking around perplexed as to where she just suddenly appeared from.

"You've been avoiding me for a week now…please tell me you don't hate me." She let out cutting him off mid sentence, apparently anxious to get the question out.

He tried to sternly offer up some lame excuse about how he was filling in for someone elsewhere, but the words caught in his throat. He knew that he should tell her that the kiss was a mistake and to leave him alone, but he just couldn't. She looked up at him through long lashes, her pale green eyes looking right into him and he realized right then that he could never tell her anything but the truth. He sighed.

"N… no I… I don't hate you Ember, of course I don't… I'm sorry … It's… It's just that I can't really trust myself around you anymore…" He blurted out, saying more than he really meant to.

A grin slowly tugged at the corners of Ember's mouth and Cullen felt like his heart had begun to beat against his armor like it was a steel drum.

"Well it's quite obvious after our last encounter that I too am inflicted with that same inability to control my actions... Especially when I find myself in the company of a certain stuttering templar… so… I guess we're even in that respect." She replied turning to face the bookshelf in an attempt to hide her reddening face from him.

Blasted was it really that horribly noticeable ?! Cullen cursed inwardly as he felt his own cheeks flush.

"You know I've been sitting in that corner over there for hours waiting for you to stop watching that bloody door like a hawk so that I could make an escape, when it occurred to me that avoiding you is rather absurd. We live in a tower together Cullen... we will always be bumping into one another."

There was something about the way that she said the word bumping that send a shockwave down his spine as he watched her walk away from him tracing the books on the shelf with her delicate fingers. She looked over her shoulder, turned and walked back towards him. She blew out a deep breath before continuing.

" And… I am simply tired of us hiding from each other because you're a templar and I'm a mage. Can't we just succumb to being friends, there's nothing that says we can't be friends. Maker knows after the stunt I pulled in the courtyard I need a friend in your position…"

He gave her a puzzled look wondering how on earth this could possibly solve their problem.

"Maybe in time you will lose the stutter and the charm and I will get old and boring. Then we will be of no appeal to each other thus making it possible to become lifelong friends." She said flashing him a small smile.

That is entirely impossible … Thought Cullen in regards to her appeal. There could never be a day where I couldn't get lost in those eyes.

But he smiled faintly in despite of himself and something inside of his heart sent electric currents out through the edges of his sanity. He was smart enough to read between the lines of what she was really trying to say. She wanted to spend more time with him. She wanted to know him better. There was a mischievous sparkle in her eyes that night, and Cullen though shy and inexperienced was not stupid and had become rather good at reading people. His better judgement burrowed into him again telling him to give her some speech about how templars and mages were not to be friends, but the fight inside him was waning.

"So what say you Ser Templar ?" She paused as if contemplating her next sentence carefully.

"I promise I won't kiss you again, if you promise to keep a reasonable distance." her smile faded as she looked up at him with a serious face, the light of desperation in her eyes. He didn't know it then but she was trying to tell him how much she couldn't bear the thought of living in the tower without ever talking to him again.

And there it was, the single thread holding his restraint laying broken, snapped in two by the pull of the most amazing creature Cullen had ever come to know and lay eyes upon.

~*~

Ember half walked, half skipped past the templar on duty smiling at him and then continuing down the apprentice hall. She slowed her pace, fighting the urge to twirl the rest of the way to the door.

Bloody hell Ember, you cannot be serious… skipping and twirling ?! What's next ? 'C+E=forever' in hearts and stars scrawled inside your books and on bathroom walls ? Save some dignity for yourself and stop being so ridiculous. You are nearly twenty years old, not thirteen.

She stopped at the door, opened it and slipped inside. Most everyone was asleep and she quietly tip-toed to her bed tumbling onto it, a huge smile plastered on her face. She had just come from the library, but more importantly she had just come from talking with Cullen. It had been five days since she propositioned him with her offer of friendship. Since then she had spent the last couple of hours of every evening in his company.

She was getting to know him. More deeply than she ever hoped she would know him. Knowing him from a distance and filling in all the empty spaces was so much different than this. Any doubt of her love for the templar that had so much as sprouted in her before had been completely obliterated now. She had learned so much about him. There was so much underneath the quiet and thoughtful exterior. He told her about his small collection of books he had stored in a trunk in his quarters. She uncovered that he had been passed from chantry to chantry across Ferelden in his youth, like her his memory of a family was non existant. She quickly found out how perceptive and smart he was. She even discovered after extensive prodding that he harbored a boyish dream ,wrought from a favorite book, of becoming a knight-hero riding around on a white horse saving people. They had both laughed together after his confession. She remembered the look he gave her when she grew serious and told him in sincerity that he was already a hero of sorts. She had always had quite a different view of the templars than most mages and apprentices did. And she could read in his face that he was in awe of her tolerance for 'his' kind, as some would put it. The only thing that disappointed her about him was that the stutter she loved so much, had all but disappeared as he grew more comfortable around her. She missed that quite a bit...

What are you doing Ember… you have a harrowing in less than three weeks….

But she shoved those thoughts to the furthest reaches of her mind. She had been studying … a lot actually. There was really nothing else she could possibly do to prepare herself. She had perfected her spells and to her understanding the harrowing was more a test of mental strength and discipline than it was of spell casting and knowledge of magic. She was ready, and her mental chiding did nothing to chip away at her confidence, she refused to let it. Besides if things did go badly she might as well have a little fun around this circled cage while she still could.

She lifted her legs and with her feet pushed up on the thin board that separated her from the top bunk, Jowan's bunk. The mattress above her popped up then landed with a quiet thud as his weight was not there to hold it down. She was not surprised, Jowan hadn't been around much in the last month. She hadn't noticed much at first as she had occupied herself with studying and now Cullen, but she wondered with a hint of concern what he's been up to. Without realizing it, a steady distance had been growing between the two. She knew he had been upset when she told him news of her upcoming harrowing, as her friend had been growing impatient and weary for his own. She had been so wrapped up in her own excitement that she had neglected Jowan entirely. Ember rolled over waves of guilt crashing around her.

Ahhh Jowan, I've been so selfish lately… she let out a hushed groan. Maker's breath I've been a horrible friend…

She whispered out a promise to talk to Jowan in the morning before drifting off to a deep and peaceful slumber. Dreams descended down on top of her, snuffing out all that was wrong in her world.