Chapter 4
Harry's heart started pounding. What in the world would Draco possibly have to tell him? And why would Draco choose to confide in Harry, rather than in his two best friends, Crabbe and Goyle? His head spinning, Harry's eyes darted around the room, desparate to avoid Draco's piercing blue ones.
"I...I think I have feelings for someone..." Draco's voice trailed off uncertainly. His hands were nervously playing with the zipper on his jacket, and he looked down to avoid Harry's confused face.
"So?" Harry was furious. He had dragged Harry through all of this, just to tell him that he had feelings for someone? Harry stood up and looked Draco straight in the eye and declared, "If you caused all of this drama just to tell me you have a crush on some girl, I'm gone." When Draco didn't reply, Harry made a move towards the door, but Draco grabbed his hand. "Harry, wait!" He sounded so desparate that Harry didn't even try to pull away. "My feelings aren't for some girl...they are for a special boy."
Harry turned around, unsure of what to say. After a slight pause, he ventured to say, "Well that changes things, I suppose." Draco managed a small smile and said, "Yes, it kind of does." Harry sat back down next to Draco, not wanting to ask the obvious question. He was sure it was Crabbe or Goyle, but he had not had any experience with someone "coming out" and did not have the slightest clue of how to act or what to say.
"So you're gay?" Harry blurted out, just to fill the silence, instantly regretting it. That definitely was not the right thing to say.
"Yes," Draco replied honestly, without hesitating.
"Any why is that a problem?"
"Do you have any idea of what my father would say?" Draco started to get emotional again. "Especially if he knew who the boy was that I have feelings for. My father has told me time and time again that I need to marry a good Slytherin girl and have children that will carry the Malfoy name on. They will all be sorted into Slytherin, just like all of my ancestors have, and the legacy will continue. But the person I have feelings for isn't a girl, and he isn't a Slytherin, either." That ruled out Crabbe and Goyle. Harry, thoroughly confused now, remained quiet, in order to let Draco finish. "If he knew, he would disown me. He would hate me. He would throw me out of the Malfoy family and abandon me." Draco rubbed his eyes, and looked up at Harry. "Do you understand now?"
"Yes, Draco. You can't come out to your family because they would disown you," Harry summarized. Draco nodded and buried his head in his hands, his shoulders heaving. Harry placed a tentative hand on his back and rubbed in small circles, trying to calm him down. "It's all right, it's all right. Draco, just don't tell your parents."
"But this is who I am!" Draco exclaimed. "I'm sick of hiding who I am. I've done it my entire life, and I can't do it any more, I physically and mentally can't do it! I've always known there was something different about me. I didn't know what it was until I got older, and my friends would point out the pretty girls at Hogwarts, but I didn't care. I wasn't looking at them." Draco's cheeks were burning, clearly embarrassed. "And then one day it hit me, why I was different. I didn't want to believe it, because I knew my father would be absolutely ashamed. Humiliated. I tried dating Pansy Parkinson, but it didn't change me. Harry, I don't know what to do. I can't hide this anymore, but I can't tell anyone." Harry sighed in frustration. He was not equipped to handle this situtation.
"Have you tried talking to Crabbe or Goyle? They're your best friends," Harry offered. "I'm sure they know your father well and will help you be able to tell him."
"I can't tell Crabbe and Goyle that I'm gay!" Draco yelled, getting angry now. He was standing up, his hands clutching the corners of his bedside table. He was bent over, his head dropped, his white-blonde hair hiding his face. He took a moment for himself, before raising his head and looking at Harry with those electric blue eyes. "Harry, don't you see? Don't you see why I chose to tell you this? Because the special boy that I like, the one who isn't in Slytherin, is you!"