disclaimer: the long walk is really actually not mine at all

"Why the fuck is there a bathroom on this thing?"

"Are you complaining about the fact that there's a bathroom? Because that's ridiculous." Stebbins snorted.

Abraham suddenly turned to Barkovitch and asked, "If you're blind, how do you even use the bathroom?"

"Oh my fucking god." Barkovitch attempted to do a facepalming gesture but ending up hitting himself in the face and knocking his sunglasses off. "Art, can you get those?" Both Stebbins and Abraham laughed, and Barkovitch told both of them to do some rather obscene acts to themselves and their mother.

"I have to use the bathroom," he announced. "Who wants to show me there so I don't end up falling on some poor, innocent passenger or breaking a limb on the tiny stairs?"

"I'll do it," Baker offered. "After all, when don't I? And I'll spare y'all the pain of having to lead him places."

There was a relieved sigh from the other boys and Barkovitch gave them all the finger. Or at least he tried to jab it in their direction.

As Barkovitch and Baker made their way to the bathroom, McVries suddenly laughed. "What is it?"

"Why the fuck is Baker going into the bathroom with Barkovitch?"

"I don't think I want to know," Parker said. "Besides, let those dicks be gay in the shitty little bus bathroom anyways. I've been on one of these fuckin' things before, and the bathrooms always stink." As if on cue, some loud noises started coming from the bathroom.

"I can't open the fucking door!"

"Did you just lock us inside the damn bathroom?" Barkovitch seemed to start banging on the door irritably.

"Should we let them out?" Garraty seemed to be the only person who was even mildly concerned that Baker and Barkovitch seemed to be stuck in the probably smelly and disgusting tour bus bathroom.

Abraham waved his hand dismissively. "Nah. They're probably keeping themselves occupied somehow."

Stebbins chimed in, "And this is hilarious."

"It's also a hell of a lot quieter without fucking Barkovitch," Parker grumbled. "God, I'm really starting to hope he stays in there forever."

"In conclusion, the pros of locking Baker and Barkovitch in the bathroom outweigh the cons." Stebbins looked quite pleased with the whole situation.

McVries sighed happily and drew Garraty closer to him for what seemed to be about the eighth time. Honestly, one would think that they'd gotten close enough together already.

"I'm not actually gay," Garraty said. He was feeling an extreme need to emphasize this fact of his personality.

"The more you say that, the less we believe it." Abraham had a way of making everything he said sound extremely solemn and important.

"I'm not gay either," McVries said.

"Now, that I just don't fuckin' believe. Period," Parker muttered.

"I never said I wasn't of any other sexuality." McVries winked at Garraty, looking eerily like Davidson.

"Well, you are sort of...attractive, I guess. No homo, you know."

"Did you just say no homo?" Abraham appeared to be trying to hold back an extreme bout of laughter. After a few minutes of biting down on his lower lip in an attempt to hold it back, he just gave up.

"You say that all the goddamn time." Parker smirked at his friend.

"When have I ever said that?"

Parker made a dramatic hand gesture and imitated Abraham's extremely deep, solemn voice that was reminiscent of the dark lord Satan. It was a really horrible imitation because of Parker's heavy accent, but somehow that made it quite a bit funnier. "'Hey, Collie, have you been working out? Uh, I mean, no homo or anything, but you look really good. Without your shirt, I mean. Yeah. No homo.'"

The entire back seat erupted into laughter. "I have never once in my entire existence said that, Collie Parker."

"Yeah, you have. Several fuckin' times, in fact."

Garraty looked around uncomfortably. "I think I'm going to go let Baker and Barkovitch out of the bathroom."
"Christ, no. Keep them in for the rest of the goddamn trip," Parker said.

"At least they stopped banging on the door. That was a bit annoying. Although, on the other hand, it was somewhat amusing." Garraty thought to himself that Stebbins had probably been the type of child who set ants on fire for fun.

Garraty made his way to the middle of the bus, nearly tripping on a boy called Pearson's foot. The bathroom looked really, really small. Probably not a very fun place to be stuck with Gary Barkovitch was a surprising lack of noise coming from inside. Garraty braced himself and clicked open the door.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw inside.

Baker and Barkovitch were kissing each other. Not just kissing each other, but kissing each other really, really hard. "Uh, guys. I opened the door."

Barkovitch, whose sunglasses were discarded on top of the sink, waved his arms desperately like some sort of weird distress signal. Baker let go of him, and seemed to just notice Garraty. "Oh. He was talking a lot and hitting the door, so I, er..."

"No, it went something like this. 'Hey, Gary, we're alone in the bathroom, wanna kiss?' and I was like 'Yeah, sure, whatever the fuck you want.'"

"That's not true!"

Garraty grimaced and considered going into the bathroom to vomit. "Yeah, I think I'm going to leave you two to it.

Baker and Barkovitch followed him back to their seats. Parker and Abraham were still arguing heatedly over 'no homo' and Davidson was leaning over to tell McVries something that, presumably, since it was Davidson, had to do with sex.

"I'm back," Garraty announced.

"You look a little pale," McVries said.

"You would be too, if you saw the obnoxious blind asshole making out with Baker."

"I was just shutting him up!" Baker said defensively. "He was hitting the door and being annoying, so I just wanted to shut him up without really hurting him."

"Yeah, when I want people to shut up, I totally make out with them," Abraham added sarcastically.

"Actually, once-"

"Shut up, Parker!"

Garraty sat down next to McVries again. "Hey, Ray, if they can kiss-" McVries never finished his sentence, because then he grabbed a very terrified Garraty and kissed him. Garraty squirmed and made loud mmphing sounds. Abraham pulled out his iPhone and in the corner of his eye, Garraty could see that he'd just taken a photograph.

Garraty really just wondered how he'd thought that signing up for this thing was a good idea in the first place.

fact: tour bus bathrooms smell really bad and the toilets get clogged kids please don't try this at home