Day 4 - Discovery

Morning again, the night drifts away as though it was mist. The brightness of the sun lights the room, and I lay with my head against the foot of my brother's bed. It was still quite early, and with my brother regaining consciousness the day before, I simply enjoy it.

The morning that comes after the night is quite beautiful.

The way the light stretches and transforms the room.

It's magically.

The way the darkness becomes simple shadows, never truly gone.

I never noticed it before, simple transformation, maybe smaller bits of equivalent exchanges, that happen everyday.

Equivalent Exchanges, so small, so important that we don't notice.

We were fools.

The beauty of the day dissolves in my mind, as all I see in front of me is our faults. I look at my hands, so huge, so clumsy, and I can only clench them in anger and frustration.

So many equivalent exchanges that happen, just with the changing of day to night. So many factors, that go into the world around us, and like the children that we were …we played with it. WE thought nothing of it, and then we thumb our noses at it. When nothing happen, we started to taunted it, mocked it, and finally it punished us for our transgressions.

I will never eat again, never sleep, and my brother ….he might die.

How stupid were we?

Equivalent exchanges is all about getting something of equal value ..of equal worth, and we thought we knew what that was. We thought, we could give the simplest of ingredients, and…if it wasn't enough, we fudge it, and the world could just take more from us.

We had no clue what that meant.

What happens when you gamble with more than what you have?

You lose it all.

I had realized it the night before, I had realized it that day in the forest. I had knew what we was trying for was impossible, forbidden, but I hadn't stop him.

What happen to me …it was right…. but what happen to my brother?

"Al"

He voice cut through my despair, and I would sit up slowly to look at him.

A tried smile on his face.

"Brother."

I cried his name, because no matter how far I fall …no matter how many times I fail, somehow, I always believe my brother can make it better. I have always believed in him, and I guess, I always will no matter what happens.

Though I am careful as I approach him, and settle myself at his side.

"How are you feeling?"

I ask him shyly, and he answers lightly with a voice that is barely above a whisper.

"I have been better, but I will live."

"How are you doing?" "How are you ….."

And there is that strange trailing off of a sentence, was he simply repeating himself again or did he have a new question?

Neither matter, not now anyway.

I had to answer, and I wasn't sure how.

"I am ….I am well, brother."

That said so little, but it told him a lot as he sits up slowly.

"NO, Brother. Don't sit up, you should take it easy."

I tell him, plead with him, without touching him. My actions tell him much more, I know this, but, I can't touch him. I can't push him back upon the bed and make him lay down, because my hands, my body. The risk of harm is too great, so I only plea as my hands hover over him.

He notices this.

My brother.

He takes in everything I don't say, everything I don't do, and slowly fear grips him.

"Al"

"Can you …can you open up the suit, so I can see?"

I go cold. No one, so far knew how bad off I was. They saw the suit of armor, they heard my voice and I am sure that Aunty Pinako has a clue what might have happen. But, still, no confirmation, no one had seen, had asked. They had all been too busy, but now.

"Brother…."

I tried to deny him. He didn't need to see what had happen. He wasn't strong enough.

I was starting to panic, and I was backing away from the bed as though it was on fire.

I didn't want to do this.

I just wanted to see him wake up.

I just wanted him to be okay.

I just want….

"Al, please."

It was like a slap in the face, my brother begging me. My sick, injured brother, was begging me to bare my wounds to him, while all of his injuries were all on display, the lost leg, the missing arm. His wounds were barred for the world to see, and here I was being a coward again trying to hide mine.

No matter for what reasons.

We were partners in this, equal partners, in everything.

I couldn't be unfair now.

"Okay."

I declare slowly as I open up the chest plate and show it to him. The look in his eyes, the pain and I saw him grit his teeth and turn his head away. I would slowly close up my chest then, my eyes never leaving him.

"Sorry, Al."

The words a whisper, but his head would turn to look at me. His eyes would latch upon mine, and it would hold my gaze steady and strong.

"I was weak, I should have gave up more …I should have gotten more of you back."

"I should have."

His head drops and the contact is broken as I see the droplets of tears on the bed.

"Oh god, Al, what have I done to you?"

"What have I done?"

I wanted to reach out to him. I wanted to hold him, to comfort him, but I couldn't touch him. I couldn't trust myself, and I had no words of comfort for him either.

How can I, when I don't know what would be the right or wrong thing to say?

How can I, when I don't remember?

I don't remember what happen.

My brother's eyes snaps up to me then. The tears are clear on his face.

"What?"

I hadn't meant to say it out loud. I didn't know, I had said it out loud, but I must have as I look down at him and repeat it again.

"I can't remember what happen…that night…I ..the last thing I remember …is gathering the materials."

The way he looks at me in pure astonishment … I can't describe it then, but, I somehow know there is a relief in that glance. A feeling of slim salvation, as if my forgetting, it was the best thing that can happen.

If I could smile I would, somehow, my ignorances brings him relief.

That is enough for me, as I see him start to slide back down so that his head rest on the pillow.

He had pushes himself too hard, exhausted himself.

Now was a good time to change the subject.

"Brother, are you hungry…thirsty, I can go get you something? I am sure now that you are awake, Aunt Pinako would like to check on you, and Winrey was really worried …so I should.."

My brother would simply wave it away, weakly.

"Nah, let them sleep, I ain't going nowhere, besides, they deserve it…after everything we put them through. I am going to get some more shut eye, anyway, and you should go to bed too."

I nod, and he would sink more into the pillow. It wouldn't take long for him to fall asleep, …as I would simply resettle myself by the foot of his bed. Left alone, a few more hours with my thoughts.

My brother hadn't discover all my secret, just yet.

Discovery - Finished