Hey everyone. Gah. So it's been FOREVER since I updated and I'm sorry. I actually ran into a bit of a block because I know what I wanted to happen in Chapter 5, I just wasn't sure how to bridge 4 and 5. And THEN I had to do a little research. So FINALLY, the update is here. I apologize if it seems a little uneventful. At least that's how it seemed to me, but I'm used to writing more intense material so I dunno. Maybe it's fine. I'll leave it up to you guys to decide lol. Cheers guys.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII

Chapter IV

As determined as Cloud had been to stand out above the rest of his fellow cadets, the recent event that had occurred in the courtyard days earlier had stuck with him and unfortunately changed him a little. He forfeited the option to use the training facilities during recreation time, knowing now that if the other boys wanted to get him alone to torment him that's the first place they'd look. As soon as he put a stop to his solo efforts at improvement, he felt once again that he was inadequate, likely to be a disappointment to his instructors. He resigned himself to doing the opposite of what he'd been trying to achieve for weeks. Instead of trying to stand out, he let himself fall into the background. It seemed quieter there. He was still hassled by several of the other cadets, but it was far less frequent. And thus, life became less miserable again.

Well, less miserable to a certain extent. There was certainly enough misery beaten into he and the others during training, especially on the mornings his dorm had Officer Sigg as a driller which was most days. While classes ceased on weekends, early morning training didn't. It became obvious early on in the program that sleeping in was a thing of the past. Most of the cadets would have been happy not to have to wake before 7 am but that was a luxury only known on holidays now.

Another Saturday morning rolled around and alarms started up in the dorms. The room came to life slowly with unenthusiastic groans and curses. Cloud was already awake. He'd had a very uneasily sleep that night, slipping in and out of consciousness since around 1 am when he woke to see Johnny sneaking out of the dorm. Now his eyes looked up tiredly at Johnny's empty bunk and he wondered what had happened to him.

Sigg ran them into the ground that morning. He was a particularly big jerk that day, obviously annoyed by something that had nothing to do with the cadets. Not one of the boys wasn't gasping for air and sweating head to toe in the brisk October air by the end of their ass-kicking. As they were finishing up their last drill, a figure appeared on the field. It was Johnny.

"This should be good," Lou commented from next to Cloud as they were completing a set of jumping jacks. Cloud frowned, knowing as well as anyone there that Sigg was going to have one hell of a fit. The driller had made no secret of how much he didn't like Johnny. His face reddened instantly with anger as he saw him approaching. Johnny stepped onto the end of one of the middle lines of boys without a moment's hesitation. He looked like he hadn't slept at all, which wasn't surprising. What was a little surprising was the bruising on the one side of his face that suggested he'd taken one hell of a hit.

Sigg was silent as the cadets finished their drill and stood awaiting instruction. He wasn't paying attention to them, however, as his eyes were boring holes into Johnny at the moment. He moved toward him like a beast about to attack its prey, stopping mere inches in front of him. Johnny stood at attention, never wavering.

"You have some nerve, you know that, Six?!" Sigg shouted at him then.

"Yes, sir, I do," Johnny responded levelly.

"Do you want to explain to me where the hell you've been the past two hours, cadet?!" the driller continued, ignoring Johnny's smart comment.

"No, sir, I do not," Johnny replied.

"Then you can tell it to the Disciplinary Board this afternoon!" Sigg nearly screamed. It was a true test of one's will, standing in front of a screaming officer, when everything inside you told you to either shut your eyes and cover your ears or shove them away from you as hard as you could. "Get out of my sight, Six! The rest of you are dismissed!" he added as he turned and stomped away from Johnny.

"Well that was disappointing," Lou spoke up to Cloud. "I thought for sure Sigg was going to at least beat the guy's ass into the ground.

"You would have preferred to see that?" Cloud questioned with a hint of irritation in his tone. There was obviously a reason Johnny hadn't made it out to the field that morning and in his mind he wasn't sure he deserved punishment for it. He didn't give Lou a chance to respond before making his way toward Johnny, who was now accompanied by Paul as they were heading back to the facility. As he drew near to them, he could hear Paul lecturing him.

"Two meetings with the Board in one week! You're gonna get kicked out, man," Paul was stressing to him.

"Yeah well, at this point I don't think I really give a shit," Johnny responded dully.

"Well maybe you should. Why did you even come here if you didn't want to be part of the program?"

Johnny didn't answer. Cloud stepped up next to Paul. "What happened to you last night?" he questioned then. Johnny scoffed.

"You guys'll make good parents one day," he spat at them before quickening his pace to get away from them. Cloud glanced at Paul, who shrugged and shook his head. They made there way into the locker room where they got themselves cleaned up and ready for class.

By mid-morning, Cloud was torn between being happy and slightly depressed over having a non-academic class to focus on. He had started out very much enjoying his Combat and Weapons lessons and he always relished learning things that seemed useful to him in a way that grammar and math never did, but these days he was a little less eager to be in a position when his abilities would be critically analyzed by others. Regardless of what he felt, he still found himself waiting with the other cadets for their instructor to begin the day's lesson.

"It's one thing to be able to fight," the instructor, Officer Balta, spoke as he paced within the circle of cadets. "It's another thing to be able to get out of a situation where you find your ass pinned to the ground. That is why today, gentlemen, we are learning the art of wrestling."

Most of the cadets seemed pleased. Cloud, not so much. He knew what came next. "So get yourselves with a partner and we'll get started," Balta instructed. There was no choosing for Cloud. Just the awkward glancing around and watching as people paired up until there was only one option left.

"First, I wanna see you all standing with your feet just over shoulder-width apart," Balta began. "Keeping your back straight, squat down until your elbows are just within reach of your thighs. First move you will learn is the ankle pick." He turned to one of the cadets nearest to him to use as part of the demonstration. "Using your left hand, reach down and take hold of your opponent's left ankle. Pull the ankle towards your right hip and push your opponent backward. The faster this move is performed, the more effective it will be."

Each pair of boys attempted the maneuver. "With your opponent now on the floor, you will want to pin him by pressing his shoulders to the mat," the instructor spoke, using another cadet to demonstrate.

"Next. The single-leg takedown," he went on as he helped the cadet to his feet. "For this one, you will take hold of one of your opponent's legs, lift it toward your chest and turn it. This should result in your opponent lying face-down on the mat. But take it easy for now in the twisting, gentlemen. We don't need any sprained or busted knees before you've had a chance to finish learning the basics." Several of the cadets chuckled.

"Now, in the event that you do find yourself pinned down," Balta continued. "There are a few things you can do. One is arch your back, allowing yourself enough space to turn yourself over. From there you may be able to perform a speed switch. To do this, you will need to reach inside the thigh of your opponent. Keep a firm hold as you twist yourself out from under him. This will force your opponent's weight to his upper body and make it easier to immobilize him. You should now be at the advantage. Another thing that can be done is to take hold of your opponent's wrist, twisting as you pull yourself from under him, not releasing your hold as you stand up and gain the advantage once again. These moves are important so take them seriously. They could mean the difference between winning and losing in a fight."

"Swore he was gonna say life and death there for a second," one of the cadets whispered to another who suppressed his laughter.

They were left to practice the first few moves as Balta made rounds, watching each pair closely and intervening with advice as he went. That was only the beginning of their lessons in wrestling however. They were given demonstrations and time to practice a hoard of other maneuvers, a few of which did result in a few minor injuries. It wasn't Cloud's preferred form of a fight. A little too close-contact for his liking. At the end of the class, he and the others were rounded up for some last remarks.

"Beginning Monday, the last twenty minutes of each class will be open to free battle," the instructor announced, pacing once again in front of the now sweaty and fatigued group of boys before him. "This means that if you have someone you would like to challenge to a fight you may do so then. Your options will be any of the forms of hand-to-hand combat we have learned to that point. Use of weaponry will not be permitted at this stage in your learning. Make it to your second term in February and that may change, got it?" There were 30 tired replies of "Yes, sir" said nowhere near together. "Alright, go get yourselves some lunch," Balta instructed. "See you back here Monday."

Cloud intentionally dragged his feet as he headed to the cafeteria, in no big rush to stand in line for another meal of just 'okay' tasting food. He thought about the opportunity to challenge other cadets in actual fights. Balta hadn't needed to say it for it to be apparent that taking advantage of such an opportunity would reflect well on a cadet, showing his enthusiasm and interest in enrollment in the SOLDIER program. But a person didn't need a lot of smarts either to know that challenging someone to a fight could quickly escalate into something personal. Yet another dilemma to dwell on.

He met up with Paul in the cafeteria but found himself sitting alone after a few minutes as Paul was eager to get to the library to snatch up what materials he could for an assignment before anyone else could. Left on his own, he slouched in his seat and stared out the nearby window absent-mindedly before beginning to wonder what his mother would be doing at that moment. Working probably, he thought. The townspeople would be busy finishing up with harvest before the first snowfall. That led to a mass of other thoughts: how much snow, if any, there'd be in Midgar, what the holidays would be like away from home, whether he'd be missed. His thoughts inevitably found their way to Tifa Lockheart, probably the only friend he'd actually left behind. He'd never been more shocked in his life when she'd bid him farewell under one of the large willow trees bordering the town, telling him that she looked forward to his return before placing a small kiss on his cheek. He began to imagine what it would be like returning home a SOLDIER. What would she think of him then?

"Cadet Strife," a voice brought him out of his daydream suddenly. He looked up quickly and nearly inhaled the food in his mouth he'd been idly chewing. A first class officer was addressing him. More specifically, Dorm D's assigned officer, Officer Fair. Remembering protocol, he began to rise, his chair scraping against the floor as he did so. "Forget it, sit down," the officer said as he waved off the attempted gesture. "Mind if I sit here?" he inquired casually.

"N-no, sir," Cloud stammered, glancing back and forth at the other areas of the cafeteria. He was confused as to why the first class would want to sit across from him when there were plenty of available seats elsewhere, especially in the area where the higher ranking officers usually did sit.

"You gonna sit down?" the officer spoke once again, pulling his attention back. Cloud sat himself down promptly, watching the officer as he was twisting the cap off the bottle of water he'd brought over with his food. Memories from a few nights ago in the courtyard came rushing back, of Officer Fair intervening before he found himself in a predicament he'd have been hard-pressed to get out of.

Seeing him up close, he wasn't what Cloud expected of a first class. All the other dorm assigned officers were second classes. He'd always assumed all first classes to be intimidating. At least, the ones he'd met so far were all as such. They all seemed stark, stone-like and for lack of a better word, scary. And they certainly didn't have time for lowly initiates like him. This one was different. He wasn't very intimidating at all.

"The name's Zack," the officer said with a bright smile. Cloud stared back at him. There was no sense in introducing himself since the guy obviously already knew who he was. "You look confused," the officer now known as Zack pointed out.

"Sorry, sir…" Cloud began, clearing his throat a little before continuing. "I'm just a little surprised at you wanting to sit here."

"Why? Is there a reason I shouldn't be? You don't have gas do you?" he joked. Cloud felt a little embarrassed at the remark even though the officer wasn't being serious.

"No…sir, it's just that officers don't really seem to associate with the cadets outside of lessons or training," he answered softly.

Zack sighed, shrugging as he took a bite of his sandwich. "S'pose so," he spoke as he was chewing. "But I get this feeling like you try to avoid people so I thought I'd come make you uncomfortable." He smiled in amusement.

Cloud lowered his eyes, staring at his own half-eaten lunch, his nerves making him feel not so hungry anymore.

"So, you agree," the officer alleged.

"Excuse me, sir?" Cloud responded quickly.

"That you're trying to avoid people?"

Cloud took note of the officer eying him critically. He shifted a little in his seat uncomfortably.

"Uh, well, no, sir, I—"

"Yes, you are," Zack cut him off. "I've been watching you. You make every effort possible to go unnoticed. Not a very good idea if you're trying to get yourself recruited into SOLDIER." Cloud averted his eyes once again. The officer was right. He had been trying to make himself less visible to those around him, if only so he wouldn't be centered out by his peers as someone to pick on. Though, as irony would have it, his attempt alone had centered him out. "Funny thing is, you didn't start out this way. The drillers and instructors working with you have said you began with great enthusiasm and used to make an effort to stand out. Not so much now. So…what's the deal?"

Cloud shrugged a little. He was thrown off by how much first class, Zack, seemed to know about him. "I…don't really know, sir," he said half-heartedly. The officer looked back at him doubtfully.

"I do," Zack asserted. "Four days ago I find you about to be strung up in a tree and suddenly you have no interest in standing out? You think it's better to go unseen and thus make your life around the other cadets a little easier. Am I right?" Cloud really didn't need to say anything. Both he and Zack knew it was true. "It's not a good idea, kid, and I'll tell ya why. A very small percentage of cadet initiates will ever officially enter the ranks of SOLDIER. It means a solid life for those who do. There are a lot of boys with the physical ability to be in SOLDIER but we don't want the care-less, or the heart-less. We want the ones who really want to be here. Really want that life. If that's what you want, the biggest mistake of your life would be letting that slip away so you can go the day without having some idiots on your case. Trust me."

Cloud forced himself to meet the officer's eyes. He knew what he was saying was true. He knew that if he let himself fail he'd never forgive himself. His attention was drawn away suddenly by the sparkle of something in the officer's left ear. He couldn't help but stare awkwardly.

"What?" Zack questioned with a raised eyebrow. Cloud withdrew his gaze, throwing it downward.

"Oh, nothing," he replied quietly. "You have an earring. A guy in my dorm got his ripped out by the driller. I assumed they weren't allowed at any rank."

"I heard about that. Tough kid, whoever he is. And well, if you can make it into the SOLDIER program having given up all form of personal identity…they let you have a little back," he responded with a light smile. He glanced down at his watch then. "Well, better get my ass in gear," he commented. "Got stuff to do that ain't gonna do itself," he added as he rose to his feet. Cloud rose as well. "Think about what I said, huh?"

"Yes, sir, I will," Cloud agreed firmly, nodding and then watching as the officer headed off.

He took what the first class had said to heart and contemplated the advice he'd been given as he lay in his bunk trying to sleep that night. It had been his dream to join the ranks of SOLDIER for almost as long as he could remember. If that dream didn't come true, he didn't know what he'd do. There was only one option for him. He would do everything in his power to reach his goal, no matter what he was faced with along the way.

The next day he felt a renewed energy flowing through him. He was eager to get back to work bettering himself. He wasted no time in throwing himself back into a regiment of solo workouts in the training facility. He pushed himself perhaps more than he should have that Sunday afternoon, knowing he'd be feeling it in the morning. But at the moment, he felt better than he had all week. He loved that weak, quivering feeling he got after working out his muscles over several hours, the endorphins and adrenaline still rushing through him. But as he stood in the locker room, preparing himself to go back to the dorm, he found his heart skipping a beat with the sounds of footsteps headed down the hall toward the room. Thoughts of who it could be and what they wanted went racing through his head. He listened hard to the footsteps. It sounded like only one person. And it sounded like he had something with him, a cart maybe. There was the distinct sound of wheels squeaking. His eyes were glued to the end of the row of lockers as he waited. His fingers curled into his palms to make fists as he thought of the possibility he may have to fight.

Just then, a familiar person appeared. He halted in his tracks and shook a few strands of his deep blue-black hair out of his eyes as he noticed Cloud.

"Hey," Cloud greeted, feeling a wave of relief come over him as he stared back at Johnny. He was dressed in a pair of coveralls and was holding onto a janitor's cart ahead of him.

"Hey, Strife," he said with a slight nod.

"What are you doing?" Cloud inquired awkwardly.

"Heh, the Board put me on probation," he explained sullenly. "So I get to clean up shit during rec hours for the next month. Kinda makes me wish I hadn't bothered coming back after leaving the other night."

There was silence a moment before Cloud hesitantly asked, "Where did you go the other night?"

Johnny looked back at him and didn't say anything right away. Cloud assumed he was just going to tell him to mind his own business but after a few seconds he stepped away from the cart he had brought in with him and came to stand across from Cloud, leaning back against a few lockers. "Uh…I went to see my brother," he spoke quietly, shoving his hands into the pockets of the coveralls he was wearing. "I got called into the director's office on Friday with word from my mom that he was in the hospital again." Before Cloud could question it, he answered. "He has leukemia."

"Oh…" Cloud replied uneasily, not sure if he should be offering condolences or not. He decided instead to pursue the other questions he had. "So you went out in the middle of the night to see him? Why wouldn't you just ask for a day pass? Surely the director would have allowed that."

Johnny exhaled forcefully before answering. "I couldn't wait. In case it was too late…"

Cloud nodded in understanding, watching Johnny as he lowered his head a little, looking down at the floor and kicked at it a little with his one boot. "Who hit you?" he asked then. He hadn't really meant to but his curiosity spoke before he had a chance to suppress it. A tight smile formed on Johnny's lips.

"Hmph, my dad," he said simply. He looked up and was met with Cloud's grim expression. "Told you he was an asshole," he added.

"B-but why?" Cloud asked hesitantly, a little in disbelief. Johnny shrugged.

"I dunno. He's still pissed I left home I guess. He tried to stop me from seeing my brother. Things just got out of hand."

Another awkward silence.

"I'm sorry," Cloud spoke at last, cutting through the quiet. Johnny's eyes narrowed a little. His expression almost seemed to suggest he'd never had someone say that to him before.

"I'm not," he replied then. "What's your old man like?" he questioned, shifting the attention from himself.

"I'm not sure," Cloud spoke truthfully. "I never knew him."

Johnny didn't press that issue any further with more questions. Maybe he sensed there was nothing more Cloud could say about the man who helped create him but never raised him.

"Well, ya know what they say, right?" he said instead, his tone a little lighter. "Everything for a reason."

"You believe that?" Cloud asked critically, one eyebrow raised.

Johnny shrugged once again. "Eh, there's worse things to believe in." Cloud nodded in agreement. "I better get to work," Johnny said then as he returned to the cart at the end of the aisle. "See ya back in the dorm," he added before disappearing from sight.

"Yeah. See ya," Cloud replied quietly before shutting his locker and heading out of the room on his own.