[b]Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned, they all belong to Yuhki Kamatani. The only thing I own is the plot so please don't sue me.[/b]
30 Forbidden Fruit
#4 - Hate
Pairing: Yoite/Miharu
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Sometimes I hate Miharu. I notice the looks of longing he's always giving me when he thinks I'm not looking. He seems to always be happy whenever he is by my side, even when I'm coughing so hard that blood comes up.
I notice how he always tries to make me feel better and show me how much he cares about me and while part of me wants to return the affection, I don't allow myself to give into it.
I know if I give in, that I'll just hurt him more in the end. If I let him get deeper into his fantasy of a happy life, full of love, then it'll just break him more once I'm gone. I know that part of me loves him, but I'm not the one who will be broken once I don't exist. It will be him, trying to understand, why he feels so lost and full of longing for a person he doesn't even know.
It's better for him if I hate him. I see the pain flash in his eyes as he tries to mask it after a callous comment I make. My brain apologizes to him, but I never allow the words to pass my lips. I hope that one day he forgives me for this.
Everyday it is getting harder and harder to make it through and stay alive, but I have to until Miharu is able to make me cease to exist. He thinks I haven't realized, but I know that it is his own desire for me to live salubriously with him until our natural time comes.
I wish he would realize that is impossible with me. It's the curse that comes with being a Kira user. I've used too much of my own life already. I'm merely holding on by a few threads now.
Maybe though, a small part of Miharu does hate me for the choices I've made and that's why he keeps me here suffering day in and day out. But no, Miharu wouldn't do that...the love he hides inside is the real thing keeping me trapped.
"Sometimes I really hate you Miharu, though part of me does love you as well..."