"Now, let me show you what happens when a lady goes out of control."

At times like this, Kyubey almost remembered how to hate abusive precursor races that weren't his own.

In their search for a solution to the impending heat death of the universe, the Incubators stumbled across a blue-white planet called Earth populated by a race who called themselves humans. Pleased to find a race with minds so easily manipulated and a vast capacity for despair, they implemented their plans for Instrumentality. By the time someone consulted the old archives they inherited from their Creators, it was too late.

The Incubators were not the oldest race in the Universe. Neither were they the first to develop plans for the Human race.

The Uranus -'Skyfathers' in their native tongue- once ruled the universe. They were master manipulators who uplifted many races such as the ones who would one day rename themselves Incubators.

Half a billion years ago, they settled a planet they called Gaia, 'Mother Earth'. They sought the perfect biological weapon, a powerful species with a natural aptitude for combat. They created the dinosaurs, and they were also the ones who destroyed the terrible lizards when their creations failed to measure up to their expectations.

Their labors ultimately produced the Human race and its subspecies, the powerful Zoanoids.

(Aside, the Uranus' rivals the Space Jockeys were so jealous, they created the Xenomorphs. That project didn't turn out so well, either. The only race happy with that development were the Yautja, who enjoyed having quote the perfect prey unquote.)

Flush with the magnitude of their success, the Uranus were open to an innocent suggestion on the last day of their stay on Earth.

"How would humans interact with one of our standard symbiotic interaction units?"

And the answer was... disaster.

"ABORT! ABORT! BY THE GREAT BIRD OF THE GALAXY, IT HAS A CHARGED PARTICLE CANNON FOR A CHEST!"

'Guyver', the Uranus came to call the nightmarish combination of Bio-Booster Armor and Cro Magnon Man. Some translated it as 'Not To Specification' or 'Beyond The Norm'. But the truest and most chilling translation was 'Out Of Control'.

It was the blackest curse in the language of a race whose fragile psyche centered upon maintaining total control and order of their surroundings. The Uranus were physically frail creatures who gained universal dominance through their psychic prowess. They deliberately programmed the Humans and Zoanoids to be telepathically controlled.

But the Guyver Unit not only vastly amplified the Human named Gilgamesh, the first 'Hero', it also made him immune to the Uranus' mind control, allowing him to kill many of the Uranus before he was subdued and terminated.

Fearful of the possibility that more G-Units might fall into Human or, worse, Zoanoid hands, the Uranus not only chose to abandon their creations but decided to exterminate them, just to be sure. So they took an asteroid and turned it into a relativistic missile that would shatter the planet upon impact.

When the greatest Zoanoid, the Zoalord Archanfel, tried to stop them, the Uranus panicked even more. They disabled Archanfel's physical functions and left him floating helplessly in space, right in the path of the killer asteroid, while they hightailed it out of the System without a glance back. The Uranus quarantined the system so that no one would know of their immense shame.

But Archanfel recovered his power through sheer force of will. And though it exhausted him, he succeeded in destroying the asteroid, an act that saved Earth, the Humans, and the Zoanoids, the last of whom worshipped the sleeping Zoalord as a savior.

The Zoanoids eventually faded into Humankind's legends as the monsters of mythology... until Archanfel woke up 400 years ago. Forming the Kronos Corporation, the first Zoalord sought to find his long-lost Creators while also amassing an army of Zoanoids.

And then a failed test type Zoanoid, Marmot, stole the only G-Units on Earth during his escape from Kronos Corporation's Japan Branch. Cornered and desperate, Marmot blew himself up rather than be captured. The blast scattered his stolen G-Units. It also demolished a nearby car carrying the human girl that Kyubey had painstakingly set up for an emotional bomb of his own.

Of course, a G-Unit just happened to land right into the dying Mami's outstretched palm.

"GUYVER!"

Bio-Boosted Armor hilarity ensued.

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THE MANY LIVES OF MAMI TOMOE

(a.k.a. Mami's Good Ends)

A Puella Magi Madoka What If? Anthology

Disclaimer: Madoka is not mine. She was designed by Umi-tentei. Umi-tentei is luv. Death to Urobuchi for making her cry.

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Story Fourth

OUT OF CONTROL

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The Kronos Corporation immediately dispatched Zoanoids to capture or destroy Guyver I. Their agents included one sunglasses-wearing Lost Number who powered up by eating other Zoanoids...

"I am Aptom! Prepare to die, Guyver I!"

"Kyouko?" Mami exclaimed.

"D-damn it, Mami! Call me by my Lost Number title!"

"Not until you pay me back for the crepe you stole from me!"

And now we know why they don't like each other.

"Never! That crepe is mine! All mine! Om nom nom nom mogu mogu!"

"Y-you... MEGA-SMASHER!"

They're friends. Really.

Another complication appeared soon enough. "I am Guyver III." The black-hued Guyver III pointed at the golden Guyver I's torso-mounted big guns. That is, Mami's Mega-Smasher. Both of them. "Hand over Madoka Kaname, Guyver I."

"Is she blushing?" Madoka asked from behind Mami.

Guyver III's cheek-mounted Sonic Emitters went red from how fast they vibrated. "I..."

"I won't let you get Madoka!" Mami swore.

"Madoka is mine!"

We know who this is.

Sayaka also turned out to be a prototype mermaid Zoalord. She got no end of grief from Kyouko regarding her Zoalord form.

"Hey, Aquagirl! Look, look! I'm eating fish! Om nom nom mogu mogu!"

"I hate you, Kyouko..."

"I feel your pain, Sayaka," Mami muttered to the growling blue-topped girl. "I truly do..."

Thing was, Archanfel happened to have a thing for mermaids. (He did have that quartet of hot mermaids back at Silha.) So after Sayaka made a heroic sacrifice to protect her friends' retreat, the impressed Archanfel rebuilt her as the Zoalord Akayas Ariel.

Akayas promptly turned the invalid Kyousuke Kamijou into a Hyper Zoanoid. And because Kyousuke-kun asked nicely (not to mention Ayakas did like her, too, if her panty-sniffing confession in the 2nd Drama CD is anything to go by), she turned Hitomi into a Zoanoid, too.

"Who's kicking who now, Kyouko?" Akayas sneered when she curbstomped the stunned Lost Number in their rematch.

"Ah... Sayaka, will you forgive me if I admit that I was seriously tsundere for you?" the blushing Kyouko admitted.

"W-w-what?" The Mermaid Zoalord blushed as well. "Y-you were? Then... uh... f-fine, I forgive you. You can join my harem..."

"Yay! I get dibs on your butt!" Which Kyouko promptly glomped.

"Hey! That's reserved for Kyousuke-kun!"

And before you asked, yes, Madoka ended up getting her hands on the last Guyver Medallion. The mere sight of her Guyver's hot pink skin was enough to instantly bleach the eyes of any poor Zoanoid who set sight upon her.

By the time Walpurgis Night arrived, it was greeted by the three Guyvers equipping Gigantics capable of going Gigantic Exceed, plus Akayas who defected to their side with her harem.

And Kyubey finally found out why other younger races simultaneously smirked and grimaced when mentioning the Uranus.

The Uranus were assholes.

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Notes: Featured Guyver.

I had a LOT of fun with Sayaka and Kyouko in this chapter. They so perfectly fit the Guyver characters Masaki and Aptom, not to mention letting me add jokes unique to them such as The Little Mermaid reference.

Go, Gilgamesh! The original Guyver! Made of gold! Your legend in the GuyverVerse will add a new Noble Phantasm to your already broken arsenal!

So many aliens! Spot the Star Trek reference!

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Up Next!

Story Fifth

"Hoshikuzi Witch Mamimi hajimaru yo!"