And on to today's show!
We have here with us two intelligent young men from the series Death Note! A Yagami Light, and L-beep-...
(Watari waves at L from the sound consoles. Light looks at L suspiciously.)
Um, just "L".
Light: I think the audience is curious. Could we have the uncensored version of that... for the fans' sake?
L: Yes. My name is L.
Light: (facepalm)
-
Take a step forward. Can you do it?
L looks up at the unseen ceiling then back down to the floor he was lying on, before taking a deep breath.
"The probability of me being able to move after such a fall that my body's pain receivers are telling me about is quite unlikely, perhaps from zero to point one two eight percent; though there have been instances of such a thing. And granted if I could move, the likelihood of me listening to the voice of someone I can't see in a place I don't know is again in the lowest percentile. Though, with the fall, the voice I'm hearing could be the result of a possible concussion, and listening to something my mind has fabricated doesn't seem like an intelligent choice to make at the current moment."
The silence spoke volumes.
-
"The thing solidified, as much as shadows can. It was bulkier, with spikes for hair, and had larger wings and clawed fingers. Oh, and it was about sixty feet tall. The detective grimaced. It figured."
L: (looks at shadow monster, looks at keyblade; drops it)
Light: (portals out next to L, smacks him in the head with rolled up papers before pointing to them) The script says you're supposed to try to defend yourself.
L: (blankly looks at) Light-kun, do you see how large that creature is?...
Light: Well yeah, but still... wait a - Ryuk?!
Ryuk: (from high up) Hey. Raito. Long time no see.
Light: (side glance at L) ...Buy apples. Throw them off the side. Then you might stand a chance.
L: (looks at)
Light: What? I'm just trying to help the scene progress.
L: (shrewd look) Light-kun. How do you know this?
Light: ...And, action! (portals out)
L: (looks at Ryuk) Light-kun said if you follow him, he'll give you apples.
Ryuk: Ah! (vanishes)
L: (walks through the door behind where Ryuk was)
Somewhere Light is screaming, as a super-sized Ryuk realizes Light has no apples.
-
((Nk is my dear editor.))
Nk: Well if the tentacles are going to be gripping L…
A: ...that sounds so wrong.
Nk: (sigh)
A: (snicker)
-
"The last car is almost never full." The student was still smiling congenially.
L looked at him suspiciously, but seeing nothing sinister in his eyes, he relented. "…Thank you."
The student looked at L pleasantly. "Oh, you're welcome. Now please, if you would marry me so we could have super-genius children."
L: (slow blink. shifty steps away.)
-
L only saw the normal shadow as it sprouted antenna before it uncurled its legs and stood. What passed for its head moved about the room, resembling someone having a seizure. It seemed to find nothing it liked, and started to do the macarena.
-
L's eyes widened to take in all the details of the student's face before letting his lips curl upwards.
"Hello. Kira."
L blinked. "Wait. Didn't I see that kid on the train?..."
-
L was definitely not seeing shadows. Not when he was on his computer, not when he was (cough) popping candy like a fiend...
-
Because those definitely could not, in any way, be real.
L wondered how many times he would tell himself this, as a living shadow walked past him. He set his teacup down so he could refill the shadow's cup. They both sipped at them slowly. L couldn't comprehend how the shadow could take it black.
-
...still another was watching his bed. L found this one particularly interesting lately, since Light had taken to lying flat on his back and staring up, directly at the hidden camera with his intense gaze and smiling, before slowly stripping off his clothes.
-
So immersed in his tasks L didn't notice the newest shadow jerking around behind his chair. It stared at the consoles. The images resembled its master...
It garbled, master!, in its strange tongue before flinging itself at the television. It bounced off with a solid thunk, and lay whimpering on the floor.
L, still on the phone, looked at it and raised an eyebrow, before shaking his head and continuing his conversation. Damn hallucinations.
-
Light: So when am I actually going to show up in this story?
L: You, Light-kun, are only the secondary main character.
Light: What's that supposed to mean Ryuzaki?
L: It means we'll be meeting in the next chapter, Light-kun.
Light: Whenever that is...
(from off stage) What about Misa?! When is Misa showing up?! Light!
L: (walkie-talkie in hand) Watari. Call security please.
Light: (eyebrow twitch) Was that... gunfire?
L: Watari. Security. Not Mello. - Sincerest apologizes, Light-kun.
Light: (mumble) For what? Not killing her?
L: Hm? What was that, Light-kun?
Light: (bright smile) I said thanks, Ryuzaki.
L: Of course. Anything.
Light: Anything... So. What about your na-
And that's all the time we have for today!
Light: Hold on a minute!
Thanks for watching and enjoy the rest of your scheduled show!
Light: I said, wait, goddamnit!
(lights turn off)
Light: ...
Ryuk: So Raito. Where are those apples you had for me?
Somewhere, a single scream is heard.