Dealing
The song I wanted for this chapter is Smashing Pumpkins- Doing the best I can.
I had trouble getting the lyrics, so instead of getting half assed or wrong lyrics I decided not to post them. The song is on YouTube so check it out.
Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight.... I like playing with it.
BPOV
It's been 2 weeks since my kiss with Edward.
2 weeks since my head turned upside down,and my body was in cased with electrical energy I can't explain.
Did I want an explanation?
No.
Then I would have to face the reality of it being one sided.
Edward hasn't said anything about that night and I'm certainly not going to either.
It was the perfect kiss... and it made me die a little inside. I'd never feel that emotion again. The tingle and buzz that was Edward.
A little part of me wanted to know what it was like for him, but asking so would shed some light on my feelings toward him. My heart was already his but exposing that fact I was not ready for.
Giving him the chance to break me, I just couldn't do it.
He's my friend, always and nothing more. I'd learn to live. After that kiss, I understood it more then I wanted to.
If he felt what I had, would he have come to me? Would he have waited 2 weeks to say something? No he wouldn't have. It meant nothing. He just did me a favor. Played his dare.
He was still with Barbie. He probably kissed her the way he kissed me. Yet again another smack in the face of reality.
So what am I supposed to do now?
I know what its like to kiss the love of my life.
Know what it feels like when that kiss doesn't mean anything to him.
I know what it feels like to watch him love someone else.
What I don't know is how to get over him. Normally you could just ignore or separate your self from the person, but when he's your best friend, the person who knows you best and makes you smile, what do you do?
The only thing I could do....
SUCK IT UP... hold my head high and go on with life.
I'm Bella Swan, average, ordinary, simple. No one would ever know my secret love, or my sadness. I would just go on and live the cards dealt.
If there's one thing I cant live with out is Edward in my life.
His best friend is all I ever will be....
" Bell!!" get out here now, Alice yelled
" Um really Alice, I'm not wearing this out this weekend, your C-R-A-Z-Y!"
" Well... I cant tell if I'm crazy or not unless you get your lil booty out here"
" Fine, you'll see, this is so not happening..." I mumbled and peeked my head out of the dressing room
" OH My... Bells that looks sooo cute, and look this white baby doll cover up goes perfect!" she gleamed
" Ok, the dress is cute but ahh, this bathing suit.. wheres the rest of it?"
" Bella.... Its a bikini"
" I know what it is Ali, just um can we get one that covers my ass?"
" Nope, you look cute and its perfect" She smiled bouncing off to gather more clothes.
" Hmmph, I guess I can wear the cover up the whole time."
" I don't think so, shush and get dressed we have more to get!"
" Alice can we just go grab some coffee or something before we do more shopping, remember I'm new at this mall crap" I gestured
" Well... Because I love you yes! mmmm a caramel mocha and cookies!"
" Alice stop jumping up and down, people are staring at us!"
" Oh, sorry I'm excited. I like spending time with you and I really want a cookie now" she giggled
We made our way up stairs with our purchases to the Coffee shop. After getting our coffees we Sat in the food court and sipped our delicious chocolaty concoctions.
" mmmmm Bells, such a good idea" Alice hummed between bites
" I know" I smiled
" So how come your so willing to go shopping with me? Rose and I usually have to drag you here"
" Well, I figured I might as well. Ya know I don't have many girlfriends" I said shyly
" You know, Rose and I consider you are best friend right?"
" Thanks Alice, I needed to hear that" I smiled
" So Edward hasn't been around much huh?"
" Uhh I guess not..." I said shrugging
" You know Barbie so has him brain washed... I can't believe he likes to eat lunch with her now."
" They have been going out a while, Alice bound to happen sooner or later." I rolled my eyes
" Sureeeee, All I know is I've never seen him kiss her they way he kissed you that night at Rose's" she smiled and winked
" Uggg, Alice it was a dare. That's all. You saw what you wanted to see, and frankly we all had to much to drink."
" So how does he kiss?"
" I dunno, he's the only one I've ever kissed Alice!"
" So maybe you need more practice" she giggled
" I'm not going to go kiss random boys Alice..." I said annoyed
" Not random Bells... Hmmm I bet we can find some cute guys this weekend at the beach party!"
" Aliceeeee, I don't want to date, I've told you and Rose this a thousand times." I huffed " It will be awkward,I'm clumsy, and will end up making an ass out of myself. Its just not worth it."
" You never know unless you try. Your and Edwards kiss didn't look awkward at all" she noted
" Enough about that, geezz I just want to forget about that night.... So embarrassing.." I muttered
" Whatever, it was not. We are all best friends Bella, we had some drinks, played games, it was all in good fun."
" Well, I don't wanna talking about it ok?"
" Ok... then we will talk about getting you a date!"
" Noooo please no." I whined
" Come on it will be fun, we can have a code word if it sucks and Rose and I can get ya out if we have too...It Will be great!" She said clapping her hands
" Promise?"
" Yup, now lets go get a cute pair of sandals to match the bathing suits we got and we will be off to beautify!"
" Ok, Alice?"
" Yeah?"
" Thanks"
" For what Bells?"
" Helping me"
" With?"
" Just helping me that's all" I hugged her
Maybe this is what I needed, to Get my mind off Edward.
In some strange way I was hoping that going out with someone would change the way I feel about him. Alice had helped more then she could ever know.
We both found a great pair of sandals and picked out some new polish and made our way to the salon.
I hated shopping trips but loved to get my toes done. So relaxing.
During the pedicure I thought about the date and was looking forward to the party this weekend. Maybe if I kissed someone else maybe our kiss would mean less, or maybe I made that kiss far better then it really was because I love him? I'd never know unless I got out there right?
So I'm going to do it.
Let Alice doll me up, go to the beach party with the group and put myself out there.
Surely my heart would be safe, Edward already had it and I could never give it to somebody else. Play it safe, do the best I can to forget. The best I can to go on and the best I can to like someone else.
I could do this, I have to try.
EPOV
Ok, I am a stupid motherfucker...
I kissed my best friend.
Yeah it was a dare but I could have taken my out. But shit, I didn't want to back down, make her think I didn't want to kiss her and look like an ass. But I should have. She hasn't said much and its been 2 weeks. I haven't said anything cause, what the fuck am I supposed to say?
That was one of the best kisses I've ever had, Im sorry I made you cry, I should have never kissed you because your my friend?
FUCK...
I'm screwed
Tanya still doesn't know, I didn't tell her. I don't think anyone in the group even talks to her so its not like it will be brought up. At least I hope not.
I fucked up my reationship with my best friend and my girlfriend. On the plus side Tanya doesn't know so shes all peachy with me.
God, I really am an ass.
Bella talks to me when she has to and tries to act fine but I see she's not. Shes uncomfortable with me, hell I would be to if my best friend got turned on from kissing...
Did she?
She moaned...
REFLEX dumb ass, you'd been drinking...
Ugggg I can't think about that stuff it weirds me out, shes Bella. Not a girl you think about like that. Its not right. I need to forget about it and hope she bounces back and we go about being normal Edward and Bella, best friends again.
I miss it. She's the only one who can make me happy when Tanya's being a bitch, I can talk to her about my problems and just be me around her. I really do miss her, us.
She canceled last weeks movie night, apparently Charlie had the night off.
We are supposed to have movie night to night but at school she didn't say anything. I was going to eat lunch with the gang and talk to her about it but Tanya wanted me to sit with her, everyone was planning on going to La Push for the beach party this weekend.
I figured I'd text Bella after school and see what she was up to. I needed to fix this. Forget about the kiss and go back to things the way they were.
I texted Bella around 4 o'clock... Its almost 6 and still nothing...
At 6:45-
Sorry shopping with Alice,
No movie tonight.
~B
I texted her back,
We need to hang out
Its been to long, miss you
~E
Nothing, no response. I took a shower and decided to play my guitar. Something to relax and take my mind of the fuckery in my life.
" Hey fucker you lookin' forward to the beach party today?" Emmett shouted from the bathroom
" Yes Douchebag, hurry up Rose is going to be pissed if your late again"
" Alright, alight" He said to his refection while checking himself out
" I'm going to pick up Tanya, umm I see you guess there?"
" Yes lil brother, I'm picking up the girls at Roses and we'll bounce on over"
" Hey Em?"
" Yeah?"
" Tell Bella I said 'hi' and hope to see her some time today."
" Yeah ok, Later!" He shouted running down the stairs
After Picking up Tanya we went to La Push everyone from school was there. All the girls had there bikinis and sunglasses on flaunting there goods for all the guys. It was a very nice sight.
I was waiting on Emmett to get here with Jasper and the girls. I wanted to play some tackle football but needed my boys on my team. We were the best, or I'd like to think so.
Emmett being a year older then me taught me to play when we were kids. I was getting pumped when I saw his jeep pull up.
So ready to school the rest of the guys and make the girls swoon.
Never gets old....
"Emmett! What the hell took so long? Ive been waiting to throw down a game!"
" Sorry Bro, you know ladies.... " he gestured to the girls stepping out of the Jeep.
WOW.... I do have to say they looked good. Never understood why they get all dressed up to go to the beach and bonfire. But shit I'm not complaining, they looked good.
The last to get out was Bella...
The thought of our kiss rushed back, her taste and smell engulfing my mind and body.
She was wearing a red bikini with a tube top white dress over it. Alice must have gotten to her...
Her hair was long and flowing in the wind.
Adjusting myself and convincing myself I just needed to get laid I made my way over to them.
Breath....
Ignore her scent...
FIND TANYA!!!
" WOW ladies looking good! Ready to party the day away?" I asked giving them my signiture panty dropping grin.
" Hey Of course! Its going to be a great day, huh Bella?" Alice smiled
" Oh really whys is that Bella?" I cocked an eye brow
" Oh, ummm Alice is going on a mission to set me up... They never give up!" She shook her head.
" Oh Bells, its going to be fun, lets go find a spot to lay out!" Rose grabbed her arm and they were off.
Interesting.... Apparently they are trying to fix Bella up. Ha good luck. Like Bella would really go out with some random guy.
" So Edward ready to kick some ass?" Emmett tossed me the ball
" Fuck ya, lets go bro!"
" Jasper lets show them how its done!" Emmett roared as we gather some guys from school to play.
BPOV
" Ok Bella, how about that one?" Rose pointed
" No, guys I don't want to sit here and pick guys out! If one talks to me then Ill go from there. I thought we agreed on this already?"
" Pffttt, Whatever. He's cute Bell. Just saying..."
" Yeah, but let her do it her way Rose, I'm sure but the end of the night she'll have meet someone. I know these things" Alice smiled and tapped her temple.
" Look! Em's winning, 'GO EMMETT WOOOOOHOOOO', that's my man..." Rose screamed
" When dont they win?" I asked
" True, true... We do have some of the hottest guys don't we?" Alice stated
" Yes, you guys have very handsome guys" I chuckled
" Oh, Bella Edwards a hottie too!" Rose smacked my arm
" Yeah but he's not mine..." looking away, afraid of eyes betraying me.
" Well he's your best friend dork!"
" Yup..."
I rolled on to my stomach to hide my face. I'm not sure how much more I can take. Watching him play and Rose and Alice referring to him being mine.
I took a deep breath, and cleared my head. I needed to stop thinking about him that way. And they were not helping me at all.
I decided to get up and go to the tables by the fire pit. We had left our cooler over there. I needed a cold drink.
If I wanted to get the girls off my back about this date crap I needed to get off my ass and do something about it.
In the process, distract myself from the green eyes and copper headed dream running around on the beach.
" Hey, I'm Alec"
" Oh umm hi,I'm Bella nice to meet you" I said reaching my hand out.
" Can I get you something to drink? Its actually pretty warm out here today."
" Yeah it is... But no thanks, my friends and I brought a cooler of drinks" I said popping the lid open and grabbing a water.
" oh, cool" he said shyly " So do you go to Forks High?"
" Yeah I'm a junior, what about you?"
" I'm a senior , I actually just moved here. I started FH last week."
" Oh, surprised I haven't seen you around" I smiled " How do you like Forks?"
" I have no idea how I missed seeing your beautiful face...." He mumbled " Ummm but yeah, Forks is okay, small but everyone seems pretty cool."
I smiled at him " Yeah everyone is..." I looked up through my lashes
" So your boyfriend playing football?"
" Boyfriend? Oh no I dont have one..."
" Oh sorry I just assumed. Your and your friends were chearing those guys on."
" Yeah they are just my friends, the big tall one is Emmett he's with Rose the Blonde over there." I pointed " Alice, is with Jasper hes the one with the wavy hair. And Thats Edward"
" I see, thats cool."
" So "
" So, would you like to take a walk?" Alec asked
" Umm yeah, but let me go tell my friends, I'll be right back"
I ran back to Alice and Rose who were starring at me like proud mothers...
"Hey Im going to go for a walk with, ahh Alec." I said grabbing my cell " If it gets weird you come find me!" I laughed
" Ohh you go girl!" Alice chuckled
" Umm humm he's a pretty nice piece of meat Bell's, have fun" Rose sang
" Yeah yeah, Ill see you guys in a little while" I hugged them both and walked back over to Alec.
I can do this
he seems nice
This is a good start
" You ready Bella?"
" Yup, lets go this way. Theres some pretty tide pools"
" Sounds good, you can show me all the secret spots of La Push" he smiled
" Well then they wont be secrets anymore!" I claimed
" True" He laughed " My own personal tour guide"
" I better warn you, Im pretty clumsy"
" Really, never would have guessed. Dont worry, Ill catch you"
Ok, This might be easier then I thougt....
..........................................................................................
EPOV
WHAT THE HELL???
Bella, is walking away with some dude. Im going to kill Alice and Rose if they made her go with him.
She's laughing?
Dude, this is a good thing
Get her off your mind
Wheres Tanya?
We took a break and the boys went to their girls. I wanted to go to Bella. NO, I need to go to Tanya.
She was over with the cheer chicks flapping her jaw like always.
When did she get so annyoing?
" Hey baby" I said pulling her into my back
" Hi, Eddie" she cooed
I hate that Eddie shit.
" Wanna go to the tide pools?" I asked
" umm no, I dont want to walk over there. Lets go to your car baby."
Always getting down to buisness, I may not have fucked her but I will take what she gives.
We went to my car and ended up in the back seat.
She straddled me and we kissed.
It didnt do much for me.
She was sloppy and smelled like fake fruit.
She started to un tie my board shorts and slide down.
At that moment I wanted it to be Bella
WHAT THE FUCK!
No
No
No
WRONG WRONG WRONG
I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head.
She started licking me and sucking
Fuck it felt good
The more she worked and the tighter my eyes closed she became Bella
I couldnt stop it, It was pretty damn fantastic
" Mmmmm baby so good" I moaned
I was done before I knew it, I've never blown my load that fast.
Tanya licked me clean, and sat up.
I took a deep breath, and laced my shorts back up.
She gave me a quik kiss and was gone, something about hanging out with the girls...
I sat there for a very long time trying to figure out what just happend, and how wrong it was. How did I let that happen?
Im so fucked
I need to talk to Bella
I got out of the car and went over to Rose and Alice, hoping she would be back with them.
She wasnt.
I looked around the party, it was very spread out on the beach. Still didnt see her.
Finally, after looking around for 10mins I saw her. She was walking with douchebag in the shore and holding his hand.
My head hurt.
I needed to get out of here.
................................
Chapter Notes:
What do you guys think? I have a few options for this story, I keep going back and fouth. Lemme know what you think.
A. Draw it out and go a few yrs a head, college ( will be lots of drama)
B. Keep it in high school and let them find eachother
Thanks
*Smackers*