I've wrote a new (better, improved, the latest, sleekest model, etc) summary.

On rolls the fanfiction

Chapter 4- Nice to Meet you Little Elephant

Run Run Pant Pant

Monday, June20th

8.40am

Run, run. Pant, Pant.

Had no time to exfoliate, moisturise and apply barely noticeable make-up.

Quick check in my compact. Uh Oh. I have accidentally opted for a red faced loon look that is so popular with PE. teachers. Arg! Miss Stamp may go lesbian on me.

Out! There is no more space in my Bakery of Pain!

3 minutes later

Met Jas by her house and we sprinted to school. Typically the Foxwood Lads had appeared. They always appear when there is chance of Nunga-Nunga wobbling.

One of them called out "Saywhatifyoursleepwithme!"

Jas answered as confused as two confused thing "What?"

And they burst into laughter, and ran off in the opposite direction.

As I have said and I will say again, boys are a complete mystery to me.

At Stalag 14

10 minutes later

No time to do anything with my beret so I just jammed it over my head.

"Georgia! Stop walking like that!"

Like what exactly? A normal human-being? Then I remembered, she is the future me. So I said,

"Of course Miss Heaton," and I smiled sweetly.

"What have you done this time?"

Honestly, no trust over here. They always think I've done something wrong. I said this to Jas as we marched into assembly like soldiers.

"They always think I've done something wrong,"

"Well, you did set the locusts free,"

"So?"

"And put that skeleton in Elvis' chair,"

"Jas?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up,"

1 minute later

Jas has the mega hump. I tried to stand by her but she swapped places with Ellen. So me and Rosie belted out our fantastic version of 'Water of Life,' during hymns.

"Water! Water of PANTS, Jesus gives us the water of PANTS!"

Until Hawk-eye gave us the stare.

1 minute later

Slim was all jelliod and talking about the Harvest Festival next autumn. Which, you may have noticed is half a year away. We are all expected to grow our own vegetable.

15 minutes later

Put my arm around Jas on the way to German. They took it off quickly to avoid any lesbian rumours.

I asked "Will Hunky have a deformed carrot I can take in around that time?"

Then she went on about the fact that it was important to grow the vegetable myself and all these fertilisers Tom had shown her. I think she may be destined to become a blodge teacher.

"Jas I think you are destined to become a blodge teacher,"

Then she remembered she had the hump.

Break Time

I asked the Ace Gang "Why vegetables? Why not have a lip gloss festival?"

Jas moaned, "It's the season of plenty, all the crops are harvested at that time and food was plentiful…"

All the others realised I was joking.

"Jas, shut up,"

Then Ro-Ro said, "Actually, Jas has a point about vegetables, they are very important,"

We all stared at her with vacant disbeliefinosity.

Ro-Ro nodded wisely, "Yes, that's why I am holding a Vegetable Party at my house, Sunday,"

"Sunday?"

"Yes, fancy dress, you must come as a vegetable,"

"That is very short notice,"

"Time waits for no PANTS,"

Then Mabs said, "Dave the Laugh said that, didn't he?"

I may have to kill her.

Then Jools said, "What happened with you and Dave on Saturday, you slept at his didn't you?"

Ro-Ro said, "Yes, moi petite tarty-eux pal,"

Ellen said, "What…she…err…you know…err…um….did…the…err…you know?"

What in the name of Jas' over sized knickers is she on about?

Ro-Ro said, (very loudly), "Did you get up to number 10 with Dave?!"

Bloody Nora, I seem to have been branded a tart by some dire mistake.

I said, "Oh, you know, I think what we did by passed Number 10, more an 11…12 maybe…"

The gang were as agog as two gogs.

Ellen stuttered, "Like…erm…what…you know…"

Jools said, "You did the full Monty and beyond with Dave the Laugh?"

I screamed, "Of course not, what do you think I am a common tart?!"

Jas gave me this look that meant, 'yes, Georgia,'

"What did you do then?"

"Drank cola, then fell asleep by accident,"

Ro-Ro said "With a massage in-between,"

Ellen said," A massage, umm, like what-"

I said, "How'd you know?"

Ro-Ro said, "We called at his house to check on you, and he came out and said you were conked out on his bed by his extreme supreme massages,"

Cheeky cat. I was just tired.

Then Mabs said, "Yes, then his mum half killed us all for talking to him,"

I said, "Yes, she accused me of being a slut and saying me and Dave did it, so he said we used her bed and the bath, and she went ballisiticisimus,"

Ellen said, "So…err…is that the beyond?"

I am surrounded by les idiots.

German

Herr Kamyer is talking about der Kochs again. Going on a camping trip eating their weight in spangleferkels. Rosie sent me a note.

Dear Gee,

The Kochs shouldn't eat the sausages. It's

sizist. Just because they are smaller.

Love Ro-Ro.

Even in my confusiosity I have a sparkle of humour because I nearly literally wet myself laughing.

Herr Kamyer said, "Georgia was ist (twitch, twitch) so funny about der Kochs?"

I said, "Well, I think, in today's great and cultural country the Kochs are being rather sizist eating the sausages. They can't help being smaller,"

The class was in an uproar.

I think I am a comedy genius.

16 minutes later

Nauseating P. Green cornered me before I could rush off home. She really is unfortunate looking, like more a marshmallow with an enormous forehead.

"Georgia, I-"she started. Oh dear, I hope she isn't going to ask to hang around with us. I protected her from the bummer twins and this is my reward- she thinks she is my dumpy pal.

"Sorry, P Green, got things to do, people to see," and rushed off. Quickly.

Walking Home

Jas is still not talking to me. We are walking in silence next to each other. The others had selfishly left me to old Big-Knickers and carried on with there own lives.

Thank God Dave the Laugh isn't here.

How'd he get in my brain?

Out!

Out DAMNED Spot

1 minute later

I did linksies with Jas.

"Jas, I love you"

She unlinked and tried walking away.

So I followed her really, really closely behind, copying her footsteps and her breathing.

It was driving her mad.

But she couldn't say anything because she is ignorez-vousing me.

Hahahahahahaha.

Home

Libby half killed me when I went through the door.

"Gingey, Gingey!"

And she kissed my face all over. I wish she would wipe her nose a bit.

She yelled "Come see!"

I said, "Not now Libby,"

She hit me, "Bad boy, Look see,"

Ad she dragged me into the living room. She is very strong for a toddler. I suspect it is all the toys she hefts around.

"Look!"

There was a hamster on the side. In a cage.

Mum walked in.

"Oh, that girl, what is her name…Pamela? She left you a hamster as a thank you for protecting her,"

The poor thing, it isn't going to live a minute with Angus around.

Mum and Libby were prodding it with carrot sticks. Oh dear, as well as a brothel I am living in a torture centre.

Mum said, "What are you going to call it?"

But I was saved the trouble of explaining I didn't want it by Libby.

"Me call it, Elephan, heggo Elephan hab some naice carroty-pops,"

Nice to meet you Little Elephant, make the most of your short life in this house.

I wonder where Angus is?

I have now read 'and that's when it fell of in my hand', so I am pretty much update to date to where this is set. Spent all my money on it but who cares? Thanks for your reviews! xx