A/N: Just a short and sweet one that has been on my mind since I started this new alphabet.

I'm really glad to have you all along on this crazy ride with me. Your encouraging words keep me writing and I'd just like to say a big thank you to megameighteen, Hazmatt, NicknHotchfan, greengirl82 and HPforever-after for making me feel like what I'm doing really counts for something and is entertaining to boot.

Rated T for adult themes.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Criminal Minds at all, although they do own me and I do own Carrie and Toby, Chloe and India, Kelly and Brad and Ben.

DVDs PG Shouldn't Be Watching

Aaron opened the door and smiled at the LaMontagne's.

"I am so sorry we're late. Henry had a last minute accident."

"Don't worry about it. Kevin messaged a few minutes ago saying they were only just leaving so you aren't the last to arrive. How is the potty training going on the whole?"

Will set Henry on his feet and helped him with his jacket as JJ rolled her eyes.

"It's still a bit hit and miss, but he's going for longer periods before he forgets so I'd say we're making slow progress."

"Well if you want any pointers, let me know. I still remember Jack's training well."

He led them into the dining room, where two tables had been set up; the main dining table for the adults and a small table to the side for Jack, Toby and Henry.

Leaving them with the rest of their guests, he headed upstairs to join Emily while they settled Chloe and India in their cribs for the night. The girls would hopefully sleep through the mid-December Christmas dinner they were having before they all split up for the holidays. And once dinner was over and the younger boys were settled in the den with their chosen movie, the adults would settle in the living room for a little adult conversation. But first they needed the girls to settle and the last of their guests to arrive.

Ten minutes later they returned to the dining room as Kevin led Penelope into the room. Quite literally, as the normally bubbly blonde was wearing a blindfold and was definitely not smiling. Silence fell as everyone tried to figure out what was going on.

"Umm," JJ said hesitantly as they all did an eye version of hot-potato to figure out which of them was brave enough to ask.

When everyone ended up staring at him intently, Derek groaned silently.

"Baby girl, what's going on?"

"I have been blinded by the most horrific sight of my life."

"Okay," he said slowly. "Despite that, I'm sure you still have gorgeous eyes under that covering. So what's the deal?"

"I figure if I can't see anything, maybe the image will disappear."

"How's that working for you?" Dave asked dryly, causing Teresa to nudge him and mouth 'be nice'.

"It's not working yet, but it will. Even if I have to cut my eyes out."

"Kevin, do you know what happened?" Emily asked cautiously.

"All I know is that she went to one of those birthing classes this afternoon and ever since she got home she's been like this."

Emily exchanged a look with JJ, seeing the same thought dawning. They both looked at Jordan, who was nodding slowly.

"It makes sense," she murmured softly.

"You want to clue us in babe?" Derek asked.

Jordan opened her mouth, then closed it. It was JJ who said it.

"Did you happen to watch a certain dvd today in class PG?"

"Yes, and I'm never watching dvds ever again. It was far too traumatic for words."

"You do know it's just a dvd right?" Emily asked carefully.

Penelope grabbed hold of the blindfold and ripped it off to gape as her friend.

"Just a dvd? Just a dvd? You say that, after nearly dying doing just that and it's just a dvd?"

"Penelope take a breath and calm down. It's not good for the baby for you to be so worked up."

Penelope turned such a look on Kevin that he scooted his chair back from her abruptly.

"Do you have any idea what I went through this afternoon. I'm pregnant, and I'm going to have to birth this baby. Have you ever seen that happen?"

"Ah no sugarplum, I can't say that I have."

"Pregnant implies the baby is inside my womb. But during labour she's going to come out of a tiny little hole that will only expand by so much."

"And when the time comes you'll do it well," Austin assured her.

Penelope turned to her and asked flatly, "Have you seen the dvd yet? The one where it shows you, in graphic detail I might add, how a baby comes out of the woman's body. Have you seen it yet?"

Austin nodded slowly. "I did, because I was curious. But I'm already booked in for a c-section because the potential complications could kill us both."

"So you voluntarily watched that dvd? Are you insane?" she shouted.

Emily winced. "Look, clearly it was traumatic..."

"Traumatic! You're kidding right? I have to push something the size of a watermelon that is alive and wriggling out of my body; how is that not traumatic?"

"...but please stop shouting?"

"Baby girl; how have you gone your whole life without knowing how babies are born?"

"Oooh, don't you 'baby girl' me Derek Morgan. Of course I knew where babies come from and how they are born..."

"Then what's the big deal? You're having a beautiful baby girl and you're worried about something that may or may not be traumatic? If I were you, I'd be thinking about how great it's going to be holding that baby in your arms for the first time; having her snuggle into you because your dulcet tones are familiar and comforting to her where nothing else is. Traumatic? Definitely. But for her, not for you. For you it's the culmination of all your dreams come true. Fantastic husband and beautiful baby. What more could you possibly ask for or ever worry about ever again after that?"

Penelope stared at the man she'd had more than a few fantasies over through the years; well at least until she'd started going out with Kevin and Jordan came properly on the scene. He'd never steered her wrong before and seeing the sincerity in his eyes now, she somehow figured he wasn't steering her wrong now.

She nodded slowly and settled back in the chair. "Fine; I'll calm down. But it was still gross."

"Reid watched it with me and passed out," Austin said brightly as Reid went red and attempted to shush her.

"I seriously thought Derek was going to throw up when it was happening," Jordan threw in helpfully as her husband shot her a dirty look.

Dave saw the considering look on Teresa's face and shook his head. "Don't even think it Cara Mia. There will be no pain and no traumatic complications for me to deal with. It's just going to happen peacefully, so there's no need for either of us to be watching dvds and getting ideas."

Teresa burst out laughing as everyone at the table settled in to rib Dave and Emily rose to get the meal started.

End-

A/N: Who wants to bet that Dave gets his peaceful delivery now that I've set him up so beautifully? Ha ha...

Stay tuned as the team returns to work in the new year and they meet the first of the maternity replacements Strauss has sent them to choose from. Also, find out for sure if Emily and Aaron are having twins again.

E is for...

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