A/N: Chapter 3!

As you might have figured out, I'm doing alternating POVs in this story, because I really wanted to show the effect the situation had on both Sam and Andy. I hope you like the way it's written as well =)

Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites! I really appreciate it!

Enjoy!

CHAPTER 3

She went into the men's locker room on autopilot.

To his locker.

She stood there staring at the lock for a long time before reaching out to touch it. She tried to pull it open, hoping it wasn't locked.

It was.

She let go of it and just stood there staring through the little holes at Sam's change of clothes that were lying inside.

She needed to touch them.

To smell his scent.

To know that he wasn't gone.

He couldn't be gone.

His clothes were in his locker, and he wouldn't leave his clothes if he was really gone.

She knew she didn't make sense.

He was gone.

She'd never see him again.

Her stomach felt like a pit of nothingness and her chest felt empty. Her whole body felt empty.

She just wanted to see him again, to have him yell at her for doing something stupid, to save her as he had done so many times before, just to talk to him.

But she couldn't.

He was gone. And he would never be back.

"Uhm… McNally? You know this is uh… the men's locker room, right?"

His voice startled her. That is to say; her body reacted as such. Her emotions, however, remained blank.

Once her body had come down from startle-mode she slowly turned her head to face Shaw.

She had nothing to say, or was unable to speak, she wasn't sure. She just looked at him.

Concern overtook his previously amused features. "What's going on?"

He didn't know yet.

Shaw was one of Sam's closest friends at 15, yet she had been told the horrible news before him. –Why? She wondered as she just stood there, emotionless.

He walked over to her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She turned back towards the locker.

Sam's locker.

The one in front of which, on their first day of meeting, he had stripped down into his underwear in front of her without the slightest sign of hesitation all the while yelling at her for being a rookie and bad at her job.

She could hear Shaw's voice, but her mind wouldn't register what he said. It was just a jumble of words that made no sense to her ears.

His hand left her shoulder, and she felt anxious, like his hand had somehow made it all a little bit better, a little less real.

She noticed him reaching out for the lock and turned the wheel. It clicked open. He removed it and opened the locker.

A white long-sleeve and a greyed t-shirt were lying, neatly folded, on the small shelf. Below hung Sam's uniform.

Her eyes rested on his officer number; 6114. Then they drifted to his nametag.

SWAREK

She wanted to run her fingers over it, but felt uncomfortable doing so because Shaw was standing right next to her and he didn't know.

"…and all that business. Now want to tell me what's wrong?"

She could suddenly understand the words coming out of Shaw's mouth again. She swallowed loudly a couple of times in an attempt to prepare her voice for speaking as it had been unable to do since she had been in Best's office.

"You should go talk to Sarge." Was all she managed to utter, and her voice sounded raspy and hoarse like she had, indeed, been crying.

"What? Why?" Shaw obviously hadn't expected those words to come out of her mouth.

"He'll tell you." She said hoarsely.

She didn't even care that he was standing there anymore, didn't care what he'd see.

She reached out, and slowly ran her fingers over the embroidered letters spelling Sam's last name.

She just stood there, feeling the bumps of thread that made out his name.

He couldn't be gone.

He was right there.

Underneath her fingers.

As silence filled the locker room, she knew that Shaw had left. She was alone.

She reached up to the shelf and pulled down the long sleeve and the t-shirt. Pulling the latter over her head, on the outside her uniform, she proceeded to press the long sleeve to her face taking a deep breath through her nose, letting his scent fill her.

She closed her eyes letting his scent take over her senses.

She heard him.

He was chuckling at how stupid she looked sniffing his sweater. She heard him talking, but it was muffled so she couldn't make out exactly what it was he was saying. She opened her eyes to look at him, to see his lips moving to help her hear his words, but he wasn't there.

She looked around the locker room, for a moment sure that he had been there, but it was silent, the only sound being that of her own steady breathing.

Taking one last look around, just to make certain, she still came up with nothing. She knew she should get to parade but she'd rather just stand there, smell Sam's clothes, and imagine him smiling at her.

Reluctantly, she folded the long sleeve and put it back on the shelf before pulling his t-shirt back off from outside her uniform.

She had folded it and was about to put it back when she changed her mind and instead unbuttoned her uniform shirt. She slid it off, and pulled her own black t-shirt over her head, dropping it on the bench before reaching for Sam's overly washed one and putting it on.

It was big, but she managed to stuff it, though bulkily, in her pants before putting her uniform back on. She then folded her own t-shirt and put it on top of Sam's long sleeve before putting them back on the shelf.

As she was about to close the locker, her eyes came to rest on his name again. She ran her fingers slowly over it, closing her eyes and trying to feel what was written.

When she opened them again, she gripped the small piece of fabric and ripped it off. She studied it in her palm before slowly closing her hand around it and stuffing it in the left chest pocket of her uniform before closing the locker and hatching the lock.

She had yet to button her uniform fully, and she tugged the t-shirt up to her nose for one last whiff of him, before re-buttoning it and clipping on her tie as she walked out of the locker room.

When she walked into the parade room it was easy to see who knew and who didn't.

Shaw was standing over in the far corner with a mixture of shock and horror on his face and Jerry was standing right beside him wearing the same expression with a comforting hand on Shaw's shoulder.

Noelle was eyeing them suspiciously which made Andy think that she hadn't gotten the news yet. She wondered why. Noelle and Best seemed so close that Andy would have thought he would have told her before parade. –Maybe he ran out of time, she thought, as she turned her head to look to the front of the room.

She saw the other rookies, her friends, smiling and joking around at the desks in the front with their backs to her, and realized it wasn't natural for them to be told in separate. They didn't really know Sam that well.

She didn't feel like putting on the brave face, and went over to stand with Shaw and Jerry instead of heading over to her friends. She knew some of the other coppers would know something was up by her doing this. It's not like she was that close to either Shaw or Jerry, but she needed to be with someone who knew, someone who felt like she did, someone who was also empty inside.

Shaw looked at her with sadness in his eyes when she came over. And he nodded in thanks. She knew it was for having told him to go talk to Best and with a quick raise of her eyebrows she uttered a silent 'don't mention it'.

Jerry just nodded at her and tried for a comforting smile, at least she thought that was what he intended it to be, but it just ended up a weird mixture between a smile and a frown before he let his expression turn back into one of sadness and slight horror.

She could feel Noelle looking at her intently, probably trying to figure out what had happened to make her friends so shook up, and why that something also involved Andy.

Best entered the room, and the other coppers turned silent awaiting him to start his daily briefing. He looked even more tired now, Andy noticed, as he slowly walked to the front of the room.

Knowing how horrible she felt, Andy couldn't imagine how the sergeant felt, having to have not only experienced the death of his friend, but also having to notify everyone else of this friend's death, pretty much having to relive the incident over and over.

Andy was sure she would crumble if she was even going to attempt to talk about it and she experienced a swell of admiration towards Best for being able to hold up as well as he was.

Some of the officers in the room shot questioning looks at each other, instinctively knowing something was up, as he stopped in front of the white board and took a few breaths before turning around to face the room.

"Yesterday, we lost one of our own." He said. He was delivering it a lot better now than he had with Andy. Then again, he had been through it at least two more times since that.

She heard people's voices start buzzing at his words, and most of them started looking around to see who was missing. Their eyes landed on the three of them standing in the corner, and Andy felt her heart sink, if that was even possible, deeper into her stomach.

Soon all of the eyes in the room were on her, and the pressure was immense. She wanted to throw up.

Why were they looking at her? She wasn't the one who was gone. Why couldn't they just look away? Her chest was constricting making it difficult to breathe, the nausea just kept growing worse and she was starting to feel dizzy and faint from lack of air.

She felt two strong, supportive hands resting on her shoulders and somehow they enabled her to breathe again.

Best cleared his throat making most heads turn back towards him. The four rookies' faces, however, were nailed to her. She couldn't look at them and shifted her eyes to the ground.

"Sam Swarek," Best started. "was an incredibly talented police officer. We all know how much he loved his work, particularly risking his life undercover. I am very sad to say that, because of this, he is no longer among us."

Andy looked up at Best as he spoke about Sam. She noticed that her friends' heads had turned their attention back to him now, except for Traci. She was still looking at Andy with a mass of sorrow and empathy radiating from her eyes.

"Yesterday evening, Swarek was stopped by a couple of Anton Hill's goons. And they are the ones who took him away from us."

"Let's get out there and get them!" An officer Andy didn't really know that well shouted and several of the others chimed in.

Best waited for them to calm down before continuing; "As the investigation is directly connected to an ongoing case in the Guns and Gangs unit, I have been informed that they will lead the investigation."

She could feel both Shaw's and Jerry's grips tighten on her shoulders at Best's words.

All of the officers in the room started whispering making Andy's ears buzz.

"What the hell?" Another officer Andy didn't really know shouted. "He's our guy!"

Most of the other officers were now piping in, their yells growing louder and blending together as they all tried to get their two cents in at the same time.

Andy just wished the whole thing was over. She just wanted to go home and crawl under the covers in her bed with Sam's shirt. But there was still another ten hours until she would be home. And Luke would be there.

–Why does Luke have to be there? She caught herself thinking.