Beckett hadn't fallen asleep yesterday. She had just stopped crying and felt to exhausted and comfortable in Castle's arms to move, her breathing slowed to meet his as she struggled to keep tears back. When Castle whispered, asking whether or not she was awake she didn't trust her voice enough to speak without crying so stayed silent. Castle slowly moved and she expecting him to make her comfortable on the sofa, maybe put a blanket on her before going home, but instead she felt herself being shifted and pulled into strong, warm arms. She could help snuggling into his warm chest but Castle didn't react likely thinking it's a natural subconscious reaction to gravitate towards warmth. She felt herself being placed in the cool bed and struggled not to sigh in disappointment. Her shoes and socks were slipped off and the duvet was pulled up to her chin. She thought Castle had left when she felt damp lips press against her forehead, "I love you." Castle had whispered believing she was asleep before he left the room.

Beckett tossed and turned the entire night unable to get Castles confession out of her head. She'd heard it before of course, but she was dying at that point and had been pretending that she couldn't remember since then. She had doubts thinking that maybe Castle had just said it because she was dying and didn't mean it. But now...all her doubts were gone, he loves her. Does she love him back? Yes. What was she going to do about the feelings? No idea. As she thought about that she suddenly felt guilty, thinking about herself and a possible relationship with the writer, when Esposito had died only a month ago. But then she realized Esposito would be happy, he was always making fun of the two of them but behind his jokes Beckett knew he was hinting.

Some point during the night she had slipped into the realm of sleep, when she woke and climb out of bed she was nervous, un-sure of what to say to Castle, she wasn't sure if he had left and gone home. The living room was empty of her partner as was the kitchen. She noticed a throw cover was folded on the arm of the sofa with a note placed on top. She couldn't help her girlish grin when she saw that he'd put a kiss before rolling her eyes at herself. It's just a letter, not a kiss an 'x' it doesn't mean anything. Despite thinking that, she couldn't stop her small smile.

She climbed into the shower letting the water wash over her as she thought about the night before.

It had been so...intimate; they had spoken about anything and everything. Beckett was completely honest. She told him that without him, she didn't know what she would do, she told him about her guilt of not being about to save Esposito, of not being about to save Montgomery, of her guilt to her mother that she hasn't been able find her killer. Throughout all of it Castle tried to convince her that it wasn't her fault. None of it was. Castle admitted some of his own guilt that he couldn't save his friend, his guilt that he had killed Scott, guilt that it was his own fault she was shot because he had brought back her mother's murder, he looked into it when he had no right to do that, before he even knew her that well.
Beckett had been shocked at the last one, Castle thought it was his fault she was shot? Thinking back Beckett realized that she hadn't given him much reason not to think so, after the shooting she didn't speak to him for months...he must have thought because she was angry at him.
When finding this out she yelled at him, completely bewildering him, but she was angry, so very angry that he would blame himself. She realized that over the past few months he had looked tired, more than he should and realized the writer must have been holding all of this in, being strong for her. Always for her, never letting himself grieve properly.

Once the confessions were over with they had more wine before sharing memories of Esposito and Montgomery causing laughter and more tears.

She had her shower, did her hair and make-up and got dressed before making her way to work. Once she arrived she found Castle and Ryan already there, "Hey." She greeted them both, she felt herself blush as she met Castle's eyes. It wasn't just his confession making her blush, it was the whole night. She had never shown so much emotion in front of anyone before yesterday. But last night she had just let down her wall trusting Castle not to abuse it.

"Morning." Castle greeted with a smile, not mentioning her obvious red cheeks or the night before, going with their silent agreement not to speak about it, at least not around others. Ryan just nodded in her general direction looking as if he had the whole world on his shoulders. Webber walked not long after Beckett and greeted everyone sleepily.
They spent the day trying to figure out the murder, Castle and Beckett explained the case to Ryan and Webber. "So the murderer took the brief case." Webber stated.

"But why? James' mom said it was just a work case, with his tools in." Beckett said.
"Hold on, this guys a builder and he carried in tools in a briefcase?" Castle asked.
Beckett frowned re-thinking about it. "That is strange." She agreed.

"Maybe, he just told his Mom that what he did and she went along with it...because she's his mother?" Webber suggested with a small shrug.

"Then what was really in the case?" Beckett asked herself quietly, but loud enough for the guys to hear.

"Spy equipment." Castle replied almost immediately. Beckett felt immediately relieved to hear one of Castle's crazy theories for the first time in a while.

"Different to aliens." Beckett replied with a teasing smile.

"Or Mob hit." Ryan added speaking for the first time since Beckett had arrived.

"What?" Webber asked sounding and looking dumbfounded.
"Popular theories." Beckett explained briefly making the man even more confused. Ryan knew he should explain a bit more but he couldn't. The only time he'd spoken with his partner was when they were on a job or when he absolutely had to. Webber had tried a few times asking if he wants to go out for a drink or something but he refused every time. He couldn't do it. Not yet.

"Maybe..." Beckett started but trailed off, having no idea.
"The brother." Castle said suddenly, this time his voice was serious. The three detectives looked at him funny.

"What brother?" Beckett asked.

"I don't know. But at their house I saw pictures, two babies, two toddlers, two young children. Twins it looked like. But nobody ever mentioned a brother or sister. And the parents won the lottery, fair recently right? 3 years ago wasn't it?"

"So 3 or more years ago there was an argument with this brother..." Beckett said catching on.

"And the brother left, not speaking them for a while."

"When his parents won the lottery he was angry but ignored it for a while thinking it didn't matter. He didn't need their money."

"But he maybe...lost his job? Became low on money so tried to get back into the family hoping they will give him the money he needs."

"The parents knew he just wanted money and threw him out."

"Also telling him he was written out of the will."

"James, being a good brother went to speak with him, taking money in the briefcase? Stolen from his parents."

"But the brother got angry and blamed everything on James. Calling him the favourite and that it was all his fault, he didn't deserve to live."

"So he killed him."

The two turned to see Webber watching them amazed. Ryan was already on his computer searching for a brother or sister to James Taylor, knowing by know that Castle and Beckett's theories were almost always right.

"Wow." Webber said eventually.

"You'll get used to it." Ryan told the man...his partner. "Yep. John Taylor, born on the 23rd June 1992, same day as John. Born in the same hospital...to the same parents. His twin brother."

"Right. Where is he?" Beckett asked pulling her coat on.

"North of Lex, 13th." Ryan told her.

"Castle and I will go pick him up. Find out what you can."

They caught the guy and it turned out Castle and Beckett were right. James had been going to visit John everyday with a case full of money, money stolen from his parents. John refused it every time. He wanted money but he couldn't steal it. But then one day he just snapped. James wouldn't leave him alone and he reminded him too much of the past.

"Well done." Webber congratulated Castle and Beckett, "That was quite amazing."

"Thanks." Beckett said distractedly. Her and Castle spoke a little on the drive to pick John up. Castle told her that Ryan had split with Jenny. She walked towards Ryan and sat down beside him, her body language told everyone within earshot of the desk better get out quickly, with the help of Castle they did, leaving the immediate area around Beckett and Ryan. Ryan looked up at her and smiled, his smile was completely and utterly fake. "You broke up with Jenny?"

Ryan sagged in his seat sighing, "Castle told you huh?"

"Yeah he told me! Why the hell did you do that?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Ryan tried to dismiss turning away from her.

"The hell you don't! Ryan, you need to start talking about these things, otherwise you might crawl inside this little Esposito bubble you got going on and you might never come out!"

Ryan quickly turned back towards her and his eyes were shining with tears. "What if I don't wanna come out? What if I'm happy where I am?"

"That exactly it! You're not happy!"

"What do you want me to do? Have a party? My best friend died last month! He died Kate!" The tears spilt over his cheeks but he didn't notice. This was the first time he'd said the actually words out loud. It was too real. "And he's never coming back! How would you feel if that was Castle? It could have been."

"You don't think I've already lost someone I love? Are you forgetting about my Mom? I crawled inside her murder and Esposito help me crawl out, I loved him for that. Heck I loved him for him! Not in a romantic way, But I loved him, I love him. He was my friend course I did! I'm still grieving him and I'm struggling Ryan. I'm really struggling to keep it together. But I do. I have to, he would want me, us, to keep it together, to live our lives!"

"You don't think I'm trying to keep it together? I am! But without him...I rolled towards your desk expecting him to stop me yesterday. But of course he didn't. I've come into work every day and got two mugs out for him and me, but I have to put one back because he's not here! Every time I do that I want to break down, to grieve some more for him but I don't. I come to work, do what I'm supposed to and I do it well. Can't we just leave it at that?"

"No Kevin. You're just going through the motions. You need to live!"

"I can't! Not without him."

"Yes you can. I thought I couldn't live without my Mom. But I could, I thought I needed to find her killer, avenge her murder to be happy but I haven't and I'm happy. Yes, I'll always have a hand or foot inside the case, if I find any other leads I'll follow them, but I'll come out, I grieved and I've continued to live. That's what you need to do." Beckett grasped his hands holding them tight and looking into his eyes.

"I don't want to come out." Ryan stated sounding like a sulking child.

"Neither did I. But once I'm out, I've realized its better. It's time to live my life. Heck, it's become much harder since the murder re-surfaced and being shot. But I continued, thanks to the help of you, Castle and Esposito. It's a good world. Hard but good."

"It's Esposito-less."

"Yes." Beckett agreed, the tears in her own eyes spilling over and splashing onto their clasped hands. "It's time you accepted that."

"I can't...the wheels are still on!"

"You need to let the wheels go. You can still be partners without the wheels."

"But we said until they fall off...I can't let them fall..."

"Yes you can." Beckett squeezed his hands and looked him in the eyes. "You can let them fall. But Esposito will catch them. And hold onto them as he waits for you and expects you to have a long and happy life."

"I can't...I just..." Ryan couldn't take it anymore. He stood up and ran out, using the stairs instead of the elevator just wanting to get there quickly and not stand still.

They started quietly but soon got louder and louder until they were yelling at each other, Castle tried to convince people not to listen but he couldn't help overhearing, they were yelling.

"How would you feel if this was Castle? It could have been."

"You don't think I've already lost someone I love?"

Someone I love? Castle spun around and started to watch the two knowing he shouldn't, knowing he should let them talk privately, or as privet as they could be surrounded by cops. They both had tears streaming down their cheeks, Beckett grasping Ryan's hands. They quietened down and then Ryan suddenly stood and ran out, almost knocking Castle over in the process. "Alright. Shows over!" Castle yelled as everyone continued to stare at Beckett and the direction or Ryan. He joined Beckett at Ryan's desk and laid his hand on the small of her back leading her towards the break room.

"Everyone heard that then?" She asked without looking at him.

Castle shoo'd a few people out so they could be alone and started making coffee, "You got slightly...loud."

"Ah. Woops."

"Woops." Castle agreed. "You were right though. We need to help Ryan get through this."

"I don't know how. Esposito was the one to talk to. He would most likely slap Ryan and tell him to get on with his life and go snog Jenny."

"I'm assuming Ryan and Esposito-right were very close?" Webber asked carefully as he joined them in the room, he knew they must have been close due to the sadness in Ryan's eyes and the refusal to get to know Webber himself.

Beckett laughed almost menacingly, "Very. As close as two guys can get without being gay, heck they were closer than that."

"And Ryan's taking his death really hard." Castle added with a sigh as he handed Beckett her coffee and offered Webber one.

Ryan made his way to his car and he drove. He didn't know where he was going he just drove.

It was a few hours later Ryan made his way back to Castle's with two pots of pills in his pocket. Maybe he should do it somewhere else; he didn't want Alexis seeing his body. But then would anyone find him if he checked into some hotel? Would anyone stop him? No, he didn't want to be stopped. Did he?

He briefly considered using his gun, but that felt too...cliché.

Ryan pushed the door open with the key Castle had given him that morning. He saw a note on the fridge.

'Alexis and I have gone out for dinner. Back later. Help yourself to anything you want Kev. Mother, don't be surprised if you see Det. Ryan here.
C & A x'

Ryan heard footsteps come towards him, "Ah Detective Ryan yes?"

"Yeah." Ryan smiled slightly at the woman in front of him; they had met a few times by never spoken.

"Martha Rodgers. Richards Mother."

"Nice to meet you properly for once." Ryan shook her hand.

"Right darling. I've got to get going; when Castle get home could you tell him I've gone on a date. Won't be home till late?"

"Sure." Ryan accepted fully knowing he wouldn't be alive when Castle and Alexis get home.

"Thank you." Martha said smiling before heading back upstairs to get ready. She felt something was wrong with the detective but she was in too much of a rush to think over it for long.

It was a few hours later Ryan was alone in Castle's flat trying to write his suicide note.

He finally gave up and wrote:

'My wheels don't work without his. Sorry... X'

He stuck it on the fridge and made his way into the spare room.

Sitting down on the bed he stared at the bottles of pills. 'For an adult Take 2 or 3.' it said on the side of the packet. He smirked at it. He was gonna take a few more than that.
He heard the door open and close and realized he has to get on with it. He opened the small bottle and raised it to his mouth as he heard something crash downstairs. "Here it goes."