A Strange Adventure: Big Mac The Bounty Hunter

By NocturneD

Note: Pfft...

Chapter 4

The wanted posters in the post office dwindled down only a few. Most of the criminals have been caught thanks to Big Mac and his team of bounty hunters. Who were the most destructive and unresponsible team ever, then again they were the only ones that Ponyville ever had. They ran over innocent ponies, maced innocent ponies, even punched random innocent ponies just to get the job done.

Big Mac looked at the wanted posters for another round up and saw something that would change his life forever. "New wanted poster."

Apple Jack walked up beside him. She gasped while her eyes widened, "What the?"

Big Mac shook his head not wanting to believe it, "How could this be possible? Did you know about this Apple Jack?"

Apple Jack shook her head, "No. I didn't we're her family. We would of known about this."

Big Mac grunted, "She probably couldn't remember."

Apple Jack shouted, "How can granny Smith be on the most wanted list!"

Braeburn came up next to the two siblings, "What happened?"

"Our grandma is on the wanted list." Big Mac pointed.

"What she do?" Braeburn gasped.

"Apparently... this is supposed to be an old wanted poster. She's wanted in fifty areas for selling drugs in our apples?" Apple Jack read off the paper.

"Apple Jack we need to stay calm for this. We'll just have to ask her to cooperate." Big Mac sighed.

ooo

Big Mac kicked down the door to his own house with his team behind him. Spike was filming two goats humping each other while the ponies talked.

Granny Smith looked up while sitting in her rocker, "Wha? What?"

Big Mac with a straight face explained, "Granny. We love you but... you broke the law."

Granny Smith jumped out from her chair like a gymnast. She frowned, "So you finally found out!"

Big Mac frowned, "Why'd you do it granny?"

Granny pissed all over the floor while explaining, "Because we needed the money! Plus I'm on meth! I kid napped the Limburgh baby! Plus I make illegal u-turns! I'm also a hooker!"

"Ew..." Big Mac muttered. "We have to take you in granny. If not us, some pony will."

"You'll never catch me! I've drank twelve Red Bulls! Swallowed stool softner and hardener! My bowls won't know what to do!" Granny ran out of the house.

"AFTER HER!" Braeburn chased after her only to end up getting kicked in the nads by Granny.

Apple Jack pulled out her taser and shot granny with it, "STOP OR I'LL TASE YOU!"

"FUCK OFF I'M NOT GOING TO THE BIG HOUSE!" Granny pulled out a shotgun and shot Apple Jack. Luckily she had a bullet proof vest on.

Cheerilee used her taser and shocked Granny Smith. "We told you to cooperate!" Granny shot at Cheerilee and popped her balloon boobs.

Big Mac jumped on granny Smith and started punching her in the face over and over again, "WE TRUSTED YOU!" He punched her again, "WE LOVED YOU!" he punched her again, "AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US?" Granny Smith kicked Big Mac in the nads and hoped into her truck to race off. Along the way she ran over some ponies along the way. Because she's old she didn't react fast enough. The truck caught on fire and she leapt out before it exploded in front of the Sugar cube corner. Big Mac chased after granny until she was cornered. She held up a knife and threw it at Cheerilee. Big Mac caught it with his teeth like a boss. Spike was filming all of this.

Big Mac and Granny Smith started to wail on each other. A crowd formed around the two and encouraged the fight to go further. Apparently in Ponyville fighting is encouraged and not stopped on sight. That or they like seeing old people get beaten up. But granny was fighting like a professional, Big Mac punched her in the face again. It was such an epic fight, if I were to repeat to you the play by play you would jizz your pants. That or Big Mac is weaker than every pony thinks and can't take on an old pony. Granny hoped on top of Big Mac with a knife drawn, she was going to cut him until...

BANG!

Granny fell over. Every pony looked over to find Apple Bloom wearing sunglasses with a shotgun. She pumped it and said, "I came to kick ass and chew on apples. And I'm all out of apples."

The fight was over. It costed more lives than saved. Big Mac decided to retire from bounty hunting for no apparent reason as I figured since this was a good time to quit. He bent down on one knee and proposed to Cheerilee on top of granny Smith's dead body. She cried and said yes. Every pony cheered ignoring the fact that a murder took place. Apple Jack proud of her brother, honored it. Apple Bloom pumped her shotgun again.

Epilogue

Big Mac and Cheerilee were married and will continue to do so for the rest of their lives. Both continued their respected careers and had two foals. A boy and a girl who will grow up to be very successful. Then Big Mac decided to open a repo business... Cheerilee, Apple Jac, and Braeburn continued to work with Big Mac and his stupid ideas... Big Mac wrote a book called, "Yeup."

Cheerilee continued her teaching career and happily married to Big Mac. She would go on to be a mother of two and help Big Mac write his book because the dumb ass couldn't write for shit except Yeup.

Apple Jack continued to work for her brother. The farm pretty much took care of it self when she raked in the money that granny Smith was holding from them. She kept on it from time to time.

Braeburn pretty much decided to stay in Ponyville. He enjoyed it and would visit Trixie in her cell from time to time promising when she gets out he'll be waiting for her. He eventually proposed to her. One day he woke up one day with one of his kidneys missing. Despite the setback, he made Trixie part of the family. They had three foals together.

Apple Bloom became quite the gun collector when growing up. She finally did get her cutie mark of an apple with a rifle over it. Doesn't make sense, don't care.

Trixie turned over a new leaf once she got out of jail. She still performed shows but kept close to the Apple family business. She and Braeburn had three foals together and would often take care of them while handling desk work and performing magic shows for kids. And old people who would call her a witch and try to burn her at the stake.

Rarity continued being a whore... And still worked at Hooters until she bounced back with her business making clothes for other whores.

Sweetie Belle eventually found the cure for cancer. Too bad she never wrote it down.

Scootaloo continued throwing tacos at the wall.

Snips died on the toilet one day, same fate as Elvis.

Pip wandered off and we haven't seen him in years.

Snails went on to have the greasests hair in all of Equestria.

Diamond Tiarra got shot in the face by Apple Bloom. No pony cared.

Silver Spoon shoved an actual silver spoon in her ass. That's the reason behind her cutie mark.

Pinkie Pie ate too many sugary sweets and got diabetes. Now she stars in commercials that deals with diabetes and testing supplies.

Prince Blue Blood married the black stallion in the cell with him when he went to prison. Guess which one is the bitch?

Twilight Sparkle would go off and marry Spike. She would eventually become a teacher herself and teach magic to other unicorns. She and Spike had many children who would grow up to be successful themselves. Then her career would lead her to become a professor and write crappy stories that every pony wouldn't even wipe their own ass on.

Spike would go on to become a famous director... I'm not even going to tell you what movies he makes... but also a fun dad. Him and Twilight still have hardcore sex until one of their kids walked in on them and became blind.

Rainbow Dash became the biggest lesbian of all time...

Granny Smith burned eternally in hell...

the end...

note: done... thank god... review!