Video footage 00634

"The ED-E Incident"

The film fades in sluggishly on the scene of The Courier lounging beside a dormant fire-pit, her eyebot whirring in absent circles above her head, the purr of its machinery giving the occasional chirp.

Her doctor companion, Arcade Gannon, is across from her, staring at the large, dripping bundle in her grip as if he were waiting for it to lunge at him. "I can't believe you're eating that…"

The Courier looks away from Lieutenant Gorobets' passing figure to stare out at the Fiends' territory across the road, various camp-fires creating a warm glow among the wrecked city.

"It's fucking delicious, Arcade, you oughta have a bite…" She waggles her eyebrows over at her friend, the grease on her lips creating a grimy shine to her face that had the Doctor grimacing. "A good God damn victory meal after taking out Nephi, if I do say so myself."

"Are… Are you even sure that's edible?"

"Shit yeah, Farber said so himself." The camera focuses in on the Courier as she takes another bite of the wrapped food, a sick brown liquid trailing down her forearms.

"…You got that recipe from Cook-Cook."

"Well the guy was named Cook-Cook… Must've been a great cook, right?" Six shrugged, taking one last mouthful of the grayish wrap before patting her belly and releasing a loud belch. "This Deathclaw burrito is delicious, but way too fuckin' filling."

Arcade watched in horror as Six tossed the food over her shoulder. The massive burrito made a weak arch in the air before landing on Bitter-root's beret, the Sniper's strong shoulders stiffening deeply as Corporal Betsy smirks widely and 10 of Spades looks on in revulsion.

The air is tense as Six suddenly realizes what she's done, gradually looking over her shoulder and studying the back of the NCR Sniper, chunks of yellowish meat and brown juices sliding down Bitter-root's neck and soaking into his uniform.

Suddenly he's up, shaking the remains of the exploded burrito from his beret and uniform vigorously as Betsy bursts out in loud, echoing cackles.

"What the fuck, Six?" Bitter-root exclaims, the loudest words anyone has ever heard him say since meeting him. He removes his beret with something of a crushed look passing over his face, studying the stained material with a clenched jaw. "Did you just throw that burrito at me?"

"Ah… I believe I did."

"Accidentally!" Arcade interjects nervously, eyeing the large rifle on the ex-Khan's back as the camera fights to focus in on all of the on-lookers.

"What are you, high? Didn't you see me behind you before you sat down?"

The Courier stood suddenly, though she didn't look as if she wanted to fight. Instead she held up her hands in easy surrender, the lens shaking as the camera-man edges closer to the scene. "Hey, I'm sorry, but that was a terrific throw, you gotta admit. Am I right, or am I right?"

She looks back to the camera for input, as if the audience would agree heartily, and holds a thumbs up as Bitter-root desperately tries to rub the grease from his coveted beret.

"This is my only God damn beret! My first—ah, fuck…" The camera cuts to Corporal Betsy briefly, focusing in unsteadily on her shit-eating grin before turning back to Six and the angered sniper. "You ruined the only thing I ever loved, Six, alright? I admit it."

There's a snort from the direction of Betsy and 10 of Spades, but the camera stays fervently focused on the tense stand off.

"What do you love? Huh?"

"Well, I love Deathclaw burritos, as of today." Six replies after a moment of thought, then turning to give her eyebot a gentle knock on his round metal chassis. "And of course, my friend ED-E here."

"Guess what?" Bitter-root snaps, snatching the floating robot from the air and tucking it under his arm before storming off towards the edge of the raised highway walls. "Now this is happening."

"Uh—excuse me!" Six calls out nervously after Bitter-root. "What're you doing to my robot?"

The camera focuses in greedily on Bitter-root's back as he holds the eyebot steady in front of him, then kicking the whirring eyebot so hard it rockets off to the other side of the highway, disappearing from sight as its chirp reverberates through the area.

"That's how I roll." Bitter-root growls, pointing a strong finger at Six's horrified expression before stomping off towards his previous seat.

"Ed-…" Six gasps, Arcade's expression curving in confusion as he watches the Courier fall to her knees dramatically, her arms stretched out towards the opposite side of the road. "NOOOOOO!"

Arcade sighs as the scream of the Courier carries on for at least a good minute, standing from his seat at the campfire and walking over to her, patting an awkward hand on her shoulder. "Six… it's just across the street…-"

"GET ME THE NCR SUPPORT RADIO!" Six exclaims, First Recon slowly beginning to move their camp to a safer part of the area as the Courier claws desperately at Arcade's jacket. "GET ME COLONEL HSU, ARCADE!"

Gravel crunching beneath combat boots sounds as the camera-man eagerly runs closer to the scene, focusing the lens in the Courier's reddened, streaming face. "GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE! ARCADE!"

"Ah, oh God…" Arcade panics as the camera whirrs to his expression, his glasses askew as he tries to keep hold of the emergency radio and hold a hand up to the camera lens. "Please, just, give us space?"

The camera view bounces as the man operating it backs away obediently, only to focus in on the scene of the sniffling Courier holding the radio to her ear impatiently.

A cough is heard on the other line, along with the clearing of a throat before finally a sleepy voice answers. "Colonel Hsu repor-,"

"BWAAHHH-AHHH-AHHHH-AHHH!" The Courier sobs dramatically into the receiver, the film briefly following Arcade's pinched expression of exhaustion before turning back to Six.

"Uh, Courier? Are you okay?" The Colonel asks hesitantly over the loud choking snivels of Six. "Have you been shot?"

"THE MAN PUNTED ED-E!" Six exclaimed, snot smearing over her arm as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Calm down, Six, breathe, breathe…."

"THE MAN! FROM FIRST RECON…"

"What did he do?"

"BITTER-ROOT, I HIT HIM WITH A BURRITO."

"Ah—uh… wait, a burrito?"

"THEN HE GRABBED ED-E AND… AND… HE TOOK HIM! HE TOOK HIM!" Six screeched, her voice cracking as she crawled on the ground and sunk into the dirt dramatically. "HE TOOK HIM WITH HIS FOOT! AND HE KICKED HIM! THAT'S WHAT HE DID!"

"Um, your eyebot? Someone punted him?"

"WAAHHH-AHHH-HAAA!" The Courier wailed, clutching the radio tightly as Arcade pinched the bridge of his nose tightly and attempted to breathe deeply. "HE WAS A GENTLEMAN… ED-E WAS A GENTLEMAN!"

"Six, listen, a robot can't be a gentleman…-"

"Wait lemme say something! Lemme say something…" Six interrupted the crackly radio voice, pausing for a moment before throwing her head back and letting out a gurgled scream that rose in pitches previously thought impossible for human vocal chords, the camera slowly focusing in on her widely opened mouth. "AAEIIIIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIIIUAGAGA-HAAG-HAAHGA-HG-AHGAH-GA-HGAH-GAH-GAG-HAH-GAH!"

"Okay, Courier Six, that is enough! Do you have any idea what time it is? This line is for emergencies only!"

The camera then attempts to follow the receiver that Six hurtles from her grasp, only to flash back eagerly to her figure rolling in the dirt with her loud sobs and gurgles piercing the microphone dangerously.

However, the camera-man is momentarily distracted by a familiar chirp, slowly turning to focus in on an eyebot whirring casually over to the dramatic scene, just as the tape runs out...