Chapter 4

Nick's memory of the events at the crime scene are a blur. He remembers snapping pictures, pulling finger prints, packaging evidence and carefully sampling Greg's blood and tissue. Nick remembers hitting a by-stander – some punk who said something cruel about Greg. The finer details are lost in the fog of guilt and shame and utter devastation. Once the scene had been cleared, Nick raced to pick up Barb – relieved that it was time for her to fly back to Texas. He told her that he needed to stop at the hospital on the way – he just couldn't wait any longer to see Greg. Barb was – as usual – gracious and accommodating.

Nick stood on one side of a viewing window – watching Greg breath in his hospital bed. Greg was unrecognizable. He was mostly bandages, with patches of black and blue and red showing through in random locations on his broken body. He was also attached to machines and tubes and wires – Greg looked so small.

"They said that the next 24-hours are critical. If he can make it through that he has a good shot."

Nick jumped at the sound of Sara's voice. He hadn't noticed that she had joined him in the hall.

"Sara, what the hell happened?" Nick asked, his voice betrayed his emotion.

"We don't know everything. Greg called in an active assault. He hit some kid with his truck either before or during an attack on his vehicle and himself. Our best guess is that he was trying to save the guy the gang was beating before he showed up." Sara reported without looking at Nick, instead she stared through the glass at her friend.

"Why didn't he wait for backup?" Nick asked more to the universe than to Sara.

"Well - Nick - let me see if I can guess that one too. Hmmmm....maybe Greg saw some poor slob getting killed by a gang of thugs and knew that he didn't have time to wait for backup if he wanted that guy to live to see tomorrow. So, and this is just a guess, he did the only thing that people like Greg can think of doing in situations like that...he stepped up and tried to save the guy. You seem to have lost perspective when it comes to Greg, Nick. He's probably the kindest person either of us will ever know - and he's not afraid to stand up for what's right. Greg is certainly no coward - unlike you." Sara couldn't control her anger.

"What?" Nick felt so confused.

"You're a coward, Nick. I'm not sure what the whole story is - YET - but I know that you turned your back on your friend. My guess is that you found out Greg is gay and that offends your inner Texan." Sara was now looking directly at Nick.

"Greg's gay?" Nick tried his best to keep his cover intact, but again - his voice gave him away.

"Whatever, Nick. I saw the glass in your driveway last night - and this morning I picked Greg up at the body shop because, according to him, his car window was smashed in his parking lot. He was also sporting a pretty severe bruise on his face, he did a shitty job with the concealer. What was it Nick - were you pissed that the little fairy showed up and contaminated your house?" Sara knew she was being irrational and unfair, but she was so angry and so scared for Greg. "Or maybe you were pissed because your boyfriend showed up to your engagement party uninvited."

Nick stared at Sara, his eyes wide with fear. He felt like he had been caught in a trap and his heart raced as he tried to find his escape hatch. The truth was unmistakable in his eyes.

"There you are, Darlin'" Barb walked toward them, stopping to look into the viewing window as she put her arm around Nick's waist.

"Oh, dear lord! Nick! Is he dead?" Barb's question came out a little too loud and a little too easily.

Nick stood frozen, eyes still focused on Sara. He wasn't sure what he wanted more - for Sara to tell Barb what she had - obviously - guessed, finally exposing the secret that was currently ruining his life - or for Sara to cover for him. She did a little bit of both.

"Coward." Sara said evenly before turning and walking away.

"Did I interrupt something, Nick?" Barb turned to face him, her back to the window.

"No, we're all just on edge about Greg - that's all." Nick said as he looked past her, looking at Greg beyond the window. Greg's head had moved, now turned to face the window. Nick could see that one of Greg's eye's was open, just a little bit.

"I'm sorry, Nick. This must be a terrible ordeal for you." Barb embraced Nick, one hand stroking his hair.

Nick's eyes stayed focused on Greg, and as Barb pulled Nick into an embrace, Nick watched as Greg's head slowly turned to face the opposite wall. Nick's world shifted in that moment - his priorities and loyalties inverted so suddenly he felt himself loose his balance from the emotional rush.

"Barb, let's head out to the airport. There's something we need to talk about on the way." Nick pulled away from Barb's embrace and led her out of the hospital.

~*~

"So, you're telling me that you aren't in love with me because you are in love with someone else - someone you have been in love with for many years. Is that what you are telling me, Nick?" Barb's voice was calm.

"Barb, I'm sorry. I don't know what my problem is. Maybe I was so scared of commitment that I..." Nick was cut off mid-sentence.

"Darlin', if you are afraid of commitment why would you have rushed into a marriage proposal with me? That's not what you are afraid of, Nick." Barb looked at Nick, fully expecting a response.

Nick just fidgeted and tried to look everywhere except Barb's face.

"Nick, I've only known you for a month - and for most of that month we have been hundreds of miles apart. So, I am certainly no woman scorned! But, I would like some honesty from you - what are you running from Nick? WHO are you running from?" Barb reached for Nick's hand. She held it firmly.

"The thing is, I'm too much of a coward to say it out loud, Barb." Nick could feel his eyes welling up. He could hear his own voice in his head, screaming. Just say it - say it - SAY IT!!

"Nick, you are a kind, sweet man. I do care about you. I promise - whatever it is you are afraid to say - will stay between you and I." Barb squeezed Nick's hand for reassurance.

"I...the thing is...I...can't" Nick whimpered.

"It's that Greg guy, isn't it? The one who got beat up last night?" Barb asked matter-of-factly.

"Wh...wh...um...what?" Nick swallowed hard and looked at Barb with eyes wide and face red.

"Don't worry, Nick. Your secret is safe with me. But can I give you one last bit of advice before I give you back this ring and officially become your ex-fiance?"

"I guess that's the least I could do." Nick weakly smiled.

"Stop keeping secrets, Nick. If you love this guy - well - I hope you can fix whatever you messed up here. You'll never be happy unless you stop living your life for other people."

"Wouldn't I be living my life for someone else if I threw away my family for Greg?" Nick looked confused.

"I don't know. I mean - if you do actually loose your family, and you exposed yourself just for Greg's sake. Well, I guess you're right. But, I think, and this is just speculation and guessing on my part, but I think that you would be risking your family ties more for YOU than for Greg." Barb touched Nick's cheek softly.

"How do you figure?" Nick challenged.

"Did Greg ever ask you to tell your family about him?" Barb asked bluntly.

"No."

"Mmmm Hmmmm." Barb took off the modest engagement ring Nick had given her that last time they were saying good-bye at an airport. She kissed Nick on the cheek and turned to walk away. "You take care of yourself, Nick."

But, Nick didn't know how.