Interlude for hell

It was hot. So DAMN hot! If they were in hell, it would've been like taking a trip to mount Fuji compared to THIS. Seiretei was never a veru cold place, and this summer had been particularly rough. The only hope the captains had to live through the stupid course was Hitsugaya Toushiro, captain of the 10th division, wielder of Hyorinmaru, the ice dragon, the only person capable of cooling down a room in ten seconds….

And the person currently missing.

Matsumoto watched with growing concern as the people started to gather, but her captain's reaitsu was nowhere in sight. She threw worried glances through the window and asked captain Ukitake if he had seen him anywhere. But no-the prodigious child of Soul Society was gone.

She bit her lip-she had left a leaflet for him, damn it! She had told him about it. Had he promised to come? He had said something, but she was too busy preparing her opening speech to pay closer attention to his words.

Ooops. Oh well. She wasn't going to let him walk that easily.

In a flash of shunpo, Matsumoto got to the office and found her captain right where she wanted him to be-sitting behind his desk, doing the endless stacks of paperwork. She bit her lip-even if Toushiro was too young to need advice on how to treat women (or at least so he looked like), it was a pity to watch him slave to that stupid bureaucracy.

"TAICHOOO!" Matsumoto squeaked out, rushed into the office and gave him a big hug. There was a pause, during which Hitsugaya was probably wondering what happened to all the lights, and then there was a muffled growl coming from somewhere between her infamous assets"

"Matchumoto!! Ret mfe gho!"

"Oh, taicho, but I was worried!" She chipped "You weren't showing up at the course and you stood there so lifeless! I thought you were dead!"

"Since when is suffocating someone a way to find out if they're dead or alive. And what the Hell am I supposed to do on your stupid course."

"So cold, taicho! It's not what you could be doing on the course that matters, it's what you can't do! Per instance, you can't do paperwork, and you can't be grumpy either."

"It's pointless, and I have better things to do. Paperwork can't wait, especially if you're doing it for two people, Matsumoto." He took his brush again.

"Taicho, the SWA course is anything but pointless. It's an educational experience and many men are coming. Even Yama-jii will be there! Why not come?"

"Paperwork." He stated shortly

"Everyone will fall back on paperwork. Big deal! Come along, taicho, it'll be stupid without you."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's pointless, and because the last thing I want to do on Saturday is watch a bunch of women talk about themselves while some men blush and look ridiculous."

"Taicho, this course will be for only the worst cases in Seiretei. There will be evaluation first. You're good at test, right? You'll just come along and show everyone how sophisticated you are."

"No."

"Very well…." Matsumoto sighed and sat down behind her desk "I might as well talk to a wall." She reached out to the nearest stack of paperwork and started writing something.

"What the…" Hitsugaya stared at her "What are you doing?"

"Well, you're not going, and the girls will deal with things just well without me. I might as well start working on my reports as well."

"WHAT? No, wait…" he paused "You can't just do paperwork."

"Why? That's what you tell me to do all the time anyway."

"But that's….you haven't done paperwork in centuries, Matsumoto. Leave it."

"No."

"Put the brush away, Matsumoto Rangiku, or else I will…"

"No."

"You will not do paperwork, not today!" Hitsugaya screamed so loud that dust fell from the ceiling.

"Why not?" she asked behind her luscious locks of hair.

"Because…because we're going on a course." He stated and without another word dragged her out through the door.

"Welcome, gentlemen…" Nanao said ten minutes later when the auditorium was full "Welcome to the first ever course about relationships and how to make things last for everyone."

The crowd, mostly captains and lieutenants, stared at her quietly, trying to look as small as possible in their seats and make sure nobody notices them.

"Now, as you all know, there has been an ongoing event that lasts for about as much time as the Earth is old, or the so called 'war between the sexes'. There have been many battles, fought with different weapons and on different stages, but one thing can be said for sure-that this war is mostly caused by misunderstanding and a lack of want to understand. So the SWA has decided to end this ridiculous event and the current course is for all of you willing to understand the opposite sex better and, perhaps, have a more successful relationship in the future." There was a loud snort in the back seats, probably from Zaraki. But he wasn't giving in that easily.

"Now…" Matsumoto stepped in, followed by Isane and Kiyone, carrying two large stacks of papers. "Since we don't want to take from the time of all of you, we have prepared a test that evaluates how much of a perv you are. There are points given for each answer, but we won't tell you what they mean until the end, so answer truthfully. This test is a personal experience, so it's pointless to cheat. You've got 20 minutes to fill It up and calculate your points, and then we'll tell you who should stay and who shouldn't."

The Kotetsu sisters started walking between the rows and give out the tests, while the men took out inkwells and brushes. The title of the test said: "How much do you respect women aka. How much of a pervert you are." The format suggested that it was taken out of a magazine, and that some of the questions were changed or added later. Some of them were utterly ridiculous like "Do you wash your socks frequently?" Or "How do you feel about long walks on the beach?".

Some, however, weren't so out of place. "What is your idea of respect?", "What do you usually do to converse with a woman?" "Do you think that a woman's place is in the kitchen?"-now those seemed very logical. There was that question "Which part of a woman's body do you like best?" which was rather creepy.

"Time's up!" Matsumoto chipped and pulled out a sheet of paper "Did you guys calculate your results? Ok then. All with result over 70 points may leave. The rest, make yourselves comfortable, because the lecture is going to be a long one."

There was a thud, a barely suppressed curse, and many stupefied faces. Kuchiki Byakuya, however, beat them all-he fell out of his chair.