Four men
She hadn't seen me at the Emperor's Cup. I now know for sure.
I don't know how we came to this subject but we had a discussion with Tuvok about the fight on the bridge. She was so sure she knew who the winner was and too stubborn to accept Tuvok's or my opinion. She said she was there and as I argued that I was too she looked so surprised that I guessed that she hadn't seen me there.
The Doc interrupted us and struggled days over a decision he'd made long ago. I hadn't the chance to speak to her, she spent most of her time on the holodeck, helping him finding a conclusion while I covered her shifts on the bridge, but after she left the holodeck one night I met her in the turbolift on her way to her quarters. She rubbed her face tiredly and told me the Doctor had sent her to her quarters to rest after he had discovered that she was slightly feverish. I only gave her a nod in response and before I could ask her what I wanted to ask her for days she asked me, a little sheepish and with red cheeks (I didn't know if it was because of embarrassment or her fever), if I had seen her at the Cup. I surprised myself as I lied and said no. I don't know why I lied. Maybe because we knew each other almost five years and I have never mentioned it before. I asked her if she had seen me and she said no. I believed her. She was there with another man and hadn't probably seen much than him. Maybe that's why she doesn't remember the winner anymore.
I noticed I hadn't thought about this man in a long while and she never told me about him and I became curious but didn't want to ask her in the turbolift. I walked her to her quarters, bid her good night and retired to my own quarters.
But I was still curious about this mystic man. I knew it wasn't her former fiancé Mark. Maybe he was only her partner for a short time so it would be unnecessary to ask but an affair wouldn't be like her. She is the kind of woman who searches longer, deep relationships.
I sat down at my desk and told the computer the stardate of the day I saw them. I still remember the date like it was yesterday.
I began to count. She was already a Starfleet officer and as Voyager's executive officer I have full access to the files of the crew, only the captain's is partly classified, even for me, but I found what I was searching for.
She had at that time the rank of an ensign and was serving under Admiral Paris on the Al-Batani. I noticed that the Al-Batani wasn't long back on earth before the fight so she might have met him before or on the ship.
I searched the crew of the Al-Batani (even if I never thought she would date a colleague) but there he was. Lt. Justin Tighe, an engineer. She had never mentioned his name. I would have remembered it.
I opened his file and read a little about him. When and where he was born, when he joined Starfleet, on which ships he had served. Nothing interesting, except a few encounters with Cardassians.
I gasped and almost dropped my cup of tea as I read when he died. 2358. On Tau Ceti Prime. He died together with her father.
I had to switch off my screen to collect my thoughts. She had lost both on one day. And as I could guess from her face at the Cup, they were deeply in love. I swallowed hard and gave myself a few minutes before I activated my screen again.
I searched the whole night and found that she was off duty for months after the crash. I was reminded of our shuttle crash two years ago. She had an alien life form in her brain which created a vision of her father. She almost died but fought her way back to life. After this incident was the only time she allowed me to hold her on Voyager. She invited me on a moonlight sail on the holodeck. I asked her what she felt as she saw her father and she hesitantly told me about him and his death. She told me she was there, on the planet, with him. She wasn't able to say more and cried while I held her under the moonlight, soothing and comforting her.
She saw them both dying, I know now. It doesn't surprise me that she needed months to recover. She always seems so strong and tough but she had gone through hell. Maybe that's the reason why she never talks about this day. I don't how close Justin and she were but I do know that if it weren't a big deal for her she would talk about him.
Maybe that's the reason she doesn't allow herself to get involved with a crewmember. She did it once and it ended terribly.
I have the deep, deeper than usual, urge to go to her and take her in my arms. Protect and shelter her from everything bad. But of course she would never allow me to. And she is strong, she doesn't need to be protected. The only thing she needs out here is a friend. A friend she can talk to and who is there for her and I will be that friend she deserves. I promise.
I adore this woman. Her strong and endless courage. Her will to get us home. She is amazing and I love her more than ever.