Running Through Red Lights
Disclaimer: Don't own anything….lyrics once again by Mat Kearny. I'm sensing a pattern here.
Rating: M
Spoiler: Red Badge
A/N: You guys make me blush and squeal from happiness at all the reviews. You are seriously one of the most supportive groups of readers I've ever had. I've never had such inspiration to write and at least half of that is attributed to your support. Thanks!
XXX
Part IV: Draw
"...And don't apologize
For all the tears you've cried
You've been way too strong now for all your life"
XXX
Lisbon has always been an active individual. Since her days of ballet and dance theatre as a little girl, she's always had a fondness for exercising. However, it wasn't until high school that she discovered her love of running and joined the track team.
She had a year of success, until her father's substance abuse began to interfere with not only his life but also the lives of his children, and when faced with the choice of extracurricular activities or making sure none of her brothers end up at the hospital, Teresa didn't think twice about protecting her family.
So she quit track and never ran again.
Yet on this particular day, the senior agent wakes up restless half an hour before her alarm and upon examining what will likely be a very warm day in Sacramento, decides to give her neglected sneakers a good exercise.
She retrieves her IPOD, changes into work out clothes, and to the tunes of oldies takes off towards the direction of the Sacramento River.
Invariably, her thoughts turn to the blonde consultant who is slowly but surely making his way into her personal life.
Just thinking about Jane, the way he smiles at her, his blue eyes displaying just a hint of mirth paired with male appreciation sends shivers down her spine even when she's sweating from exertion.
She knows nothing good can come out of getting involved with a man who has the kind of baggage and dark side that Patrick Jane does, but around him, she seems to lose all sense of self-preservation and common sense.
It's not just his smile, she reasons, it's his entire demeanor when he is around her.
On several occasions, he has proven that her well being matters to him. He prides himself on being detached and aloof, but Lisbon knows deep down that he cares, on what level she isn't sure, but it's enough to keep her interested.
Lisbon knows from experience that a woman should never invest in changing a man, hell she's made that mistake herself several times and it caused her more heartache than necessary, but she also can't help herself around him.
At work, she can handle him. She can hide behind her professional façade, roll her eyes when appropriate, smile nonchalantly at his witty comments, and reciprocate his banter. However, when they're alone, and all her work armor is removed, she finds that Teresa Lisbon the woman has a hard time resisting Patrick Jane's charms, despite how rational she might be.
He strips her defenses without trying and it frightens her, but it also makes her more attracted to him, because it's been a long time since someone lit the spark inside her the way Jane does, leaving her body and mind reeling just from a touch on her cheek or a curious glance that promises so much more.
Everything is more complicated, because despite his obvious attraction to her, Teresa can't figure out what exactly Jane wants, if he wants anything at all, because with him everything is game and although she's a willing competitor, she isn't sure of the rules.
Thoughts of the enigmatic blonde man distract her for a while, but when she stops to tie her shoe, a wretched scream breaks through the music blaring in her ears.
She rips off the headphones and launches toward the direction of the noise, already in work mode before she even knows what's wrong.
The scene would surely make an average jogger run far away and purge their breakfast, but Teresa doesn't even flinch when she sees the dead body, not anymore than the dog sniffing the unnaturally twisted leg as his owner tries unsuccessfully to contain her nausea.
"My dog…he…oh god, he just led me here." The elderly woman tries to explain and Teresa places a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"It's alright, ma'am. I'm with the California Bureau of Investigation, everything will be okay."
The lady nods, while Lisbon pulls out her cell phone, giving her coordinates and badge number to the dispatcher, who will notify her team that they have a dead body in the park.
She also requests back up, pulling off her head phones completely and stuffing the IPOD in her shorts' pocket.
The woman who found the body looks positively green, but before Lisbon can calm her down and ask the initial questions, she speed dials a familiar number.
There's one more call left to be made.
XXX
A murder has occurred in the last 24 hours and there's a dead body within a few feet of him, but all Jane can focus on are legs.
Particularly, a certain supervising agent's legs, toned, tanned, and completely exposed to the ogling eyes of every single male in the vicinity.
Suppressing a twinge of possessiveness, Jane tries to tear his eyes away from Lisbon, but it's impossible.
She looks positively radiant and unapologetically feminine.
If he thought seeing her in just a jersey was bad, this is so much worse.
The blue track shorts should be illegal, exposing as much skin as they do, and that tiny, white wife beater should be deemed as indecent as beachwear, because it does nothing but fuel his fantasies of what is underneath.
The blonde consultant doesn't even realize he is staring until Cho breezes by him casually and murmurs under his breath,
"Never would've pegged you for a Peepin' Tom, Jane."
And Patrick snaps out of his reverie, finally moving his attention to the twisted and bloodied body of a blonde woman propped up against a tree.
He doesn't even blink an eye as he approaches the scene of the crime, surveying the vicinity for anything that might be useful. The intent to search for clues is so consuming, Jane doesn't even feel her approach until she speaks,
"So, see anything you like?" Lisbon peers over his shoulder and he turns around, giving her an unabashed once over.
"Hi." He says softly, in that low voice of his that makes goose bumps spread all over her body.
When he looks at her up close, he really thinks she's trying to kill him. There's a faint blush on her cheeks from the morning run and her hair is pulled up haphazardly, giving her the disheveled look Jane secretly prefers on her.
Instead of looking put together, Lisbon is absolutely glowing in disarray and he wants nothing more than to go back to that night a few days ago at her apartment and kiss her senselessly.
Screw propriety and rationality.
"Sorry, it's pretty early to call you in-…"
"Nonsense, you know I like a good challenge in the morning." He waves her off, turning his attention back to the mangled woman.
"Anything you can tell me, besides the obvious?" Lisbon presses on, crouching over the body on the other side, facing Jane now.
He smiles at her, thinking how typical it is for her to still retain the highest degree of professionalism in gym clothing, at six thirty in the morning, and especially on her day off.
XXX
Its cases like this that get under his skin and leave a bitter aftertaste.
When there seems to be no explanation and no motive for the brutal taking of a life, that's when it hits Jane even more that people like Red John exist in numbers far greater than he would like.
They are even more dangerous than his personal nemesis, because they're inconspicuous. They are usually average people who don't plan to commit murder let alone a series of them, but when they do strike, driven by uncontrolled and irrational emotion, they become the most dangerous of killers.
People guided by feelings and obsessions, manipulated by illogical thoughts, are the worst.
Although Jane prides himself on being fueled by vengeance, during cases like this, deep inside he's terrified of becoming as cold blooded and ruthless as the man who spent more time fixated on Van Pelt's cleavage than his written confession.
He had been Sarah Evans' roommate's boyfriend in college, but they never kept in touch, until an accidental meeting in a coffee shop two weeks ago brought back what the team realized to be an unhealthy obsession Scott Matthews had with the victim.
He had no trouble confessing to the murder and when asked why he did it, the dark haired man just shrugged and replied, his eyes trained on Grace,
"I remembered how beautiful she was, then saw the ring on her finger, and realized she was taken. I couldn't really let her get away with it, could I?"
He'd been calmer then most confessing suspects, which led Jane to believe the young man was more troubled than he let on.
However, after Matthews' vivid description of how he had followed the former track star on her morning jog, and gave her a chance to redeem herself by telling him she loved him, then bashed her skull into the nearest tree after she refused, Jane decided he had no more sympathy for that man then he would for Red John when he caught him.
Now, as Jane lies on the couch in the bullpen, carefully listening to everyone's movements with his arm thrown over his eyes, his mind fixates on what bothers him the most about this case.
Lisbon.
Initially, she began the investigation with her usual air of calm and deduction; however, as more facts began to accumulate, Lisbon retreated more and more into herself, internalizing emotions that would usually be written all over her face.
Jane could see through her powerful attempts at masquerading how much the case was affecting her, but for the life of him he could not pinpoint exactly why the death of Sarah Evans elicited such a powerful reaction from his supervising agent.
Sure, Sarah and she had a lot in common, background wise.
Both Berkeley graduates, both from single-parent homes, the oldest of several siblings.
Beyond that, Jane could not figure out why Lisbon seemed so unlike herself.
Every time they were alone, he could almost feel the words at the tip of her tongue, but they were constantly interrupted, with the team working around the clock to put together enough evidence to isolate the killer.
Despite any personal issues she maybe be struggling with, as soon as Matthews is taken into custody and the rest of the team goes home, Lisbon makes herself a cup of herbal tea, no doubt due to his attempts to wean her off caffeine, and settles in her office for some paperwork.
Being mindful of her goals, Jane gives her an hour before he gets up to head to her office.
However, the senior agent surprises him when she walks out into the bullpen, purse and jacket in tow, shutting the lights off just as he stands up.
She gives him a brief glance, before pulling on her coat and turning around,
"Good night, Jane." Lisbon mumbles, "I'll see you tomorrow."
She walks away then, but Jane doesn't let her go very far,
"Lisbon, wait." He catches up with her at the elevator, placing a soft hand on her shoulder.
He frowns when she stiffens under his touch, but doesn't pay much attention to it.
Her side glance tells him everything.
She's beyond exhausted, he's sure, pulling all nighters will do that you, but there's something more in her eyes.
She wants him to stay, she wants to tell him what's wrong, but she doesn't know how.
She's so out of practice with opening up to anyone, telling anyone how she feels, that seeing his concerned eyes, his body so warm and protective besides her, makes Lisbon want to burst into tears and never stop crying.
Yet, she doesn't say anything, not in the elevator ride, and not when they approach their cars, parked side by side in the virtually empty garage.
"Thanks for walking me out." She says uncertainly, looking down at the ground, afraid that if she looks him in the eye the emotions she's fighting so hard to keep in check will overpower her and the flood gates will open.
This is the first time since her fabricated "breakdown" that she truly feels close to losing it, can honestly relate to the lies she threw at her therapist to get him to slip up.
"Teresa."
Her head snaps up at the mention of her name and she knows from the unexpected look in his blue eyes that he can see the film of unshed tears blurring her vision.
He was there for her when she needed him during the set up and he's here now and it doesn't escape her that of all the people in her life, Patrick Jane is the only one who she wants beside her while she's like this.
She wants his hand on her shoulder and his worried gaze sending chills down her spine, but most importantly she wants him.
Just the way he is.
Complicated, stubborn, childish, unruly, sarcastic, and the most perceptive man she's ever met.
It doesn't hurt that he looks like a God carved out of ivory, homage to the way men used to look in mythology, punctuated by piercing blue eyes and a masculinity that has her thinking indecently in spite herself.
"I know you're not okay." Jane says in an uncharacteristically quiet voice, "but you will be. All you need is a good night's sleep, okay?"
"I don't want to go home."
Their eyes meet in the gloominess of the faintly lit garage, but he can tell the myriad of emotions ready to burst any second. He also sees danger in her green eyes, a look of desperation that shouldn't be there.
"Where do you want to go then?" He asks, silently promising to take her wherever she wants as long as he can keep the look of despair off her face.
"Anywhere," Lisbon murmurs, stuffing her keys into his palm, "Just drive."
XXX
They drive for what feels like hours.
The scenery flashes by her so quickly; it all becomes one sheet of blackness punctuated occasionally by oncoming car lights.
Jane steals frequent glances at her, but Lisbon chooses to ignore it, not yet ready to acknowledge what is happening.
The last couple of days have been complete and utter hell as each detail she discovered about Sarah Evans' life seemed to echo a part of her painful past, even when there appeared to be no obvious connection.
She'd immersed herself in the case, fighting tooth and nail to catch the killer, only to find that there really was no logical explanation to her murder. If Sarah hadn't walked into that coffee shop and reacquainted with Matthews, she would still be alive and something about that just didn't sit well with the brunette.
Teresa Lisbon believes in justice, in karma, in everything happening for a reason, and usually she can draw from her pool of moral resource and ethical wisdom to extract some understanding and meaning from each case she closes.
But just like she can never find a reason for why her mom was so rudely torn away from her family, Teresa can't fathom any explanation for what happened to Sarah.
Thinking about the case brings her back to the present, and she glances over at Jane, realizing he is the prime example of bad things happening to good people.
He'd lost his way years ago and still blames his family's death on his arrogance and ego; and yes, perhaps his showmanship and thirst for praise had something to do with Red John's motivation, but ultimately it wasn't Jane who killed two innocent people, it was Red John.
Her heart suddenly constricts for an entirely different reason, and before she can stop herself, her hand covers the one resting over the clutch.
Jane doesn't look at her but for the remainder of the drive, he keeps his hand wrapped around hers, periodically giving it a gentle squeeze, letting her know in his own way that he's right besides her and isn't going anywhere.
She almost doses off when the car pulls up into a clearing and the first thing she sees is stars…millions and millions of stars against the dark blue backdrop of the sky.
She literally sucks in her breath.
"It's beautiful," Lisbon murmurs, staring out the window as Jane cuts the engine, "how did you find this place, where are we?"
Her inquires make Jane smile and he tenderly brushes his thumb over her knuckle,
"I used to come here sometimes…" His voice trails off as he watches her, "it's just a few miles out of the city, but it feels like all of Sacramento is in the palm of your hand, doesn't it."
Lisbon looks at him then, sees the nostalgic smile on his face, the faraway look in his eye and she just nods, not really knowing what else to say.
Her heart aches for him as she envisions Jane spending hours in this very spot, blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong, cursing his psychic abilities, his need for the spotlight, and his mockery of Red John.
It makes her problems seem very small and she suddenly feels uncomfortable even talking anymore. Her shoulders stiffen and she almost wants to pull her hand away…
"I know what you're thinking, Lisbon and trust me." He stops, his eyes searching hers out, "whatever is bothering you, it's just as important. You haven't rolled your eyes at me once today."
And he's back to his old playful self again.
The armor is put strategically in place and it's strangely comforting, because Lisbon can handle the aggressive, sarcastic, and slightly facetious consultant Jane, but not the vulnerable, difficult to reach Jane, who seems to be emerging quite often as of late.
"I've just been too distracted with this case, but I promise I'll make an extra effort to be annoyed by you come Monday." She quips back, hoping her response will quell his uncertainty about her well being.
It doesn't, but Jane is not the type to push when it comes to her and they elapse into a pleasant silence, still holding hands, the warmth too comforting to lose.
Teresa closes her eyes, trying to block out everything she's feeling, clear her mind, let herself indulge in the company of the man besides her, but her thoughts don't give her respite.
Images from her past swirl in her head, flashbacks of her brothers crying, her father yelling, her mother's funeral, all jumbled together, until she can't take it anymore.
Suddenly, she's desperate for oxygen and pushes the car door open, letting the cool summer air fill her lungs as she leans against the SUV, trying to keep the tears at bay.
Jane is besides her in a second, this time notions of personal space and professional decorum the last thing on his mind as he rests both hands on either side of her face and searching for a semblance of lucidity in her eyes.
His breath tickles her cheek and Lisbon manages to calm down long enough to be overwhelmed by the amount of concern and panic swimming in his eyes.
He looks positively startled and she has to smile at the lack of composure the usually suave mentalist displays.
It's then that she realizes the depth of his feelings for her, lurking behind the evident worry in his eyes.
It's just as much a moment of vulnerability for Jane as it is for her, but instead of it overwhelming and suffocating her, it gives her a sense of clarity, a moment of understanding and peace so deep, Lisbon does the only thing that seems logical.
The first touch of her lips sends his mind into a tailspin. Sensations he hasn't experienced a long time send spindles of pleasure through his entire body, even though his mind can't fathom what is happening.
She pulls back abruptly, ready to apologize for her hastiness, but when she sees his cobalt eyes glaze over with desire, she knows she's done something they can't take back.
There's a brief moment of hesitation, but when the shock fades, Jane draws her closer, wraps his arm around her waist, and pulls her into an incredible slow, mind numbing kiss.
He slips his hands inside her jacket, caressing her sides, devouring her mouth like a man drowning of thirst.
The fluidity and ease of their movements doesn't surprise him.
He's always known somehow, someway that she would be the perfect fit for him, body and soul.
The perfect fit for the way he is now.
She's the only one who can challenge him and care about him the way that he needs.
Lisbon melts into his embrace, reveling in the strength and enormity of his body pinning her to the car. She feels safe and cared for and incredibly turned on.
In just a few short moments, Teresa learns that Patrick Jane kisses with his entire body.
He doesn't use just his lips or his tongue or his hands, but all of it, all together to pull her under his spell, make her sigh into the kiss, oscillate between her need for oxygen and her need for him.
When he buries his hand wrist deep in her hair and playfully nips at her bottom lip, Lisbon isn't sure she cares much for breathing anymore.
Her scent intoxicates him. His senses are aware of her softness, her warmth, the incredible way she fits right into his arms and the passion in her kisses.
It seems like forever and he doesn't want it to stop.
He wants to lose himself in this woman, having finally given in and being no longer afraid, he wants more.
His desire for her becomes so overpowering, he has to pull back, otherwise he won't be able to stop and the incredibly brave and compassionate brunette evoking all sorts of feelings in him doesn't deserve that.
He's told her before he'd never seduce her over a meal and this scenario goes along with that.
When it happens, it will be perfect, because Teresa Lisbon deserves nothing less.
Reluctantly, Lisbon breaks the kiss, but finds that Jane doesn't go very far.
Instead of pulling away, he leans in further, his hand still around her waist while the other rests besides her head.
He places soft kisses on her neck and his breath sends goose bumps down her body, awakening nerve endings that have been dormant for far too long.
She's not sure what to expect now.
She made the move and she doesn't regret it, but she's terrified, because there's still so much more beyond them to consider.
Not just their jobs, but everything else.
She's acutely aware of how his wedding ring catches the moonlight, sparkling in her line of vision.
There's a weight in her chest now but she hangs on to the man in her arms desperately, trying not to think of the worst possible outcome. After all he still hasn't looked at her or said anything and who knows if he could be drowning in guilt and hating himself.
Lisbon would never forgive herself for that.
However, when she tries to speak, Jane looks up and before she can muster a syllable, he places his finger on her lips and smiles at her,
"Just don't say anything," He whispers, kissing the corner of her mouth, smiling against her cheek, "words will ruin it."
And she listens, settling in his arms and understanding from the steady rhythm of his heart and the way he lovingly strokes her hair, that Jane doesn't regret anything.
And all of the sudden Teresa realizes something that's been apparent all along.
Jane is no longer an opponent in this tug-o-war they keep playing.
And it's damn good to have him on her side...