"Say what you will," Snape said, cracking a smile. "I'm-a kill you anyway."
"Wait!" screamed Petunia. "First provide us with some nourishment."
"The only nourishment you're going to get will be from your darling family's old, cracked skull!" Snape roared. "Avada…"
Dudley charged into Severus Snape like an amok snowplow, with Vernon performing a largely grotesque splash onto both. Many varieties of teeth clobbered into one another, and as a result, became detached. Petunia looked around for another "waiter", refusing to give up her ladylike poise.
"Dude," said Ron, "I think you might want to see what the heck is going around with Snape and your dysfunctional uncle."
"I think not," Harry replied. He playfully twisted Ron's hair. "You're so dumb," he chuckled.
"Well, aren't you even a bit interested in what your aunt is screaming on about? Perhaps her undergarments caught on fire."
"You would like to see that, Ron."
"There is no way you can prove that."
Meanwhile, through the yawning chasm that once was not, foul mouths marched on through the forest. "Would you stop?" Petunia asked both men. "You men are all the same, drinking your mocha while chopping wood."
"We are but the superior race," replied Vernon arrogantly. "You women are all the same, curtseying to hobos and such." At that moment, Hagrid arrived upon the scene, not to fight, but to check on the Forbidden Forest's centaurs. Petunia curtseyed.
"I'm quite in awe that nobody has done a thing to stop them," Ron remarked. "You would think McGonagall or something would've heard them."
"Snape heard 'em," Harry said, jutting his thumb in the general direction of the war of words. He then turned to the table of professors, who, one by one, were conjuring pillows. "This is ridiculous," Harry admitted. He marched outside, partly because he was angry, and partly because he had to use the bathroom.